Menopause Mondays: The Girlfriend’s Guide to Surviving and Thriving During Perimenopause and Menopause

By Ellen Dolgen & Jack Dolgen

For Ellen Dolgen, menopause education is a mission. Spurred by her own experience struggling with the symptoms of menopause, Dolgen has devoted the last ten years of her life to helping other women during this often difficult time. While she’s not a doctor or scientist, she’s “talked the talk” with countless menopause experts, so that she can “walk the menopause walk” with you and share the keys to this menopause kingdom.
Together with her son, Jack, she created this new, comprehensive guide to all things menopause—the symptoms, the treatments, the long-range effects on a woman’s health. Dolgen shares the expertise of numerous specialists to replace confusion and embarrassment with medically sound solutions, presented in an entertaining and informative way. You’ll find detailed descriptions and treatments for the symptoms you or your loved one may experience, from hot flashes and mood swings to mental fogginess and loss of libido, and lots more in between.
In addition to sharing the latest research and proven treatments, Dolgen offers guidance to finding a menopause specialist who’s right for you, and she provides a clear explanation of what tests to ask for. You’ll also learn about the latest studies on hormone replacement as well as alternative therapies and remedies. Finally, Dolgen shares the real-life experiences of women—and those who love them—as they traverse the crazy ups and downs of perimenopause and menopause.
Her motto is: Suffering in silence is OUT! Reaching out is IN!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ellen Dolgen & Jack Dolgen
• Release date: Apr 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310806162

Ellen Dolgen & Jack Dolgen

Ellen Dolgen is the Founder and President of Menopause Mondays. After struggling with her own severe menopause symptoms and doing years of research, Ellen Dolgen resolved to share what she learned from experts and her own trial and error. Her goal was to replace the confusion, embarrassment, and symptoms millions of women go through—before, during, and after menopause—with the medically sound solutions she discovered. Her passion to become a “sister” and confidant to all women fueled Ellen’s books. As a result of the overwhelming response from her burgeoning audiences and followers’ requests for empowering information they could trust, EllenDolgen.com was born. EllenDolgen.com is a platform from which Ellen reaches the true needs of her readers through varied and substantive discussions of menopause, women’s health, and the modern woman’s life today as a menopausal woman. Her readers gain the access and knowledge needed to take charge of their health and happiness. In addition to Ellen’s ever-growing social media presence, EllenDolgen.com has become “the place” on the web for informative and entertaining women’s menopause and wellness engagement. Ellen was #1 on Dr. Oz Sharecare.com Top 10 HealthMakers on Menopause. In 2012, 2013, and 2014 EllenDolgen.com was named first on the list of the “Best Menopause Blogs” by Healthline. Ellen was one of the first regular contributors to debut on the Huffington Post’s “Huff/Post50,” which targets 116 million Americans over the age of 50. She has been a regular contributor to over a dozen leading women’s health blogs. Ellen has founded a women’s health and wellness program that provides corporate education events for businesses, healthcare institutions, and other organizations. She produces and facilitates Menopause Mondays PartiesTM for organizations across the country. In addition, she works with pharmaceutical companies in helping them to have a new point of view in order to better understand and address women’s health needs. Ellen chaired a social media roundtable for Novo Nordisk in 2012. In 2013, Ellen was a key spokesperson for GLAMTM (Great Life After Menopause), a non-branded campaign sponsored by Novo Nordisk. In 2015 she partnered with Pfizer on their “Tune In To Menopause” campaign in a series of menopause videos, with the fabulous award winning Kim Cattrall. Ellen has appeared on the “TODAY Show,” “TODAY Kathie Lee & Hoda,” “The Katie Show,” “NBC Nightly News,” “The Rachael Ray Show,” “The Doctors,” Oprah Radio, Playboy Radio, NPR’s “Tell Me More,” Doctor Radio, and dozens of regional and national media outlets. In 2011, she appeared in a production of “The Vagina Monologues.” Ellen has a lifelong commitment to philanthropy through board representation, fundraising, and event organization. She serves on the Community Advisory Board of Scripps Memorial Hospital, La Jolla. She has chaired and served on various boards and committees for Planned Parenthood of the Pacific Southwest, Fresh Start Women’s Foundation, San Diego Hospice, Brandeis University, NARAL, the Phoenix Heart Ball, Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, Weizmann Institute of Science, Angel Charity for Children, Brewster Auxiliary, and Handmaker Home for the Aging. Ellen is a principal of Dolgen Ventures. She lives in California with her husband, David. Her favorite title is Grandma! Jack Dolgen is a writer with a background in music, comedy, and comedic songwriting and production. After growing up in southern Arizona, Jack moved to New York to attend NYU, where his writing began in earnest. He studied travel writing and comedic non-fiction. All the while, Jack was playing in bands, making records, and touring the country. That’s when he started writing a book about menopause. That’s right. If you think YOU have mommy issues, talk to the man who co-wrote, self-published, then formally sold a book—to Hyperion/Voice—about menopause with his mother. While working with his mom (and seeking therapy for same), Jack began co-writing and producing comedy songs with several comedians, namely his song-writing partner, Rachel Bloom (F**k Me Ray Bradbury, You Can Touch My Boobies). He recently served as Executive Music Producer and co-songwriter for Rachel’s CBS/Showtime pilot, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Jack is the co-host of the popular storytelling podcast “Doodie Calls with Doug Mand” and regularly contributes theme songs and original music for film, TV, and commercials. Jack currently resides in Los Angeles, where he performs in comedic music and story telling shows at the UCB Theater and other venues around town.

