Echoes from a Distance: 101 Wisdom Quotes with Notes

By King Joe

Shortly after I had returned from a foreign trip some years ago, an
old friend saw me and quickly noticed that I had gone partially bald.
He was startled. So, he spontaneously yelled a seemingly tough question
at me: What happened to the hairs on your head? Spontaneously
too, I yelled an answer back at him: Nature took them in place of
the wisdom that I couldnt pay for! And we teased and laughed.
My friend thought I had joked, but I knew I hadnt. However, Ill
leave the judgment to you.
By the time youre done digesting the substance of this more than
compelling masterpiece, Id like to know your stand. Had I joked
or had I not?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 19, 2009
• ISBN: 9781469118864

King Joe

Professionally a movie actor, producer/director, Joseph C. Okechukwu a.k.a. King Joe has produced and co-produced more than five movies, directed a few of them, and has featured in over eighty home videos within and outside the shores of his country, Nigeria. He studied International Leadership at the Leadership Development Institute, Accra Ghana. He’s currently studying Filmmaking at the New York Film Academy, Universal Studios, in Hollywood, USA. A passionate motivator, he has spoken at different fora, locally and internationally on issues bordering Family Living, Leadership and Social Responsibility. Joseph is the President and Founder of Family Liberation Movement, an international Pro-Family organization. He is married to Lily, and they are blessed with a son, Arnold and a daughter, Naiseyah. Joseph currently lives in Burbank, California, USA.

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1.   WISHES

I wish I were like him is the same chorus that got fools dancing at a spot, till they made holes deep enough to be their graves.

Many people are stagnated in life not necessarily because life hasn’t been fair enough but because they think and believe that not being as privileged as the privileged is an excusable and defendable handicap.

You’ll often hear them say things like If I was born into the kind of home that he was born into, I would move mountains or If I had just one tenth (1/10th) of the connection he’s got, I would change the world! Well, you don’t have it because the change has to begin with you! Your mindset!

What in the world makes you think you wouldn’t be worse off if you had all the comfort you wished for? And that’s the point. We’re always best at looking outward rather than looking inward. We’re always best at seeing so much of others and so little of us. We’re so perfect in keeping records of everybody’s right and wrong, yet we can’t tell our right from left.

Hear this: nothing in the whole wide world stagnates like the business of habitually analyzing other men’s woes and fortunes at the expense of responsible engagement in developmental and productive activities.

There’s this beautiful quote I love using all the time, which I don’t know who the author is: if wishes were horses, beggars would ride on them. How true. Thank God wishes are not horses. Of course, beggars won’t be the only ones riding on them. Stupidity and gross irresponsibility would be riding them too! Youths all over the place, especially my own people, burn their time and energy every day, looking for shorter cuts to the top. My goodness! Whoever told you there was any such thing.

Don’t be disillusioned, there are no realistic shortcuts to the top. Whoever claims to be showing you a shorter cut to the top is probably showing you a way to his own destination, not yours.

If you really want to be responsible to yourself and your generation, believe me, it’s time to wake up—spiritually, psychologically, mentally, intellectually, and of course physically! You can’t afford to waste one more minute of your precious time, throwing punches into the air! Now is the time to take responsibility! Your world is waiting ever so impatiently! Nobody is your problem, no situation is holding you down, no policy is against you, you are 100 percent your own problem! Stop wishing and start winning!

2.   MARRIAGE (a)

Man’s hardest labor under the sky isn’t tilling the ground. It’s managing the wrong rib in the place of the right one.

Often when there’s an auto crash on our highways, people tend to always conclude it’s entirely the driver’s fault and none of the fitter’s. As a matter of fact, nobody even remembers the fitters, let alone think of any other possible cause of the accident than the driver! Oh, maybe the driver was drunk or sleepy, Maybe she wasn’t looking, Maybe he was that . . . , Maybe she did that . . . , etc. It’s all just going to be about the driver. And truly, that’s largely how it should be! But we’re forgetting that some of the worst auto, aviation, and naval accidents in history have been caused not by the drivers, captains, or pilots but by some often avoidable technical glitches. It could have been a size-16 bolt in the place of size-15 ½ and vice versa. The difference in the bolt sizes may not be that much, but the impact of such grave mistakes could reverberate through generations.

