Hysterically Historical: September

By Daniel Paul Davis

One twelfth of the history of the universe with appropriate mocking for all the mess we've made of the place. Read along (sing along, sometimes) with those-who-know to know some of the damage that has been done . . . to you, if not to others.
September 29, 1962
The 1st Canadian satellite Alouette 1 launches from Vandenburg AFB, CA. [Someone should tell them that song “Allouette, gentille allouette” is about disassembling the bird piece by piece. You don’t want that with your satellite.]
(See September 23, 1957) President John F. Kennedy federalizes the Mississippi National guard in response to city officials defying federal court orders to enroll James Meredith at the University of Mississippi. [Which is what the Southern states went to war over 102 years earlier. But since that method didn’t work . . .. But when both the Republican and the Democrat President must do the same thing to make you behave, give it up; you lost. Behave.]
My Fair Lady closes after a 61⁄2 year run on Broadway holding the record for longest-running musical. [So far. Likely, it’s removed now to make room for the later movie not starring Julie Andrews (Marnie Nixon? Who’s that?)]

September 1, 1449
Mongolians use the “Battle of Tumu Fortress” to capture Zhengtong Emperor Zhu Qizhen. [The Mongols win with ~5,000 of their 20,000 cavalry vs. 500,000 hastily-assembled “soldiers.” Refusing 3+ exhortations to hide, he orders an attack into surrounding troops: since they can’t rout the Chinese, they slaughter them. Gen. Yu Qian refuses to ransom his boss so the poor sack is released 4 years later, anyway. Now we know the power behind the throne.]

September 1, 1532
England’s King Henry VIII makes fiancée Lady Anne Boleyn Marchioness of Pembroke. [Good luck with the promotion, Ma’am, but watch that 1st step. This entire relationship appears so one-sided that King Henry VIII looks as if the only reason for wrangling the Church of England was to get her, not Catherine (so he gets her; then what?) Beware of getting what you ask for.]

It all goes sideways from there. Take a mosey thru history and at least your feet should be tickled.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Daniel Paul Davis
• Release date: Jun 4, 2019

Daniel Paul Davis

2 earned degrees + 3 teaching credentials (I won't call those "earned") = knowing more than I should about a sizeable clutch of useless stuff. However, after 25 years in education, I know 2 things about education: 1) How to teach. 2) No principal wants me to actually teach. Bonus 3) They want students indoctrinated. Thus, I write. "Do you have a degree in ___________?" Nope. I have 2 degrees in English, which means I know 2 things: 1) How to read. 2) How to research. Bonus 3) I remember what I read (why do you think I majored in English?!) Thus, the work I have here presented: researching the history was not that difficult, nor was winnowing out the frou-frou. Especially easy is seeing what is frou-frou. Gossip: Married; 3 daughters, all adult; 1 grandchild; 1 worthless, illegal alien, lying ex-son-in-law; empty bank account; full belly. If I ever have a full bank account, I plan to fast.

Book preview

Hysterically Historical

September

Table of Contents

September 1

Eastern Orthodox Church liturgical New Year

Cameroon’s Jour d'Union Nationale Camerounaise

Libya’s Revolution Day [See 1969]

New Zealand’s National R.A.K. (Random Act of Kindness) Day

Russia’s Knowledge Day

Singapore’s Teacher's Day

Slovakia’s Constitution Day

Uzbekistan’s Independence Day [From the U.S.S.R. See 1991]

First of the months whose name contain an R: oysters are in season

Beginning of cold (rhinovirus) season [Drink your vinegar]

Beginning of the partridge-shooting season [A.k.a., St. Partridge Day, ha ha]

Many countries’ 1st day of school

Australia’s and New Zealand’s 1st day of spring (Why wait 3 more weeks?)

Mexico’s Presidential Inform: El Presidenté informs Congress of the government’s doings

September 1, 1449

Mongolians use the Battle of Tumu Fortress to capture Zhengtong Emperor Zhu Qizhen. [The Mongols win with ~5,000 of their 20,000 cavalry vs. 500,000 hastily-assembled soldiers. Refusing 3+ exhortations to hide, he orders an attack into surrounding troops: since they can’t rout the Chinese, they slaughter them. Gen. Yu Qian refuses to ransom his boss so the poor sack is released 4 years later, anyway. Now we know the power behind the throne.]

September 1, 1532

England’s King Henry VIII makes fiancée Lady Anne Boleyn Marchioness of Pembroke. [Good luck with the promotion, Ma’am, but watch that 1st step. This entire relationship appears so one-sided that King Henry VIII looks as if the only reason for wrangling the Church of England was to get her, not Catherine (so he gets her; then what?) Beware of getting what you ask for.]

September 1, 1574

3rd Sikh Guru Amar Das Ji dies (b. 05/05/1479.) [He opposes castes and untouchability. There’s how much influence he had. Even the head of a religion telling them the right thing to do doesn’t make them want to do it. Who would empty my trash? . . . You don’t mean me?!]

September 1, 1581

4th Sikh Guru Ram Das dies (b. 10/09/1534.) [Nice trick. Can you do that in reverse? It might get you more influence than your predecessor didn’t have.]

September 1, 1592

The Battle of Busan has an outnumbered but better-armed Korean Navy defeat a larger Japanese army. [The Koreans have better cannons that can take out Japanese boats from a distance, no matter how much chaff the Japanese fire. Punchline: Admiral Yi forbids sinking any more Japanese ships because he wanted them to have something to enable them to leave Korea. See ya in 350 years (maybe you don’t want them to leave that way.)]

September 1, 1653

Composer Johann Pachelbel is born in Nuremburg, Germany (d. 03/09/1706.) [Whose Canon in D is lovely music unless you actually have to play the irritatingly repetitive bass riff. On the other hand, everyone else recognizes it (because it’s irritatingly repetitive!) Disco of its day.]

September 1, 1664

At Scotland’s Battle of Tippermuir (Wars of the 3 Kingdoms), Montrose defeats Elcho's Covenanters. [Royalist cause revived. Tho outnumbered 2,000 to 7,000 (+700 horse), experience and motivation compensate. Punchline: Montrose’s battle plan is telling his unarmed troops to pick up a big rock, run up to an enemy soldier, bash his brains in, take his sword, and then I believe he will be at no loss how to proceed! And it worked!]

September 1, 1715

After reigning 72 years, France’s King Louis XIV finally kicks off. [His is the longest reign of a major European monarch—his death begins the end of France. The people were T(axed E(nough) A(lready) and weather turns against them. Between discontent and famine, there will be a revolution (only, it happens more on the famine side, so shut up about cake.)]

September 1, 1752

The Liberty Bell arrives in Philadelphia. [Our freedom is cracked. Be careful whom you allow to caulk the gaps.]

September 1, 1772

Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa is begun in San Luis Obispo, CA. [How to build a city: 1) Build a place people are willing to gather around. In this case, out of food, Fra. Serra remembers an earlier report of a Valley of the Bears. He dispatches hunters and they return loaded. Thanks for the guidance, God. San Luis = Saint Louis. Tolosa = Toulouse, France, where Ol’ L(o)uis was Bishop. Episkopos in Greek; Bischof in German; Obispo in Spanish. I blame our schools for not teaching foreign languages anymore.]

