Deal With Life’s Stress With a Little Humor

By Cindy Argiento

Work giving you stress? Spouse giving you stress? Kids giving you stress? Well, ‘Deal With Life’s Stress With a Little Humor,’ by Cindy Argiento. ‘Deal With Life’s Stress,’ holds 50 humor columns and is sure to have you rolling in the aisles with laughter or at least bring a smile to your lips and heart. In these crazy and troubled times we can all use a little laughter and this book will make you forget your troubles, at least for awhile. So, why not do yourself, a friend or loved one a favor and buy my book. The book is cheap, but the memories – priceless.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cindy Argiento
• Release date: Mar 1, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466088283

Book preview

Deal With Life’s Stress with A Little Humor

By Cindy Argiento

Copyright 2012 Cindy Argiento

Smashwords Edition

Acknowledgements:

To my dear friend Rita who made my dream her vision.

Honorable Mention:

Cindy would be riddled with remorse for failure to thank her assistant who made all this possible – her husband. Due to limited funds she pays her assistant with food. She will need to sell a boat load of books to one day to pay him with cash. She hopes monetary payment will put an end to his griping, but she seriously doubts it.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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Table of Contents

Never Leave an Empty Roll

Southern Living

Refresh My Memory

Tag Along

Go Put On Something Else

Having a Fun Job

Growing Old

We’re All Alone

Bikini Season

Garage Sale

Shopping With Cell Phone

A Boot is a Boot

Company’s Coming

Lost and Found

What’s That Smell?

After The Game

Days Gone By

The Bag Lady

Make up Your Mind

Bring it on

The Adventures of Thelma

So Much to Choose From

Take Out The Trash

That Time of Year

Don’t Bug Me

My Point Is

Checkup in Aisle One

Let’s Eat

Try This On

I Do

Keep Your Hands off My Food

Goodbye, So Long, Farewell

To Fold or Roll

Turn Back Time

No Noses Allowed

Listen to Me

North vs. South

Shower Off

Walk a Mile in my Shoes

Doctor on Call

Put Your Name on It

The Perfect Gift

Bring Your Hands Together

For All Eternity

I’m Hungry!

The Time Is

Stand the Test of Time

Allow me to Introduce

An Argiento Christmas!

Who Are You?

About the Author

Never Leave an Empty Roll

Here’s the deal, if you finish the toilet paper, replace the toilet paper! Don’t even think that by leaving two sheets of paper on the roll means you’re Scott free (sorry, I couldn’t resist), you’re not. Two sheets to wipe a #2 is two too few. Also, if you do get a new roll, please, replace the roll; don’t just sit it atop the old one. What does this tell your loved one? I love you, but, gee, just not enough for such taxing, physical labor.

However, having a loved one at home when you run out of toilet paper can be a blessing; just yell for toilet paper and ye shall receive toilet paper. Only, there’s a risk involved if the loved one who makes the delivery is your child; your young child who has friends over. Friends who are under the assumption they are filming an action movie and bust open the bathroom door; friends who are not shy looking at you in an uncompromising position. These friends seem shocked when told to Get Out. These friends go home and spread rumors to their parents about Crazy Potty Lady.

There are also risks involved to being home alone and running out of paper. You realize to late there is no toilet paper and the tissue box is empty. So, home alone, you rise and with ankles shackled by your underwear shuffle to the spare roll drawer. You open the drawer, you reach in the drawer, you curse the drawer, the drawer is empty. Now, you try to make a mad dash for the kid’s bathroom, down the hall. Only, with underwear binding your ankles, dashing is hard to do. You feel like your running in a 3-legged race. You get to the bathroom and realize it’s void of toilet paper. Not only is there an empty roll on the spool, there’s a second roll atop of it, also empty. While you question the intelligence level of family members you plan for the trip which must now be made to the downstairs bathroom. The safest way to make this trip with underwear at the ankles is to slide down the steps, on your belly. It’s risky, but, drastic times call for drastic measures. At the bottom of the steps you let out a symphony of curse words because you now have third degree burns. In the third bathroom you hit the jackpot, your search is over.

Using a public bathroom also poses risks. What do you do when you realize your stall is paper free, after the fact? If the bathroom is empty do you risk shuffling at high speed to the next stall and being seen by a stranger? If you’re lucky it won’t come to that and someone will be in the next stall to bail you out. Once their hand pops up in your stall like a ships periscope you’re at major risk. Why? You’re in a public bathroom for Pete’s sake, a place where the unspoken rule is- don’t touch anything. Yet, here you are taking toilet paper from a stranger and you know exactly where her hands have been. So, you take the paper and pray you don’t catch anything. With all the risks it’s imperative for the toilet paper to keep flowing. Going to the bathroom should not be a crap shoot.

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Southern Living

The other night I was taking on the phone to a friend from the North about aging. She asked me, When does a woman crossover from a Miss to a Ma’am? The moment you move to the South, I replied. Yes, change is automatic and certain when one moves to the South. I was welcomed with open arms and yet insulted at the same time. It happened when dining at our first southern restaurant. Upon entering the restaurant, the waitress behind the counter looked up and gave us a big, sunny, How y’all doing? Being from New York and unaccustomed to such a reception my husband and I turned to look for the people the waitress must be talking to. We looked. We saw nobody. We realized the warm greeting was for us. The second How y’all Doing, was louder and slower as though speaking to dimwitted foreigners who had just entered the FriendlyLand. Come right over here and sit down. I’ll fix y’all up. I’ve never seen you here before. Are you new in town? Well, this is a great place to live. You’re gonna like it here. She was right. I liked it immediately. I liked her immediately. I had my very own Aunt Bea waiting on me. We formed an instant bond. I decided on the spot she would be my new life long best friend. Why not? After two minutes I felt like I knew her my whole life and started to divulge deep, dark secrets. It would be a great friendship. We would talk for hours. We would go shopping together. We would get our hair done together. Life in North Carolina would be great. After chatting awhile she got down to business and took out her pad and pen to write down our order. She looked at me and asked, What would you like Ma’am? My jaw dropped. Stunned, I just stared at her in silence. The encore of What would you like Ma’am, was louder and slower as though speaking now to a deaf foreigner. Lowering my head and voice in sudden embarrassment, I gave her my order. She jotted it down and ran to place it. Ouch, that hurt, was all I could mutter when I regained the strength to talk. What hurt, my husband asked. She