This is particularly true of so many marriages that are going through the rocks today. It’s not that the couples are not nice people. It’s not as if they are not charming and hardworking, they just don’t fit! Marriage is such a challenging phenomenon and has too many rough turns to it that you wouldn’t want to risk going through it with the wrong person. Now you might be asking, like so many people did ask me in the past, How do I know that I’ve met the right person? Well, my answer as always is No constant formulas. But if we would tell ourselves the truth, the moment you meet the right person, there’s always this overpowering, seemingly uncontrollable passion that suddenly overtakes you. I’m not talking about sensual feelings gone wild. I’m talking about that kind of passion that springs from within your spirit! It often overwhelms you with the knowledge that indeed you have found the right person.

And if you want to test the passion, just check your motive for going into, or remaining in, that relationship, because most often than not, it’s not always what you think. That’s why the only realistic formula is telling yourself the truth! Wrong motives always look for what to get or take out of the relationship—sex, money, company, service, attention, succor, security, etc. The right motive wants to give and give and give. If you’re in this category of people wanting to give their all for love, and you’re convinced your gestures are not being, or may never really be, reciprocated, be wise enough to advice yourself. I mean, we always see the signs ahead of time. Somewhere deep in our souls, there’s always this warning that we love to ignore. Because selfishness and impatience just wouldn’t let us pay attention to reason. Yet in the end, we’re the first to say, If I had known . . . How funny! We just lie to ourselves!

If you ask my candid opinion, I would say learn to say yes and no whenever you have to. And stop thinking that you can change anybody. If it’s not working, it’s not working! Step aside for good or for a while. But first, tell yourself the truth.

3.   MARRIAGE (b)

A woman’s worst nightmare isn’t in the labor room. It’s in the living room of a monster husband.

Sometime in 1997, I had an experience in Lagos, Nigeria, that I would never forget. I had come to spend time with a friend of mine at Ikeja in Lagos. My friend was planning to get married at that time, so I helped out with a few tough questions about marriage, and he really loved it. On this particular visit, we had discussed marriage, his fiancé, and wedding arrangements until the early hours of the morning. So when I slept, I knew it was going to be real deep. But it wasn’t long before my deep sleep turned shallow. Suddenly, from a distance came this penetrating and very disturbing groaning that shattered my cool. It would have taken only a dead man not to be moved.

When I jerked up and spontaneously sprang out of the apartment, I saw people going about their business as though nothing was happening. And the groaning persisted, amazingly, to everybody’s hearing! But there was no reaction on anybody’s face regarding that disturbing sound. I thought I was dreaming. I mean, is this the way they live here? Is it now so common that residents no longer think it’s an issue? were the thoughts that raced through my mind.

Apparently, it was my friend’s neighbor across the street that was assaulting his defenseless wife! While I stood there restless and helpless, I clearly heard the sound of his blows as he punched her to . . . I guess, coma, because I stopped hearing the groaning even though he was still punching her!

At this time, my friend was already off to work. I had nobody to run to for help. My eyes were getting watery. My fists were clinching, and my head was screaming, Stop him! Stop him! Several times, I attempted to go; but each time, the voice of reason restrained me. I was very new to that environment and didn’t know why nobody attempted to stop or at least plead with that monster of a man. I felt so bad that I couldn’t help her.

Sincerely, I don’t know if the woman later survived or not. But here’s what I know: it’s a billion times much better to spend a whole day pushing sextuplets in the labor room than spend one night with a man like that. Life is already too short to live with monsters! If only women will learn that they have no power to change anybody. If only you can tell yourselves the truth. And it’s not just enough to tell yourselves the truth, abide by that truth! If you love him, wait and pray for at least the most fundamental changes to take place before you plunge into a commitment! He doesn’t have to become perfect, but at least let the basics be taken care of. A change you’re not willing to wait for will chain you the rest of your life and, if care is not taken, deprive you the breath of your life too!

4.   MARRIAGE (c)

If you want to enjoy the cleaving after marriage, do the leaving before marriage.

People often think that leaving to cleave is just about leaving the family house for a personal apartment. And believe me, it’s awesome! I mean, you can’t plan marriage under your parent’s roof! It’s not normal.

