The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
Written by Esther Perel
Narrated by Esther Perel
4.5/5
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About this audiobook
""A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books
From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
Esther Perel
Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence is a global phenomenon that has been translated into nearly 30 languages. Her newest book is the New York Times bestseller The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.
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Reviews for The State of Affairs
63 ratings5 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Absolutely mind blowing! Definitely need to keep this forever !
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Raising questions and rewriting common narratives, this audio book read by the author is a captivating account of the multiple ways people deal with infidelity. It offers valuable tools for couples, inspiring necessary talks and suggesting new perspectives on our expectations for a committed relationship.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Brilliant research and communication of the findings and realities of infidelity within the evolving contexts of relationship, insightful 360 view from each/any party involved. Esther has done so well to not only communicate but make us stop and think of the why of any action triggered by and in a relationship. Commendable work by Esther and her team.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Absolutely insightful and informative book. I cannot ever emphasize how good this book is. It gave me a new set of eyes in evaluating infidelity from both parties in the marriage. Once you get started on listening to the audio, you just can’t stop listening to it.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I really like Esther's work, she really does seem to ask the questions that lead you to do the deep soul searching and self anaylsis that more people should do.