September 1, 1775

Representing the Continental Congress, Richard Penn and Arthur Lee present their Olive Branch Petition to the Earl of Dartmouth. [Britain’s crazy King George III (see movie) refuses it. John Dickinson writes it to directly appeal to the king in hope of reconciliation between the colonies and Great Britain. They tried. Royalist Benjamin Franklin becomes an American upon realizing his government won’t even listen. Treated like children = And the horse you rode in on.]

September 1, 1799

Aaron Burr sets up the Bank of Manhattan Company in New York, NY. [Later, it becomes Chase Manhattan Bank. As late as 1899, it identifies itself as a water company—91 years after it had sold its water company to the city (taking that bank part literally, are you?) This makes Mr. Burr powerful enough to change the Tammany Society from a social club to a political machine that elects Jefferson. See 1807 for the thanks he gets.]

September 1, 1804

German astronomer Karl Ludwig Harding notices Juno. [No, I don’t know; tell me. It’s one of the largest main belt asteroids. How big? Its mass is 1% of the entire asteroid belt, 192×160×120 mi., or 5.87 ×10,000,000,000,000,000,000 lbs., or 5.87 sectillion pounds, or ~3% of our moon. Now Juno.]

September 1, 1807

Ex-Vice President Aaron Burr is declared innocent of treason. [Not that he was ever guilty nor even looked guilty: ever since the duel, folks simply don’t like him, starting with Jefferson. He’s the Burr that gets under everyone’s saddle.]

September 1, 1836

Narcissa Prentiss Whitman arrives with husband Marcus and Henry + Eliza Spalding at Walla Walla, WA. [2 of those 4 are the 1st paler-skinned females settling west of the Rocky Mountains, on their way to establish the Protestant Whitman Mission. See November 29, 1847. The problem is never lack of knowledge; the problem is always insisting one knows enough.]

September 1, 1854

German composer Engelbert Humperdinck is born in Siegburg, Rhine Province (d. 09/27/1921.) [By the time he’s 7-years old, he’s convinced he’s had enough piano lessons to start composing. He makes Hansel and Gretel into an opera that Richard Strauss calls Authentically German, But that’s not much of a compliment, anymore. Then Arnold George Dorsey confuses everyone by taking this composer’s real name for his British singer’s stage name.]

September 1, 1859

Our sun’s coronal mass ejects a flare of magnetically charged plasma. [Such items usually take 2-4 days to reach the earth; this takes <18 hours. This plasma blob is unusually intense and catches the earth with its magnetic poles oriented in the opposite direction. We get a shower of cosmic rays so strong that telegraphs wires torch. Imagine the fun if that happened now.]

George Pullman’s and state senator Benjamin C. Field’s 1st 2 sleeping cars begin use on the Bloominton-Chicago run. [The 1st sleeping car is called Chambersburg for the 1st sleeping car that ran in 1937 from Chambersburg to Harrisburg. People paid to ride on that; Pullman worked up something people wanted to sleep on. Step 1: fold-up bed; step 2: darker-skinned porters that’ll never meet anyone any of these wealthy strangers (passengers) will ever know: discreet.]

September 1, 1862

The Battle of Chantilly has Confederate soldiers attack retreating Union troops in Chantilly, VA. [See August 30, 1862. This battle goes as one wants to favor a side. General Stonewall Jackson tries to separate and destroy the Army of Virginia. He fails, but his presence trying to do this sends Union General Pope to retreat to Washington D.C. instead of attacking. So did the Monitor or the Merrimac win?]

September 1, 1864

Confederate General John Bell Hood evacuates Atlanta, GA after General Sherman’s 4 month siege. [The general consensus of this General is the Peter Principle. He does very well, nobly, honorably, bravely leading smaller divisions. Promoted to (temporary) General, the same tactics cause profitless deaths and waste—he’s relieved of command. He’d earlier been relieved of his right leg and use of his left arm, so he probably didn’t mind.]

September 1, 1870

The Prussians use the Franco-Prussian War to host the Battle of Sedan. [That way, they win. France really expected to win this one, too (quelle domage!) Meanwhile, many don’t realize that car names are stolen from horse & buggy names, which were taken from the city where that particular type of carriage was first built: Sedan, Brougham, Coach, etc. Emperor Napoléon III gets himself captured in Sedan, France and confinement is making him buggy.]

September 1, 1873

Cetshwayo ascends to the throne as king of the Zulu nation following the death of his father Mpande. [Cetshwayo (sp?) is the half-brother of Zulu king Shaka. He becomes king by killing dad’s favorite (who happens to be his younger brother, pure coincidence, bad luck, ol’ chap.) His rule sees so many deaths thru civil war and feuds that he becomes the last independent Zulu king (which is usually how tribalism works.) Offer what they want, but don’t actually give it.]

September 1, 1875

Thomas Munley and Charles McAllister murder Thomas Sanger and William Uren. [Next year, they’re arrested, tried, and convicted of these murders; the violent, anti-owner, coal miner Molly Maguires disband. They start in Irish coal mines, come to the U.S., and mine owner(s) hire private detectives (Pinkerton) + vigilantes because they bring their methods with them. When the only tool you have is a gun, every problem looks like a murder.]

Writer Edgar Rice Burroughs is born in Chicago, IL (d. 03/19/1950.) [Do you know any other writer famous enough to have a city named after one of his characters? Visit Tarzana, CA sometime (Dana Point, CA doesn’t count—that’s named after the author.]

September 1, 1878

Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator in the U.S., choosing the Edwin Holmes Telephone Dispatch Company of Boston to make her record. [Lower (male) tones are more easily heard but female tones sell more product to customers (yes, Roddenberry lied.) Since she’s female, she works 33 or 37 years (record-keeping isn’t important.) The boss even hires George Willard Croy. But boys do poorly live because of their low impulse control. Women are more polite. Oh, and no using Call Girls around her, ‘kay?]

September 1, 1884

The Edison Company for Isolated Lighting absorbs the Thomas A. Edison Construction Department. [The latter made batteries; the former makes smaller, house-sized electric generators. The important question is whether these 2 halves will attract or repel each other.]

September 1, 1887

Emile Berliner files for a patent for his invention of the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that is better known as a record player. [Edison’s initial idea was a wax cylinder (the stylus playing along the side.) This method is vastly simpler, so Thomas Edison makes this idea work. Berliner’s idea is merely easier to store (but we all know that’s not important.) What’s important is that Edison gets the patent. See February 19, 1878 for Success, at last!]

Jethro Wood patents a plow with interchangeable parts. [Damage a part and replace that part—only that part. Ploughs/plows are suddenly less expensive (and obsolete.)]

September 1, 1894

The Great Hinckley Fire burns ~310 miles², including Hinckley, MN itself. [418-800 dead. Heat wave, drought, and stupid logging methods leave debris (branches, needles) on the forest ground to fuel What-Comes-Next. Eastern Minnesota Railroad’s barrels of nails had been melted into 1 globule of metal; best estimate is the firestorm’s internal temperature is ~ 2,000° F. All this time I thought people wanted to avoid Minnesota in the winter.]

