X That Ex: Making a Clean Break When the Relationship is Over

By Kristin Carmichael

"Hell no. It’s over. I am done."

Saying it to him felt so damned good. God knows he deserved it. Still deserves it. So why is it that only a few weeks later, I doubt if I can stand by what I said?

X That Ex is the long-awaited answer for women who have left a bad relationship and don’t want to go back. It is incredibly common for women to leave partners who are emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, immature, selfish or even abusive, but then struggle to stay away.

Women might be tripped up by their exes’ schemes to get them back, their own self-sabotaging ways or even by our society, which seems to glorify a "just give him one more chance" philosophy. To their family and friends’ dismay, huge numbers of women go back to toxic relationships, wasting years and the possibility of happier lives on men who can’t give them what they deserve.

If the post-breakup world for most people were logical, fair, regulated and well-defined, there would be no need for X That Ex. As most of us know, however, the time after a breakup is emotionally messy, sometimes chaotic and filled with conflicting feelings, motivations, hopes, temptations and realities that must be dealt with.

X That Ex focuses on this confusing time, demystifying why it is so difficult to stay away from a problematic ex, and distinguishing itself by making personalized predictions for readers about what to expect from their exes and themselves in the tumultuous time right after a relationship ends. This book is a unique roadmap that guides readers through the sometimes perilous time when a woman’s ex might try time-tested tactics to tempt her back, when self-sabotage may make a woman her own worst enemy, and when even our culture gets in on the action by making reunification seem reasonable.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Turner Publishing Company
• Release date: Jan 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9780897936415

Reviews for X That Ex

[bluehose1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

After experiencing my own breakup, this book was an easy read. It provided helpful insights into my previous relationships. Going forward, what I gleaned from this book will be useful when evaluating romantic relationships.

[cozylover · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Although this book had some good advice for trying to keep yourself from getting back into a bad relationship, I found it to be rather repetitive overall. Basically it all boils down to having enough inner strength to stay away from the person who isn't good for you, regardless of whether you still love him or not. Easier said than done, which is why this book does serve as a good reminder of what not to do and what you can do to help break free. Not a plethora of helpful ideas, but not useless either.

[kschloss_2 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is the best book of its kind I have ever seen. Having been twice divorced and having had more than one long-term relationship, I thought this book might be of use when I saw it offered on Library Thing's Early Reviewers list. I was fortunate to get a copy.If you're involved in a toxic relationship with a manipulative ex-, this book will help you with practical advice about how and why you should end it. With chapters like "Your Ex-'s Defensive Plays" and "Your Ex'-s Offensive Plays", and further chapters titled, "Standing Behind Your Truth" and "Setting Yourself Up for Success", this well-written book carefully combats each myth and bit of garbage you might hear from others as you seek to extricate yourself from a bad relationship. Although the book is written specifically for those involved in relationships with violent, manipulative men, its quality advice could be applied to any relationship that needs to end, for whatever reason. I can't praise it nearly enough. If you're starting a separation and you suspect it will get ugly, crack open your wallet and get this book before it does.

[sharlene_w · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I received this as an Early Reviewers book five years ago.. Finally got around to reading it. It was organized in such a way that you could take a survey and determine which chapters would be most relevant, but are encouraged to read the entire book. I found it useful to stick in post it notes to mark those chapters so that I paid special attention to them as I read along.The book does a good job of reinforcing all the reasons why you want to leave and encouraging you to keep your eye on the prize!

[poiema77 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I honestly don't know what to say about this book. I felt it was repetitive and half way through it, it felt like the same advice all over again. I would have liked to read more variety of scenarios instead of the same situation over and over, where the woman leaves and the man wants her back. I am sure in real life that situation can be reversed with countless variations. The advice the author gives is helpful in that specific circumstance, though I don't have any experience from this. I don't know why I chose this book, other than shear curiosity.

[mj7greenway · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book is an unexpected benefit, as, though I expected it to be superficially written, it has turned out to be easy support and reinforcement for clients in this dilemma. I will use it again.

[tinkdust21 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

If you have ever found yourself wondering how you keep ending up with someone who is very toxic and are ready to break the cycle, "X that Ex" is a great start.Through straight-forward messages and clear-cut language, the author delivers a message to women (although she emphasizes at the outset that it is for anyone) that respects their emotional vulnerability coming out of a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship but tells them what they need to know. If you have ever been in a toxic relationship, this book is filled with "aha" moments. It explains the psychology and thought process of someone who is abusive in laymen's terms and is very accessible so that anyone can identify the tactics and techniques that have been or could be used on them while vulnerable. I especially like the segment included at the back that speaks to family and friends of women who have found themselves with the wrong partner. Often times the people who love and truly do care for a victim of toxic relationships, in trying to help, say and do all the wrong things and send a message that adds to the damage and insecurity that person is already feeling. It offers better solutions on how to support a person trying to close an ugly chapter in her life.

[blyng30 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

X that Ex is an excellent book at successfully dealing with the emotional turmoil that comes when leaving a bad relationship of any kind. That turmoil can often times send a person right back into the bad relationship they left in the first place because the staying gone can sometimes be the hardest part. Kristin Carmichael, author of the book, hits the nail on the head as she address tactics used by Exes to get their spouses/partners/friends back into relationships. Carmichael not only uses stories and examples from clients but also has self-discovery exercises throughout the book to help the reader recognize the examples in his/her own life. The first part of the book addresses lies and excuses that Exes will use to lure, entice, or even coerce individuals back to them. The second part address tools to help avoid and deal with the lies and excuses from Exes found in part one. Although this book addressed a situation I was not currently in I found it to be very informative. The tips and examples used helped me to recognize and better understand a previous bad relationship I was in and to have gratitude for being able to finally break free from it and to stay gone. Overall, I am glad to have this book included in my library and would recommend it to anyone who is contemplating leaving a bad relationship or has had the bravery to do it and needs a guide to X that Ex for good!

[cbikl · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is not normally a book I would read but I thought it wouldn't hurt to expand my horizons a little. While it would be safe to say I am not the target audience for the book, I did find it informative and can see how there can be many people that would benefit from reading this book. If this is an area you struggle with, this book can help.

[abwahl1998 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I do not believe I originally requested this, however, I found this book very helpful for anyone going through a divorce or breakup. The author did a good job pinpointing various tactics and lines that controlling partners use in order to win back someone trying to leave. She also has some journaling pages in order for one to self reflect, which I think would be helpful. I do not think this book is really for someone who is in an abusive relationship, but I do think this will help someone who knows they need to get out of a relationship going nowhere. Very well written.