Family Today Forum: 2012

By Valerie Hockert, PhD

Did you miss some issues in 2012? Here are the articles that were published on www.familytodayforum.com in 2012. Family Today Forum is a new e-magazine that launched in October 2011.

Family Today Forum is an e-magazine directed toward today’s traditional family, the step family, the single parent family, the dual-income family, and contains articles on how to cope with everyday situations. Family Today Forum contains hot topics and fun for any family.

Statistics show there are many single parent families, blended families, and teenagers dealing with everyday situations. The editorial content of the magazine will be educational and informative. Yet Family Today Forum still recognizes that families need to have fun together, which makes this e-magazine a unique publication.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Justice Gray
• Release date: Feb 2, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310244261

Valerie Hockert, PhD

Valerie Hockert, was born in the Midwest where she has lived all her adult life. She has had much life experience through her various entrepreneurial life. She has a Master's Degree in Liberal Studies, and a PhD in Literary Studies. Dr. Hockert has been teaching at a college level for many years. She was the first publisher of the Writers' Journal and Today's Family, two national publications. She is also a certified personal trainer, great chef, and the Publisher of an e-magazine: www.realitytodayforum.com.

Book preview

Introduction

Did you miss some issues in 2012? Here are the articles that were published on www.familytodayforum.com in 2012. FamilyToday Forum is a new e-magazine that launched in October 2011.

Family Today Forum is an e-magazine directed toward today’s traditional family, the step family, the single parent family, the dual-income family, and contains articles on how to cope with everyday situations. Family Today Forum contains hot topics and fun for any family.

Statistics show there are many single parent families, blended families, and teenagers dealing with everyday situations. The editorial content of the magazine will be educational and informative. Yet Family Today Forum still recognizes that families need to have fun together, which makes this e-magazine a unique publication

To read more, go to www.familyfodayforum.com for the latest issue online.

FEATURES

Cut the Drama: Ways to Have a Quiet and Calm House

By: Kathy L Mayse

Your home … Is it a quiet haven, a place where you can really relax and let your hair down? If so, count yourself among the lucky ones. Today, most homes are chaotic, fast-paced and loud. It’s the place where everyone comes and grabs a bite to eat, catches a few hours sleep and rushes back out again. You’re more likely to see mom refereeing teenagers, helping young ones with their homework, juggling work email on her iPhone and cooking a quick 20-minute meal -- all the while the family dog is yapping at her heels -- than a perfectly coiffed, put-together Martha Stewart.

Creating a quiet, calm atmosphere starts with you. It might seem like your kids are in a world of their own, oblivious to everything around them except their 3DS, but they get their clues from you. As you get stressed and frustrated, the level of chaos in your home naturally rises. Once the tension level gets so high, loud voices and anger take the place of calm reasoning and familial bliss. You don’t even have to raise your voice an iota, your kids will feel the tension and vocalize it anyway they know how -- through more temper tantrums, boredom and sibling rivalry.

However, creating a calm home environment takes more than keeping your own emotions in check. You must also create outlets for your children’s energy and frustrations as well as lead an example worth following. Your strategy will depend heavily on your children’s ages. You might even have to use several strategies if your kids differ greatly in age and personality.

Ages 3 to 6

Lower your voice. When you speak to your children in a voice loud enough to be heard over all the ruckus and TV noise, you give them a signal to raise their voices. Turn off all media, get down on the level of your child and speak to him using a calm voice. Do not acknowledge your child until he approaches you calmly. When he does, get down on his level and give him your full attention. When a child feels like they can’t get your attention, they often compete for it by getting louder and more rambunctious. Teach him, through example, how to communicate.

Don’t give in to anxiety. How can you expect to calm frazzled child when you’re just as stressed out and ready to blow as he is? Approaching a child with an anxiety and stress-ridden response only escalates the situation. Instead of stopping the tantrum with an oh-dear response, let the tantrum run its course. You will find that tantrums get shorter in duration if you don’t feed your energy into them.

Make a schedule and follow it. Young children thrive with a set schedule including meal times, activities and rest periods. Without structure, young children don’t know what to expect, which causes a great deal of anxiety. Direction keeps them focused and quiet.