Book preview

Dedication

I was told the number eight is good luck in the Chinese culture. The number eight (Ba in Chinese) has a similar pronunciation to 发 (Fa, meaning wealth or fortune), which is why eight represents good luck.

To get an idea of how seriously the Chinese take the importance of the number eight, the Beijing Olympic Games commenced at exactly eight minutes after eight o’clock on the eighth day of the eighth month in 2008. In China, when people choose telephone numbers, mobile numbers, house numbers, car identification numbers and important dates, eight is usually their first choice.

And now eight is my lucky number. My first grandchild, Aviva, was born at 8 A.M. on the eighth day of the eighth month of 2014!

The first time I held Aviva, shortly after she was born, my heart was flooded with maternal love and my protective gene went into overdrive. After I checked her fingers and toes, philosophical thoughts bounced around my head like pinballs in an arcade. How can I make sure that she loves herself, is confident and proud of who she is, and doesn’t waste time being so crazy critical of herself? Could I help her be her own best friend? Could I make sure that she doesn’t let anyone or anything hold her back from anything and everything that she wants to do in her life?

This book is dedicated to Aviva and all the little girls of this generation. Know that I will always be here for you, and when I am not here physically, my love force shall surround you forever. It is my hope that you girls will be your own best friend, an advocate of your own health. I envision the sisterhood torch being carried by this next generation, with pride and good health, and to greater heights than my generation can possibly imagine!

Table of Contents

Dedication

A Note from Ellen

Part One: Welcome to the Party: Perimenopause and Menopause

Chapter 1

You Are Not Alone

Chapter 2

The Change: Perimenopause and Menopause 101

Part Two: Are We Having Fun Yet? Symptoms of Perimenopause and Menopause

Chapter 3

Memory Loss and Brain Fog

Chapter 4

Night Sweats and Hot Flashes

Chapter 5

Irregular Periods (Abnormal Uterine Bleeding)

Chapter 6

Stress, Anxiety, Irritability, Depression, and Mood Swings

Chapter 7

Weight Gain

Chapter 8

Insomnia and Fatigue

Chapter 9

Vaginal Dryness and Pain During Sex

Chapter 10

Loss of Libido

Chapter 11

Migraine Headaches

Chapter 12

Incontinence and Other Urinary Symptoms

Part Three: Get Me Out of Here! Getting Help for Menopause Symptoms

Chapter 13

Finding a Menopause Specialist

Chapter 14

Getting Tested for Menopause (and Fertility)

