She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up

Written by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky

Narrated by Sheila Wray Gregoire and Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach

What if the goal of raising a Christian girl was about more than keeping her virginity intact? What if it was about raising a strong, independent young woman who knows who she is, uses her voice, and confidently steps into the life God has for her?

From the authors of The Great Sex Rescue comes this evidence-based book grounded on surveys of over 28,000 women to offer moms a fresh, freeing, and biblically grounded message of sexuality and self-worth for their daughters that is less about the don'ts and more about the dos.

This isn't your average parenting book: no pat answers or overly broad principles here. No cliche prescriptives or toxic teachings that your daughter will have to unpack and recover from as an adult, like so many of us have. Instead, you'll find data-driven insights about how to raise a woman who is resilient, knows her strength, and has the discernment skills needed to make good choices. By reframing (and sometimes replacing) common evangelical messages to teen girls, this book will equip you to raise a girl who can navigate the difficult waters of growing up while still clinging tight to the God who created her on purpose, for a purpose.

• Language: English
• Publisher: ChristianAudio.com
• Release date: May 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9781545922934

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire has become “the Christian sex lady” as she talks sex all day, all the time on her Bare Marriage podcast and BareMarriage.com blog, the largest single-blogger marriage blog on the internet. She's also an award-winning author of nine books and a sought-after speaker who loves encouraging couples to go beyond Christian pat answers to find real-life solutions. And she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

Reviews for She Deserves Better

[lharder4 · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

This book really did not sot well with me. It makes good points about how our daughters should be raised, communicated with, and treated better. However, I feel like their examples show extremes. And any decent parents would communicate love in the manners they suggest but could do it without tearing down many many amazing Christian companies, ministries, authors, and churches. The world had enough division without us tearing apart many authors and ministry out there who are trying to do good. You can find fault with any sentence in a book or author or ministry when taken out of context. They mention their experience of their lives (which sounds terrible....Boys looking at porn at youth group, youth pastor saying if kids go to _____ church they are going to hell, kids getting taken advantage of sexually, AWFUL! etc!) But that does not mean that is the experience of all, nor is it the fault of EVERY single churche or youth pastor or author if our kids are being raised in a certain way. It starts at home. Parents should value and COMMUNICATE value to their kids through their TIME, WORDS, AND ACTIONS. If that is done, so much of what these authors take out of context would take care of itself, in my humble opinion. I don't think we have to rip the church apart in order to strive to do better. We do need to do better. But the bitterness and judgmental tone this book takes on really bothered me.

[Amy Hess · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

If you grew up anywhere close to “purity culture”- or in a culture that mirrored some of its teachings about relationships - and you’re wondering if you internalized any of those teachings, this is an excellent book to read. And, if you have a daughter and want to make sure you only pass on the healthy relationship lessons you learned, you definitely want to read or listen to this book. Key ideas and things to make sure our girls know are layed out and explained. I especially like the way it’s written to be for both moms and daughters, with a lot of great scenarios to think about.

[nadinec.keels · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

In my case, I don't have any daughters to teach.I'm not a mother.And I read very few self-help-type books.In fact, I didn't pick up this book looking to learn something I've not already learned, figured, or heard before.But when I feel like revisiting or processing personal stuff, reading helps me a lot. I wanted to try a book that didn't look to me like it would come from a bitter or vindictive angle while addressing its topic, since books full of bitterness don't make for beneficial or productive reading for me.So, a-processing I went.This book has a lot of information that people in the church seriously need to be aware of. There are good points here about not tolerating toxic treatment or relationships for the sake of being nice. About rejecting the erroneous idea that it's all up to girls to keep situations and relationships holy because boys are incapable of exercising self-control. About the reality that not all sexual force or coercion is physical—that there are other ways that people are pressured or manipulated into bad situations. About the way that girls and women deserve to live joyfully and comfortably in their bodies without shame, without being objectified. I could go on with more points...And no, this isn't a male-bashing book blaming men and boys for all the evils of the world or something. So don't think I'm going there.The part that's such a shame to me is the fact that books like this have become needful in the first place. That mothers/parents/people are having to be told more and more that damaging instruction, predatory behavior, and even sexual assault have become normalized in too many churches and Christian circles. That mothers are having to protect their daughters from harmful teachings that have come out in the church not only for teenaged girls and young women but also for little girls who haven't even reached adolescence yet.And even with the surveys and statistics that have gone into the authors' points in this book (I respect serious research, specific studies, and fact-based positions), I also imagine that the statistics still can't quite tell the full story. The story including the silent or unreached people who aren't taking or being presented with the surveys out there, and others may get the idea that it's only a certain kind of youth group, or in churches that "look" a particular way, where the issues exist. People may be unaware just how widespread the issues addressed in this book are—especially when keeping quiet about problems in the church so as not to "make God's house look bad" and/or "hinder the spreading of the Gospel" has been such an ingrained part of the culture in a lot of churches and Christian circles for a long time.So. It becomes all the more important for people to be made aware, because awareness can help inform the actions they take. The need for awareness is why books like this are important.