Shadow Dreaming

By Jan Hawkins

Each book, of the four books in the Dreaming Series is a story in its own right. Each Shaman you follow lives within the boundaries of the lives of others and yet their stories are unique, phenomenal and rich in diversity and ripe in challenge. The Dreaming Series – a flight into another world.

Shadow Dreaming, is the first in a series which introduce the spiritual culture of the Aborigines. Readers will delight in being able to follow the lives of the characters such as Ty, the sympathetic shaman of his Community, who falls in love with Aine, from the broader multicultural Australian community found in the cities, who becomes his spiritual partner and who in turn is immersed in this unique Aboriginal culture. Join them as they fight to find their way in a world which can destroy their love, and their lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jan Hawkins
• Release date: May 29, 2012
• ISBN: 9780987289612

Jan Hawkins

Australian Author, Jan Hawkins, was raised in the Australian bush on the outskirts of Sydney on the Georges River. Now residing in Queensland, she spent 20 years in education at secondary level in the IT field. Her love of computers pales in comparison to her love of the Australian bush and Jan now has quite a portfolio of photographs. She is passionate about the history of her country and a strong desire to discover and experience new places fuels her desire to travel extensively throughout the land. Along the way she relishes being able to listen to people and to share and enjoy the adventure she calls life.

Book preview

Prologue

Tom:

Our journeys throughout life are different, so very different from the roads others around us will travel. It was like that for me. I was lost in a way really, when my story began although I didn’t know it. Others knew it.

Others like my eldest brother, Taipan, who found that lost child in the middle of our mob and my Mother who drew Taipan to my side, swayed as I was by the tides of the day and the lives of those about me. It is important to find and help that lost child. It is the most important of things. Children are the most important of all things.

My story doesn’t begin with myself though. Like all of us our stories begin where we have no place in the beginning. I can’t tell you my story without telling the stories of my brothers and my Mob. Without telling you the story of those who came before me. You need to understand the story of my country and my culture and it’s very hard to find the beginning in that. You see my country and my culture has no beginning and no end, it has no boundaries or borders. It is simply who I am and sometimes for many that is collective. I belong to my World - my World doesn’t belong to me.

Where I am now though, is timeless and filled with events of my life and the lives of those before me, around me and even ahead of me. This place has no time and yet it changes constantly. It is all time, all together all at once and it changes because of the things that you do and I get to deal with that, so it is constantly changing. And yet it remains the same because of the things I do and the things others like me do. We are the guardians, the Shadow Walkers, and we follow the Lore that governs our Land. A land that is also yours if you are Australian.

There is an order to things and I help to keep that order. I might be anyone of you really - I could be the person sitting beside you or the person you spend your life with. I could be you, only you would never know it because that is the order of things. I am the one who whispers in your ear.

Where am I? How did I get here?

This is my story.

I got here because someone helped me to find my way and that person was my eldest brother, Taipan. That is why children are so important, you see, they govern our future. This is also why I shall begin my story with what is Taipan’s story. Not because his story is the most important but because it is a beginning, a place where I will begin.

There are others in this telling, my brother Sean, and his friend Andrew and others I won’t name now. If you listen you will also hear their stories. If you read between the lines of the telling, you might hear my story and you may hear the stories of others, including the story that is your own.

Think of yourself as being around a campfire, there is no boundary here, you may be anywhere, but around a campfire you can hold a conversation with what is timeless. The flicker of the flame will mesmerize you and it will whisper your story in your ear.

It is not hard for me to see and to feel these things. The things that are life because this is how I, and others like me keep order. We are like a voice in your thoughts and we dance about you like the flicker of a flame, enticing you, encouraging you, or destroying you.

When I first found this place, I wanted to know what you would want to know which is... When will it all end?

It never ends, nothing ends and you should know this. There is nothing in your life or mine that ends. Each act, each thought has consequence. Each thing has a presence and it is something which neither you, nor I, can destroy. We can merely change it and we do this all the time by just living. We are all part of the past, and a part of the future.

The blood of my parents runs through my veins and the blood of their parents before them and so on, like the endless flow of a stream. Your life is like a drop of water, which travels the world in many forms never being destroyed, never being created, but simply constantly changing. Our Ancestors live on in me as yours live on in you, as when a single cell divides and grows to become a child. Nothing is created or destroyed, it simply changes and we all have an ancient knowledge bought with this change. It’s a awareness, a gift. It is also voice that is not heard by everyone unfortunately.

