Murphy’s Law to be Abolished!

By Ronald J Pecorry III

"Murphy’s Law to be Abolished!" is a collection of the world's funniest fake satire news stories from the long established and award winning website "Satire and Comment". Highlights include the story of a lucky British atheist who saw an image of the big bang in a slice of toast, Glenn Beck's fears that whites will be rounded up into concentration camps called suburbs and Australia's election of Skippy the bush kangaroo. Casey Anthony's plan to publish a better parenting book and then go work for Newscorp is featured along with the surprising news that US Supreme Court justices will end the death penalty to stop those endless last minute appeals which keep interfering with poker night. Over in Europe, we learn about a new law to force taciturn Swedes to talk to one another, discover the horrified reaction of Italians when an opera ended before the fat lady sang, and read about the EU investigation into the Parker brother’s monopoly on the board game Monopoly. Israeli views on the peace process are skewered as are US politics and race relations - no cow is too sacred to be slayed in this series of short gems to make you laugh once and think twice.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ronald J Pecorry III
• Release date: Mar 2, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310882043

Ronald J Pecorry III

Well, hi there! I'm Ronald Pecorry. I write satire and parody at the award winning and very popular website www.satireandcomment.com. The site has hundreds of satirical articles, poems and cartoons skewering political and social issues from every corner of the world. The lead off piece in the book is “Atheist sees image of big bang in toast” which is an internet sensation with hundreds of thousands of views. I burst out laughing when I came up with the idea and am proud to have written it given the reaction people have to it. As a writer, it is very validating to see the joy this story brings to so many people.My piece on how Glenn Beck warns “whites to be rounded up into concentration camps called suburbs” is also very popular as is the plan for a “Casey Anthony better parenting book” . The opposition to plans by “Muslims to build a Mosque in the middle of nowhere” is another web hit.If you honor me with a purchase you will you find yourself having different emotional reactions to different stories. You may relish in the visceral contempt expressed in some pieces or feel a strong sense of historical tragedy in others. “Virginia revives slavery” was written in reaction to a plan in Virginia to have a confederate history month and “White couple accidentally visit the MLK memorial in Atlanta” is my response to visiting that memorial myself.But social commentary aside, you will smile at the gentle humor in “Dr. Pepper arrested for possession of Coke,” and chuckle at how “Skippy the Bush kangaroo got elected in Australia” or laugh out loud when you read “Murphy’s Law will be abolished” in Ireland. There are also offbeat pieces such as one which addresses what would happen if an “Opera ends before the Fat lady sings,” or details the “Atlanta woman who secretly loves PBS pledge marathons.”Laugh once but think twice, as you absorb the ideas expressed in these little gems.More seriously, I have always been committed to the idea that the pen is mightier than the sword and have unswerving commitment to the ideal of free speech which I believe to be the right that most sustains liberty. I believe free speech must be exercised and ideas must be challenged to stop a society from becoming stagnant or dictatorial.The zany story behind my writing goes like this.I am the Director of the think-tank originally known as the Atlanta Center for Policy Analysis, later "The ACPA." We were originally founded in New Orleans by my Great-Grandfather, and no-one has ever being able to find out why he called it the Atlanta Center. After repeatedly being asked, he simply changed the name to “The ACPA.” Over the years, as I tried to find the answer, I learned to my great surprise that the ACPA was in fact a figment of the imagination, a tingling on the sensory ganglia on the laughter nerve, just below thought. That was a shock to me, I can tell you.Originally a bricks-and-mortar organization, we lost all our think-tanks, software and our Internet in Hurricane Katrina. We had recently upgraded from steel think-tanks to modern fiberglass tanks. Because of their light weight and portability, each researcher had their own individual tank, which was far more conducive to thinking than the old steel tanks. When the Hurricane hit, we were lucky that these tanks floated so well that our staff were able to drift out of the building on the flood and get to safety.However, homeless locals seized all the abandoned tanks for shelter as they waited for Federal Aid. It would not have mattered anyway as our headquarters building was destroyed in the deluge. Our extensive Internet was also devastated, getting entangled in multiple objects and finally being seized by some fisherman who used it to fish at Lake Pontchartrain. We did not have the heart to ask them to return it, as they seemed so hungry, what with the Federal Aid continuing to be held up. Our software was also completely soaked and never dried out properly. So now we exist solely on-line until we sell enough eBooks to get a new building. You can help by buying a copy and buying another for a friend!