Leaving to cleave, from my point of view, means severing every emotional and/or other ties with your immediate family, especially your parents! In most cases, this decision is necessitated by the fact that some of those ties inhibit you from effectively starting an independent home of your own. And without starting a home with your spouse that is totally independent and free from every extended family intrusion, you cannot boldly claim to be in charge!

In other words, your parents must not, under any circumstance, turn your marriage into a direct extension or offshoot of theirs. That’s absolutely childish! Yours must be completely separated from theirs, totally independent, especially in terms of decision making. That’s about the first key to your successfully starting a new home and, in fact, the only guarantee that you will genuinely cleave to your wife after marriage.

Sometimes, we grossly misunderstand the chemistry that flows between parents and their children. This chemistry has a seemingly inseparable biological history. So if you think those parents are ever going to stop intruding into the private affairs of their married children and trying to run their marriages for them, you should think again. It will never stop! But it can be checked and controlled. And it takes only a man, a real man, to put those errant parents in their rightful place and not necessarily offend them. Even if offense is all it takes to be free to run your own home with your spouse, a real man will do everything to stand for freedom! Else you’ll spend the rest of your marriage life undoing what your parents’ did and trying to finish the race they couldn’t finish when indeed you have a more challenging race ahead of you.

Let’s all love our parents and parents-in-law as much as we possibly can, but never forget to respectfully help them know their boundaries. Your parents must not impose! They should advise and let you digest and decide with your spouse.

If you don’t have a ground, don’t give a hand.

5.   MARRIAGE (d)

Marriage isn’t two folks under one roof, it’s two heads under one crown.

Another very popular misconception in the sphere of marriage is that once the traditional, cultural, and/or religious obligations have been met and a woman is brought under the same roof with her spouse, then all righteousness would have been fulfilled. Well, I don’t see anything bad in thinking that way, because those are fundamental requirements. But way beyond fundamentalism lies the whole essence of marriage—reigning with, not ruling over, your partner. In other words, you live and reign with your spouse, but you don’t rule over her.

In rulership, basically, the ruler doesn’t necessarily have to be a doer or even a believer of the things he’s imposing on and compelling others to do by law. That’s why rulership has no place in a decent marriage. Leadership does. In leadership, the leader is almost always ahead in words and deeds. He leads only by example. He goes first, and then asks others to follow in his foot paths. That is the wheel that keeps a good marriage rolling.

When there is rulership in a home, nobody learns or gains anything. Fear will prevail; things will be done under duress, depressive rancor, and internal divisions here and there. Above all, there will never be a team. Eventually, the ruler loses grip, and everything comes crumbling. Why? Every human being, no matter how weak or strong, has within them an indestructible seed of freedom, which tends to spontaneously revolt, either quietly or violently, whenever we sense we are being caged or ruled over. Whichever way it chooses to start, silent or violent, a revolt always produces huge adverse effects. And nobody but a fool would wish for that.

Unfortunately, there are folks today who still haven’t learned from history and experience. Compare children who came out from under roofs where two folks were individually and divisively in charge to children raised in homes where two heads wore the same crown. It doesn’t take anything to spot the difference! In America, folks live together for years without ever mentioning the word marriage. They call themselves boyfriend and girlfriend, yet they are having children! What future do you expect for a child born into an atmosphere of fear and distrust? That’s why they start dating and messing as babies!

If you’re parents and you’re not first of all spiritually, emotionally, and legally bonded, you’ll end up giving your children too much work to do. Because they’ll have to learn to live with having to run from one pillar at point A called Dad to another pillar at point B, several miles apart, called Mom when indeed they should be seeing only one strong and formidable pillar called Team!

On the contrary, the leader is a team maker. He suddenly becomes one with his spouse or home because he doesn’t expect from her/them what he can’t offer. After all, in leadership, what you give is almost always what you get.

6.   WORDS

Till you become a slave to your words, wars are far from over in your world.

Sometime ago, I went into a business venture with a preacher that I respected so much. At that time, I didn’t have the courage to take him through proper paperwork. So we had only a verbal agreement.

When the chips were down, this great man of God skillfully and roundly dissociated himself from all the so-called verbal commitments he made earlier and put me suddenly in such a bad financial shape. It literally took me years to recover from the shock.

And of course, from that time on, he became a very disorganized and disintegrated man. Things started falling apart around him