Some would say that I am not an Aborigine; in fact, some will say this because their view is one they consider to be pure in its nature. But in belonging to my world I do not need to be aboriginal for my Aboriginality belongs inside me. It is not open for debate or conjecture as it is solely mine. It is not the colour of my skin or how I talk or act. It is simply who I may be and that too changes. I belong to an Aboriginal Nation, one of many that are Australian, as you belong to a family.

This however is my story and my world. I would like to tell you about it so that we can all get on in this place together. So you see, you over time change your world as I change mine so we are equally the same. The difference is… I can see you.

Pictures from Tjapukai FNQ Australia

http://www.tjapukai.com.au

Dawn

Taipan:

The Dreaming was so much part of my life that at times I wasn’t sure if I preferred the world that was the Dreaming, to that which is a world of day-to-day events. At least in the Dreaming you have some form of control. You can leave when you choose and return to the life you are living. In real life it isn’t so easy to leave. In life so many things such as the expectations and the demands of others will bind you.

The life I have chosen, the one that had been offered me as a leader among my Mob, often had demands that impose themselves upon me. It is hard to separate what I am from what I want to achieve in my life. Perhaps I had come to this life too early in my time?

Our people have such a need for their leaders while we struggle to find our way in this new world. The Old Men had been right in times past; our wise Council of Elders had known that our world change in time. It was these thoughts that at first filled my mind as I emerged from the Dreaming into the first breath of the day. I enjoyed my journeys into the Dreaming a great deal and I was reluctant to wake.

It was a warm, almost a stuffy feel to the closeted air that was unfamiliar, so much so as to be disturbing when I began to wake. I was hearing the constant buzz of noise that intruded. I listened to the city’s hum and then I remembered where I was, or rather, where I was supposed to be. The memories bought me back to my surroundings as with every day and despite the after effects of the party last night, which had ran into the early morning hours, I opened my eyes to the piccaninny dawn… it was the spirit hour.

My first thought was to stretch, but the unfamiliar weight at my side stopped me. In the darkness of the room I first thought that it could be a woman who had been looking for comfort in the night, or someone seeking warmth. But I remembered that the revelry of the night had not been around a bush camp and I knew with a certainty I was in an unfamiliar room. This wasn’t the forest, the light and smell was all wrong and the city intruded again on my senses. Then feeling the cushioning beneath me I knew immediately I was not even in a familiar place.

The light hadn’t yet reached into this room. The sun was still stretching its fingers through the night, though no light had reached here. So it was still the break of dawn where the shadows held a grip. I wasn’t alone. I had known it before I stretched. Then my eyes settled on the shape curled into my side, curiosity stilled my movements.

To first feel and then see the tussled cascade of strawberry blonde hair, that which spilled over my arm and chest, was a surprise. I didn’t know who she was and in this light her hair looked white rather than gold against the copper of my skin. She was very pale but my body recognized hers readily in the moisture of our skin, a shared heat. She looked tiny in comparison to my length now stretched out on the bed we shared. Her presence was a pleasant memory for my senses though, even if my mind was robbed of the detail in the moment.

I felt a thrill skip through me., a thrill that any man would feel in an appreciation of the now obvious womanly shape tucked into my side. My arm was nestled about her comfortably, but where was the memory? Despite these things my body heated and I needed to struggle quietening its demands. My body wasn’t usually so demanding. I had thought wisdom and maturity had gained me more control. To realize that I could still be as irrational as Sean in his youth, was annoying.

Settling my head back into the pillow, easing my position, careful not to disturb her, I searched my mind. It too was dulled with a familiar haze, familiar because I recognized the quality of the dream. Stepping my thoughts back through the previous day I drew on what I could recall. Knowing that in the night, in my Dreaming, there would be things I would have discovered and these would have imprinted on my conscious. I understood the power of the gunjie weed I had shared with Sean. A special mix meant to teach him, help him reach his Dreaming. I had wanted to show him that this was our culture and it needed due respect.

I had never taken a woman to bed in my Dreaming before and the thought bought conflict to my mind. I wondered… where was Sean anyway?

Quickly I searched with my senses and knew he was close by. Likely he was still sleeping I realized, as a sense of stupor washed over me. I let that awareness go immediately, releasing the sense of stupor. I could deal with my younger brother later. The girl at my side had me more concerned and once again I returned to the confusion at hand.