Ages 7 to 12

Give them an outlet. Grade-school children are full of energy, especially after sitting and staying quiet in school all day. Help them burn off pent-up energy before they enter the house. Get them involved in an after-school sport or play a game of tag with them in the yard before homework, chores and dinner. Don’t use activity as a reward only after these things are done. Having time to play is just as important as the other stuff. You might even find that exercising with your kids relieves your own stress.

Set a time limit on media. Sure, your kids want to stay glued to their games, but it isn’t healthy for them. Set a time each day for media-related activities. Do not turn on the TV, radio or any other device until your set media time. When it’s time to relax in front of the TV, keep the volume down and don’t try to talk over it. When your kids only get an hour or two of TV and media per day, you will find that it holds their attention much better and that they stay quiet for the entire period.

Develop a sense of pride through hobbies and other activities. In addition to media time, host a hobby hour. During hobby hour, let your child do anything he enjoys. Creating something and being good at it develops a sense of pride. It also teaches children how to occupy their time without electronic devices or having wrestling matches in the living room.

Teenagers

Define space for each of your children. Teenagers like to wallow for hours in their own space. Respect it and make sure their siblings follow suit. Most teenage noise comes from fights with siblings. When a fight heats up, send them to their respective spaces to get away from each other. You may want them to hang out and get along, but it has to be their idea or it won’t work.

Do something with your teen everyday to foster open communication. Let them know that you know how much being a teenager sucks. If they feel like they have a friend in you, teenagers are less likely to rebel and cause ruckus around the house.

Speak to your teen with respect. They’re not children anymore. For all intents and purposes, they are mini adults with the ability to make some of their own decisions. Respect their boundaries, privacy and decisions. A respected teen will repay you with respect and a lot less strife and back talking.

As your children grow, build upon foundations started earlier in life. For example, a teenager who was introduced to hobby planes will likely continue the hobby as a teenager. Encourage him to do so. Also, children who are taught time management and given a wide array of activities to choose from -- other than media -- learn how to occupy their time without suffering from intense, Mom, I’m booooooored episodes.

Kathy L Mayse is a former newspaper reporter/editor and single mother, has written thousands of articles on topics pertaining to family life, hair care and budgeting practices.

Choosing a Childcare Provider

By Alison Barjaktarovich

For parents who work full-time, the process of screening and choosing a childcare provider can be stressful and difficult. Yet even those parents who only need occasional or part-time care may struggle with finding and screening a babysitter, nanny, or other childcare provider who they can trust.

The process of screening childcare workers greatly varies depending on the type of provider you’re considering. For example, when visiting a small home daycare, you won’t need to ask about the staff members’ qualifications, and if you’re screening nannies, then considerations related to the daycare environment won’t apply.

First, make a complete list of potential childcare options, based on personal recommendations, Internet searches, responses to your ad, etc. For out-of-the-home daycare providers, before taking the time to move on to visits and interviews, consider the logistics of any potential choices, including:

• Is the location convenient?

• How will traffic to and from the facility be at the time of day you’re traveling?

• What are their hours? Do they allow for any wiggle room if you’re stuck at work late?

• What are their fees and what’s included? (diapers, meals, etc.)

By starting with these more general questions, you may be able to rule out providers who clearly won’t meet your needs – for example, those who close at the same time you leave work, or those that are way out of your budget.

Next, schedule an interview with the childcare providers that are still in the running. While some may advise you to stop by a daycare center unannounced, it’s best to plan the first visit to ensure that a staff member is available to show you around. When you’re being given a tour, whether of a large daycare center or a family daycare provider’s home, note things like the level of cleanliness, potential safety hazards, and the demeanor and actions of any staff or children who are present. If you’re hosting a potential childcare worker in your home, make a point to let them interact with your child.

Questions to be asked at the interview phase include:

• What is the staff to child ratio?

• How many total children attend, and what age range?

• What are the qualifications of the childcare worker(s)?

• Are they drug tested and/or background checked?

