The Relationship Game: Changing the Rules Based on A Course in Miracles

By Gene Skaggs, Jr

Gene Skaggs, Jr, noted teacher of A COURSE IN MIRACLES, offers a concise and easy-to-understand guide to resolving fears and creating harmony in your most important relationships. This book uses sports metaphors to compare the typically competitive "Game of Life" to the mutually rewarding "Game of Love" so that all the players come out winners.

"What an entertaining and clear-cut presentation of principles everyone can put to use in any relationship! This book is a valuable resource for anyone wanting to re-evaluate and revamp his or her approach to giving and receiving love. Yes, we can start over and find fulfillment in our relationships by changing the rules, and Gene shows us how." -- Rev. Donna Dearmore, Unity Minister

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gene Skaggs, Jr
• Release date: Mar 19, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310623554

Book preview

The Relationship Game:

Changing the Rules

by Gene Skaggs, Jr.

Published by Fearless Books at Smashwords

© 2011 by Gene Skaggs, Jr. Smashwords Edition

All Rights Reserved

Smashwords Edition, License Notice

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords and purchase your own copy. Thank for respecting the hard work of this author.

First Edition 1997

Second Edition 2003

Third Edition (Digital) 2012

To obtain print copies, please go to www.geneskaggs.com

Additional books Gene has written: A Beginner’s Glossary to A Course In Miracles, 101 Questions and Answers on A Course in Miracles, Biblical Quotes from A Course in Miracles Reinterpreted, and Anderson Speaks.

Gene has been a student of A Course in Miracles since 1979 and a teacher since 1988. He is a certified PSYCH-K facilitator and has a private counseling practice. He has spoken and held workshops all over the country. If you would like Gene to come to your hometown please go to his other website www.onemiracle.org This site will give you additional information on Gene, and all is contact information is located on this site.

Contents:

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE

Choosing the Game

Need vs. Love

CHAPTER TWO

Choosing the Players

Romeo and Juliet vs. Archie and Edith

Theory: The Projector and the Movie Screen

Chapter Three

The Rules of the Game

You’re Broken I’m Broken let’s get Married

Chapter Four

Relationship Alchemy

Transforming the Game of Life into the Game of Love

Comfort Zones

Chapter Five

Boundaries

Don’t Go There

Chapter Six

Scoring

The Role of Sex

Chapter Seven

Affairs

Not being a Team Player

Communication

Chapter Eight

Overtime

Call in the Referee

Why We Quit the Game

Injured, Rained out or Lack of Interest

The Right Reasons

Chapter Nine

The Menu

Food for the Gladiator/Food for the Soul

Chapter Ten

Choosing Your Relational Perspective

Fantasy Land vs. Living in the Real World

The Relationship Fantasy

The Role Taken on By Women in the Relationship Fantasy

The Role of the Good Husband in the Fantasy Game

The Real World

Chapter Eleven

Creating Intimacy

How to Make Love, Not War

Chapter Twelve

Life’s Most Difficult Journey

From the Head to the Heart

The Same Game: Or is It?

A Male View of Intimacy

A Female View of Intimacy

A Male View of Foreplay

A Female View of Foreplay

Head Games: Taking them to Heart

Chapter Thirteen

A Child Shall Lead Them

Keep me in the pee-wee games

Chapter Fourteen

Healing All Wounds

Be Grateful and Forgive

Acknowledgments

There have been many people in my life who have made my journey back to God richer. They have all helped in their own unique way. Each and every one of us is a multi-faceted individual. It seems that in every facet of my life there has been a set of people to encourage, as well as guide me across life’s highway. Some are there for only part of the ride. The duration of time allotted to these individuals varies dramatically based on the lessons to be learned. Then there are those people whose interactions with me have overlapped more than one area of my spiritual journey.

One such person is Connie Freeman, actress, singer, entertainer, and a long-time student of A Course in Miracles. It was her constant reminder that Yes, life is a game, but it’s played in one’s heart, not one’s head which inspired the chapter From the Head to the Heart, jointly written by Ms. Freeman and myself.

There was Bo Sebastian who helped early on with technical advice and encouragement. Also, the countless students who let me be me. The way they were willing to share their views, as well as their willingness to give their definitions and comments on certain words from their gender perspective. A big thank-you, and God bless each of you for your input in the writing of this book.

One such student, Tiffy Barnett, a licensed therapist, was able to lend her views not only from a therapist’s perspective but also from a female’s point of view. She had me change certain phrases to keep it from becoming a guy book.

I would like to thank Debbie Runions, a journalist for more than 20 years, a teacher of journalism for more than five years, and A Course in Miracles student for over a decade,

who helped me put it all together. Without her expert editing, the book would have taken an additional year to complete.

In addition, I would like to thank my mother, Charo Hacker, for the final editing of the updated version.

I would also like to thank Unity of Nashville, TN, for allowing me to hold by-weekly classes at the church. They have always supported me in all my teachings. Unity of Nashville has been the home for A Course in Miracles throughout middle Tennessee. A big thank-you on this end.

INTRODUCTION

I grew up in Key West, Florida, and experienced my formative years in the Sixties and early Seventies. These years played an important part in my life. During this period of time, I learned how to play the Game of Life, not the Game of Love. Because of my personal experiences, in a certain relationship, I learned how the rules were supposed to be set up so I didn’t get hurt.

While growing up in this glorious setting I obtained my spiritual nourishment from The Theosophical Society, an Eastern religion. For about three years of my life I was a vegetarian, studied astrology, took the right herbs, and was very hip. Funny how one can go back in time and laugh at some of the things one did, that at the time seemed very groovy.

After dating a certain girl on and off for about three years, we broke off the relationship. I was only nineteen at the time, but that relationship left a mark on me for the better part of seven years. From my perspective, the pain seemed unbearable. So I set out to create a life where I wouldn’t allow myself ever to feel such pain again. Sound familiar?

I made sure I didn’t stay in any relationship long enough to develop any feelings; after all, that is what I was trying to avoid. I built walls with heavy reinforcement to stop the eventual onslaught. I noticed that I didn’t get hurt in these many superficial relationships I pretended to take part in, but it always left me feeling empty. I also noticed another feeling accompanied the emptiness — and that at some core level I felt I was using the other person. Not a good feeling.

The terms Game of Life and Game of Love will be used numerous times throughout the book, So, a very short explanation will be given here, but a more detailed one will unfold as you read this book.

The Game of Life is what A Course In Miracles would refer to as your special love partner. This person is the one we use to repress our fears. If we have a body, we naturally will have a certain amount of needs/lacks in our life, and from our egoic mind we seek others to fill this void. Those who can fill this void are our