I knew where I was, and that this was the city. I had arrived into Brisbane at dusk but Sean had not been home. This too hadn’t disturbed me. He had arrived later as I had known he would. I knew how to get into his house. This wasn’t the first time I had visited my younger bother to check on his progress at University. Keeping his mind on track was always a struggle, but he was coping and this brought pride and a sense of achievement to all of us on his behalf.

The family and those from the Community had always found it difficult to find their way amongst a city society. Trying to mesh living with those who had arrived in recent times from the northern lands with those indigenous to this country, a southern continent. It was still a struggle and often a conflict. The cultural influences of the rest of the World were powerful and we each had to find our way.

Though there would be some things that could not be meshed yet we managed mostly to live alongside each other, each to our own. As a people we would just have to wait for our land to claim its own amongst their society. We could wait.

It was an epoch of change for us but what was important was that we held our histories, guarding the Dreaming, allowing these things to live and thrive in this new world. To lose them would be the death of our world and our way. Others had survived in the past and it was now our time to find our way and many, I knew, struggled with it. It could be done and I believed this wholly. It was the one thing I had an ultimate faith in. Our Mother, our land would win in the end as she had done since time before time. It was just for us to find our place.

The woman who lay tucked into my side presented me with a problem however. I knew I didn’t have time for this and women took time. You couldn’t treat them dispassionately. It was not in their nature to easily accept the things that were demanded of men, things to them that might seem unimportant. I couldn’t simply just leave her without explanation and if she proved to be a friend of Sean’s then he no doubt would feel the fall out. That wasn’t something I wanted in my life. I had other more urgent commitments at the moment. As I waited for her to stir I considered the problem she was to my plans.

For a moment my thoughts flicked to the Yamuti Tribes who lived scattered deep in the forests along the Great Dividing Range that stretched the full length of the eastern Coastline. They had succeeded in surviving where others had failed and this was where I was headed now on sacred business. As a Karadji, a Shaman, I have a responsibility to these people who had ancient links to our skin and I could now help deal with their conflict. I knew I only had only a few days at the most with Sean before I needed to continue north and go into ceremony.

The way of the Shaman had been Sean’s choice too; or rather the Dreaming had chosen him, as is the way. Helping him with his knowledge is in part my place in the scheme of his learning, a responsibility to prepare him to be all that he could be and this gave us a kinship closer than that of brothers.

He struggled with it as we all do and knowing about some of his struggles often made me smile. Soon we would need to head north into ceremony again together, but for now, his studies were also important. It wasn’t yet time for his full initiation into the Lore of the Shaman, which would come in time.

This brought my mind back to the girl at my side, still sleeping, and I wondered who she was. It was strange not to know. Not something I was comfortable with. There had been many of Sean’s friends about last night, both young women and men, but most had left or were sleeping by the time I had bought out the gunjie mix. Those who had remained had not the sense to know what it was we were using.

As is usual for the uninitiated, they were ignorant and had their own weed and their own drugs, many of which were destroying them. They wouldn’t bother with ours and even if they remained they would not know of our Dreaming and would care even less, absorbed with pursuits of their own kind and with their own friends.

Our ways to help reach the Dreaming were steeped in Lore, governed by tradition and ceremony. There was very little in common with the drugs the kids used today. It was the difference between feasting with friends and enjoying a bottle of fine wine with a woman who fired your blood. And that of waking up on your own with your head on an air pillow that once held a cheap plonk and having no sweet memories to entertain you.

I couldn’t recall who remained around the small fire pit in the tight back yard when we had embarked on our journeys last night. I knew now it would be a few hours still before Sean joined me in the day, he was still relatively young. Even though there was only six years in age between us, my Dreaming had begun much earlier and under the guidance of the Elders, my path had been very different to Sean’s. We all take our own paths in gaining our knowledge and it was this that bought us our own skills and power.

The girl beside me stirred, stretched and then settled again, her arm drifting across my chest, her hand splaying over my skin and gentling. She was still lost to the night. It was nice the way she tucked into my side and I liked it, perhaps a little too much. This should not be the way but I wondered again about her, wishing I could better see her face, her eyes and her spirit. Perhaps when she wakes?

Maybe this was her room and I wondered. It looked like it might be I realized as the light began to slowly fill the space. It was feminine, no sign of any man about bar myself, and that I liked too.

