Ian Stewart's Addiction Recovery Handbook: 12-Step Recovery

By Ian Stewart

In this autobiographical work, Ian Stewart shows his vulnerability in sharing his recovery story. He has written the answers to the questions he posed in his previous book, Know Thyself. Ian has included many other helps he found along the way in his recovery that you may find as important gems in your recovery.

Ian explains, "Writing out steps 1 through 7 is very important to review during continued recovery you can see where you have been, where you want to go (recovery achievements), and where you are now. You can trace your recovery process and accomplishments, proving to yourself (and others) that your recovery journey has enhanced your life."

There are twelve steps of recovery in all 12-Step recovery programs. Steps 1 through 7 are the core of the recovery program, identifying a person's strengths, weaknesses, challenges, and self-discoveries. It shows the person's areas that need to be worked on to improve their life by identifying areas, taking action in correcting, and moving to a healthier way of life by renewing your mind.

Step 8 identifies people, places, and things to make amends to for enhancing an individual's recovery (if you don't realize your problem, it simply does not exist to you; however, others can see your problem areas clearly).

Steps 9 through 12 are maintenance steps to keep an individual on track and in a strong recovery program.

This book is highly recommended reading for all people in any 12-step program, whether contemplating attending a 12-step program, after your first 12-step meeting, or after years of attending recovery groups.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 22, 2024
• ISBN: 9798889433736

Ian Stewart

Ian Stewart is Professor Emeritus of Mathematics at the University of Warwick and the author of the bestseller Professor Stewart's Cabinet of Mathematical Curiosities. His recent books include Do Dice Play God?, Significant Figures, Professor Stewart's Incredible Numbers, Seventeen Equations that Changed the World, Professor Stewart's Casebook of Mathematical Mysteries and Calculating the Cosmos. He is a Fellow of the Royal Society.

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Ian Stewart's Addiction Recovery Handbook

12-Step Recovery

Ian Stewart

ISBN 979-8-88943-372-9 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88943-373-6 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Ian Stewart

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

This book is dedicated to God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), without whose help I could not be alive today (physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and/or mentally). Also dedicated to all those brave and courageous people who are seriously in a recovery program.

Preface

Introduction

Hi, my name is Ian.

What Is Life Recovery?

Chapter 1

In the Beginning

(Completed between 2005 and 2007)

Chapter 2

Step 1. Admitted We Were Powerless

Admitted We Were Powerless

Chapter 3

Step 2. Came to Believe

Came to Believe

Chapter 4

Step 3. Made a Decision

Made a Decision

Chapter 5

Step 4. Took Inventory

Took Inventory

Chapter 6

Step 4. Updated Step Four Questions

Updated Step Four Questions

Chapter 7

Step 5

Admitted to God

Chapter 1

Pinpointing the Beginning of my Sexual Addiction

07/26/2007

Chapter 2

Background Information

07/27/2007 and 07/31/2007

Chapter 3

Unpacking Chapter 2

Background Information

08/09/2007

Chapter 4

Other Defective Areas

08/11/2007

Chapter 5

Now the Good Stuff

08/14/2007

Chapter 8

Step 6. Were Entirely Ready

Were Entirely Ready

Chapter 9

Step 7. Humbly Talked with God

Humbly Talked with God

Chapter 10

Focused Third Step Surrender

Addendum: The Rest of the Story (Original Story)

The Rest of the Story

This Old House

Lament—44 Years

05/17/1989

The Shroud

An Explanation

01/03/2008

The Shroud and Other Challenges

Okoboji Men's Spiritual Retreat–Devotions

August 17–19, 2007

Spiritual Recovery Booklet SR-1

Spiritual Logbook—Introduction

Life Recovery

Journal

Journal—Enlightenments/Insights/Thoughts

Journal—Enlightenments/Insights/Thoughts

Plans

Plans—Actions I Will take/Have Taken

Plans—Actions I Will take/Have Taken

Readings

Readings

Readings

The Prayer List

Prayer List

Prayer List

Talk to Me about Eating T-1

Ian Stewart 7/15/2013

Epilogue (Today) E-1

Today

Jonah—A Recovery Bible Study

About the Author

This book is dedicated to God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), without whose help I could not be alive today (physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and/or mentally). Also dedicated to all those brave and courageous people who are seriously in a recovery program.

Preface

There are several reasons I have written this book. It is a follow-on for my first book, Know Thyself. I felt that many people that have read and worked through or are working through my first book would feel that it is virtually impossible to answer all the questions I posed to ready yourself to work the 12-Steps of any recovery program (I always wonder if the people writing workbooks do the work themselves that they prescribe to everyone else).