September 1, 1896

Indian theologian Abhay Charanaravinda Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada is born Abhay Charan De in Calcutta, (British) India (d. 11/14/1977.) [He starts IS K CON or Hare Krishnas or the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. That’s no easy feat, but then they claim that enough meditation by their mathematically peculiar formula will bring peace. Can you surf a brain wave?]

September 1, 1897

The Boston subway opens. [It’s North America’s 1st underground metro; slowly added to, it’s now the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (how you transport a bay is a whole other question.)]

September 1, 1902

Considered one of the 1st science fiction films, A Trip to the Moon is released in France. [Par Georges Méliès, bien sûr. It’s the one where the ship lands in the moon’s eye. It becomes the central conceit in (plot spoiler!) Hugo. It’s also the 1st UNESCO designated World Heritage Film (is that what we get to inherit in this world? Moon cheesy movies?!)]

September 1, 1905

Saskatchewan and Alberta become the 9th + 10th provinces of Canada. [Out of the NewWorld Northwest Territories. Newfoundland must wait until 1949 for this privilege. But for a hasty march west, these lands might’ve been part of the U.S.; instead, we have a very friendly 49th parallel (that line in the snow you’ve heard tell about.)]

September 1, 1906

The American League’s Philadelphia Athletics’ Jack Coombs pitches 24 innings against the Boston Red Sox. [Ouch. He sets many American League pitching records because a century ago, the boss could tell workers to do things like this: do it, or he’ll hire someone who will. Athletics win, 4-1. One feels sorry for the Red Sox’ Joe Harris who wore out his arm for a loss.]

Patent + trademark attorneys establish the International Federation of Intellectual Property Attorneys (FICPI.) [If you told them then about the Internet now, they’d spend the 20th century trying to defund DARPA.]

September 1, 1907

Walter Reuther is born in Wheeling, WV (d. 05/09/1970.) [He’s the powerful president of the United Automobile Workers Union from 1946 to 1970. 24 years heading the same union = clout. He uses that clout to support FDR’s New Deal. His tactic is playing 1 (doesn’t care which) against the other 2. Get concessions and say They thought this wasn’t a problem or don’t get concessions, strike, and let the other 2 sell more product. Win win (for him, anyway.) Relatives are convinced the crash of May 5, 1970 and the crash he survived October 1968 were not accidents (both had coincidentally malfunctioning altimeters. He’s so popular that he’s popular with the wrong people, too.]

September 1, 1914

St. Petersburg, Russia changes its name to Petrograd. [No saints here. Then Leningrad. And 90 years later, folks are so tired of the Communists it becomes St. Petersburg again. Yay, history.]

The last living passenger pigeon is a female named Martha. It dies. [Never mind that it’s in the Cincinnati Zoo getting the best care. The story’s told of a time when the flocks’ passing blotted the sun for a whole day (or more.) Over hunting (cheap food) is the cause. How many of our ancestors lived long enough for us to be born because this was their sustenance? BTW, if you ever eat pigeon/dove, it’s called squab. It doesn’t taste like chicken (tastes like pigeon.)]

September 1, 1917

The provisional (Communist, revolutionary) government in Russia declares Russia is officially a republic. [Unanswered is whom they represent, since only a few can even join the Communist Party (and there aren’t alternatives—Lenin didn’t think they had the time to waste on alternatives.) Admittedly, we see a lot of time (and money) wasted. Conversely, the government doesn’t spend that time and money hunting us down.]

September 1, 1922

Actress Yvonne De Carlo is born Margaret Yvonne Middleton in Vancouver, Canada (b. 01/08/2007.) [Watching Lily Munster sing in Die Fledermaus would be something; she plays harp, too. When she meets Howard Hughes, she thinks, Wow, this would be a terrific boyfriend for my aunt. She’s deported and her employer both promises to sponsor her and to employ her if the INS brings her back to dance for him (she’s that good), not like a vampire’s daughter at all.]

September 1, 1923

A Richter Scale magnitude 7.9 quake wangs Tokyo, Yokohama, Chiba, Kanagawa, + Shizuoka Prefectures, damaging Japan’s Kantō region. [Hence, Great Kantō earthquake, which goes 4-10 minutes. 142,800+ dead; 40,000 missing, presumed dead; $1,000,000,000+ damage; 57 aftershocks. Standard-issue Japanese nationalism takes it out on the resident Koreans who are rumored to be doing anything but are barely surviving (like everyone else.) This is the worst earthquake in Japan until the 2011 Tohoku earthquake (see March 11, 2011.)]

September 1, 1931

Boxcar Willie is born Lecil Travis Martin in Ellis County, TX (d. 04/12/1999 in Branson, MO, where all the old performers go to continue performing.) [Boxcar Willie’s actually a character in one of his songs, which character he later adopts as a persona (which is why the nickname has no connection to his given name.) When he starts performing as this persona (dirty face, overalls, floppy hat), he’s still a pilot in the Texas Air National Guard flying refueling missions. Hobos nowadays will tell you to never get in a boxcar: roof = can get locked in. Be Flatcar Willie.]

September 1, 1937

Sometime this month Ignace Reiss (another KGB who broke with Communism) is machine-gunned in Lausanne, Switzerland (b. Nathan Markovic Poreckij some day in 1899.) [The date is unknown because only later is his body found. See August 20 + 21, 1940. Known is that Stalin did not handle abandonment at all well, preferring to abandon others, instead, the control freak.]

September 1, 1939

Hitler reluctantly invades Poland, but only after being provoked by warmongering Poles. [The night before, Polish commandos shot their way into a German radio station in Gleiwitz, and broadcast a call to arms against the peace-loving people of Germany . . . except that it was all a hoax crafted by Nazi general Reinhard Heydrich, dubbed Operation Canned Goods. See May 27, 1942. This is the same guy who worked up the mechanics of murdering every Jew in Nazi-held nations, so we know the origin of that idea is with bald-faced liars. Speaking of which . . .]

September 1, 1941

The 3rd Reich enacts a law requiring Jews to wear a prominent yellow star in public. [There is some supposition that the symbol is an ancient pagan symbol for Saturn/Chronos (see 1979); it’s used by Jews before this. The notable addition is the color, the one assigned to cowards (except Jews don’t suicide like some other well-known Nazi cowards did.)]

September 1, 1942

A Sacramento, CA federal judge upholds the wartime detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese nationals. [While many innocent are deprived some civil rights, many guilty are kept from being able to carry out their orders to sabotage the war effort. We forget it’s a war we almost lost. Imagine Americans’ response to and treatment of Japanese if any of those sabotage had been able to be implemented—kind of saved some lives, too.]

September 1, 1943

Italy accepts armistice terms. [They’re the 1st on their block for this special offer. See September 3, 1943 for the sweet deal they get.]

September 1, 1945

The U.S. receives official word of Japan's formal surrender ending WWII. [In Japan, the date’s already September 2, thanks to that International Dateline malarkey. Historians work up footnotes to try to remain historical (notes on my feet? That’s hysterical!)]

