The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended

Written by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky

Narrated by Sheila Wray Gregoire

What if it's not your fault that sex is bad in your marriage?

Based on a groundbreaking in-depth survey of 22,000 Christian women, The Great Sex Rescue unlocks the secrets to what makes some marriages red hot while others fizzle out. Generations of women have grown up with messages about sex that make them feel dirty, used, or invisible, while men have been sold such a cheapened version of sex, they don't know what they're missing. The Great Sex Rescue hopes to turn all of that around, developing a truly biblical view of sex where mutuality, intimacy, and passion reign.

The Great Sex Rescue pulls back the curtain on what is happening in Christian bedrooms and exposes the problematic teachings that wreck sex for so many couples-and the good teachings that leave others breathless. In the #metoo and #churchtoo era, not only is this book a long overdue corrective to church culture, it is poised to free thousands of couples from repressive and dissatisfying sex lives so that they can experience the kind of intimacy and wholeness God intended.

Contains mature themes.

• Language: English
• Publisher: ChristianAudio.com
• Release date: May 25, 2021
• ISBN: 9781545917114

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire has become “the Christian sex lady” as she talks sex all day, all the time on her Bare Marriage podcast and BareMarriage.com blog, the largest single-blogger marriage blog on the internet. She's also an award-winning author of nine books and a sought-after speaker who loves encouraging couples to go beyond Christian pat answers to find real-life solutions. And she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

Reviews for The Great Sex Rescue

[Hannah M Corrales · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

As a licensed clinician, I’ve often felt so alone in the American Christian Church when I hear fellow Christians declare that only “Biblical” marriage and sex advice (i.e., what fits with their particular cultural interpretation of Scripture) is worthy, while anything supported by secular research and science is, at best, suspect. The authors used EMPIRICAL RESEARCH (which is rare for Christians) to show the Church that this is often exactly the opposite of reality: Secular marriage and sex advice is often healthier and more life-giving than what the “Biblical” teachings provide. Ultimately, this book is a wake-up call to American Christians to recognize that White, conservative Evangelicalism has veered far from Christ-likeness in the areas marriage, sexuality, and gender, serving the idol of patriarchy rather than Christ.

[Dana J. Moore · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book wrecked me. I am one of so many harmed by bad teaching about sex and marriage in the church. This validated many of my own thoughts throughout my marriage and questions I’ve asked other wives. I’m passing this on to all my friends to read. And I’m burning all the books that have led to trauma in my life.

[Heidi Diehl · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Absolutely amazing! I cannot recommend this book enough to anyone that grew up in purity culture or were touched by it in any way. I have become an unofficial spokesperson for this book! Please, please read.

[Courtney Wilson · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Sheila has created a tour de force. Read this for yourself, your daughters, your friends and soak up the healing power of knowing you are worthy of so much more than just being a wife and sex is not an obligation.

[Christiane Boles · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book needs to be mandatory reading for anyone working with youth or doing marriage counseling in the church. It is so good!

[Emily · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book has some great points in it that clearly need addressed. I appreciated the boldness to address some issues. I found that it did tend to ignore or get wrong certain things like how we should dress modestly and how we should seek to avoid visual sexual temptation. Also the tone in which she presents certain other marriage materials without proper context I felt was unfair. She also gets it wrong when she says gender roles are not important in marriage. This is not biblical. But her advice on sex, sexual trauma, and porn recovery are generally valid and helpful and overall biblical.

[Lindsay Rorick · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So insightful and well researched! Shiela addressed many false narratives that I learned growing up in the evangelical church. Thankful for her work!

[Emily · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book is so needed for those of us who grew up listening to purity culture or read marriage books like Love and Respect. I’ll be recommending this book to every Christian couple I know.

[Kennedy Matchett · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I’m Jared and my fiancé and I read this book in advance to being married and I’ll be the first to say that “The Great Sex Rescue” is the best book we have read so far leading up to marriage! The insights I received through the surveys and the stories of other couples broke my heart, but also made me see that God’s love is intended for both the husband and the wife! I was already a believer that wives needs, wants, desires, and boundaries should be met, but to read this book made me want to stand up and speak out against the books that tell you harm to a spouse is okay if certain needs aren’t being met! I have heard things taught in the church that you guys mentioned and they never really sat right with me, but it’s good to know that people are fighting to send a message that sex, marriage, and intimacy can always be better if you focus on your partner rather than yourself!

Wonderful book and I will definitely refer other couples to it if and when I get the chance!

[Rachel Stone · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Such refreshing advice, uplifting and offering helpful loving advice to readers.

[Em Morrice · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

The only Christian book on sex that I recommend !

[Celeste Palm · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I would recommend this book to everyone! Very mind-blown at what other prominent Christian books are recommending for certain topics. This was the first book I tried out and I was curious to have a comparison so I read “Sheet Music” as well. Sure enough I was appalled by some of the things said and how some things were phrased. These authors are doing great things for couples and I hope everyone reads this!

