Masturbating with OCD
4.5/5
()
About this ebook
A collection of essays about one (emotionally damaged) guy doing his best to make the most of a bad situation.
Gabriel Mendez
Writer of stuff.
Related to Masturbating with OCD
Related ebooks
Your Brain Needs a Hug: Life, Love, Mental Health, and Sandwiches Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Blackmailer in Your Head: What To Do About Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Leaving the OCD Circus: Your Big Ticket Out of Having to Control Every Little Thing Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Harm OCD: Turning Your Darkness Inside Out Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe OCD Answer Book: Professional Answers to More Than 250 Top Questions about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Coping with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Step-by-Step Guide Using the Latest CBT Techniques Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Live With OCD Naturally Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDon't Mind Me, It's My OCD: Laughing My Way Back from the Edge of Reason Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5When in Doubt, Make Belief: An OCD-Inspired Approach to Living with Uncertainty Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Stop Unreality: A Guide to Conquering Depersonalization, Derealization, DPD, Anxiety & Depression Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Subtypes and Spectrum Conditions Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsUn-Agoraphobic: Overcome Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and Agoraphobia for Good Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Welcome to the Jungle: Everything You Wanted to Know about Bipolar But Were Too Freaked Out to Ask Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Stuck! My OCD Story: OCD Battlefield, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How To Really Stop A Suicide: ‘The Ultimate Guide To Ending Pain… Instead Of Life’ Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Everything Is an Emergency: An OCD Story in Words & Pictures Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Obsessive-Compulsive Dramatic: My Fight Against OCD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Addiction Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Agoraphobia Self-Help Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5OCD and Me Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Can Christianity Cure Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?: A Psychiatrist Explores the Role of Faith in Treatment Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Snap Out of It: Overcoming Guilt, Shame & Rejection Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Do I Need to See a Therapist?: How to understand your emotions and make therapy work for you Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWelcome to the Jungle: Facing Bipolar Without Freaking Out Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Jesus and Ocd: A Christian Workbook for Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Triggered: A Memoir of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Woman Who Thought too Much: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5OCD and Marriage: Pathways to Reshaping Your Lives Together Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsCauses and Remedies of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: The Key to Escape from self-made Prison (Workbook for Overcoming OCD) Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Relationships For You
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I'm Glad My Mom Died Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Loving Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Child Called It: One Child's Courage to Survive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: The Narcissism Series, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmer's World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5All About Love: New Visions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Unfuck Your Boundaries: Build Better Relationships through Consent, Communication, and Expressing Your Needs Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/58 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Reviews for Masturbating with OCD
3 ratings1 review
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book really captivated me. Gabriel has an incredible way with words that makes you feel like you are talking with a friend. Highly relatable as someone with OCD!
Book preview
Masturbating with OCD - Gabriel Mendez
[Document SuMasturbating with OCD
Copyright 2013 Gabriel Mendez
Published by Gabriel C. Mendez at Smashwords
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Table of Contents
Dedication
Chapter 1: Introduction
Chapter 2: Toothache
Chapter 3: Backfire
Chapter 4: A Garbage Memory Part 1: I Thought You Should Know
Chapter 5: Progress
Chapter 6: Panic Attack Part 1
Chapter 7: Somewhere in the Middle
Chapter 8: Ask A Gay Guy
Chapter 9: Panic Attack Part 2
Chapter 10: A Garbage Memory Part 2: Taken Over
Chapter 11: I am Not a Mature Adult
Chapter 12: Masturbating with O.C.D.
Chapter 13: Panic Attack Part 3
Chapter 14: From the Mouth of Babes
Chapter 15: Panic Attack Part 4
Chapter 16: Bad Joke
Chapter 17: Destruction Makes Me Sappy
Thank You
Dear Kenneth Denson,
You probably won't remember this but at 4:45 am I came to bed and pulled you close. I kissed you on the forehead and cheek and said I loved you and I'm happy you're my husband. Even in your sleep, you slurred a joke. What? Don't lie…
I laughed and pulled you closer. Your hair smelled sweet because you took a shower before bed (as I requested). And without the heat, the tip of your nose was so cold on my chin. I was sure to gently kiss it to warm it up. Then you started snoring and breathing heavily in my face. I shoved you aside and snapped, quit breathing on me.
You rolled over and I did my best to fall asleep holding your hand while you kicked me.
Then a cat bit my toe.
Let’s never change this.
Forever yours and forever awake,
G.
P.S.
By the smell of your breath I can tell the devil lives in your mouth.
Chapter 1
Introduction
Hello,
Thank you for purchasing, borrowing, or stealing this book. If you did borrow or steal it, then good for you for not spending money. These are hard times and the cash is better used for cigarettes or burritos. If you did buy this book you are either a friend I harassed into opening your wallet; or you saw the cover and the title and thought it was some weird how-to
manual. Whichever category you fall in, you will be disappointed.
I should also mention the word book
is liberally applied to what is actually a super thick pamphlet. These are the stories that made the cut. In two hours, when you’re done reading, you’ll wonder, what didn’t make the cut?
