Live and Let Live

By Carla Sherman

Aubrey, the mother of a stillborn baby, struggles to cope with her loss. Her views on politics and religion have drastically changed which causes a rift between her and her husband. She tries to save her marriage even though she can barely hold herself together.
When it seems things have completely fallen apart, a man from her past walks back into her life bringing with him feelings that he has kept secret for years. Aubrey finds romance when she least expected it and with it a renewed sense of hope.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Carla Sherman
• Release date: Apr 19, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301141135

Carla Sherman

Carla Sherman is a wife and mother who resides in Gladstone, Missouri. Putting pen to paper has always been a part of her life, but getting published has been a life-long dream of this aspiring writer. Live and Let Live is her debut novel.

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Live and Let Live

Carla Sherman

Smashwords Edition

Copyright © March 2013 Carla Sherman

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, businesses, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, organizations, or person, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Any trademarks mentioned herein are not authorized by the trademark owners and do not in any way mean the work is sponsored by or associated with the trademark owners. Any trademarks used are specifically in a descriptive capacity.

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form (electronic or print) without permission from the author. Please do not participate in piracy or violating the author’s rights.

Cover Illustration: Melody Simmons

Book Formatting: Lucinda Campbell

For my Momma, Iva, the most wonderful woman I have ever known. You are the strongest person I have ever met and I aspire to be like you. And for my husband, John, thank you for all of your support. I love you with all my heart. I would also like to say thank you to Brandy for giving me the motivation I needed to take this step and to all my friends and family that pre-read this book and gave me much needed feedback. I love you all.

CHAPTER 1

Thanksgivings

This used to be my favorite time of year, the time from Halloween to New Year’s Day. It was a time with friends, loved ones, and party after lively party. It was a time of cheer, laughter, and reflecting on the past year, your accomplishments and your setbacks.

Now, I dread the holidays. I am aware of the pity people feel for me and I hate it. My family treats me as if I am a porcelain doll ready to break at any moment when all I want is for them to treat me like the old Aubrey. I want them to treat me as if I had never lost a child, as if I had never even been pregnant.

In years past, we had a house full of people on Thanksgiving, but this year I wanted to keep it to a minimum. I wanted to bail on it all together, but my husband, Carter, was not having it. Come on Baby, people have been celebrating Thanksgiving here for years. They expect us to host it. Where will they go? To be honest, I did not care where they would go. I did not want to put on the façade that I was happy. It took too much energy, it was draining. Therefore, we compromised to have just my sister’s family and his parents over for dinner.

I needed to quit dwelling on what the day would bring and just get dressed and head downstairs. No amount of wishing things were different was going to change anything. People would start arriving at the house in a matter of minutes and I still needed to pick out something to wear, throw on some make-up and prepare for the pity party that I was sure would come. I put on my favorite jeans which were still a tight fit; I had not quite lost all of the baby weight yet. I pulled a bulky brown sweater over my head which hid the muffin top that the snug jeans created. I looked forward to when I no longer had to lie down on the bed and suck everything in to get the jeans to zip. I imagined that after this huge feast, I would be escaping upstairs to put on something with some give, perhaps an elastic waist.

I glanced into the mirror to see if I was presentable. Well, this will just have to do because I can hear people at the door now. I guess I am going without make-up today. I slipped on my shoes and hurried down the stairs just in time to see Carter welcoming in his mom and dad. I took a deep breath…..Showtime.

Aubrey, you look great, Carter grabbed my hand as I reached the final step.

Thank you, Babe. Hi guys. It’s great to see you both. I am glad you were able to make it in this snow. How are the roads?

It is getting a little slick, but it sure is beautiful to look at, Ken said as he reached in to give me a hug. I have never been much of a hugger. I do not know why that is. It just makes me uneasy. As soon as Ken was done, Diane reached for me. Ugh.

Aubrey, how are you honey? You look a little tired. She squeezed me so tight I thought I would pass out. Apparently, I should have put on some make-up after all to hide the circles under my eyes. I am fine, Diane. I have just had a hard time sleeping. It will get better I’m sure.

Are you taking the sleeping pills they prescribed? There it was; the pity in her eyes, those big blue eyes that remind me so much of her son’s. They both have eyes that models would die for. They were a beautiful sapphire blue with lashes that seemed to go on forever. Is it too late to tell them I don’t feel well and send them all packing?

I am fine Diane, really. Just then, the doorbell rang. I’ll get it.