Chapter 15

Hormone Therapy

Chapter 16

The Hormone Therapy Controversy Debunked

Chapter 17

Breast Cancer and Menopause

Chapter 18

Ease Menopausal Symptoms with Food

Chapter 19

The ABCs of Vitamins and Supplements

Chapter 20

The Impact of Smoking on Menopause

Chapter 21

Surgically Induced Menopause (Hysterectomy and Oophorectomy) and Premature Menopause

Chapter 22

Compounding Pharmacies

Chapter 23

A Word About Menopause in the Workplace

Part Four: Keep the Party Going: Preventing Long-Term Health Problems

Chapter 24

Osteoporosis

Chapter 25

Heart Disease

Chapter 26

High Blood Pressure

Chapter 27

Thyroid Problems

Chapter 28

Share Your Story

Conclusion

A Note from Ellen

My perimenopause/menopause journey began in my mid-40s, although it would be years before I knew that’s what was going on with me. After lots of research and sleepless nights, I realized I was in perimenopause!  I learned that there are over 30 symptoms of menopause. I was furious no one had educated me about this.

While still in my brain fog, I searched for a good menopause specialist, all the while sleepless, withdrawn, weepy, grumpy, and hot flashing. Never one to give up, I began writing my first book, even though I didn’t know a Word document from a pdf!

I had to fight the daily negative chatter in my head that was constantly yelling, Are you crazy? You can’t write!  But it was important to me that no one else suffered needlessly like I had, so I persisted. Needing all the support I could muster, I reached out to my loving children and husband, and soon the book became a family affair.

My son, Jack, was visiting from New York City. I printed out all of the chapters, spread them out on the floor, and said, Can you help me with this? Poor Jack, his Mom was lost in menopausal hell. There was no way could he say no! Together, we wrote Shmirshky: think inside the box. My daughter, Sarah Dolgen Shaftel, assisted with the PR effort. My husband, David, encouraged and supported my mission, while at the same time dealing with my often tumultuous menopausal symptoms! (If asked privately, David might tell you that this is more than a bit of an understatement!)

Soon after Jack and I self-published the book, it was picked up by a major publishing house and became Shmirshky: the pursuit of hormone happiness.

Despite this ongoing effort to  get the facts out about menopause, I unfortunately often meet women who are experiencing symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats, heart palpitations, insomnia, and other such lovely blessings of the change, and are still clueless about what is happening to them. They think that the cause is some mysterious virus that’s going around, or worse, that it’s all in their heads. Wrong!

I was left with the question, how does one reach lots of people effectively and quickly? Start a blog!  So Jack and I created EllenDolgen.com, and my Menopause Mondays Blog and Health News Flash was born. Thanks to social media, I  reach hundreds of thousands of women (and men) all over the country! I have appeared on countless TV talk and news shows (The Today Show, Rachel Ray, The Doctors, NBC Nightly News, and Katie, to name a few). I was honored to be asked to be one of the original contributors to Huffington Post 50. Over these past years, my weekly blog has been syndicated on over a dozen health sites.

As we all know, you can’t leave your menopause on the kitchen counter when you go to work. Seeing a need for worker and employer education,  I founded a women’s health and wellness program that provides corporate education events for businesses, healthcare institutions, and other organizations, and  produce  Menopause Mondays Parties™ for organizations across the country.

Pharmaceutical companies have reached out to me to help them address women’s health needs through various menopause awareness campaigns via round table discussions, videos and social media. All of this is done with one goal, and one goal only: to educate and prepare the sisterhood for perimenopause and menopause.

This eBook will help all women and the people who love them to have access to the best information available at zero cost. There should be no financial barriers to the information women need for their health.

 In the electronic pages that follow, you’ll find detailed descriptions and solutions for the symptoms you or your loved one may experience (Part II: Are We Having Fun Yet?), I’ll help you find a menopause specialist (Part III: Get Me Out of Here!), and explain what tests to ask for once you get there. You’ll also learn about the latest studies on hormone replacement as well as alternative therapies and remedies.