• What security measures are taken at drop-off and pick-up? Are the doors locked during the day?

• Are parents permitted to visit at any time, without notice? (if the answer is no, this should be a major red-flag).

• What is the typical daily schedule for a child the age of yours?

• What is their policy regarding ill children?

• Are meals provided? If so, what kinds of foods are typically served?

• What method(s) of discipline are used?

• Can they provide the contact information for current or former clients who are willing to act as references?

Those in and around larger cities will likely have more choices than those who live in small towns or more rural areas. Ideally, after visiting daycares or interviewing nannies, you’re left with at least 2-3 good options.

Next, contact each of the references that you were given. While it’s unlikely that any provider would knowingly offer up someone who would have negative comments, by asking specific questions, you may be able to gain some insight. Questions to ask daycare references include:

• How old are your child(ren)?

• How long did you use this provider, and why did you stop?

• How often was the provider absent/closed, with little or no notice? (in the case of home daycare providers and nannies).

• What do you feel are the provider’s biggest strengths? Biggest weaknesses?

• Did you encounter any issues, however small? If so, how were they resolved?

• In general, do you find the provider easy to work with?

• Is there anything else you’d like to add?

If you’re investigating a daycare center, you can probably ask the manager or director to view copies of the staff’s background reports. However, if you’re screening a nanny or home daycare provider, you may have to obtain a background check on your own. While this can usually be done for a small fee at your local police department, there are also private companies that offer this service. Some states and counties also offer online court record searches, where you can view at least basic information about any lawsuits or court actions that the provider or facility was party to.

There are also a number of online childcare review websites which could be helpful if you’re screening a daycare center. If a provider is licensed or accredited by a local county or state agency, you may have access to copies of their inspection reports, or any complaints against them. Contact your state’s accreditation agency (Department of Family Services, Department of Social Services, etc.) for more information.

After all of this, whether you still have a few providers in the running, or have it narrowed down to just one, it’s best to make a second unannounced visit. If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of just showing up, consider calling and mentioning that you’re in the area and wanted to see if you could stop by for a quick second look. While it’s understandable if there isn’t anyone available to answer questions or speak with you at length, spend a few minutes observing the behavior of the provider or staff and their interactions with the children.

Hopefully, after this second visit, you’ll have come to a decision. If not, give yourself a few days to mull over the options – are your instincts leading you in one direction? If so, it’s usually best to listen.

If your childcare search has failed to provide an option that you’re comfortable with, it’s undoubtedly a tough situation - especially if your return-to-work date is looming near. Consider expanding your search to a wider geographic area, or looking into other types of providers (i.e. if you were set on a daycare center, think about a nanny or home daycare.)

It may also be necessary to examine your list of needs vs. wants. Because the truth is, even the best providers may not fulfill every single one of your preferences. While you should never leave your child anywhere that you’re not 100% comfortable with, things like chicken nuggets being served for lunch (when you’re an all-organic family) or a schedule that will require your child to adjust their normal daily routine shouldn’t necessarily be deal breakers. Nobody’s perfect – and when it all comes down to it, as long as your child is safe, well cared-for, and having fun, things will be just fine.

Alison Barjaktarovich is a freelance writer residing in Cincinnati, and a mother to two young daughters. Due to various circumstances, she’s done the childcare search no less than four times.

Supercharge Your Job Search

By Rachael Davies

In the best of economies, job hunting can be intimidating. Looking for work in today's market can feel both overwhelming and demoralizing. With the proper effort, you can minimize the frustrations and maximize the possibilities with your job search. Looking for a new job is the ultimate, work smarter, not harder exercise.

Target and Initiate Your Search

You may feel like you will take anything you are offered, but chances are that is unrealistic. Even if it is, you don't want to communicate to employers that you are desperate or only intend to work for them until something better opens up. Avoid damaging assumptions like these by targeting the right positions.

Create a 3-tiered list of positions to apply for. These should include your ideal position(s), not quite ideal/close second position(s), and the jobs you could settle for doing for the next 3-5 years. Begin your search with a focus on your ideal and close second positions. During your search, the third category will fill up with jobs that did not make it into the first two categories. Prioritize your applications accordingly.

