Mainstream parenting (aka the parenting most of us received, and that most of us are trying to move away from) often relies solely on power currencies that are inherently damaging to relationships: fear, control, and hierarchy. If any of those are present in a romantic relationship, we know (even if we can't always see it from the inside) that it's not ok, not healthy. Yet they tend to be the default for so many of us, myself included, and not just with our kids, but in our own heads even as we try to change ourselves. The irony of trying to become a more peaceful, respectful, and compassionate parent by using the very tactics we are trying to avoid with our kids on ourselves, will always fill me with bemused sadness. And yet each day is a constant practice of reminding myself that I, too, am worthy of compassion, dignity, and respect. And that releasing shame, blame, judgment, fear, and control is just as healthy for me as it is for my kids. And what's more, if I want true and lasting change, then it starts with me. Not in my actions in the world with my kids or my partner, but in my interactions with the person I will be in a relationship with the longest: myself.  This work, this life-long work, is the topic of not only the Reactivity to Responsive challenge (taking place at the end of September) but also this week's discussion on the podcast with my guest, Christian de la Huerta, a sought-after spiritual teacher, personal transformation coach and leading voice in the breathwork community.

If you want to find out more about the work Christian do, you can do so at SoulfulPower.com (if you get on his email list, you will get a sample chapter from his book!) and follow him on Instagram @christiandlh.   You can get a copy of his book, Awakening the Soul of Power, here.