Thus, I have shown in this book that I have done just that. It is not impossible; it is time-consuming but very enlightening to learn so much about oneself. My intent also for my first book is to show that there is more to you than appears on the surface. You will also realize you have many good qualities, those positive qualities your life has to offer. No matter how good, bad, or ugly you think you are, you are still a precious child of God and extremely worthwhile to him. He knew you before you were conceived in your mother's womb, and he has a plan for your life. Listen to his small quiet voice and respond to it.

God doesn't wait for you to straighten out your life before surrendering yourself to him. He just wants you to come to him, and he will give you what it takes to be his eternal child. Be willing. Do the work. Learn about yourself. He will enlighten you with what he wants you to remember to have a sound recovery. This should not be a race to get done; rather, it is a discovery time for you to become a better person.

A person in counseling might share what he/she has written in words with his/her counselor, who should find helpful insights in how you operate and be very beneficial to your recovery. It could save you hours, days, or months of agonizing what you think of yourself as inaccurate information. Satan is still alive today and as much a liar as ever. He will do everything in his power to ruin your image. Remember, you were made in the image of God. The most horrendous negative that Satan can do is to get you to believe that you are worthless, that you are nothing, that you cannot be helped, and to turn God's image into disbelief. It is also helpful to become vulnerable in any recovery program because without vulnerability, there is no recovery program at all.

Keeping secrets, whether from your significant other—family, friends, associates, and others you come in contact with—is just not being vulnerable and honest. Am I honest all the time? No. Scrutiny must be maintained.

Once, at my job, I felt comfortable with whom I was sharing about my addiction. I thought they understood, were compassionate, and had empathy. Naught! I found myself in front of a panel trying me for sexual harassment. Ever had that happen to you in your workplace? Not fun (another chapter for another time).

Another reason for this book is to ask you, the reader, to give me any input to assist in my recovery. Some people's suggestions may be better than others, but yours may be the one that will propel me into the next phase of recovery. Leave no stone unturned. Contact me at [e-mail].

The next book I am working on is another side of me—the real me—the good and only a very little of the bad and the ugly. You will have seen it all if God gives me the time and stamina to complete all he has provided me with while on this earth. You might say another book would allow you to see the lighter side of me.

There may be a very few out there in book land that will also write of their recovery, have a book published, and be able to help others in a way you never thought possible. I know there are many aspiring writers out there.

I feel we need more personal stories from ordinary people. Experts are helpful, but 12-Step groups usually help each other without the expertise of people of higher education. Addicts helping addicts—that's what recovery is all about.

Introduction

Hi, my name is Ian.

My first seven steps of recovery

You may not know me, but I know you. You are hurting whether you realize it or not. I am here to help you. I started my journey over twenty years ago. I started in a 12-Step program in 1998. I figured I would be done with that part of my life in a year, maybe two. But, alas, I am still working on my recovery. You will realize that constantly working on improving your life you will continue in discovery and recovery until God calls you home.

The bad news first. If you are an addict, you will always be an addict. It's an ugly title for anyone. I don't care what your addiction is: drugs, alcohol, sex, work, spending, relationships, pornography, cars, love, gardening, science, politics, lying, obsessing, working out, etc.—you need help to find a more peaceful, healthy, and productive life. I'm not going to tell you how to find a more peaceful, healthy, vibrant, and productive life. I can't tell you how to find those things, but I can tell you my story. You will be able to identify certain characteristics that will help you become a more likable person to family, friends, work associates, and new people you encounter on your journey through life. When you are honest with yourself, you will also be able to identify parts of your life that you should change to be a better, more productive, and likable person.

When you are finished reading this book, you will know me better than you have known anyone else in your whole life. Hopefully, you will take away some gems or nuggets of inspiration to help you become a more productive and dynamic person in your own right. You will encounter life recovery.

Life Recovery—Part 1

Life recovery begins when we take our first breath.

Life Recovery is over when we lay down in death.

Life's experiences we covet; are both good and bad.

Some make us happy while others make us sad.

If we just didn't pick up baggage along life's way,

And had lives of bliss every day.

If we had no disagreement or fight with our friend

We'd grow old and peaceful with the means to our end.

But life isn't that way. It just doesn't work!

Before we know it we've each been a jerk.

Gimme that toy, I want it right now!

You can't have it! It's mine… So, don't have a cow!

You scream, and you yell; you hit, and you punch.

Then your mom calls you in to eat your noon lunch.

You're quick on the trigger and you yell at her madly,

She sends you to bed because you acted so badly.

