Immature Ejaculation

By Conor Patrick jr

This novel follows the exploits of Nate, a twenty something man who should be in his sexual prime but instead concocts lies and exaggerates pathetic liaisons in order to hide his secret shame.
This book offers a unique perspective into what it is like to be a man suffering from premature ejaculation, the feelings of inadequacy and the depression that goes with it. As well as exploring the Dept's a man will go too to hide such a problem, the effects it can have on those around him and the eventual method used to cure the condition.
Although it is sensitively told, it never manages to be less than hilarious,. With Nate's search for a cure getting him into some hilarious predicaments and his cretinous friends providing no less comic relief.
Immature Ejaculation is a gem of a book that deals with a serious problem using humour, sensitivity and the sexiest of sex scenes. A must read for men and women of all ages. (over 18 only)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Conor Patrick jr
• Release date: Mar 15, 2013
• ISBN: 9780987542601

Book preview

Immature Ejaculation.

Published by Conor Patrick Jr. at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Conor Patrick Jr.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author

To Lee, thank you for everything. Love always xxx

PROLOGUE

They bumped into things in the darkness, giggling drunkenly, laughing and making loud shushing noises in a token effort to quieten themselves lest her flat mates be awoken, but they were beyond caring. In the dim light of a bed side lamp he took an opportunity to look at her, to see how she really looked, away from the harsh neon and blinding flashes of the strobe lights in the club. She was beautiful; a mess of curly brown hair adorned her head and gave shape to the face of a cherub. Her tanned skin seemed to emanate warmth in the dim lamp light. Two little dimples sat either side of dark red lips, while a slender nose sat between long dark arched eyebrows and deep set hazel eyes that sparkled mischievously with a twinkle that danced within.

A curl of hair nervously tumbled in front of her face to cover one eye and make her appear almost untouchably innocent, but her face cracked under his gaze and a cheeky smile erupted as she pulled him to her and covered his mouth with hers.

They rolled together on her bed kissing relentlessly, pausing only to remove items of clothing that required a little more concentration. A bra strap took up several minutes of vital kissing time before she decided it would be easier to remove herself.

Before long, clothes covered every corner of the room, as each new item he removed was quickly flung far from the bed lest it somehow end up back upon her now naked body. Shoe’s knocked over drinking glasses, a bra covered a curious teddy bears eyes, a small tartan skirt hung from a family portrait and a pair of knickers adorned a roommates pillow. The lamp that had been knocked over at some stage by an errant shoe now cast strange shadows across the bed and made her naked body seem somehow more beautiful. God she really was perfect.

He groped her naked breasts, cupped them, pinched the nipples between his fingers, gently, but quickly getting rougher, he couldn’t help himself he wanted her so much. Together they kissed passionately, roughly, hungry for each other, she searched his body with her hand’s and settled on his bulging manhood, while he ran his hands between her thighs and felt the incredible heat between her legs before, gently slipping a finger inside her. She moaned and arched her back, pulling away from his mouth. He nuzzled her neck, all the while gently caressing inside her.

He kissed her breasts and she thrust them forward into his mouth where he eagerly sucked them and pinched her nipples between his teeth, causing her to wince in painful pleasure. She pumped him gently with her hand before pulling him between her legs, removing his hand she placed him against herself and with a gentle push he was inside her. He felt the wetness and the warmth, and with a second push he knew it was all over.

Desperately he clenched and tried to stop himself but couldn’t. ‘Oh God, no’ he thought as he pushed again burying himself inside her and erupting. She moaned, He moaned and bucked wildly in his final throes of passion, muscles convulsing as his seed was pushed from his body and waves of pleasure drifted over him, exhilarating and exhausting him for his efforts. He was spent.

