Feelings of overwhelm often directly correlate with being over capacity. We have too much on our plates. How did it all get on your plate in the first place? Some of it, of course, just ended up there because it’s part of the job. But some of the things on your plate you actually signed up for. Someone asked and you said “yes.” Today we’ll look at why you said “yes” and how to say “no” more often.    Learn more about Kristen Manieri and coaching: Kristen@kristenmanieri.com KristenManieri.com   Host Bio Kristen Manieri is a coach who works with teams to increase both productivity and wellbeing. She also helps individuals navigate transition with clarity and confidence. Her areas of focus are: stress reduction, energy management, mindset, resilience, habit formation, rest rituals, and self-care. As the host of the weekly 60 Mindful Minutes podcast, an Apple top 100 social science podcast, Kristen has interviewed over 200 authors about what it means to live a more conscious, connected, intentional and joyful life. Learn more at kristenmanieri.com/work-with-me.    Coaching If you’ve ever considered coaching, or if you’re feelings stuck or you’re about to make a big transition, reach out to me and we can talk about how I can help you navigate what’s ahead with more confidence and clarity. You can reach me at Kristen@kristenmanieri.com.   Full Transcript   (Part Three) End Overwhelm Series: Say “No” More Often Live: Nov 17   Welcome back to 60 Mindful minutes. This is Kristen Manieri and you’re listing to my four-part series on ending overwhelm. Part one was all about understanding your capacity. Part two was focused on doing less. Today, I’ll be sharing my thoughts on how we can learn to say “no” more often.   Feelings of overwhelm often directly correlate with being over capacity. We have too much on our plates. Ask yourself this question: how did this all get on my plate in the first place?   Some of it, of course, just ended up there because it’s part of the job. You didn’t sign up for your commute to work; it’s simply part of having your particular job. You didn’t sign up for making dinner most nights; it just turns out that you’re the one home first and skilled enough for the task.   But some of the things on your plate you did sign up for. Someone asked and you said “yes.” Those are the things I want to look at today.   Why do we say “yes” to the things we say “yes” to? Here are a few potential answers. See if any are a fit for you.   We say “yes” because:   We want to appear amiable and helpful, and avoid seeming difficult We want to be liked We want to avoid hurting people’s feelings We feel guilty saying “no” It’s just how we were raised It’s easier to put ourselves out than to put another person out We know we’ll figure out a way to make it all work, even if it causes us stress We have a hard time setting and holding boundaries Saying “no” feels confrontational or unkind We were so excited to be asked that we said “yes” before I we really thought it through If we say no, people may stop asking   Here’s a quick test to see if saying “no” is an underdeveloped skill for you: take a look at your commitments for the next 30 days, including tasks you have agreed to do for others and places you have committed to be. How many of them do you now wish you could back out of or secretly hope will be cancelled? Are you already cooking up excuses or lies in order to avoid this commitment? If you see this pattern, even just a little bit, I believe you’re saying “yes” too much and saying “no” too little.   A few years ago, a client (I’ll call her Cheryl) was sharing with me that she was feeling awful about a girl’s weekend that was coming up a few days later. She had committed to going several weeks before but as the details of the trip slowly came to light, she realized that this was not the trip for her. Now she was going through the gut-wrenching process of trying to figure out a way to cancel. Could she say one of her kids is sic