Search Effectively

While your first instinct may be to visit job boards, you may be surprised to learn that only about 20% of vacancies are filled through public postings. The rest are filled primarily through internal promotions/transfers, referrals and recruiters. Find these hidden opportunities by reaching out to peers, friends and family to let them know you are on the market. Be specific about what you are looking for to avoid wasting anyone’s time.

Once you have reached out to your network, contact employers directly. Visit the career sections of their websites and don’t be afraid to call and speak to someone in HR. Let the representative know that you have visited the website and did not see relevant postings, but would like to double check to see if there is an unpublished opening for one of your target positions.

Check with recruiters in your field to learn about opportunities in your field and the level of competition for those positions. This is also a great way to get on the radar of someone who can help you find one of those hidden jobs.

Ready Your Résumé

You need to have an updated, polished copy of your résumé and a generalized cover letter that you can tailor on the fly available. Use the job listings you find while researching openings to identify key traits and skills that employers are looking for.

Give yourself three to five days to work on your résumé; it’s an important document and you don’t want to sell yourself short. Alternatively, if you don’t feel confident about doing it yourself or it takes you longer than a week to complete, consider hiring someone.

For most candidates, a 10-year work history or your last three jobs will be sufficient. Working backwards from your current or most recent position, briefly summarize the accomplishments and duties with your last three positions that demonstrate the skills and qualities employers are including in their job descriptions. Don’t be afraid to write out everything that seems relevant now, you can trim later.

Once your work history is complete, create sections to cover your education/training, skills, and contact information. You can also include a section for your volunteer and community service experience. After you have completed those sections, create a qualifications summary. This section will immediately follow your contact information and be built from career highlights and skills that are tailored to the positions you are applying for. Give yourself four to five lines to rapidly and concisely summarize your most important qualifications.

Once you have created the content for your résumé, take a break from it. With a little time off, you will be refreshed and ready to make necessary changes and cuts. Let someone you trust, preferably with experience in hiring, look it over for you. A second set of eyes is great for catching spelling errors and typos. Be careful not to seek too many opinions, however. Résumé writing is subjective and the more people you have reviewing yours, the more contradictory suggestions you will receive. Your goal is quality content that is error free and puts your best foot forward. When your résumé helps you feel confident, it’s ready.

Scrub Your Internet Presence

With potentially hundreds of candidates for an available job, employers use several methods to eliminate applicants. The closer you get to an interview, the more likely you are going to be checked out online. Public posts and images on social networking sites can get you yanked out of the interview pile before you can say, Dislike! Some companies will actually hire social media investigators to check you out. A good report can get the interview; a bad one can get your résumé tossed.

To maximize your chances of getting an interview, clean up your online presence. Remove or untag photos, delete potentially offensive or off color posts, restrict your privacy settings, or close down your accounts temporarily. Remember to check on old or abandoned accounts. Also remember to update your professional networking profiles. The information on your résumé should match your LinkedIn profile.

Prepare for Your Interview

Congratulations, you made the cut! You targeted a job, submitted a polished résumé and cover letter, and scrubbed your online accounts. Your reward is an interview. Before you go in, take some time to polish your physical appearance, practice answers to common interview questions, and do a little more research. Learn about the company you are interviewing with, consider the ways you will contribute, and generate a short list of intelligent questions to ask. This preparedness will confirm the interviewer’s decision to contact you. Follow up with a polite thank-you note.

Finding a new job in an economy with record unemployment is tough. By taking careful, well planned steps, you can give your search an adrenaline shot that pushes you from job seeker to employee.

Rachael Davies is a Certified Professional Résumé Writer (CPRW) and a member of the Professional Association of Résumé Writers and Career Coaches (PARW/CC). She contributes her services as a résumé reviewer and career coach during job fairs in and near Chicago.

Belly Dance: How Respectable Is It?

By Valerie Hockert

I hear they’re offering evening classes in belly dance at the high school, said the red-haired luncheon hostess.

Belly Dance! gasped one of her