You forget these things…but remember them well.

Deep down they get hidden, but they're clear as a bell.

You'll meet these resentments later in recovery,

When you study your life—it will be a discovery.

The time you were punished, and it wasn't your fault.

You felt you were bleeding then someone poured on the salt!

The pain burned within you. Your heart burned with fire.

You knew with his words that he was a liar.

Life Recovery—Part 2

Our sins are like rain that falls from the sky.

We don't want to do badly, but we don't know why.

Try as we might to be good for the whole day,

All the while thinking the rain will wash sin away.

But the rain is like sin, it soaks to the soul,

We can't shake it off…we just want to be whole.

We scream to our God from inside our heart,

God, please give me a brand-new start!

Though we didn't know it, we were drowning in pain,

We didn't realize we were soaked by the rain.

The gentle rain fell; we got soaked to the core.

The wetness was great, we couldn't hold any more.

Being full of moisture drove us to the ground.

We saw people talking but didn't hear a sound.

We wanted to give up. Our depression was great.

We knew we were drowning and that was our fate.

The blow to our psyche was so hard to take.

We had to do something because if we didn't, we'd break.

We couldn't go lower; there was no place to go.

We were chained and being dragged down by a foe.

Down… Down… Down, to that ominous pit

We were free falling…falling…losing our grit.

Feeling already at our lowest place

We found ourselves spiraling into endless space.

Death was enveloping us, blacking us out to the world,

Spinning us around we were being mightily twirled.

Spinning so fast into this deep dark well.

We could feel it then… We were headed to Hell!

Life Recovery—Part 3

Oh God, I screamed. But the words didn't come out.

I screamed again. This time I did shout!

And the words echoed 'round me, loudly this time,

"I surrender my God, save me from this crime."

God must have heard me; I felt such a peace.

Satan let go as I felt his release.

The spiraling down…weird how it stopped.

I felt suspended; no longer I dropped.

I looked up, into that ominous dark space,

But it wasn't dark…in the light was a face.

I wondered if that was the face of God.

Immediately I felt Peace and saw the face nod.

I don't know how such things can be,

I only know it happened to me.

I knew in an instant, all at once I could see.

The journey ahead really would set me free.

What is life recovery? What does it mean?

Am I now free from making a scene?

Can I now journey into a healthier life?

Can there be renewal between husband and wife?

Life recovery begins at birth,

When we first arrive on this awesome earth.

Our first relationship is with our mother,

Then our father, sister, and brother.

When you are young and beginning to grow,

Knowing right from wrong is not your goal.

But you learn things from both mom and dad,

Brother and sister, you learn good and bad.

As you grow and learn please and thanks

You are learning and filling your memory banks.

Things you see and learn are stuck in your head,

Those things you forget; and things people said.

Do you forget them or just put them away?

Do you bring them to mind another time or day?

Will they come back to haunt you some way?

Will you pick them up or just let them stay?

Life Recovery—Part 4

It's said God has given us all a free will,

Which means we are free to be noisy or still,

Does it mean that we can do as we please?

We can live life hard or live life at ease.

We've done things, growing up, with people we've met.

Some things are good, some we regret.

Many of us fall into various afflictions,

Some of those turn into full-blown addictions.

Life recovery includes many things.

So, we must be healthy and make sure life brings

A life lifted up on eagle's wings.

A spectacular new life living like kings.

It's your choice…be careful what you choose,

Because as life goes on you will have a lot to lose.

The free will that God grants; he wants us to learn

To give it back to Him full measure return.

Listen to our inner voices.

Listen because these are our choices.

God talks to us through each given day,

We must listen carefully to find our way.

So, life recovery is living to say,

I want to be healthy in every way.

Each thought, word, action, and desire

Is my choice to live in, or out, of the fire!

What Is Life Recovery?

Recovery—the last phase of life is recovery from anything that hinders your closer walk with God. It is the magic that you want in your life that gives you peace, love, joy, patience, self-control, and a profound sense of well-being. It doesn't necessarily mean total happiness. Total happiness is very elusive…a feeling or emotion that says, I could live like this forever. That will come…but not on this side of the great chasm.

In this tome, you will get to know me well as I uncover my life right in front of your eyes. I have been looking for an accountability partner that I can bare it all and not hear any condemnation from them as I am speaking. This is the part of recovery I am most afraid of, the hardest and the most difficult to untangle.