September 1, 1946

The citizens of Greece have elections; Monarchists win. [See March 25, 1924 and March 30, 1863. So young Queen Amidala could have been an elected queen? Apparently, kings are better than fascists (but they’re our king; those were their fascists!)]

September 1, 1949

Gene Autry's Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, hits the record charts. [And goes gold by Christmas. It’s 1st Montgomery Wards Department Store 1939 promotional item (seasonal coloring book to keep the li’l kiddies entertained while mom does the boring stuff.) Ultimate sales are 25,000,000+, 2nd highest selling single, if you can believe it (and even if you cannot.)]

September 1, 1951

The U.S., Australia, and New Zealand sign a mutual defense pact, called the ANZUS Treaty. [NATO of the Pacific Ocean. That’s how many friendly European nations are west of us (c’mon, it’s a huge bathtub; you could fit the moon in there—and I’m sure it would join.)]

September 1, 1952

The Ernest Hemingway story The Old Man and the Sea is published. [Read it; don’t have it be read to you. It appears both in Life magazine and in book form at the bookstore. One of these won’t have you look like a cheapskate in class.]

September 1, 1956

Elvis Presley shares his success with his family by purchasing his mother a pink Cadillac. [Then he takes her out for a drive on the freeway of love.]

September 1, 1957

Cuban singer Gloria Estefan is born Gloria María Milagrosa Fajardo García de Estefan in Havana, Cuba. [Her dad’s one of Batista’s bodyguards, which is why they end up in the U.S. She also receives the Ellis Island Congressional Medal of Honor (highest award given to a naturalized citizen.) Keith Richards called her Miami Sound Machine a lounge band. They only sell 100,000,000 records, so maybe he has a point(y head.)]

September 1, 1960

Disgruntled railroad workers effectively halt Pennsylvania Railroad operations, the company’s 1st shutdown. [In 1968, it merges with the New York Central Railroad, 1 of 800 rail lines it merged with or owns part of. But this is on the way down (and out.) The workers aren’t the only ones disgruntled; even customers think they’ve a better way to travel. To change with the times, jet-powered trains? Flying locomotives? Dinner, movie, and sleep? Scenery!]

September 1, 1961

The 1st Conference of the Non Aligned Countries occurs in Belgrade. [And goes to September 6. 100+ nations seeing themselves not aligned with or against any major power bloc. Their purpose is the national independence, sovereignty, territorial integrity, and security of non-aligned countries in their struggle against imperialism, colonialism, neo-colonialism, apartheid, Zionism, racism, and all forms of foreign aggression, occupation, domination, interference or hegemony as well as against great power and bloc politics. You might wonder why they tacked Zionism in there between apartheid and racism. Who’s running this show, anyway?]

September 1, 1962

Channel Television launches to 54,000 households in the Channel Islands. [The English Channel: Bailiwick of Guernsey and Bailiwick of Jersey. You may not ask, What channel is Channel on? ITV runs things there and elsewhere, but now Channel contracts with TSW. You still need to pay to play your TV, tho.]

September 1, 1969

Col. Moammar Gadhafi assumes power in Libya after tossing out King Idris I. [Power is later transferred to the People's Committees (i.e., Gadhafi’s shell corporations.) Never mind that King Idris I was who actually led the nation to independence. Gadhafi institutes direct democracy but oddly refuses to publish election results. We all know how statistics can lie. Ooh ah, more Moslems attacking Moslems instead of getting along while praying 5x/day. Weird, huh?]

September 1, 1970

Palestinian guerillas try assassinating King Hussein of Jordan by attacking his motorcade. [It’s an epidemic! A group of Moslems purposefully try to kill a fellow Moslem: how unQuranic of them. This incidentally sets up all of Israel’s problems with Lebanon because that’s where the Arabs Palestinians run to when the King evicts ‘em all (the live ones, anyway.)]

September 1, 1971

Coach Danny Murtaugh (Pittsburgh Pirates) gives the umpire a lineup card with the names of 9 darker-skinned players. [This is the 1st time a Major League Baseball team is entirely comprised of darker-skinned athletes. He must have been interested in winning.]

September 1, 1972

U.S.’s Bobby Fischer beats Russia’s Boris Spassky in Reykjavik, Iceland. [He’s world chess champion against a nation whose national pastime is chess (football or baseball in the U.S.?) That’s the last time I listen to Natasha’s suggestions in taking assignments.]

September 1, 1974

The SR-71 Blackbird sets (and still retains) the record for a New York to London flight: 1 hour 54 minutes and 56.4 seconds. [56.4 seconds? To what, the border of the City of London or touchdown? Currently, the ISS can be seen zipping overhead, and again ~90 minutes later (after it had gone around the whole earth.) So what? I still must wait for my cell phone to connect.]

September 1, 1975

CBS airs the last original episode of Gunsmoke. [It runs 20 years, a record then. The Simpsons and Dr. Who strive to catch up. The former has 24+ seasons, The latter is coming up on its 50th anniversary. Gunsmoke? What a lightweight! (Must’ve been the irradiated ants weakening Mr. Arness, to where he couldn’t law-enforce anymore.)]

September 1, 1977

Blondie signs its 1st major record company contract with Chrysalis. [The next year, the gamble pays off when Chrysalis gets to release Parallel Lines. Jethro who?]

September 1, 1979

U.S. space probe Pioneer 11, 1st to visit Saturn, zips past its moon Janus at a mere 2,500 mi. [Oooh, pretty stripes, lovely bands. The photos of the disc over the planet—very artistic. Moon? Bumpy; pockmarked and uneven. It looks like clay dropped on the floor. And kicked. Voyager 2 is what found the North Pole hexagon, tho, speaking of ancient 6-sided shapes and pagan gods.]

U2 release their 1st record, U2-3, in Ireland. [If you have a 1st-issue, it’s valuable because only 1,000 are pressed and they’re numbered. The title refers to it containing only 3 songs: Another Day, 11 O'Clock Tick Tock, and A Day Without Me. All 3 are concert items, the last 2 especially. Then they’re on the 1st full-album release, Boy, in 1980. They succeed by not sounding like progressive rock. Not punk, either (they sound like U2, okay?]

INXS makes their live debut in Sydney, Australia. [Realizing that all these 1980’s bands must have started their work sometime before 1980, obviously. No one is an overnight sensation. INXS is originally the Fariss Brothers since Andrew Farriss plays guitar and keyboards, Jon Farriss drums, + Tim Farriss lead guitar (Kirk Pengilly on guitar and saxophone and Garry Gary Beers bass.) But then Michael Hutchence joined and fame showed up with him like a floozy.]

September 1, 1980

Terry Fox's Marathon of Hope ends in Thunder Bay, ON. [His cancer returns. His run is weird because he’s waiting for his prosthesis’ spring to reset, causing pain that after ~20 minutes, he can ignore in spite of the blisters and bone bruises. He raised $1,700,000 before the cancer finds his lungs.]

Chun Doo-hwan becomes president of South Korea after Choi Kyu-ha resigns. [See August 26, 1996. Be careful when an army general takes over. Every problem tends to look like an enemy combatant and his only tool is a high-velocity lead projectile.]