She looked up at him, her mouth slightly open in shock. He grinned back sheepishly, guiltily, desperately thinking of some way to tactfully disarm the sudden tension in the room, and relieve the creeping embarrassment he could feel lingering just behind his ears. Thank fuck... he exhaled breathlessly, …I thought I’d never cum! She didn’t laugh, preferring instead to continue looking shocked. She pulled her duvet to her and tucked her arms around her knees. Did you cum? She asked frowning. Er... yeah, he replied guiltily, didn’t you?... She responded with a look of disgust which Nate took as a very clear sign that that he was indeed a moron. They sat in silence like this for what seemed like an eternity, him hunched on the bed unable to look at her as she sat with her arms around her legs staring at the bed. Awkward!! he squeaked, in another misguided attempt to lighten the mood. I think you’d better leave she responded flatly, all passion removed from her voice. That’s probably a good idea he whispered, sadly. He picked up his clothes in silence, shameful awkward silence. Every second lasting minutes as he felt her watch him gather his clothes in the previously romantic and now just inadequate bedroom light. Hurriedly he dressed himself, At least it was too dark for her to see how red faced he was.

He left the room and the house without another word and cursed himself silently as he followed the sound of traffic to the nearest bus stop.

CHAPTER 1

Nate awoke to a dull but painful rhythmic thumping in his head, each heartbeat triggering a little pulse of pain. Coiled in the foetal position, he at first declined to move, preferring instead to gently let a new day wash over him. As the memories of another night on the town began to return, he felt elated as he remembered the beauty who had embraced him so passionately a mere 6 hours earlier, but as the fog lifted and the full painful truth of the encounter trickled through, elation was replaced by feelings of shame and hopeless despair.

He remembered her face just after, the look of shock, and his stupid joke. God he felt like such an idiot. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was a one off but he’d had to use that joke far too many times lately, and the girls never seemed to get it. This ejaculation thing was beginning to look like a real problem. He buried his head under the pillow then removed it when he caught the smell of his own breath.

Climbing from bed he made straight for the bathroom he shared with his two childhood friends . He relieved himself quickly and noisily, getting most into the toilet and mopping up any spillage with what was once the bathroom mat. Grabbing a toothbrush on which he put too much toothpaste he brushed his teeth, working the brush deeply and harshly into every space, in a way not likely to be recommended by any dentist, but which he found to do the job, then he scrubbed his tongue energetically. After a good rinse and spit he wiped his face and stood by the sink marvelling at the resilience of the fuzz on his tongue.. He stared into the mirror, critically examining each feature of his face. Normally he didn’t mind how he looked but this morning he could find nothing but fault with himself. From the dark circles under his eyes, to the little congregation of spots gathered near his mouth, he felt hideous stupid face he mumbled before giving the mirror a dirty look.

Jason was already up when Nate entered the living room, sitting spread-eagled on the couch in a filthy pair of underpants, blowing smoke rings towards the ceiling. The couch normally held five people but never more than three when Jayo was on it, partly because of the laborious way he positioned himself, but mostly because nobody wanted to sit too close to him when he was in his underpants, and on the couch, he was always in his underpants.

He slurped noisily on a cup of tea, spilling some down the front of his jocks before wiping his chin with his fist and greeting Nate with a thumb up and a lopsided grin. Well? he asked good-humouredly. Well what? replied Nate. Don’t be coy with me you dirty fucking stop out he said, with affection. I saw you leave last night with that fuckin stunner, fair fucks to you! The boys were fuckin raging! he chuckled as he spoke, remembering the weasel and domo begrudging their friend vocally.

.. You sure put in the work there though, you must have been at least an hour chatting her up Jason scratched his crotch as he pondered. How the fuck do you keep a woman entertained for an hour? he scratched his nuts again, pensively this time. How many drinks is that?

That would be three drinks, Jayo Sighed Nate. Three drinks! Fuck! I hope you got your money’s worth! Sure did Jayo answered Nate softly, thinking it was her who probably felt short changed. Well you’d never fuckin think it the way your moping around… commented Jason was it not any good or what? No, it was… Nate replied quickly I’m just… it’s just I’m a bit wrecked, that’s all Good man... chuckled Jayo through a cloud of smoke .. Too much of this was it? he asked while thrusting his crotch repeatedly towards Nate. Nate smiled in spite of himself.