I knew Sean shared the house with students from the University nearby. It was an interesting experience for him to meet people of different places and for a moment my thoughts flicked to my own University years. I certainly hadn’t expected to benefit so much from my brother’s experiences now. In the past few years as he studied, my visits had barely touched his friends and I preferred it this way usually.

The room about me was small really I noticed as the light began to creep into the space and it seemed more cluttered, almost a tidy mess in its own way. Then I realized the clothes scattered around the floor were both mine as well as hers. Once more I found myself wishing I could better remember the night.

The bedclothes were a tangle and most had ended up on the floor joining our clothes. Perhaps it was the need for warmth that had found her cuddled into my side. Giving a careful kick to the remnant of the sheeting at the end of the bed with my foot I managed to drag up a covering without disturbing her too much. She shifted, muttered something that I wished I could have understood but I could make little sense of what she had said. She then rolled onto her back still within the shelter of my arm and I pulled the sheet around her.

The sight, smell and shape of her though, quickly warmed my blood again. For a moment I considered waking her, the thought bringing a smile to my lips... but one quickly controlled as I realized I could study her more easily as she slept.

She was very light skinned, a very pale honey where exposed to the sun, but mostly the colour of fresh cream in places where the eyes generally couldn’t travel. It was her face that arrested my thoughts. Her skin was perfect, a light sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of her nose, her features almost elfin. There was no hint of the makeup that most women now chose to hide behind. Her lips were generous, well shaped and flushed with a delicate pink. Then I realized that this also could be a flush of swelling from the night we had shared and the thought made me smile again... her lips looked more than inviting now.

The gentle contours of her neck and shoulders flowed down over her breasts. I felt the slight quickening of my blood again. Her tussled hair was lovely despite its riot, framing her face and this distracted me. It was a natural colour with no darkening around the roots; almost the same as on the rest of her body. The fine strands were now slowly turning a strawberry and honey shade as the dawn light filled the room. She had an unusual beauty about her. Not conventional, her features were still arresting in their own way and that thought settled in my mind with the feeling that I knew her well. Yet I had never met her before. If I had, I would have remembered her I was certain.

Easing myself back down onto the pillow I gently shuffled her body into my own protectively as I turned on my side towards her. Encasing her in my arms so that she could scarcely escape even though I knew she wasn’t mine. I told myself this had more to do with the narrowness of the double bed, given my length, than anything else.

I wasn’t accustomed to waking with women I didn’t know well; it had never been my way. I had learnt the cost of commitments of a physical nature and it was many years since I had taken a woman to bed with such cavalier attention. I was no longer a man discovering the fascination of women for the first time. Then again, I found the temptation to wake her intriguing. I wanted to learn more about how I had found my way to her bed.

I felt the need to remind myself however that she wasn’t mine. I had no real claim here and I would have to let her go. Holding her felt good though and I drifted back into a dreaming state again. The warmth of her now razing my skin where our bodies touched, along down the slender length of her. I could wait till she woke I reassured myself.

Discovery

Taipan:

The sun was much higher in the sky when I woke again, but this wasn’t what had woken me. My dreams had been filled with the dark ebony eyes of the Spirit Children of the Dreamtime and this time they had been playing, laughing, it had been a great game, one that I had been enjoying. It wasn’t the first time I had met them but it was the first time they had toyed about with me and I knew I too had delighted in their game; it was a game they often played with Dreamers, but now I was alone.

My bedmate was gone and I felt the chill of waking alone unexpectedly. The woman who had shared the bed with me was no longer here and for a moment I wondered if she was part of their game, part of my dream. Then I dismissed the thought. Her clothes were gone from the floor and mine were at the end of the bed thrown carelessly, she had been real enough, I hadn’t dreamt her. If she hadn’t moved the clothes around then someone else had. It took a scarce minute for me to pull on my jeans and shirt and collect the beginning of the day around me. She had to be about somewhere and part of me wanted to find her, discover who she was.

I resisted looking through her things that were scattered in an orderly manner about the room and on the dresser. I was curious about the woman who had slept at my side. The room was furnished in a purely practical manner though feminine. The mix of makeup and brushes spread across the chest of draws below the old mirror were really the only thing that spoke of her, apart from a variety of shoes in a cluttered arrangement under the foot of the bed and a few ordered piles of clothes. There were no photos. I found my own runners kicked into the corner haphazardly and once more I regretted not having the memories to enjoy.