September 1, 1981

A coup d'état in the Central African Republic overthrows President David Dacko. [David Dacko is the 1st and 3rd president of C.A.R. and is replaced in a coup both times. He remains politically active (permitted to remain alive?) His problem is needing France’s help/approval while not appearing subservient to France. He dies 22 years later (doesn’t even make it to a French hospital) in Cameroon. So that’s why he wanted to do it France’s way—get a local hospital.]

September 1, 1982

Canada includes its Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms into its Constitution. [An important result of this law is increasing judicial review to ensure adherence and the Constitution. Kritarchy is rule by judges—at least you know who’s in charge.]

The U.S. Air Force Space Command is founded. [We’re not weaponizing space here. We’re only preparing for any eventuality. Yeah, that’s it, eventuality. We all learned to Be prepared (somebody watched Moonraker too many times.)]

September 1, 1983

Korean Air Flight 007 strays off-course and approaches the Kamchatka peninsula. [The Soviet Union scrambles fighter jets to intercept the Boeing 747, quickly giving the order to shoot down the passenger plane 5 minutes after it crosses the border. 2 SAM later, 269 corpses float in the ocean. The flight data recorders are not released until 8 years after the U.S.S.R. collapses. This event is one of the reasons why President Reagan orders release of the military’s global positioning system for use by civilians: to avoid having this mistake happen twice. Picking a fight: also on board is U.S. congressman Lawrence McDonald from Georgia, virulently anti-Communist 2nd president of the John Birch Society. Assassinating an enemy?]

September 1, 1985

Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean Louis Michel work a joint U.S. and French expedition to find the Titanic. [963 miles NE of New York, 453 miles SE of Newfoundland, 2 miles down (for those who want to visit.) I understand it’s spooky this time of year (see ghosts, but no sea corpses.)]

September 1, 1986

Jerry Lewis raises a record $34,000,000 for Muscular Dystrophy research during his annual telethon for Jerry’s kids over the Labor Day weekend. [He was quite popular—then. For some reason, this marathon includes a fishbowl on a median strip outside the Portland, OR Marriott.]

September 1, 1988

YTV launches. [A Canadian TV channel with youth-oriented programming. The channel officially denies that YTV = Youth TeleVision; their 1st logo bills themselves as the Youth channel. Go figure. No, you’re not pandering, so let it go; do your thing and don’t apologize. They like it or not, but will like it less if you try. Your TeleVision?]

September 1, 1989

A Dublin, Ireland judge decides not to convict U2's Adam Clayton of marijuana possession even tho he’d admitted to the crime. [Clayton agrees to contribute money to a women's center in Dublin. Smoking marijuana? How could he be so bass?]

September 1, 1990

The Communist Labour Party of Turkey/Leninist is founded, following a split from the Communist Labour Party of Turkey. [As with religions, there are varying flavors of Communism and each also believes that it is so much the only true that the others can safely be discarded . . . or killed. Meanwhile, each offshoot believes IT will unify all under the (its) truth. Once I explain it to them, they will all be persuaded by the clarity of my thinking.]

September 1, 1991

Uzbekistan declares independence from the U.S.S.R. [It’s acknowledged later (see December 8, 1991.) Meanwhile, they get to work figuring who to sell all that natural gas to and how to spend the money. Oh, wait; that 2nd one doesn’t take that much work.]

September 1, 1992

(See 1957) Gloria Estefan and husband Emilio organize a relief project for victims of Hurricane Andrew in Miami (see August 24 + 27, 1992.) [That’s a lovely birthday gift.]

September 1, 1993

Louis Freeh is sworn in as FBI director. [Agent, then attorney, then judge: that’s how one becomes head of the FBI (I always wondered.) He’s an Italian citizen, so he can go there to be Freeh.]

September 1, 1995

Illinois Congressman Mel Reynolds says he’s resigning. [After conviction for sex with a minor. That she’s a campaign volunteer seems to be why he believes it’s okay. While he’s in prison (only 5 years?!), he’s convicted of bank fraud and lying to the SEC. Can you say, Sense of entitlement? I know he can.]

September 1, 1998

St. Louis Cardinal Mark McGwire sets a National League record by wanging his 56th and 57th home runs. [He would eventually set an MLB record when he hits 70 for one season on September 27. Then he leaves records and returns to the same old-same old by admitting he’d used the steroid androstenedione (any others?) to accomplish all that. Those 50-year old records can’t be broken because these things didn’t exist then. Subsequent records are faked.]

Vietnam releases 5,000 prisoners, including political dissidents, on National Day. [There’s a problem when government believes it’s doing you a favor by letting you walk around and disagree with them.]

September 1, 1999

22 of 68 (32%) major league baseball permanent umpires are replaced because their union tries forcing an early start to negotiating a new labor contract. [They fail, which is why lawyers specialize. Even their union bails on them, dropping its Unfair Practices lawsuit against the owners. Uncoincidentally, the owners agree then to pay the Union a $1,360,000 postseason bonus. Ya see, this is why we can’t have nice things.]

September 1, 2001

Because of ownership changes in 2000, most of Vancouver’s commercial TV stations switch network affiliations. [Canwest Global acquires Western International Communications. Besides being the largest North American media change, it creates conflicts in who shows what. Notably, glassy-eyed viewers turn the thing on anyway, even they don’t know what nor where.]

The 1st orca calf (later named Nakai) is born through artificial insemination, to parents Kasatka and Tillikum. [Siblings are Takara + Kalia. It’s apparently still performing. Tilikum is trained for artificial inseminiation, but Kasatka is not; one wonders how risky was that task.]

Continuing across the Pacific Ocean, Tokyo, Japan’s Shin-Juku neighborhood has a fire. [In the Kabukichō/Red Light District, 4-story Myojo 56 actually explodes, then burns. 44 corpses recovered (unknown how many more were completely carbonized.) Only not the Yakuza this time: Myojo Kasan Group President Kazuo Yamada (I am confused and cannot talk) + CEO Shigeo Sigawa are arrested + 3 others are convicted of negligence. Punchline: on-site was an illegal gambling den making $73,742 each day. Obviously they, the Yakuza, and police knew. Which of those 3 do you think did the arson/murder deed?]

September 1, 2004

Chechen Warlord Shamil Basayev sends the Riyadus-Salikhin Battalion to Beslan school to start a hostage crisis: 1,128 school children and adults as hostages. [Beslan, North Ossetia hosting. This was Yasser Arafat’s early career tactic. It is an attention-getter. See September 3, 2004 for how well it works for them. The Kidnappers are seen standing on dead-man plates (if shot, he falls off and bomb explodes. Forget about the 99%; I wanna be part of the 71%.]

September 1, 2005

7 current + ex-members a of the AFL-CIO work up a new trade union: the Change to Win Federation. [Trade unions are almost like Communist parties and religion in that respect, except that money motivates the other direction. Notably, change is being used a few years before it becomes (in)famous. Testing the political waters for someone?]