Book preview

(ACPA-London) Excitement is growing in the Northern England town of Huddersfield following news that local atheist Donald Chapman saw an image of the Big-Bang in a piece of toast. In an exclusive interview with The Huddersfield Express Chapman, 36, explained that he was sitting down to eat breakfast when an unusual toast pattern caught his eye.

I was just about to spread the butter when I noticed a small hole in the middle of the bread surrounded by a burnt black ring, said Chapman. Then the direction and splatter pattern of the crumbs caught my eye - they were flowing outward from the center of the black hole and their shades were changing as distance from the center grew. A perfect match to the non-linear patterns that followed the Big-Bang. It’s the beginning of the world - right there in my breakfast!

Ever since news of the discovery made national headlines, local hoteliers have been overwhelmed by an influx of atheists from all over the country who have flocked to Huddersfield to catch a glimpse of the scientific relic. I have always been an Atheist and to see my unbelief validated on a piece of toast is truly astounding, exclaimed one guest at the Huddersfield Arms hotel.

To the surprise of many, the UK Atheist Association has asked its members to ignore the story despite its potential to inspire less faith. Given what the religious believe already, this is an easy sell, complained one disgruntled activist who said he was going to Huddersfield anyway noting that Seeing is not believing.

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Whites to be rounded up into concentration camps called suburbs

A Glenn Beck Special Report: Imminent Threat to White Culture.

Friends, it's getting worse.

Our white culture is under attack!

Listen closely, my fellow conservatives, did you know that since the sixties, black activists have been secretly herding white people into concentration camps called suburbs? And now, with Obama as president, be warned friends, the rounding up is starting to accelerate. Your country needs you to buy more guns and to buy them now!

You’ve seen the billboards: ‘Work makes you Free’ and ‘Save while you Spend’. Under those false promises wretched whites have become slaves, forced to compete viciously all day against each other, to pay for things they don't need or want.

Every trace of our white culture is going to be lost and soon sordid affairs with wife swapping will be the norm - and that's not good, by the way.

The suburban trap will be sprung on YOU one day, friends, so be warned: maybe a black child will go to school with your children and say something seemingly innocent like, This is a real nice school, I think I'll come every day. Then suddenly, you're locked in your sedan and you're driving north!

Before you know it, you've been trapped there for twenty years, with nothing to show for it except a perfectly manicured patch of grass, a dozen Thomas Kincade paintings and a prescription for erectile dysfunction. Oh the humanity, the pain of it, oh it's too much to bear.

Caller Tim from North Florida: I get up one pointless day after the other, forced to do work I hate. I eat tasteless food from a microwave, before falling asleep on a couch. Please, get me out of here!!

Caller: Tom from Georgia: Please, help me, before my wife is forced to buy hundreds of useless knick-knacks.

Glenn: Thanks, callers. Friends, do you ever look back to that time in our history when the President was white? Can you still remember what it was like when the most beautiful woman in the world wasn't Halle Berry? It's all the black man's fault! Damn you Obama and your freedom hating liberals. Damn you France. Damn you aaaallll!

(Sniffles, crying, and fade out to commercials.)

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Casey Anthony to publish better-parenting book

(ACPA-Orlando, FL) Exonerated and liberated, one-time mother Casey Anthony is set to shake the staid world of parenting books with her magnum opus, Casey's Guide to Better Child Rearing. The book will be filled with Casey's tried and tested methods that make life easier for stressed out parents.

Tips include:

when beating your child with a poker, make sure you cover the handle with cloth, otherwise the impact can cause wrist pain

best wilderness parks for taking your child on that long secluded walk

clever tips on how to get free babysitting while you can go partying

for road trips, Casey explains where to place the car seat so the child's whining doesn't distract you during your favorite radio shows

great locations for swimming, and where to get metal floaties

tips for dealing with crying: Casey suggests you just sit there and cry with them. It's ok for grown-ups to cry too, writes Casey, "cry for hours if you have to, just make sure