In this week’s podcast, I’m answering questions that have come in about being irritated with a husband who is wasting his time during lockdown. This is a pretty common challenge (a LOT of you commented on this one!) so know you’re not alone--but I wanted to share a few ideas to help you understand this differently and hopefully experience less frustration.

He seems like an extension of us when we want to get things done. Now I have four hands! But… he’s not. He does actually get to decide how to spend his time. I find the easiest approach here is to catch yourself and laugh at it.

Just because you’re going through the same experience doesn’t mean you’re experiencing it the same. This whole coronavirus experience, even though for many of us it doesn’t require a lot of physical energy, it can be very draining. So he may be vegging out. And the truth is… maybe it ISN’T the most helpful way for him to process his stress or anxiety, but... you get that, right? Sometimes we reach for chocolate when we probably should go for a run.

It seems to me that on a meta level, we are being forced into appreciating the feminine. Male brains, due to testosterone, are wired for accomplishment and scoring points. Women’s brains are wired for emotions and communication. And we both have both, but right now practically ALL we have is the relationships and communication. Most of our externals are the same. And what most of us raised in the West have gotten is that our value comes from how much we accomplish, but that’s an inherently masculine approach. What if we’re wrong about that? Or what if it’s not right or wrong and this is an opportunity to see that value for what it is--an arbitrary value? What does it mean just to be?