The Couch Jockey's Cookbook

By Stephen Kidd

Most cookbooks give you a bunch of recipes. This one goes much further. In it you will find the recipes paired into full menus. I have also included place setting instructions as well as lists for all of the tableware, cookware and groceries you will need. To make it as easy as possible the proper preperation sequence has also been included. So whatever you did wrong this book will help fix it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stephen Kidd
• Release date: May 12, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452338712

Book preview

The Couch Jockey's Cookbook

Chef Stephen A. Kidd

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2010 Chef Stephen A. Kidd

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except as permitted under sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee. Requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to the publisher; Kidd’s Culinary Creations, 2130 Redwood Hwy. #1, Greenbrae, Ca., 94904, E-mail: [e-mail] website http://www.kiddsculinarycreations.com

Introduction

So what did you do wrong this time? Forgot her birthday, or maybe it was your anniversary! Called her by an ex’s name, or came staggering into the house at 2 am? No matter what you did wrong, you’ll be riding the couch for at least a couple of nights! Or maybe you just need some extra points for that weekend out with the boys? If so, this book was written especially for you.

On more than one occasion, I have had friends say, I could have gotten out of that if I could cook like you. Those words got me thinking; there are no cookbooks with all of the information needed for the preparation of a romantic meal. And, most guys do not have a clue about picking a full menu. So, I put all the information you need in one source. You will find the best way to go from shivering on a cold couch and back into a hot bed is cooking a romantic meal for your lady, not just an ordinary dinner. It’s all out or nothing, and that’s where this book comes into play. Not merely a cookbook; it’s a meal book with complete instructions for creating a romantic meal. It has everything from paired menus to grocery lists.

The menu section has been divided into levels of difficulty for fixing minor infractions all the way through the major infractions that will have you riding your buddies’ couch! Make sure to stick to your cooking level. If her stomach has to be pumped afterwards, you’re a dead man. The first section covers minor infraction that result in an exile of a week or less. These menus are for the beginner. If you are the guy that can burn water, then start here and work your way up. Sucking up with one of these menus could get you those big game tickets or a night out with the boys. The next group of menus covers major infractions that earn a week or more of couch time! The recipes in this section are of moderate difficulty. The average caveman (in other words you) should easily accomplish them! Prepare many of the components one or two days in advance, so the little pea brain that got you into this mess doesn’t get overwhelmed. A menu from this section will earn considerable brownie points toward that weekend of fishing.

The final section covers the infraction that has you facing permanent banishment from the bed, possibly even the house. They are the most difficult with a minimum of 5 recipes per menu. The average Neanderthal, who only cooks over fire, should work his way up to these. However, if you pull one of these off, you’ll be back into a very warm bed. A meal from this section could earn you enough brownie points to get you permission for that bachelor party in Vegas as well.

Don’t worry about getting lost. The book and website contain:

•Place setting diagrams for each menu

•A list of all tableware and cookware needed for each menu. grocery list, so you do not miss anything

•A time line for preparation; if you couldn’t remember her birthday, then you will definitely need this

•A glossary of all techniques, tableware and cookware used. For example if you are doing the Mandarin Orange Soufflé recipe, you will need to whip the egg whites to form stiff peaks. If you do not know what this means, you will find it in the appendix.

•you can download the cookware, tableware and grocery lists at http://www.kiddsculinarycreations.com/cookbook.

•On the web site you can blog with the chef and other book owners to figure out any questions you may have.

•Pictures are on the website, you can even submit your own and recieve bouns menus and recipes.

Section I – The Process

Introduction

OK boys, here is where the pain comes into play. It’s the frilly part. I’ll make it as painless as possible. The first step is picking a location. After that, select the menu, set the table and then prepare the food.

Picking a location

A romantic candle-lit dinner at home is always great; but, a romantic picnic dinner, or lunch will really rock her world. Think about what she likes and go from there. She loves the ocean, so take her there, not your favorite fishing hole!! (which will get you extra nights on the couch). If the city’s her favorite, find a spot with a city view. On a cold winter night, try a picnic in front of the fireplace. If you screwed up in a really big way, then consider getting a cabin for the weekend. If a romantic weekend doesn’t work, you’re going to be riding that couch forever and should probably start looking for a new place to live. You could hire me to cook, but I’m afraid you can’t stay with me!