Muted voices echoed up the hall once I stepped into it, they were indistinct but it wasn’t hard to follow them in this old colonial cottage. The hall ran from the front to the very back of the house and then on into what once had been part of a verandah. Sean’s voice I recognized easily as I made my way down the hall with a light step.

He looked up as soon as I entered the kitchen area, acknowledging me immediately, Hey Ty, you slept OK? I kind of lost track of you somewhere along the line, he said, drawing the attention of the others to my arrival.

The kitchen was small, the table crowded. Sean was lounging on an old dining chair and another kid, who was seemingly still mostly asleep, was opposite him. They both had looked up when I entered and Sean continued on seamlessly.

Where did you end up? You could have slept on the sedan in the lounge room you know. I thought you would be in there with the others or at least dossed down somewhere in the swag.

I had noticed the occupants of the lounge room as I had passed it when coming down the central hall, out from which all the rooms branched. There were a few people still sleeping on the floor with bedding strewn about, scattered amongst the collection of friends who had hung around recovering as usual after a full night.

I smiled a response then I noticed the girl standing at the open door of the fridge tucked into the corner. She had flushed a brilliant and lovely pink and was now looking up at me confused with eyes that struck me speechless initially. They were a bright shade of blue, scattered through with green flecks. She looked away quickly using the fridge door to hide behind and this made me chuckle before I caught myself.

Me? I found a bed; sorry I didn’t get in earlier yesterday we could have sorted something out. Grabbing the back of the closest free chair I sat down at the table, glancing across at the girl still hiding behind the fridge door. I’m sorry... I don’t recall? indicating the girl and the other boy across the table I raised the question.

Oh, this is Jeff, you’ve met before but you might have forgotten. Jeff this is my big brother Ty, who you may know I guess, he’s just checking up on me as usual and this is Aine... she moved into the other bedroom a few weeks ago. Terry left. Didn’t I mention it? It wasn’t working out.

Yeah, I think you did. Pleased to meet you, I added. This mostly directed at the girl in the fridge though our meeting had been much earlier and much more intimate. It was a shame I couldn’t remember it. She waved with a hand stretched up over the door almost abstractedly. Then resigning to meeting me she gave up, coming out from behind the door after a moment.

Hi. Aine’s face was still brightly flushed and she quickly filled her mouth with the buttered toast, putting the jar of vegemite on the table absently. In that same second she realized she had meant to spread it on the toast so then decided that what she needed was more toast. Moving over to the toaster on the bench in one step she grabbed at the loaf there before she took another glance my way. Want some? the question was mumbled, her mouth still full of toast.

Yeah, thanks. No coffee though, just milk would be great. I smiled; watching her... it was like revisiting my earlier dream somehow. A study in humour and watching the thoughts flick across her face was as equally entertaining.

Milk? she repeated and glanced across at Sean.

Sean looked at her surprised and then back to me, returning his glance to Aine. I knew he would have taken in her freshly flushed face and wild eyes as I did, before she looked away trying to hide her confusion from us both. Then he smiled suspiciously glancing at me.

Yeah... Ty doesn’t drink coffee, he agreed as he stood up, almost with an edge of laughter at Aine’s contrite behaviour, ...hang on, I’ll get it.

Aine was tiny. I had been right. She would barely make my shoulder height if we stood together and standing she looked much slighter than she had earlier even with clothes on. It looked as though I might even crush her easily if I had a mind to. She was delicately feminine and I felt the urge to shield her from this predominantly male company but I had no idea from what, or even why.

I watched as my brother bustled around her reaching for the milk and I found myself annoyed when he glanced at her speculatively while returning the carton to the fridge. Then he looked at me in the same way, placing the cup in front of me. The milk was cold and welcome and it helped to clear my head. Even Sean, shorter than me, seemed to tower over Aine. She could only be described as diminutive.

He however turned his attention back to Jeff as he took his seat and resumed whatever chatter they had been engaged in before I had arrived.

My attention was still caught by Aine and I knew she was aware of this as with the glance she tossed at me. She flushed again when she met my eyes and I watched the colour move swiftly into her face and neck still delighting in its path. Her bread toasted, she spread it with butter and then, seemingly impatient turned to me as she leant against the cupboard taking a bite of the toast, still minus the spread I noticed. Once again an errant smile crossed my lips as I realized she had forgotten that she had offered me toast. I tightened my stomach to stop it from growling responsively.