Any of this? asked Jason sticking an imaginary penis into his mouth and gagging. A little conceded Nate, blushing slightly with the lie. Bit of this too eh? continued Jason curling his hand into a fist and pumping it upwards. Eh... No, not really, No answered Nate a look of wild bewilderment on his face not a whole lot of fisting going on I’m afraid. Ah not to worry said Jayo sadly before adding consolingly. She was probably frigid. That’s, eh… That’s probably it alright," agreed a worried Nate.

He hated lying to Jason but he wasn’t prepared to tell anybody, not yet any way. This wasn’t like a case of crabs, where the intimate details could be discussed with great humour. The various ins, outs, cure and cause laid bare and dissected upon the table for all to see, and the identity of the scurrilous carrier pointed out, for the safety of the pack of course, nothing to do with the illicit delight of knowing someone else’s dirty little secret. This was personal, emasculating and would not be shared unless it had to be.

Nate went to the kitchen to fix himself something to eat. Dirty dishes filled the sink and covered most of the workbench. Not wishing to wash a plate, he buttered a slice of bread in his hand and boiled the kettle. He rinsed a cup under a tap, added a tea bag and searched for the jam until the kettle boiled. He poured the boiling water into his cup and used his spoon to squash the flavour from the bag, no waiting for this man, then removed the now spent tea bag and added it to the rapidly growing tea bag pyramid proudly growing in the centre of the kitchen table, causing little ripples in the network of tea Rivers that lay stagnant around its base.

Returning to Jason in the living room with a cup of tea more full of milk and sugar than actual tea, and a buttered slice of bread Nate asked Jason if he had seen the strawberry jam. On top of the TV said Jason, in a way that suggested that’s where it was normally kept. Nate placed a finger in the jam and proceeded to spread it over his buttered bread. Fuckin animal scoffed Jayo as he picked and ate crumbs from his underpants.

Are you going to see her again? asked Jason, as Nate nestled on the couch beside him. Nate rested his head on the couch stared at the ceiling and exhaled loudly I don’t think so.. I just, I don’t know if I want to see any one right now? Replied Nate, assuring himself that twelve seconds of sex was enough for any woman and had nothing to do with his decision to never ever see her again, ever. Too right said Jason you don’t want any of that regular sex bollix, a drunken shag once a month is enough for any man… Now then, fancy a joint? Why not! he replied, perking up a little, what better way to help a man forget.

They rolled their joints together in silence, concentrating on the engineering skills required to fill, shape and roll the perfect splif. That’s how you fucking do it! exclaimed Jason reverently holding aloft a beautifully tapered and expertly shaped crisp and slender joint, Not bad Jayo admitted Nate nodding in approval, before holding up his own effort for approval. A fat slug of a thing, bloated and crinkled with tobacco escaping from top, bottom and the sides. You’re a fucking moron…. Jason informed him, picking up the joint which instantly disintegrated. …You just make the toast, I’ll do the rolling.

As the thick pungent smoke filled the back of his throat, Nate drew his breath in deep. Smoke filled his lungs and tears filled his eyes. Logical thoughts began to desert him and he soon found himself staring into space completely absorbed in nothing. Blissful thought free emptiness, coming back to reality only when it was his turn to roll a joint, (which Jason then rerolled) to smoke it or to hunt for scraps of food in the nearly bare kitchen. There they stayed, both in underpants, engulfed in smoke and silent in moronic camaraderie, until Patches the third flat mate returned noisily from where ever he had been and shattered the peace.

Under verbal attack, they trudged silently to bed as Patches ranted noisily about the state of the house. They giggled idiotically when he noticed the smoke and dramatically started to wheeze. my asthma, my asthma he croaked between breaths. That’ll calm him down soon said Jason sucking in smoke as he

slowly made his way up the stairs putting one foot carefully in front of the other as though walking was something new and he hadn’t quite figured it out yet.