We’re loving advances in technology. The format we are using allows you to access outside links providing you more information and links that take you elsewhere in the book for easy reference.

Finally, you can read about the real-life experiences of  women—and those who love them—as well as contribute your own stories so you, too, can help others experiencing the ups and downs of perimenopause and menopause. When we share, we learn from each other.

Think of me as your best girlfriend who happens to know a lot about menopause. I’ve devoted the last ten years of my life to helping women during this often difficult time. While I’m not a doctor or scientist,  I’ve talked the talk with menopause experts, so that I can walk the menopause walk with you and share the keys to this menopause kingdom. The most important thing you should know is that you’re not alone. Approximately 50 million women are currently dealing with menopause in the United States. In fact, 6,000 women in the U.S. enter menopause every single day. That’s more than 2 million women a year entering menopause. So take a deep breath and relax, we’re all going through this together.

Are you ready?

Okay, let’s get down to menopause business!

My motto is:  Suffering in silence is OUT!  Reaching out is IN!

PART ONE

Welcome to the Party

Perimenopause and Menopause

Chapter 1

You Are Not Alone

When I was fourteen, all I wanted was to get my period. My girlfriends got theirs years before I did. I was so desperate for it that I even pretended I had it just to get out of gym class. Then, when I was sixteen years old, it finally arrived. I was ecstatic. I was sure that I was going to be in now. I had convinced myself that I’d suddenly be popular with boys, so I knew any minute guys would start flocking around me. I had been dreaming of this day for such a long time.

I put on my belt and pad (in those days, the only things with wings were birds) and waited to feel something magical. But there was no euphoria, just a pounding headache, cramps, a raging sea of hormones, and of course the monthly bloodbath. This was what I had been praying for? Are you kidding me?

For the next thirty years, I got used to it, but I never liked it. And I was certain I’d never miss it once it was gone.

And then I hit my mid-forties, and suddenly mind and body started behaving strangely. The very first time I noticed something was amiss, I was in a business meeting, and mid-sentence my train of thought wandered right off the rails. What was I saying? This kept happening, meeting after meeting, but I refused to accept that something was wrong. A few weeks later, in yet another meeting, without warning, heat began radiating up my body. It felt as though I was on fire. Perspiration was dripping down my face, trickling down between my breasts and settling in the inseams of my pant suit. I looked like I had just finished a Bikram Yoga class (you know that sweaty kind of Yoga)! There I sat, shocked and completely embarrassed.

I started to notice that I was not nearly as energetic as I used to be. I often needed to get into a hot bath just to warm up my feet. I couldn't seem to retrieve thoughts from my brain, and my mind would go blank midsentence.

It never occurred to me that I was beginning perimenopause. In fact, I didn’t even know what it was or ever heard the term mentioned. Instead, I began worrying that these were the early signs of Alzheimer’s disease or some other kind of dementia. All my life I had prided myself on being a masterfully organized, multitasking dynamo. I was not ready to lose that part of my personality.

During this time of confusion, I was lucky that my husband David was able to seamlessly jump in and finish sentences for me so as to spare me social embarrassment. After so many years together, he seemed to know what I was thinking. He sensed that my memory loss was horribly upsetting to me, so he sweetly mastered subtle ways to feed me facts. It was wonderfully kind of him.

I made a habit out of making jokes about my memory loss, and just kept laughing it off, hoping it was just a fluke, and that perhaps tomorrow I would wake up back to my old self.

I had always been a happy person and not interested in being sick or less than.'' I didn't talk about this with anyone because talking about it would make it real. Instead, the voice in my head kept secretly chanting that age-old woman mantra: I am fine. I am fine. I am fine."

When a woman says she is fine, this is the first sign of the cover-up. It's not that we don't want to be honest with those we love, but rather that we aren't being honest with ourselves. Perimenopause and menopause were a huge secret and taboo for our grandmothers and mothers. In the 21st century, it is—shockingly—still very much a  hush hush subject, not to be openly discussed. Crazy, right?!

For some, it can be embarrassing to admit they’re experiencing