As I opened the door, I saw the comforting face of my sister, snowflakes glistening in her long brown hair. Katie, how are you? I reached in to give my sister a hug and she looked at me with suspicion in her eyes. She knew better than anyone about my lack of desire for hugs. Thanks Kat. You just saved me from the Spanish inquisition. I am so tired of everyone asking me how I am, I whispered in her ear.

"I guess I won’t ask you then. She released me and then ushered in her two older children, Brooke who is eight and little David who is six, and her husband carrying the baby. Dave, they are growing like weeds. I just saw them last week and they look as if they have grown since then."

They grow too fast that’s for sure. Dave gave me a peck on the cheek and placed Elizabeth in Katie’s arms. He headed off toward the kitchen to find Carter and presumably a cold beer.

Katie and I were pregnant at the same time. She was due a few weeks before me. It was nice to have someone going through the same things at the same time, especially someone who had done this twice before. I could not have asked for anyone better than my older sister to help me through my first pregnancy. It is just a shame that our experiences ended so differently. Hers ended with her holding the most precious baby girl ever in her arms. Mine, ended with me holding an equally precious, yet lifeless son in my arms.

Katie, she gets prettier every time I see her. I touched the baby’s head. She felt so soft. I reached in to kiss her little forehead and touch her thick tuft of soft black hair. There is nothing better than the smell of a baby.

She looks like Momma, you know? I reached for her knowing that I did not need to ask permission to hold her. It is an aunt’s right after all.

Yep, I see it more every day. I think it is her eyes. She has perfectly almond shaped eyes just like Momma’s. Let’s go sit shall we? I led her into the living room where the men had already escaped in order to see the kickoff of the football game. I then headed for the kitchen to check on the turkey and trimmings. My belly was letting me know that I had not been adequately feeding it lately. I had not had much of an appetite or even the strength to fix a meal. Thank goodness Carter had agreed to help me today.

I opened the oven door and the smell of Thanksgiving hit me in the face. Carter, I think the turkey is done. Can you come get it out of the oven for me? Before I knew it, he was by my side. That was a change, must be because we had company. Since I left the hospital, he had not been around much. When he was around, he was very standoffish, which was unlike Carter. Up until my eighth month of pregnancy, he was a very touchy, feely person. Now, I am lucky if I get a peck on the cheek occasionally.

He spent most of his time at work, which was hard for me to understand. How could you go back to work at an abortion clinic after losing a child? We did everything we knew how to do in order to have a healthy baby and for no known reason, he was stillborn. I could not understand how he can now go and perform abortions without thinking of our son every time. We have spent many hours fighting over this, but he makes a valid point that he spent many years to become a doctor and build his own clinic and he cannot just throw it all away because we lost a child.

This looks delicious, Baby. He heaved the 25-pound turkey up to the countertop and began to carve it. Are we ready to get everybody to the table?

Yes, I will go tell everyone. Will you bring the turkey to the table after you are done carving it? There is a platter sitting on the counter for you. I walked to the living room to round everybody up. Hey guys, dinner is ready. Who’s hungry? Everybody, without a moment’s hesitation, bolted for the table. They must be as hungry as I.

Aubrey, the table looks beautiful, Katie said as she reached the dining room. I am glad she complimented me. I had spent quite a while trying to make things look nice. I put the chocolate-colored linen on the table. I ran a row of fall leaves down the center with a string of clear Christmas lights which made everything sparkle. I had a few candles placed down the center as well that gave off a gentle glow. I was proud at the way it had turned out.

Thank you, Kat. Please, everybody have a seat. Just as I said that, Carter walked in with a giant platter full of freshly carved turkey. The aroma was fabulous and made my senses go into overdrive as my mouth began to moisten. Carter took his place at the head of the table.

Shall I say the blessing?

Umm, can we just skip that this year? Everybody looked at me just as I expected. I have been worried about this for days. I know that I am not in the right mindset to thank God. God and I are not exactly on speaking terms these days. I knew that I had to explain, but where should I begin? I’m just not feeling very thankful right now. I am truly sorry if this offends anybody. I rang my napkin in my hands as if I were trying to twist someone’s neck. I was so nervous about what they would think.

Aubrey, you should be thankful that you are still alive and here with us on this great day to enjoy this dinner that the two of you have so thoughtfully prepared for us. Diane had that look in her eyes that I was so beginning to hate.

Really, Diane, is that how you see it? I should be thankful to a God who gave me a child to carry in my belly for nine months only to tear that child away from me? I find that to be a very cruel God and I am sorry, but I will not be thankful to him. By look on her face, I think that I shocked her. The silence was unbearable. Somebody say something.

Let’s eat. Carter gave me an anxious smile and began passing the food around. We