[Natalie Merchant · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

ADDS SWEETNESS, DEEPENS INTIMACY AND UNDERSTANDING

I cannot recommend this book enough. I have read so many, and this undid so much of the damage done by all of them, when I was growing up. It was freeing to listen to with my husband, 2 months into our marriage. It made him aware of all of the toxic things Iwas taught, and gave him the opportunity to be a part of my healing journey from it. It added sweetness and freedom to our sex life. We both read “the good guy/girl ‘s guide to great sex” separately before we married, too. These books will BLESS your marriage, and give you such a solid foundation to build a fantastic and intimate sex life on. I could go on and on. READ this. Thank you Shelia?❤️

[deusvitae · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

One does not have to spend long looking into the world of greater Evangelicalism to discern the Evangelical Marital Industrial Complex: all of the messages that relate to sexuality and the expected exercise of sexuality in marriage leading to having children. Perhaps few things over the past thirty years have become as definitively Evangelical as this marital industrial complex: everything from purity culture to "Christic manhood" to "Biblical womanhood" is covered within it. We are watching a great reckoning taking place with this Evangelical Marital Industrial Complex, especially in terms of its toxic excesses. The Josh Harris arc and the long line of traumatized men and women tells us all we need to know about the ugliness of purity culture. Du Mez has well analyzed the American conservative anchoring of what passes for Evangelical masculinity in Jesus and John Wayne. Yes, there are many movements toward full egalitarianism about, yet even some who would maintain a more "complementarian" posture are exposing the toxic excesses of what passes for "Biblical womanhood." And Gregoire et al have set their sights on the toxic ugliness of what passes for Evangelical sexuality in marriage. While I have discussed other toxic features of the Evangelical Marital Industrial Complex, the authors focus only on the advice given regarding sex in marriage in many commonly recommended Evangelical marital resources and as reflected in the teaching and instruction men and women (ok, mostly women) have received regarding sex in marriage in greater Evangelicalism. The authors do very well at making their clear contrast between what has generally been taught in Evangelicalism and what is a more healthy and Biblical understanding of sexuality: in these Evangelical resources, sex is a need of men and women ought to give it to them without any real expectation that it will be much good for them. According to God's purposes in marriage, sexuality is a mutually beneficial gift within the marriage relationship, and ought to be a means by which each partner ought to prioritize the pleasure of one another over themselves.The authors work out this general principle according to the many dimensions it has been abused in greater Evangelicalism: the importance of getting to know one another vs. just rushing right into it after the wedding; getting to know one another's bodies and desires as opposed to just assuming the man always wants it and the woman never does; the importance of loyalty and the need to resist temptation and porn, and for the man to own that, as opposed to expecting the wife's body to be the means by which he can resist porn; the difficulty with the expectation of "duty sex" and how many men do not even understand how thoroughly ingrained it is in women to always say yes even if they don't want it; the reality of marital rape vs. a galling lack of concern for consent in many Evangelical marital guides. The authors do attempt to encourage their readers about means by which they can improve their sex lives and get beyond the distortions and toxicity they have encountered in Evangelical marital guides.I personally must confess that I have often recommended the Love & Respect material, primarily because I have believed that its general message about communication in relationships has proven useful in marital contexts. I personally had not thought much of its advice regarding sex and sexuality, even though its perspective is not my own. But having it put this way absolutely shows how toxic its views on sexuality can be in a marriage relationship. The authors well manage how 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 ought to be interpreted, especially in light of the mutuality of love in Philippians 2:1-4 and Ephesians 5:25-33. My one significant qualm involves how the authors handle Ephesians 5:22-23: in the text itself, they rely on their survey research to demonstrate what they deem the problematic nature of expectations of the husband making the final decision, and in their note in the back their exegesis does not work much better. Yes, the verb is elided in v. 22 because it is carried from v. 21 (although it shows up again in v. 24); yes, there is to be a mutuality in submission, no doubt. But Ephesians 5:22, and 24, are there for a reason; there are different expectations for the husband and wife listed there for some reason, after all; and in a work that has otherwise done very well at respecting the witness of the Apostle, the stark contradiction here is all the more disappointing. It would have been better to emphasize that the subjection of the wife in vv. 22, 24 is never expected to be a coerced thing, but a freewill offering; if the wife does not feel as if she has been heard, that's a failure of leadership in her husband. I don't doubt the quality of the survey research, but it ought to be asked: how much of that strife and difficulty comes from the premise that wives are to offer their subjection as a freewill offering to their husbands, or how much of it comes from husbands not loving their wives as Christ loved the church and caring for them as their own bodies according to Ephesians 5:23, 25-29? I am concerned this might be a bit of an over-reaction. Likewise, when discussing the (often galling and awful) emphasis that wives should make sure they don't gain weight yet said books never say much about the husband, it is understandable to emphasize how male weight gain can lead to serious difficulties in sex, but if I were not reading that section carefully and noted that they did speak about both maintaining that kind of concern, it would have been easy to think that they were just doing the opposite of that which they were rightly condemning; a little bit more clarity there about how both spouses should give thought to how their bodies are helping or hindering their ability to enjoy sex would go a long way). I do not want these criticisms to suggest that I have major concerns with the work; far from it. This book needs to be considered far and wide in greater Evangelicalism to offset the damaging instruction given in the Evangelical Marital Industrial Complex. The authors of the marriage guides, the Lemans and Eggerichses of greater Evangelicalism, should repent, immediately rewrite their material, and make their repentance known; otherwise they should be ashamed of themselves. Until then, the message of this book needs to be reshared and given over and over again until it becomes the prevailing norm in greater Evangelicalism; may it be that many will be as ashamed of the poor sex advice as they have become about purity culture. Also - when is greater Evangelicalism going to recognize the judgment that it is under, the pain and distress it has caused, and begins to repent of all of its adherence to American cultural conservatism in ways that have seriously compromised its pretense of holding firm to Jesus?**--galley received as part of early review program