September 1, 2007

Ed Jarrett completes the largest sand castle in the world. [31.8’ tall, cited at the Point Sebago Resort in Casco, ME. He used Falmouth, ME for his 2003 record holder (must be sand that’s the Maine attraction.)]

September 1, 2008

Cocodrie, LA greets Hurricane Gustav with the silent treatment. [Everyone left. Party all you want, Gustav, but you’re on your own for the drinks. Poor Gustav is so tropically depressed by tomorrow that it only kills 153 people (112 direct, 41 indirect); $6,610,000,000 in damages. Governor Perry already has Texas military folk out there storm-wrangling. Don’t let the cross-winds hit you on the way out!]

September 1, 2011

Solyndra declares bankruptcy. [It’s one of those companies the socialist president always likes because it makes him look good . . . until it fails. In this case, the fail begins with claiming 12% - 14% solar energy efficiency without adding the conditions. Buyers stuck with broken toys want their money back while bad-mouthing the company to other maybe-customers. Over time, no customers. Now we’re on the hook for the U.S. giving it a $536,000,000 loan guarantee. Socialists never buy stock in a company like McDonalds that actually makes money.]

September 1, 2015

(See August 31, 1996) Irbil/Erbil, Iraq hosts the Da’Ish (ISIS) throwing chlorine gas at their fellow-Moslem Kurds. [We know Saddam Hussein’s Iraq had chemical weapons and we know Bashar Assad’s Syria has chemical weapons—so where’d these guys get theirs from? It seems the Kurds get to catch everything but a break.]

Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation, Australia researchers release their data about seabirds and the North (and South) Pacific Gyres. [Back in 1960, the best estimate was that ~5% of seabirds had plastic in their guts. Now? 90%. Heh heh: best guess is that by 2050, it’ll be 99% (the 1% likely will be the hatchlings.) Unfortunately, if you don’t pick up your trash, something else will.]

September 1, 2016

A SpaceX rocket refueling on the Launchpad for a 09/03 launch explodes. [No fooling; no fueling. Included in the explosion is Facebook’s satellite it planned to use to bring Facebook to Africa (maybe they’d have been permitted to friend President Obama.)]

As if SpaceX was ever going to launch that rocket anyway: tropical storm Hermine, already aimed directly @ Florida, strengthens to Category 1 hurricane. [Since Hurricane Wilma (see October 24, 2005), Florida has added ~2,000,000 residents—folks who likely haven’t lived thru a hurricane. @ 115 miles away and cooking along @ 14 mph, its 75(+) mph winds should show up there tonight. Back-to-school events will at least let everyone get their feet wet. When it does land: Power outages are pretty ubiquitous (Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum.) I can’t see anything; where was that light switch? Hey!]

September 1, 2017

(See August 24, 2017) With Harvey still drenching Texas + Mexico on the east side of the continent, Hurricane Lidia wades onto the west side by the southern tip of Baja California. [Yet, no one’s talking about how Mexicans are being caught in a squeeze play. Cloud top temperatures ↓-81˚ F. + tropical-storm-force winds for 195 mile radius = much rain + much damage. We’re stuck buying American beer for a while (maybe we can get a deal on that Alamo brand.) Harvey will cost the U.S. $108,000,000,000; what will Harvey + Lidia cost Mexico?]

Matthew Phelps calls 911 to report a murder. [I had a dream and then I turned on the lights and she's dead on the floor. Too much Bayer-made Coricidin Cough & Cold because a lot of times I can't sleep at night. Of course, no memory of the deed, itself. Meanwhile, There is no evidence to suggest that Coricidin is associated with violent behavior (Bayer.) No bail, of course. Good luck on the trial (see November 27, 1978 for ideas.)]

September 2

Mauritius’ Ganesh Chaturthi [The day on which son of Shiva and Parvati Lord Ganesha (the elephant-headed one) is believed to bestow his presence on earth for all his devotees (good luck with the other 364 days!)]

Transnistria’s Independence day (or Trans-Dniestr or Transdniestria) [See 1990]

Sedan Day (Sedantag), a national German holiday commemorating Prussia's victory [See 1870]

Vietnam’s National Day [Commemorating their independence from France; see 1945]

September 2, 490 BC

Greeks use the Battle of Marathon to defeat invading Persians. [Using the communication technology of the day, Pheidippides runs the 140 miles from Athens to Sparta with their request for help (apparently delayed or refused.) Why run to Athens when the Athenian military is already there? Robert Browning’s poem includes a reference to fennel fields, which is what marathon means, and Browning’s Pheidippides is where our footrace started.]

September 2, 44 BC

Pharaoh Cleopatra VII of Egypt declares her son co-ruler as Ptolemy XV Caesarion. [This Cleopatra not only shares her name with ancestors but her family: she’s the result of ~7 generations of incest (paler-skinned Greeks being unwilling to mingle with their darker-skinned subjects.) This promotion only makes her son a secondary target for Emperor Octavian (who gets him, eventually.) Stop drawing targets on people’s shirts.]

The 1st of Cicero’s Philippics (oratorical attacks) on Mark Antony. [He’ll make 14 of them for the next few months. Cicero privately wishes Antony had been assassinated with Caesar. When Octavian’s about to appear, Cicero begins this process, playing up the nephew and insulting the conspirator. It works famously.]

September 2, 31 BC

13 years of that propaganda and Julius Caesar’s adopted nephew Octavian defeats Mark Antony and Cleopatra’s alliance at the Battle of Actium. [He becomes the next Roman leader, so much so he can now be Augustus (of the gods) Caesar. Octavian’s the 1st Roman emperor. Both Mark Antony and Cleopatra go home to suicide. See Revenge of the Sith for an idea of how folks feel about this. Conversely, Octavian’s rule’s peaceful + prosperous, almost like he reads minds.]

September 2, 1649

Pope Innocent X has his soldiers raze Castro, Italy. [He thinks he’s ending the Wars of Castro. This loving man of God is involved in a feud between la famiglia Barberini (Pope Urban VIII) + la famiglia Pamphili (Pope Innocent X.) The people of Castro merely are in the way. The innocent Pope merely explains why the Reformation was necessary.]

September 2, 1666

A kitchen fire breaks out in Thomas Farynor's bakery on Pudding Lane. [The fire gets loose and spends 4 days destroying stuff: 436 acres worth of buildings are made an ash of, including 13,200 homes. The Great Fire of London produces 200,000 homeless. See September 5, 1666. That the weather is hot, dry, and windy doesn’t help at all. Next time, stay on the farm.]

September 2, 1678

The Chinese province of Chih-Li gets an earthquake sufficient to kill 30,000 people. [It might be one of the gossip fests we get here in So Cal, seeing as how the Chinese then don’t build dwellings to ride out earthquakes. See November 30, 1731 for an earthquake.]

September 2, 1752

Wednesday September 2 in the Julian calendar dawns as Thursday September 14 in the Gregorian while Britain and her colonies (including what is now the United States) switch over. [If you missed out on your birthday cake, see ya next year. Back to work. Hogarth’s painting is titled An Election Entertainment, not Give Us Our Eleven Days. There are not complaints and misperceptions of what happened here; people knew the calendar was off nature’s cycle.]

