Born To Bitch

By Blanche Marriott

Do you find a lot of people annoying? Do you wish you could just tell someone off and get it off your chest? Well, I do, and I do.

Join me as I unload some of life’s frustrations and annoyances in a light-hearted trip down bitch lane.

I’ve assembled some of my favorite irritations into this personal collection ranging from the invisible help sign over my head, to mispronunciations, to consumer deception. If the same things bother you, you’ll take heart that you’re not alone. And if they don’t bother you, well, you’re a much better person than me and we’ll probably never be friends.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Blanche Marriott
• Release date: Sep 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476354217

Blanche Marriott

Blanche Marriott began writing romance novels in 1991 while balancing her career as a wood products manufacturing manager. She often joined the troops in the factory, working on sanders, drills, and saws. It gave her time to "talk" to the characters in her head and figure out what they would do next. In 2001 she switched careers and now works for a CPA firm as an accounting assistant, specializing in payroll. She has completed 14 novels while staying active in 2 writing groups, serving on the Boards of Directors several times, and a number of conference committees. But the best part was the life-long friendships she's formed with so many writers, published and unpublished. Her first published novel, KALEIDOSCOPE, won 2nd place in the 2003 WisRWA Write Touch Readers' Award for published authors. Her second book, WAY OUT WEST, won the prestigious New Jersey Romance Writers' 2003 Golden Leaf Award for Short Contemporary. WAY OUT WEST was also a finalist in the 2004 Virginia Romance Writers' HOLT Medallion Awards. Her current novels are APRIL'S FOOL and HIS BROTHER'S BABY. She also has a non-fiction humor book, BORN TO BITCH, chronicling life's little annoyances.

Book preview

BORN TO BITCH

by

Blanche Marriott

I thought -- maybe I'll read a few pages. Let me warn you right now: a few pages is impossible! I read one chapter, then another, then wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes… –Elizabeth, Portsmouth, RI

I found myself chuckling along and agreeing with many of her gripes, saying, So, it's not just me that feels this way." –Lisa Norato, Author

Copyright 2011 by Blanche Marriott

Smashwords Edition

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DEDICATION

To my husband, Walt,

who bears the brunt of most of my bitching

and deflects it like a true champion.

This one’s for you.

Special thanks to Sean Matthews and Brenda Person

for the awesome cover design,

To Karen Ingraham for her help with the subtitle,

and especially Avery.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Foreword

It All Started With The Sign

Grocery Stores

Checking Out

Every Home Should Have A Mirror

Screw The Consumer

Messing With The Consumer

Driving

Monica, Monica, Monica

ATMs

Annoying Teens

Language

Pronunciation

My Friends Are Bitches Too

Big Brother

This And That

About The Author

Books By Blanche Marriott

FOREWORD

Is it just me or are there a lot of annoying people in this world? I’ve been accused of being bitchy, but seriously, those annoying people out there give me a lot to bitch about. And it’s not like I go looking for things to complain about. They always seem to find ME. My husband likes to say everyone is messing with me. Yeah, it feels like that most of the time. I swear if I didn’t know better, I’d think there was some great manipulator in the sky keeping score on how many times I can be messed with. When it’s been awhile, bam, here comes another one to set me off.

Sigh. It’s a burden, but hey, if someone has to carry it, it might as well be me. I can take it. AND, I’m a writer, so now I can write about it! I don’t plan to intentionally hurt anyone here, but if you see yourself in any of these scenarios, pay attention! This is your chance to learn from your mistakes. You can’t cure stupid, but maybe you can make yourself look less stupid. Just don’t do it on my time, please.