Selecting the menu

Now that you have a location, pick the menu. To choose the appropriate menu, you need to think about a few different things. First, you need to consider what you’ve cooked before. Second, you will want to think about what kind of food she likes. You’re not cooking this for yourself, you’re saving yourself. Finally, read through the menus, keeping your cooking skills in mind, and pick the menu that best suits your skills and needs.

Setting the table

Once you have selected the location and menu, it’s time for setting the table or getting the picnic basket ready. If you’re reading this book, odds are you don’t know what tableware or picnic accessories you have because you didn’t have anything until she moved in. Take some time and find out what she brought with her. Sneak around and make a list while you are sleeping on the couch. I’ll make it easy; each menu has a complete list of tableware required. Once you have a list of what you have, you can compare the two and purchase anything else you need.

When purchasing necessary items, use your head. Find a store with a lot of female employees. There’s nothing women love more than taking care of the poor, helpless man, so take advantage of it! Tell them what you are doing and what you need. Not only will they help you find everything on your list, they will make sure it looks good. Need flowers for the table? Take the vase to the florist. Tell the clerk what color the tablecloth, napkins and place settings look like. Even better would be to use your cell phone to take pictures to show the clerk. This will help them pull together a bouquet that fits your needs. Another great tip: find out what her favorite flowers are and incorporate them into the centerpiece. I know, this frilly stuff sucks. But the ladies love it, and a couple of hours of this are better than what you will or won’t get if you don’t.

Dinner at home will always require the following: tablecloth, napkins, centerpiece, flatware, plates, glasses, lighting and music. Attention Boys!!! Always use a tablecloth and never use paper napkins or, in the case of most guys, paper towels. If you do nothing else, go out and purchase a nice fabric tablecloth and cloth napkins. When selecting a centerpiece, think about how the look will affect the scene. Use groups of 3 or 5; even numbers are too uniform. If you are sitting across from each other, use a short centerpiece centered so you can see each other. A short flower arrangement with two tall candles on each side also works nicely. Another great centerpiece has several short candles 3-5" tall with flower petals sprinkled around them. If using a tall flower arrangement, sit next to each other or at a 45-degree angle. Set the table before you start, that way you won’t be scrambling while the food gets cold or overcooked.

A picnic will always require the following; large blanket, picnic basket, plates, glasses, flatware, cloth napkins, corkscrew (if you are serving wine, this may seem obvious; but, if you’re a typical guy then you need it written down) and a picnic table (optional). If your maleness just can’t handle a frilly picnic basket, there are picnic backpacks now available that come with all of the tableware you will need. You can also find collapsible picnic tables.

Time to cook

The key for a great meal is mise-en-place (mees-en-plaz), the French cooking term meaning to have everything in place. First set the table or get the picnic basket ready. Read each recipe finding out what you need. I have made this easy with a cookware list. Get the cookware you need together, including the grill and camp stove for a picnic. Next, using the provided list, purchase the groceries. Ingredients without quantities are items you should have on hand. For example, sugar comes in a 5-pound bag, so check your sugar; and, if you are running low, pick up a replacement bag. When the grocery shopping is done will depend on when you are cooking. Do not purchase the fruits and vegetables more than 1-2 days ahead of time. Ideally you should hit a butcher shop for the meat the day you are cooking, but if you can’t, pick it up the day before. Marinated meats need to be purchased a day ahead and marinated in the refrigerator overnight. No matter where dinner goes down, contain the mess by prepping in this order. Start with the vegetables and herbs; then do any meat. This way you won’t have to clean the cutting board after each recipe. Look through the recipes and find out which ingredients go into the recipe at the same time and combine them. Save your sanity, measure into plastic bags and label each with the ingredient and recipe. Once done with prep-work, clean up the board, knives and other utensils. Now assemble as many of the components as possible. Components like chocolate sauce, salad dressing, etc. When it’s time, pre-heat the oven or grill and bring any needed pots of water to a boil. Serve the appetizer and salad in the kitchen while you continue cooking. It will make her melt (especially if she’s hungry), or serve the appetizer and salad, then cook the main and side courses. Finally, finish making the dessert and serve. Another