September 2, 1775

America’s 1st war vessel is commissioned Hannah by General George Washington. [Major General John Glover is previously a shipper. This is #1 of the 7 he donates: Hannah is his wife (no, the government isn’t beginning a policy of palindromic ship names.) Later, Glover organizes the evacuation from Brooklyn Heights (see August 27, 1776.)]

September 2, 1789

The U.S. Treasury Department is established. [No government without a stable currency (invest in horses.)]

September 2, 1792

The French Revolution produces the September Massacres. [Mobs kill 3 Roman Catholic bishops and 200+ priests and prisoners for sounding like royalist sympathizers. Tho they work with the existing power structure, they’re grinding the transmission, trying to change gears; the noise gets everyone’s attention.]

September 2, 1807

The British Navy throws fire bombs and phosphorus rockets at Copenhagen so Denmark won’t surrender its fleet to Napoléon. [I.e. burning the fleet before Napoléon is able to use it. We’re not mad at you; we’re mad at your friend who wants to beat you up; we’ll beat you up for him.]

September 2, 1833

John Shipherd and Philo P. Stewart set up Oberlin College. [The college is named after the city and the city is named after Jean-Frédéric Oberlin (a Christian minister.) Once Shipherd and Stewart start the city, they start the college—it’s the 1st to admit women and darker-skinned folk. Nowadays, its students specialize in political pranks.]

September 2, 1838

Queen of Hawaii Liliuokalani is born in Honolulu, Oahu, Kingdom of Hawaii (d. 11/11/1917.) [She’s also called Lydia Kamakaʻeha Pākī and Lydia K. Dominis after she marries John Owen Dominis. When she learns 1 of her household’s pregnant with her husband’s child, she tries to make the child an heir to prevent her husband’s embarrassment. Such generosity gets taken advantage of in politics. See The Phantom Menace for how this plays out.]

September 2, 1850

Baseball player and sporting goods manufacturer Albert Goodwill Spalding is born in Byron, IL (d. 09\09\1915.) [1st, he and William Hulbert organize the National League. Add chewing tobacco and we’re in.]

September 2, 1862

President Abraham Lincoln reluctantly restores Union General George McClellan to full command after General John Pope's fiasco at the 2nd Battle of Bull Run. [Until General Grant comes along, the Union’s going to lose based on its lack of competent commanders alone.]

September 2, 1867

Meiji Emperor of Japan Mutsuhito marries Masako Ichijō. [This Empress consort is then known as Lady Haruko, but since her 1914 death, she’s posthumously named Empress Shōken. Promoting her is quite okay; now that she’s dead, she can’t do anything officially embarrassing.]

September 2, 1870

Ending the Battle of Sedan, the Prussians also end the Franco-Prussian War. [What to do with this prisoner? French Emperor Napoléon III spends 6 months as Germany’s prisoner, then goes to England to die of a bladder stone and kidney disease. 100,000 of his soldiers make it home to start paying their captors for room and board. See September 3, 1870. Thus is born the German Empire.]

September 2, 1880

Boston, MA department store Jordan Marsh & Co. and department store R. H. White & Co. field 2 teams to play baseball at Nantasket Bay, behind Nantasket's Sea Foam House. [Boston’s Northern Electric Light Company sponsors the event at night to demonstrate how Edison’s recently-invented incandescent lights can illuminate large areas (as well as your humble domicile.) It works famously to publicize electric lighting. 9 innings = 16-16 and time to catch the boat home (no one wants to be on the Atlantic Coast @ night, all night.)]

September 2, 1885

150 Rock Springs, WY miners attack their co-workers because the co-workers are Chinese (and they’re not.) [28 dead; 15 wounded; the rest run for their lives. In 1977, 60 Minutes shows up to expose corruption in both the police department and city government, things one suspects wouldn’t have been a problem if the Chinese had remained. When all else fails to explain, look for the money angle.]

September 2, 1897

The 1st issue of McCall’s magazine is published. [Previously Queens Magazine and Queen of Fashion, so the name change to Rosie’s Magazine had a precedent. The latter folds in 2003. Now they’re suing each other over whose fault is failing to sell magazines in the Internet age.]

September 2, 1898

British and Egyptian troops winning the Battle of Omdurman mean the U.K. dominates the Sudan and its Sudanese tribesmen. [Abdullah al-Taashi had taken over from Mahdi Muhammad Ahmad (claimed to be a prophet of some sort.) His army’s numerous. Kitchener’s army is trained: no contest, and superior weaponry only helps. Next year is the final battle and now, Omdurman is a suburb of Khartoum (I said Go back to the farm!)]

September 2, 1901

U.S. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt says, Speak softly and carry a big stick at the Minnesota State Fair. [Summarizing foreign policy in 1 sentence is a rare talent for humans and unknown in politicians. T.R. was popular for not being a politician.]

September 2, 1914

The Canadian Automobile Machine Gun Brigade is created. [This is the British Army’s 1st fully mechanized unit—like tanks, but with bullets instead of mortars (and no armor.) But they’re instrumental in stopping the German advance 3½ years later. Ask someone who 1st thought of mounting a machine gun on a car: no one will guess Canadians.]

September 2, 1925

The Zeppelin USS Shenandoah crashes. [Its 57th flight points at Dearborn, MI, but meets violent storms in Ohio, an updraft sending it out of its pressure limits: The helium bags explode and the craft plummets to a field near Caldwell, OH: 14 dead; 29 survivors (many of whom then died when the Akron also went down unexpectedly.) Imagine air surfing with a helium balloon instead of a board: right place, right time to catch that right wave.]

September 2, 1930

Did Captain Dieudonné Costes & Maurice Bellonte fly Point d'Interrogation on the !st non-stop flight from Europe to the U.S.? [Flight originates in the U.$., so flights of endurance originate in the U.S. Eventually, someone thinks of going the other way. Leave it @ the French. Later this month, they reverse course and fly 4,909 mi. to Qiqihar, China. Pilots should fly Magellan’s/ DelCano’s round-the-world route, learn aerial refueling and Coast Guard ship finding.]

September 2, 1935

Folks in the Florida Keys celebrate their Labor Day Hurricane. [The 1st of the 3 F-5 hurricanes of the 20th century (Camille + Andrew are the other 2.) 400-600 dead; 200 mph winds at landfall; $6,000,000 in damages (in 1935 dollars.) 1948’s Key Largo reproduces this hurricane (we see your Kansas tornado and raise.) 400-600 dead; 20’ storm surge; 200 mph winds = buildings?]

September 2, 1939

Following its invasion of Poland, Germany annexes Freie Stadt Danzig (now Gdańsk, Poland.) [As evidence of Poland’s belligerence, Danzig is where Ernst Stavro Blofeld is born. All the Cold War is their fault.]

September 2, 1944

Flak guns cripple Navy pilot George Herbert Walker Bush’s TBM Avenger. [He completes his bombing run over the Bonin Islands, then flies out to sea to ditch the plane. His chute opens; the other guy’s doesn’t. The USS Finback picks him up and he goes on to help rescue others. Curiously, he doesn’t start a TV series featuring a "USS San Jacinto."]

