Turn Around: Life's Testimony

By Waneda S. Jackson

Let me take you on a journey with me through sexual abuse to reality check and a conclusion you will never forget. Gain insight on living with mental illness. My struggles are my own but I cannot honestly take credit for my triumphs. This is not a clinical study and I have also included excerpts from "Whispers", my personal diary.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Waneda S. Jackson
• Release date: May 15, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301401772

Waneda S. Jackson

Hi, Welcome to my profile page. I did not write a biography because my book, "Turn Around: Life's Testimony", is my biography. This book entails sexual abuse, mental illness and my struggles with alcoholism. This book also deals with death and life. I have found that living and breathing are two completely different things. All these things and more are detailed in my book. Let me show you what God can do if you let Him...

Book preview

Turn Around: Life's Testimony

Waneda S. Jackson

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Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 Waneda S. Jackson

All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the author.

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Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Diary Excerpts

Chapter 1

Well, my life hasn't been a picnic on the beach, I can tell you that much. Wow, where can I start? There are so many things to tell... I guess the best thing to do is start at the beginning.

I was born June 21, 1976 in Chicago, Illinois. I was 7pounds 3 ounces. My mom said I was born with my eyes open and they were trembling. I had a head full of black, curly hair. My mother, Darcel and father, Walter both said I looked like my Aunt Karen when she was a baby.

When I was a child, I was really smart for my age. That's hard to believe huh? I know you are probably thinking, What happened right? My father said I could have flourished mentally if I had the proper schooling but I found that life is full of what if's.

Anyway, I really do not remember when I began to read, write or count, my mom said I was four. My sister Ke-Ke taught me because we played school all the time and she was always the teacher.

I do, however, remember the first book I read. It was, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I was about seven. After that, I was really into Nancy Drew.

I have always had a fixation with reading. I would sit on the throne and read the newspaper on the floor. My mom put it down to soak up the water because the toilet leaked. I would also read the Encyclopedia Britannica. Back then I wanted to know about so many things. The encyclopedia entertained me for hours.

I loved school. I loved learning. I still do. I do not think that will ever change. I will probably be in school all my life. Who knows?

I guess it will really surprise a lot of people when I tell them that I failed the second grade. I did not fail because I was stupid or anything. I had a crush on a boy and I did not do the work. I still remember his name. It was Robert. He was so cute. He was light skinned and had naturally curly hair. I would just sit and stare at Robert. He was my first crush. We played footsy under the desk all day.

The teacher was going to pass me anyway because we received our report cards on my birthday. Mommy wasn't having that, so I failed. Now that I look back I can appreciate the morality in that, but the butt whipping that came along with it was a doosy. I got a triple whammy that day; I didn't pass; I got my butt whipped; I didn't get anything for my birthday. Sometimes, it sucks being a kid.

I loved life when I was really young. It was fun and adventurous. I loved catching lighting bugs and grasshoppers. I put them in glasses with grass. I was a tomboy.

My mother, back then, was the best mother on earth. We were very poor. Most of the time there was no heat or food. A lot of the times we grew, but our clothes didn't. The pants I had were so small that they cut into my stomach. Now I have a permanent... Well let's just say, my stomach can smoke a cigarette.

We didn't realize how poor we really were, my sister and I. Well, my mom did. She tried to make the best of a bad situation. We were together and that was all that mattered at that time.

My mother’s first husband, Otis was ok. Going back to that time in my head, we had a great time. I think she met him when we lived on Francisco. That is on the west side of Chicago.

I was really young at the time. My mom sold drugs to make ends meet from what I was told. We were getting along just fine until my sister, Ke-Ke, burned down the house.

I will never forget that day. Ke-Ke was on punishment because she had a severe bed-wetting problem. She had to stay in our room with her wet underwear on her head so you know she was not happy.

My mother told me to Go check on Ke-Ke. I went into the room and we began playing around for a few minutes. Ke-Ke told me to watch this. She lit a match and threw it into the toy box. Next thing I know, we were running and screaming. In a panic my mother threw mop water on the fire and it did not take long to spread because of the chemicals in the water.

We lost everything. All my mother could do was cry. Boy was pissed. She couldn’t even whip us because she felt, at that moment she would kill us. My Auntie Linda had the task of handing down the beatings.

I tried to tell them what happened. I did not start the fire but I was the first to get beat. When it was my sisters’ turn she told the truth. It was too little too late. I am still waiting on ice cream, a food stamp or something for my pain.

When we moved on we moved to a French basement on Carol. Life was slumber parties and being baby sitted by our cousins while our parents hung out. It was all family though. That was the best part.

