Listen to the raw unedited audio response Losing Sight of Why You Started
Sometimes we get down on ourselves and lose our way. Today's episode is in response to an Instagram friend of mine named Gosha Bondarev. To wrap some context around this, Gosha is a young illustrator and letterer from Saint Petersburg, Russia who aspires to be a full-time freelancer. I've watched him amass a following over 20k followers in the 1-2 years.
While someone may have a large follower count, this doesn't always translate into confidence and happiness. With Gosha's permission, the following is a message he sent me reaching out for advice followed by my response.
Note: I decided to write out a more thoughtful response for this episode based on the raw audio file I sent him which you can listen to here.
While I can't respond with audio to each person who sends me an email or message, I felt particularly called to respond to this one as it felt like my old self-talking through him.
I hope this wave of vulnerability and encouragement hits you when you need it most.
From Gosha
Hey man. Sorry if I am bothering you, but I need advice. I re-listened to episode #25 again because I wasn't able to do anything creative for the last month. After that, I felt like I should ask you.
The ugly truth is that I gave up, I started learning programming because it seems that I need some valuable skills to pay the bills. I have some pictures to post on Instagram from the last year but I'll run out of them soon and not sure what to do next.
I'm realizing that maybe four years of hustling is enough to understand this area isn't for me. I don't fit in here because I see what others are doing and how much more creative and interesting their stuff is. I feel I'm only progressing in using Instagram a little better but my drawing skills are on the same level as years go by.
I'd rather I realize it as soon as possible and try to apply myself in a different area. I asked a couple of friends from the creative industry and they tell me that, "If I'm not sure I want to do it than it's probably not for me."
I know that I should decide it by myself but I was hoping you'd have something to say.
To Gosha
Gosha, I'm glad you're able to be vulnerable and trust me not to judge you. What's funny is that I deal with this inner voice of doubt every day as I push the limits of my creative dream.
I feel sometimes we get to a point where we suffocate our dreams because we expect so much from ourselves. It causes us to not only lose sight of what we love doing in the first place but maybe miss the signs the universe is trying to guide us towards.
When I started Perspective-Collective almost 4 years ago, I had my heart set on becoming a full-time freelancer. I wanted financial freedom, time freedom and the bragging rights of working with the biggest names in the industry.
I saw people older and younger than me living out this dream. While I held and still hold a day job, it was hard to see past the $50 logo commissions people were willing to pay me. This slowly killed my freelance dreams.
However, I'm lucky that somehow I caught a sign from the universe and I began blogging. I've mentioned this before but blogging radically changed things in my career, even though my blog never blew up.
As I've made progress, this new path created new challenges and provides new waves of negative thoughts. I'm most envious of people like Andy J. Miller who hosts an incredible podcast for creatives as he has seemed to find his voice and unique artistic style. Not to mention his client list speaks for itself, but Andy has probably dealt with these same struggles finding his way.
I realize these moments of doubt and comparison are normal. Yet dwelling in them suffocates the passion making me forget why I do this in the first place.
I do this because I fucking love to create and I am passionate about pushing people to find their best creative selves. It's the coach in me that has lived on after football.
So I ask yo