The answer? A lot.
It’s a bit presumptuous of me, but lets use this space to answer some questions I know you have about the book and/or me.
Who the hell are you?
Honestly? A nobody. I’m just some guy with a myriad of problems, physical and emotional. But I’m funny with a little bit of charm and pretty eyes.
Masturbation is in the title. Are these stories sexy or erotic in some way?
I guess that depends on your definition of sexy. If husky, Hispanic boys with OCD, depression, and back hair are the subject of your fantasies, then keep reading, weirdo.
If it’s not sexy then does it have monsters like vampires or werewolves?
Unless you mean the monster that is life, then yes! If you mean the kind of metaphorical monster that lives deep within us all, a kind of man-versus-self thing, that’s in here, too. Aside from that, no, you will not find any vampires. But I did have sex with a re-animated corpse after a heavy meal of blood. Although, I promised myself that was a one time thing and to never speak of it again.
So what are these stories about then?
I don’t give advice here. No cooking tips either. No romance, fantasy, sci-fi or mystery to be found in these pages. If anything this is the exact opposite of a self-help book. These are stories of self-hate and self-doubt. Things we all struggle with. I just happen to overcome it in irregular and immature yet humorous ways.
This sounds boring.
You’re right, it does.
You’re only writing this introduction to fill space, aren’t you?
Damn it, reader! Why you gotta call me out like that? No, I’m not trying to fill space.
I’m simply doing my best to inform you, the reader, of what to expect. The heartache of emotions that don’t work correctly without medication and therapy. The struggles of a gay boy trying to make it through his day without being reminded that he’s in some way different. How to age gracefully and without taking it too seriously. The goal of the entire endeavor is to find laughs in the darkest of places created by our own brain. And, really, just to simply make you laugh, too. There’s nothing worse than having an affliction that isolates you in misery and you can’t find a damn thing to laugh at. Well now you can can.
You do know there’s a typo in the sentience above, right?
God Damn it! Either nobody would have caught that or they would have assumed I was talking about dancing if you hadn’t pointed it out. But yeah, alright, you got me. It is a typo. And there’s plenty more where that came from. This was an independent effort. I didn’t have any fancy editors to correct my mistakes. I did my best to comb through pages for corrections. SOme might have slipped by. As you’ll read in the coming pages, I’m terribly human and make mistakes.
That sounds like some defensive bullshit for a poorly edited book.
Okay, you know what, reader? Let me see your book. Let’s see how many typos I can find. I’ll even bring my own red pen. You know I have one. Oh, you don’t have a book? Then shut up about it.
Jesus! Insulting a reader? I don’t know if I want to read this weird yet funny collection of stories anymore. I bet David Sedaris has something new to read.
NO! Don’t do that. I mean, sure, read his stuff. He’s much nicer and smarter than me. But read mine first! Come back, reader. Dear, precious reader. I need you. I’m sorry. I just get a little agitated at times. I think it’s my blood sugar. If it get’s too low I go a little bonkers. The same happens to my diabetic mother. Maybe I’m diabetic. Oh God, I have diabetes.
Have you filled enough space yet?
Yeah, I think that’ll do it.
-Gabriel
Chapter 2
Toothache
For someone whose diet is mostly sugar and tobacco, it was no surprise that I found myself awake at 4am, cradling my jaw from intense pain. Except I live most of my life in denial and was actually surprised. Maybe I had some food lodged between some teeth or maybe I had bitten down on something hard. Whatever it was, it brought on a sharp pulse that ran through the entire lower half of my face. It never crossed my mind that I could possibly have a cavity. Why do my teeth hurt so bad?
I asked my sleeping husband. He didn’t respond, but he did snore. Discouraged, I grabbed a handful of Sweet Tarts from my nightstand and went back to sleep.
The next day around 2pm, which is when I wake if my sleep goes unchecked, I lay in bed with an achy face. I stared at the ceiling fan whirring above and tried to recall how I could have maybe gotten lockjaw. My neck, jaw, and cheeks throbbed when I tried to open my mouth. This kept me from my morning rituals of a cigarette and loud, obscene name-calling. It was a welcome change for Kenneth who works from home and this was well into his work day. Then my stomach growled and I had to eat something, proving that food is the only reason I ever leave the bed.
In the morning, or after 10 to 11 hours of sleep, whichever happens first, I really do try to make sure the first bit of food that goes into my body is healthy. I do this even in spite of my morning cigarette. In the kitchen, I stood at my pantry, unable to decide between the raspberry and strawberry Pop-Tarts. I decided to have both and save the self-hatred, which was inevitable, until after dinner. Waiting for the first set of Pop-Tarts to heat, I leaned against the counter and stretched my jaw. I could taste blood, even through the forced post-sleep cigarette.
Panicking and getting lost in what if’s
I swiftly walked to the bathroom. In a moment of panic, I never allow myself to run. Running means the situation is real while walking quickly means the horror is safely confined to my imagination. In the mirror, I stuck a couple of freshly washed