Nate wearily found his way into bed through semi closed eyes and turned off the light. He could still hear Patches making noise through his wall and laughed aloud when Pat began a fresh rant having just sat on some jam. He closed his eyes and let his frazzled brain limp quietly into sleep. Things will be all right, they always are.

CHAPTER 2.

The morning presented a very fuzzy headed and dehydrated Nate back to the world, he felt like shit but a little more confident and less worried about Saturday night’s fiasco. These things happen. What he needed now was a drink. Wiping sleep from his eyes, he stumbled to the kitchen and drank straight from the tap gulping down great lumps of water to quench his thirst and water the arid desert of his mouth.

He passed Jason on his way back, clad in a shirt, tie and yesterdays underpants he nodded good morning while ironing his pants for the day. The lit cigarette hanging from his mouth dropped ash onto the trousers. He acknowledged the spill by ironing the ash into the trousers. Fuck he grumbled, spilling more.

Nate relieved himself noisily, noticing the dark yellow colour that foamed in the toilet. Must be the weed he thought before having a quick cold shower to try and wake himself up a bit. After brushing his teeth he grabbed someone’s toast from the toaster and rushed to catch the number sixteen bus to work.

Sixteen minutes late for work, he strolled in through the front door of the College Green branch of the ‘Bank of Ireland’. Domo, as always, was the first to greet him. How’s it going buddy? he drawled in his think north side accent. That was some stunner you pulled Saturday man, fuckin beaut did ya get the good’s or what? A gentleman never tells, replied Nate. I wouldn’t ask a gentleman, retorted Domo flashing a cheeky grin and scratching his arse. Let’s get a coffee and you can tell me all the details. Exaggerate, if it makes it more interesting

While waiting for the coffee’s Nate relived his Saturday night for Domo, changing it slightly so that twenty seconds of embarrassingly quick sex became something that wouldn’t look out of place in a porno, complete with screams, roars, filthy language and more position changes than a yoga class.

Fuck… exclaimed Domo on arriving at Nate’s office ... She is filth! Now that, is a girl you marry! So how’d you get her anyway? Nate shrugged; I just talked to her Bullshit! challenged Domo I was just talking to her before you arrived on the scene and all I got was a nice slap on the kisser you asked her what time did her legs open! Hardly fuckin James Bond material was it? Oh yeah… chuckled Domo on hearing his suave attempt at seduction repeated to him ...A classic. How’d you know about that anyway? She told me! I had to pretend I didn’t know you ho’s before bro’s eh! stated Domo shaking his head sadly steal my girl and then pretend you don’t know me. Someone did that to Jesus too what… Stole his girl? Anyway Jesus is the last person you should be comparing yourself too, three women on the go and still looking for more! What the fuck is wrong with ya? I’m

just a sucker for the ladies replied Domo nonplussed. You’re a glutton for punishment! But seriously, is it not exhausting? Domo adjusted his stripy tie and answered a little sadly well its only two anyway, I had to set Linda free. She was getting a little… too, clingy. She dump you then?. It was mutual! declared an outraged Domo. Sure it was soothed Nate. What happened anyway? Ah, i was just tryin’ to spice up our sex life a little sighed Domo. Go on encouraged Nate. Well, I suggested that maybe we might watch a sexy movie together, ou know, nothing hard core or anything, just a sexy vid to spice things up a bit. And i thought maybe we could sort of follow the actors lead, you know? Do what they’re doing, as their doing it. I take it she didn’t like the suggestion? Actually no, she seemed well up for it, but as soon as the old porno came on she sort a flipped out, went fuckin batshit. She called me a fuckin pervert Nate, stood up and walked out. i just don’t fuckin understand women. They’re a mystery alright agreed Nate. Out of curiosity though, what video did you watch? Ah, twas a classic, an old fave of mine Domo spoke as though talking about an old friend ‘Dick crazy, cock munching anal whores’" .

After Nate composed