The slumber parties were awesome! We had pizza and a house full of girls. I went to the bathroom during one of these slumber parties and discovered that all chocolate is not good for you. I found Ex-Lax on the windowsill and consumed the whole pack. I was on the throne of grace all night and the better half of the next day.

We went to church every Sunday. I was in the choir and my sister was an usher. I had choir rehearsal on Saturdays and we also got our hair done on Saturday nights. I remember hot combs and bows. I despised the stocking cap because it was often too tight.

Sundays, I remember FOOD and lots of it. Big Mama and Little Mama had the basement smelling really good! BOY! Let me tell you something; that chicken they would make, it was just for me. At least, that's what I thought.

One Sunday, the pastor was going around the church asking everyone, Why do you come to church? Everyone gave the usual answer, I come to church to praise the Lord. He gets to me. He asked, Why do you come to church? Me, with my 5-year-old mind said, to eat. Typical, I was tiny and in love with fried chicken.

We were disciplined at times. When Otis whipped us, he would sit down and put our head between his legs. This method put the butt right at eye level.

I bit the mess out his behind one time though. I had broken the needle on my mothers' record player. I used to rub my finger against it because I liked the sound it made.

Otis usually handed out the whippings so I knew what was coming. I had the bubble guts all day waiting for him to get home. He put my head between his legs and I bit him. He never whipped me like that again and I never messed with my mother’s stereo again either.

Moms and OD divorced after she had Timothy. My brother died because mommy had gestational diabetes. He was over 13 pounds and not fully formed. There was not much known about diabetes back then. My mommy donated his body to science so that scientist could study him and learn more about the disease.

We were on our own again. It was fun for a while. I began to dislike school because I was getting picked on every other day about my too small clothes. They called me Raggedy Jackson. I also spoke proper English and that also caused a problem. I was told I sound white. I never knew there was such a thing as sounding white. I thought I sound intelligent.

My mother was always at the school. I went to Biedler Elementary School on the west side at the time. She participated in a lot of things. She really was hands- on when we had assemblies. She made paper roses and helped decorate.

My cousin Ne-Ne would come over on the weekends. I thoroughly enjoyed watching Ke-Ke and Ne-Ne grow up.

Ne-Ne and Ke-Ke fought constantly. I remember they were fighting over a piece of bread one time. It was so funny. I am laughing even as I write this.

Anyway, my Auntie Rena would often withhold food from them. She told them they were too fat. I on the other hand, was very skinny. So I could eat whatever I wanted. Auntie Rena gave them one piece of bread. It was survival of the fittest to claim it and they went at it.

They were really tussling. All of a sudden Ke-Ke hauls off and hit Ne-Ne in the eye with the bread. I died laughing. They look like two Sumo wrestlers. Ne-Ne was screaming her butt off holding her eye and stomping her feet like a mad bull. Crazy!

While they were always fighting, I would half- heartedly play with the Barbie dolls. I always hated dolls. I loved basketball and real football, not that touch football crap either. I didn't like to do girl stuff it was cliché. I hated dresses. There was no freedom in it. Hell, I still hate them. Give me gym shoes any day. I wear them proudly. Besides, I am the biggest clux you would ever meet.

Chapter 2

When mommy first met Frank Cross Jr, we liked him. He treated us really well. He played games with us and taught us proper manners. Manners like eating with our mouth closed and keeping our elbows off of the table, etc.

He often played and joked with us. He took us out to the movies and to dinner. She met him when we lived on Carol on the west side. (French basement)

He could run very fast. Once, he challenged us to a race on our bikes. He was running backwards and left us in the dust. I think I liked him more than my sister did.

We moved to the coldwater flat on Carol, where things continued to go okay for a while. We again had no heat. This was during the winter months and it was really cold. It was colder in the house than it was outside so, we would go outside just to warm up.

The water in the toilet was frozen as well as the water on the floor. My sister and I would skate around on the ice in the bathroom. In our room we had a big bucket that we used as a toilet. Our room door was kept closed all day so that the space heater could do its business.

Again, we were taught proper manners on a daily basis but by the time we moved to Kedvale in K-Town, there was no longer any happiness in our home and we were separated from family.

I did not mind the lessons on proper manners. I just did not like the fact that we were prone to getting smacked when we messed up. At times I thought some of the punishments were unfair. I felt as though as long as I did my homework and chores, there should be no arguments.

The thing I did not like about homework was more homework was added when I arrived home. Everyday we had to do our multiplication table and vocabulary. We also had to bring all of our books home, even if we did not