September 2, 1945

The final official surrender of Japan is accepted aboard the battleship USS Missouri in Tokyo Bay. [Oddly this is almost exactly 6 years (+1 day) after Germany started it. Surrender is better than death exactly as something (however small) is better than nothing (at all.)]

Hồ Chí Minh declares Vietnam’s independence. [He forms the Democratic Republic of Vietnam (North Vietnam.) No coincidence here. Also uncoincidental is that some Japanese stick around and help General Minh fight the French in securing their independence. Enemy of my enemy is my friend, which rule is interesting when one switches enemies. See 1969.]

September 2, 1946

Musician William Everett Preston is born in Houston, TX (d. 06/06/2006.) [The Beatles meet him in Liverpool in 1962 when he’s there with Little Richard. They enjoy working with him ever since (he’s on the rooftop with them during their audition.) He’s also the 1st musician to record My Sweet Lord (before George Harrison did.) He does other stuff, too, but they really should have let him join (then there might not have been that arson/insurance fraud charge.)]

September 2, 1948

Schoolteacher and astronaut Christa McAuliffe is born in Boston, MA (d. 01/28/1986.) [She dies when the Challenger dies. She gets the Congressional Space Medal of Honor for trying. Selected from 144 semi-finalists, 10 finalists. The losers won, again, and this isn’t b o ring.]

September 2, 1958

4 MiG 17’s shoot down a U.S. Air Force C-130A-II over Yerevan, Armenia when it sniffs Soviet airspace while conducting a (SIGnals INTelligence) mission. [All 17 crew dead in the 1st C-130 hull loss. The slipping into U.S.S.R. airspace is inadvertent. See September 1, 1983 for more inadvertent. Apparently, honey badger don’t care about your mistakes.]

September 2, 1961

The U.S.S.R. resumes nuclear weapons testing. [Doesn’t even care about your health. Test ban treaty negotiations (with the U.S. and Britain) failed when they couldn’t agree on the nature and frequency of on-site inspections. The U.S.S.R. conducts 59 nuclear bomb tests this year, 79 next year, and we’ve no treaty saying Don’t. The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.]

September 2, 1962

The Chicago Cubs’ Ken Hubbs sets a major-league baseball fielding record when he played errorless for his 74th consecutive game. [You try going that long without screwing up (tho, admittedly, you don’t have cameras constantly recording your work, either.) He also wins the Golden Glove award—then dies next year in a Provo, UT plane crash.]

September 2, 1963

Alabama Gov. George Wallace assigns state troopers to prevent Tuskegee High School’s integration. [He has the state troopers surround the building. In many respects, this is a positive move on his part because it nationally televises the foolishness of racism, making the racists look backward, almost Neanderthal. Political punchline: Wallace originally ran as a broad-minded liberal and got trounced in elections by a KKK member. He wants to be elected (and this sort of malarkey is how that happens.) Rate your best political theater, 1-10. Punchline: running as an independent in 5 years ensures a win by the political party traditionally behind civil rights.]

The CBS Evening News doubles from 15 to 30 minutes. [See what I mean?]

September 2, 1964

Actor Keanu Charles Reeves is born in Beirut, Lebanon to Hawaiian Samuel Nowlin Reeves, Jr., who has ∅ to do with him. [Mom, Patricia Bond divorces the flake, remarries, and moves to Toronto, such that K. C. Reeves claims Canadian citizenship, besides playing bass for grunge band Dogstar and then the band Becky. He does poorly in high school except for hockey (moved a lot), so he got an early acting gig in Youngblood. He has built quite the matrix of Hollywood connections since then.]

September 2, 1969

Ho Chi Minh dies (b. 05/19/1890.) [In spite of his death, the North Vietnamese Communist insurgency continues to victory 5 years later, which is a nice trick. Most insurgencies die with the leader. BTW, he had asked to be cremated like a good oriental, but his body is embalmed and displayed like that other famous Communist, Lenin.]

NBC-TV cancels Star Trek. [The show debuted September 8, 1966. This is another insurgency that survived its 1st death but goes only half as long as WWII (almost exactly 3 years.) Some wonk later rereads the advertising data and realizes that this bizarre program that appeared to be a ratings loser was actually winning viewers among the coveted youth market (those people still young enough to be stupid enough to buy swag because it’s on TV.) The post mortem of Star Trek is the birth of demographics. The program revolutionizes television in more ways than merely with its content.]

Chemical Bank installs the 1st U.S. automatic teller machine at its Rockville Center, NY branch. [Connect that automatic teller in your pocket and the Star Trek communicator. Bank Trek is canceled.]

September 2, 1970

(See January 4, 1970) NASA folk say they canceled 2 Apollo missions: Apollo 15 (the designation’s re-used later) and Apollo 19. [Apollo 15 changed from H to J type; with the longer time on the moon doing geology, it gets the Lunar Rover. Apollos 18 and 19 are canceled altogether. Next up: a shuttle bus!]

September 2, 1973

Detroit Tigers owners fire Billy Martin as manager. [3 days after ordering his pitchers to throw spitballs against Cleveland Indians batters. But one wonders—why stop there? Do you want to win, or not? Play fair? Only if the ball is inside 3rd base.]

Writer J. R. R. Tolkien dies (b. 01/03/1892.) [So much for that prequel to Lord of the Rings everyone’s waiting for. His son, Christopher, assembles what there is into The Silmarillion. This tome forms the opening scene to Jacksons’ trilogy, so it’s not a complete loss. Tolkein was apparently going into the gods behind it all: i.e., where did Sauron come from? But at this rate, we’ll never get paganism to reboot.]

September 2, 1984

Sydney, Australia hosts Bandidos (?) + Comancheros (?!) motorcycle gangs arguing for supremacy. [William George Ross exactly names his nascent club after John Wayne’s The Comancheros(?!) A biker club in Australia named after a native AMERICAN tribe (saw The Road Warrior too many times.) Don Chambers started Bandidos in Texas; it’s well-known as an organized crime syndicate. Since their only tool is a gun, 7 dead (1 bystander); 28 wounded; 63 murder convictions (Mr. Ross gets life but serves 5+ years); 147 manslaughter convictions.]

September 2, 1986

Cathy Evelyn Smith gets 3 years imprisoned for involuntary manslaughter because John Belushi overdosed. [And the only reason she’s sentenced is that she sold a public confession to the National Enquirer. Being the criminal responsible, she wasn’t even paid for the article.]

September 2, 1990

Transnistria unilaterally proclaimes itself a Soviet republic; Soviet president Mikhail Gorbachev declares this decision null and void. [Tho Transnistria is neither internationally recognized nor independent, it is a de facto independent territory within the internationally recognized borders of Moldova. Moldova never recognizes it as independent nor sovereign, either. Anyone exporting from there must 1st get their permission. So it’s like How China views Taiwan, but without Taiwan’s ability to go do other stuff, anyway.]

September 2, 1991

The U.S. formally recognizes the independence of Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia. [Once they get out their dictionaries and atlases and straighten out Balkan vs. Baltic.]

September 2, 1992

The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. agree