So are you in town for long? she asked with apparent indifferent curiosity.

No, just a few days... maybe one or two. I am headed north.

Oh... She glanced over to Sean as he took up my explanation.

Yeah, Ty is a performer, sings... like in a band, he added quickly.

Have I heard of you? I mean have you got any songs out or anything? Aine asked interested after a moment.

No. I answered, Not quite like that... but you never know, I looked appropriately speculative. I keep myself busy with a few things.

Is it an Aboriginal band?

I smiled at her line of questioning. I had heard it many times and it always amused me. I am Aboriginal, though my father’s folks were from Ireland, so it could be Irish, you know. It was a half-truth, but it served my purpose.

Oh... Irish? I don’t think so, she smiled back at me. Then she flushed delightfully again before she dropped her eyes quickly.

Aines’ grandparents are from Ireland too… aren’t they?

Yes, she smiled. They emigrated before World War II. I have always loved Irish music it’s so colourful. Maybe sometime I could hear you play Ty?

Hearing my name on her lips gave me a surprising flush of pleasure, and for a moment I was shocked at the intimacy of the sound. Only men usually called me Ty and then only friends. To women I was mostly known as Taipan. It had been a long time since a woman had addressed me with such open familiarity. I realized then that I had been in the Community too long if this shattered my concentration, scattering my wits.

Hmm... was all I was momentarily capable of, Maybe, next time. I had lost the plot to the light in her eyes and I had to get a grip somewhere. I was surprised at how much this slight girl/woman was affecting me. It was wrong and I found it very disconcerting.

My brother’s look was still speculative as he glanced between us. So where did you end up last night?

I managed, was all I was willing to admit without explanation, my eyes steadily holding his in a small challenge. The cruiser is comfortable enough at a stretch. My expression said it all and that was it. Sean knew it too and gave in with grace and a nod.

Where are you parked?

In the street, I answered confidently.

Well if you will excuse me... Aine interrupted hesitantly. Umm... I really have to go... out. She said waving her hand absently by way of explanation, flushing delicately again as she began to make her escape.

Can I give you a lift somewhere? I offered, beginning to stand, already prepared. I chugged my drink and set the glass aside, I wasn’t going to let an opportunity to talk to her pass me by so easily.

Aine looked over surprised but agreed. Um yes… perhaps to the station, she offered. Then glancing at the others she shrugged hopelessly, I’ll just get my stuff… confusion rioted across her face. It was a half-truth too I realized.

The walk to the truck was quiet, neither of us willing to break the slight truce in what I suspect was our coalition of excuses. By the time we got to the land cruiser and I had opened the door for her in invitation, she forestalled my questions with a statement.

You didn’t need to do that, you know, she said blushing. But thanks anyway. I would have owned up to you spend... well sleeping... the night.

I smiled, although she couldn’t meet my eyes she still managed to look like an outraged kitten somehow.

It wasn’t necessary, I added quickly before I shut the door and moved around to the driver’s side. Sean doesn’t need to know what his big brother’s up to. Any more than I need to know what he was doing last weekend. My smile was forgiving, though I don’t think she took it that way. Do you really need to go to the station? Or can we get breakfast somewhere?

Aine sighed deeply and then looked up and I captured her glance. It had taken me years to realize that the deep brown of my eyes in a steady look was hard to break for most people. It was a trick I used often and one that I shamelessly used now. I didn’t want to drop her at the station and I could sense that neither did she wish to be dropped, even if she had somewhere to go and I suspected she didn’t.

Um... no, no we can talk… somewhere. I’m not in a hurry. A delicate pink filled her cheeks and this made me smile again. I was beginning to like that delicate colour, which so easily gave away her feelings.

We picked up a feed at Macca’s in the nearby drive-through and then headed towards the river. I knew that finding a quiet spot, a local parkway bordering the murky flow of the Brisbane River would not be hard. It would be quiet now, which suited my thoughts. It was after all Sunday and most people would be late getting about.

I found I wanted to know more about Aine, who she was, what she was like and fortunately I had the whole day to do it in if I could persuade her to give up her day. I could spend the necessary time with Sean on my return trip when I would have more to relate to him, and when he would be expecting me.

The park-side we found in the West End offered us the shade and the peace we looked for. The day was promising to be clear and the warmth of the summer was building quickly but the river courted the breeze that I was hoping for. Gathering our small feast I led the way to one of the canopy trees scattered about. Offering Aine the well-kept grass to sit down on in the shade. She gracefully folded herself with an ease I admired as I too settled myself close. I liked that she wasn’t the fussy kind of woman who couldn’t appreciate the simpler things around us.