It seems everyone knows what is best for me without even knowing me. Relationships take time. You can't learn about me in a few minutes. You cannot learn about me in an hour or two a week in a 12-Step or other group meeting, unless, of course, we attend the same meeting for years on end. Even counselors I have had appointments with are too energetic to fix me instead of listening to my story and learning about me. So my counselor (you) will be the first one to listen to me without interjection. Oh, you can interject and fix me all you want or think you know what I need. The bottom line: I get to speak without pause or interruption from you. But while you are reading this tome, you will be my only counselor.

I am a writer. I have written about my addictions and compulsive behaviors for the past twenty years; however, I've not shared it—as I am doing with you—with any one person. You are that one person! You may be able to see yourself in some of the situations I have encountered. You may have an awakening during parts of this book—I hope so.

I start with an email from a good friend of mine. We haven't seen each other in years; in fact, I had lost contact with him many years ago. This email was sent to me Wednesday, February 20, 2002, at 8:36 p.m.

From Dragon Fighter

Subject: A word picture; brothers in the battle.

A word picture for your consideration and encouragement.

Think of your polluted mind as a pot filled to the brim with black coffee. Sitting beside the coffeepot is a huge bowl of crystal-clear ice, which represents the Word of God. Your goal is to purify the contents in the pot by adding ice cubes to it. Every cube displaces some of the coffee and dilutes the rest, making it a little purer. You can only put one or two cubes a day in the pot, so the process seems futile at first. But over the course of time, the water begins to look less polluted, and the taste and smell of coffee is greatly diminished. The process continues to work provided you don't add more coffee grounds to the pot.

Merely trying to stop thinking bad thoughts won't work. We must fill our minds with the crystal-clear Word of God… We are not called to dispel the darkness; we are called to turn on the light. We overcome the father of lies by choosing the truth!¹

Where We Were, Where We Are Now, Where We Want to be in the Future

As I sit at this meeting table with eleven others sitting around, I listen intently to the stories that are told. Where we were, where we are now, where we want to be in the future.

I feel so miserable. How could I have done that? It just destroyed my life, not to mention my wife and children's self-esteem. How can I face them now? How can I face anybody? How can any of them face anybody? When the word gets out, we won't be able to go out into public. It was entirely all my fault. My self-centeredness. I knew better. Why did I download that pornography onto my work computer; get angry with my boss and say, ‘I'd rather be dead than to work here'; use the company credit card to gamble; have that pint flask in my locker, etc.? I just don't know. I feel so miserable. Maybe I need to get some help. Where would I go? Who would I talk to? Nobody would understand. I'm just a failure!

On and on it goes. So many regrets. I really don't want this recovery thing. I want to continue hiding from my fears, being self-centered, doing things my way.

Some have said I love the darkness. Yeah, I guess I do. I don't like to be found out, about the misery I have let myself in for. I would love to talk with someone and let it all out if they would listen with compassion and only offer suggestions or helpful hints about life. I'm not looking for someone to judge me. That has happened much too often in my life. I just want someone to listen. I want to live a cleaner and more open and productive life. I want to, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the darkness in my life. I don't want anyone to know about my secrets. I just want them to all go away as if they never existed.

After twenty years, I know I must surrender my darkness at any cost. God forgives if I am sincere and share his Son, Jesus Christ, with anyone that will listen.

I went to counseling. I saw several different psychologists at various times in my life. I found out that there are good counselors…and I found out there are bad counselors. The bad ones were a lot like me. I didn't want to admit I had problems. Problems of dysfunction. I grew up that way…I didn't know any different. I didn't want to admit it. I was happy with myself…or so I thought.

One of the first counselors I went to said, Masturbate? Look at pornography? What's wrong with that? That's just a normal guy thing.

Then I found out that I had a spending addiction. If I went into a store, I felt compelled to buy something, even though I knew that I really didn't need the item(s). Other times, I felt that I just couldn't live without the item(s). As time went on, I noticed that I hadn't used the items and really didn't even want them. Then there was the time (in the late 1980s) I signed up for a credit card and spent $5,000 on stuff that I honestly felt I had to have. I did use my purchases to generate some self-education and income, but what wasn't good about it was that I didn't communicate any of this with my wife. "Wrong answer!"

And food; I have been plagued with overeating and eating the wrong foods for way too long. If I knew then what I know now, I would have changed my life long ago…and I would have been a better person now for my poor choices then. It's even harder now to change; I really don't wanna change. I know I must, but it's hard to change my attitude regarding change (see Know Thyself by Ian Stewart, p. 9).

Let me go back to an earlier time. I grew up in a typically dysfunctional family. The years of my childhood were the best years in history, the 1950s. I don't remember that I was abused then nor mistreated. I remember growing up normally in a loving environment, though I remember we didn't seem to have very much. My father gardened