The Silenced Child: Secrets & Lies

By Dr. Tanya Robinson

The Silenced Child is based on Dr Robinsons experiences. It is not based on specific cases but a compilation of spellbinding experiences that were put together to create this book to give the child a voice. It is based on facts but no one patients case were used to portray these attention-grabbing stories. It was various fascinating experiences that were put together to explain what children go through during daily life. This book reads as a journey of what children has gone through and is a collection of enthralling stories that shows the trauma our society is letting our children live by. The book has been written to be an easy, non-complicated read that holds the reader by mesmerizing the reader with powerful stories about childrens pain and suffering. The intensity is balanced with how Dr Robinson from a young student to a well-known name in the field of psychology had to cope with what she was faced with on a daily basis starting of as a 17 year old student at Stellenbosch University and through her years of therapy in private practice.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Africa
• Release date: Mar 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9781482806656

Dr. Tanya Robinson

Dr Tanya Marie Robinson, is an industry leader in the field of mental health care and a well-known specialist in children’s assessments and family functioning. For over a decade she has worked with psycho-social-legal phenomena and this together with her academic and practical experience makes her an expert in the field of child mental health care. Dr Tanya is a keen writer and a published author of various books and is often in the media to give expert opinion. She is a philanthropist and believes in humanitarian work and community service. She is a Cum Laude scholar and erudite academic. Having attained two doctoral degrees, and now studying her third, her academic stature and practice experience is outstanding. As an Academic she beliefs in supporting practice principles with thorough research. Hereby her intense passion for research and love for the academia.

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Copyright © 2015 by Dr. Tanya Robinson.

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4828-0666-3

                Softcover        978-1-4828-0664-9

                eBook             978-1-4828-0665-6

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CONTENTS

Let the Children’s Tales Be Told

1 The Child Silenced by Sexual Abuse

2 The Child Silenced by Human Trafficking and Sex Trading

3 The Child Silenced by Emotional Abuse

4 The Child Silenced by Physical Abuse

5 The Child Silenced by Divorce

6 The Child Silenced by HIV/AIDS

7 The Child Silenced by Gang War and Violence

8 The Child Forever Silenced by Murder

The End

Let’s Start Off This Journey (Beware: It Is No Fairy Tale)

Once upon a time, there lived a family, and everyone thought, ‘What an undeniably lovely family indeed!’ They were all so well dressed and neat, they looked happy and seemed content, and they stayed in a charming house. They were mostly quiet and discreet, and everyone looked well kept. But what really happened in this house, no one really knew …

Oh, how we are often surprised by the secrets and lies that exist in these ‘peaceful households’!

It is difficult to see the secrets and lies from the outside, but don’t be deceived because what seems to be pretty from the outside is not always what is real and true.

The truth can lie hidden deep inside, and looks might deceive you …

Secrets and lies can silence a family.

Secrets and lies can silence an innocent child.

The Shrink in Me

Throughout my years of working as a mental health care professional, social worker, therapist, and so-called shrink, I at times feel perplexed when I am standing in front of a society that holds a straight face, giving our children all these rights while the rights are very seldom delivered on. I see children from all classes, rich and poor, all similarly affected by emotional, physical, and psychological pain. I feel sorrow, and I am desperate to help our children as our children are being silenced in front of us, and I ask myself, ‘Are we doing enough to empower them and to help them stand up for themselves?’ As there is a dire need for our children to be heard, I have decided to give the children a voice through writing this book. This book will deliver the message to every adult and child that we are indeed responsible to look after our children, to give a voice to our children, and to let them live with rights they desperately deserve so that their stories remain alive!

I can recall so clearly one of my first little patients that I had to interview as a young student doing my master’s degree in play therapy at Tukkies. A small-framed timid little girl was looking at me—through me—with sadness that can only come from a child that has been hurt deeply by people that they thought they could trust: their parents. This child was enclosed in a dog kennel for the first six years of her life and was treated like a dog that was not deserving of love, happiness, parenting, and care. I have asked myself over and over, Who can treat a precious dog with such dismay, let alone a precious, special child? This moment reminds me every day that my purpose in life is to change those that cannot change things for themselves. This little silent face I will never forget. It has been imprinted in my heart, and I still see it before me every day and every night. Seeing hurt in a child’s eyes teaches you a sensitivity, a care, a sincerity that cannot be understood until you have shared such hurt with a child. It makes you different. And this difference is long-lasting; it changes your world view …

This book is dedicated to every child that has been hurt in a way that no one will understand but that child himself *—all the children that have been hurt in such a way and have experienced such pain that they feel that life has ended for them.

You may still have your blinkers on and think that these kind of social pathologies only occur in homes of low socio-economic status. Then let this book be a reality check as child murder, rape, neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and isolation from love are not determined by how much money people have or what colour people are; it happens everywhere! Let me open your eyes to the happenings in society and what should be known about our children and how our children are being treated.

Let this book leave a message with you that our children need to grow up in safety, with care, surrounded by love, and supported by adults that are well balanced, loving, and caring and that show a child the right way. Our children need us as adults to give them what they deserve, and they need to be guided so that their rights can be practised and imprinted in our society and in their daily lives.

Dr Robinson the Academic, Tanya the Philanthropist, or Just ‘My Mom’

I would like to introduce myself as Dr Robinson as I am firstly a lover of the academia. Thereafter, I am Tanya, a philanthropist that believes in humanitarian work and community service. For the past fifteen years, I have worked with children who have faced upsetting circumstances. I have walked the streets of the Western Cape, Durban, and Gauteng and have seen, felt, heard, and smelled all spheres of South African social problems. I am a practitioner and an advocate to uplift children and their rights, and I stand as an advocate for children that have little voice. But if you have to ask my three children who I am, they will tell you that I, first and foremost, am their mother and nothing else. My name is Mother, the one that needs to look after them, love them, hug them, and be there for them when they are happy, when they are sad, and when they feel they need their mommy. And just being their mommy is the most important job in my life and perhaps the most challenging. I have the responsibility now to give my own children their voice and not allow their voice to be silenced! I feel the heaviness of this responsibility by acknowledging this fact; this responsibility is the most important part of my life and one that I treasure and dearly love and appreciate.

I have been privileged to be born to a family of strong, driven, and emotionally capable women. As I write this introduction, my mother comes through the door into our house in Dainfern to bear the news that my paternal grandmother has passed away. I am overwhelmed with sadness but privileged to say she has lived her life to the fullest. Passing away in her late eighties and having taught at a primary school in Zimbabwe as a remedial teacher up to the age of eighty-two is an achievement that can be applauded. She walked to school every day to go and serve her community. When I was only a little girl, she taught me the ways of being a great woman and how to serve my community. With strength and determination, she was able to share her knowledge with others and to teach the children—the leaders of the future—how to read, how to laugh, and how to appreciate the art of learning. Today I can see what she saw by standing alone, a woman all by herself, and living her life through her students. She was a true Mother Teresa, a compassionate woman that should be remembered and respected for what she has contributed to our children in society and for dedicating her life to the education of our beloved children. I have big shoes to fill by looking at my mother, my maternal grandmother, my now-late paternal grandmother, and also my late great-grandmother and to set an example for my own three children. I stand in awe of what we can accomplish if we put our minds and our hearts in the right place. I applaud these women in my life. How privileged I am to have been formed by these extraordinary ladies.

The men in my life are driven and strong and