She was silent, sitting cross-legged on the grass in an almost child-like fashion and then she glanced over as I stretched out beside her. I busied myself with our breakfast, which she took a share of but didn’t eat. Aine kept herself amused absently playing with the food while she bought small pieces to her lips and occasionally glanced my way.

About this morning... last night... I’m not like that... she blustered, confused. Blushing again as she continued, I mean, I never... I don’t... It wasn’t at all like me. I don’t know why...

Neither do I, I interrupted, stopping her. Would it help if I said I’m not like that either? I suggested in a gentle tone. There was a bit of stuff doing the rounds last night. I figure we both had more than we could reasonably deal with. I added frowning, hoping I looked convincing at least. It’s not wise to take... what you aren’t sure of.

I didn’t. I mean it was only a bit of weed. Sean was fine and I... well, I guess I trusted him. It must have been quite strong.

Sean? This surprised me, He gave you something?

It was just a bit of weed he had been using. You both looked fine, so I figured it was... well OK, she shrugged. We have shared before, but never anything like last night... really. I just feel such a fool. I can’t even remember much... only waking up. I think it was the worst morning of my life! I never imagined I would do something like that.

Hmm..., that bad hey? I said after a moment’s reflection. One that left me grinning speculatively, wondering just what she really meant by that. I even found it in myself to be somewhat insulted, but not quite sure over what.

No... I didn’t mean... that’s not... flushing deeply, she looked away and I noticed she was chewing on her lower lip, worrying it to death slowly. I mean, I didn’t even know who you were. Sean had mentioned you of course but I had no idea really... she finished. Her furious colour somehow enchanting.

I’m not complaining, you know, I said softly, enjoying her embarrassment outrageously. My only regret is finding the bed empty this morning when I woke. Why did you take off? Our introduction could have been much less embarrassing than it was in the kitchen if you’d stayed.

Aine covered her eyes with one of her delicate hands, hiding. God! I was so embarrassed, she whispered.

I couldn’t help it when my glance travelled the slight length of her in jeans and a tight little stretch top, until I caught myself appreciating her shape more than I knew would be acceptable.

It was awful, and I didn’t know what to say, she mumbled.

I resisted the temptation to reach for the fingers hiding her eyes from mine, that wasn’t going to work. It wouldn’t ease her obvious discomfit so instead I sat up and smiled. Guiltily aware that I couldn’t reassure her that nothing had happened between us when she faced me again. Breathing a long drawn sigh of frustration with herself.

I had to accept my behaviour was not blameless and to admit that I had no real clear idea over why, or what had happened. It seemed a bit of a cop-out. Though I also realized then that my body was still responsive to hers and that was my own problem. That, I knew I would have to deal with in my own time. Though if I was now honest with her perhaps at least we could move on from here.

If it helps, I don’t know what happened either, shrugging I continued. I suspect our senses remember more than our minds. I couldn’t help the small grin that escaped even though I fought it. Maybe the gunjie weed was stronger than I thought.

At this she looked up... confused, The what?

Gunjie, we use it sometimes. It’s harmless, it just makes you feel good. It’s a type of hallucinogen it helps with stress and other things. We grow it in the forest around where we live as a ceremonial and herbal medicine and I bought down some for Sean and I. Shrugging I continued with something of a frown. I’ll have to talk to him about it, make sure he doesn’t share if it has this effect on you. This time I couldn’t constrain the errant grin and I had the good grace to look away as the colour filled her face again, riding swiftly up her neck and into her cheeks.

I also couldn’t resist adding in a teasing note, Then again, maybe I should bring some down for you next time too? My comment brought an even richer red flush to her face and I laughed.

No! No! she said suddenly without thought, then shook her head vehemently before she reconsidered and bit her lip savagely, looking confused and guilty all in the same moment. This had me chuckling despite my attempts not to embarrass her more.

This errant humour built between us as we both considered what likely had kept us busy during the night. It must have been fun, I added, I wish I could bloody well remember it.

Oh God... please let’s not even go there! she giggled suddenly in a complex mixture of relief, fear and perversity.

Hmm... If you insist, I added, still struggling with my grin.

It was a moment before Aine could meet my eyes without her expression giving her thoughts away. I found it amusing to watch the play of emotions once again. But eventually she smiled, straightened her posture and carefully asked. So tell me something about yourself? I feel such a... a... well an idiot. I don’t know much about you at all.

What do you want to know? I asked shrugging. I’m twenty-six, live around Nimbin way where the family is. I try to get up this way to see Sean when I can and circumstances allow... it’s all pretty normal I guess.

Do you have a S.O.? At this question Aine blushed again which made me chuckle anew.

S.O? Serious other? Depends what you mean I guess. I’m not married, not living or sleeping with anyone these days. Then I couldn’t resist a grin as I added, Except for you of course. I have no kids, though sometimes I think Sean is as much trouble. How about you?

She took so long over her answer that I found myself frowning.

No... I don’t have anyone. There is just my elder sister and me really. Mum died some years ago… in a car accident, and Dad remarried. He has another family now. My sister lives in Sydney and well, I have been in Brisbane for ages. We all catch up in holidays usually, which is good, she smiled. Though Karyn is married with two girls and that keeps her busy too. We are ten years apart.

How old are you Aine? I asked, unsure. In ways she seemed surprising mature, while in others her innocence gave me reason to pause.

Twenty-two… well nearly that anyway. I sound a bit pathetic don’t I? It isn’t like that though, she softened her words with another ready small smile. There wasn’t much she could do about her over bright eyes though and once again I found myself wanting to protect her. Yet I knew it was not my place.

What was it about this woman that touched me? It was wrong and I found myself struggling with it. To bring her into my life would cause conflict but I found that the thought of letting her go was more than I was able to accept. It wasn’t just this instinct I had to protect her, not even the emotions she evoked simply by looking at me.

There was something euphoric about this attraction, which I had no experience of. She touched me on an unconscious level and it made nonsense of my attempts at logic. Women usually never touched the threads of my Dreaming, never intruded into my life in this way and it confused me now on this strange level.

Drawing a deep breath, I climbed to my feet and grabbing up our breakfast packets I offered her a hand. Let’s walk this off, I suggested, holding up the packet. I knew she had not eaten anything but I also knew we needed to move. To walk, maybe talk about banal things. I needed to sSift this weight of emotion settling around us.

When Aine took my hand though, even carelessly. I wasn’t prepared for the charge of fire that travelled through me suddenly. My hand felt like it was burning. I wondered if she had felt it also but she didn’t say anything.

I couldn’t bring myself to search her eyes. Afraid of what I might find there, so I let her hand go quickly and she joined me as we walked side by side. For the first few minutes l was lost in my thoughts and I had to struggle to find my way back to the moment.

The river offered its reflective quiet and this helped. It was interesting listening to this woman-child however, as she walked beside me. I found her strangely companionable and I searched for things to say that would bring a smile to her face.

How do you like living in Brisbane? I asked absently.

It’s OK I guess, there is plenty to do if you have something to aim for.

I grinned, That’s a conditional answer if ever I heard one.

Her eyes dropped before mine. Yes, what I mean is it’s not like Sydney where there is just so much to do, even when you don’t want to do it. Here, if you have a purpose… a main purpose I mean, then you can find lots to fulfil that. There is a lot to discover about the city but the attractions are really north and south and west of here. You also need a car I think.

OK. I see what you mean.

What about you? How do you find the city?

Hmm… Not a fair question. Cities are not my favourite places so my opinion is very biased.

Seriously?

Hmm… Brisbane in particular, it was a place of history for my mob. I guess I grew up hearing what it was like before settlement. Then, I learnt what it had become and I changed my view about cities on a whole I think.

But Brisbane wasn’t settled by the Aborigines. I don’t think there was anyone here at all?

I held my temper at her ill-considered words. Needing to work at calming an errant frustrated anger that was an old friend. Instead I searched for a friendly way to explain my meaning instead of letting this dissolve into an angry exchange.

Not true, was the only concession I gave to my temper. Take the Brisbane River, it was a place of traffic, part of an old trail. From the very first boat that the English rowed up the river, they assumed just what you believe. They stole our canoes that our women and children used to cross the river along the trail. I guess they thought they were abandoned, they weren’t. Brisbane had a flourishing community before settlement. It was a traditional pathway and a meeting ground.

Well, that’s a new perspective, her words were soft, conciliatory and my mood mellowed somewhat.

"Hmm… most of the major roads are built along the trails the old tribes