How to Calm the Hell Down and Be Happy: Practical Wisdom from a Recovering Worrier

By Ilene Angel

Is stress keeping you up at night? Do you want to be calmer, but don't know where to begin? Do you contemplate trying yoga and meditation while your inner voice is saying, "Never gonna happen?" Then How to Calm the Hell Down and Be Happy is for you. For the skeptic who wouldn't be caught dead in the self-help section, How to Calm the Hell Down and Be Happy is the first of its kind survival guide from the world's leading (recovering) worrier.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 13, 2018
• ISBN: 9781543943474

Book preview

Also by Ilene Angel:

In Search of George Stephanopoulos

A True Story of Life, Love, and the Pursuit of a Short Greek Guy

Copyright 2019 © by Ilene Angel

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means – whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic – without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles or reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

Print ISBN: 978-1-54394-346-7

eBook ISBN: 978-1-54394-347-4

Artwork by Brian Nash. (www.briannash.net)

Art and design by Tanya Leah. (www.2aTstudio.com)

Author photo by Stan Tomczak.

For people like me

Contents

Introduction

Willingness

Yoga

Time

Learning to Walk

Yoga – Part 2

Should I Be Worried About This?

What a Wonderful World

The Quick Fix

How Hard Can Breathing Be?

Pssst…

Sleep

Yoga – Part 3

The New Math

No News Is Good News

The Blessed Blissful Silence

How Can You Listen to a Voice You Didn’t Know You Had?

Who Do You Think You Are?

What’s the Payoff?

Passion and Purpose

Yoga – Part 4

The To-Do List of the Master Worrier

Visualization

Meditation

Stuff

Yoga – Part 5

Things That Go Bump in the Night

Do That Thing with Your Hands

How to Survive the Holidays Without Imploding

Money, Money, Money

Talking to Yourself

Yoga – Part 6

Exercise That’s Not Yoga

Failure

Faith

Surrender

Learning to Say Yes

Learning to Say No

Knowing When to Say Yes and When to Say No

Yoga – Part 7

But Enough About Me

The Heart of the Matter

How Not to Kill Anyone in the Heat of the Moment

The Yoga Wrap-Up

God – What’s in a Name?

Grief

Prayer

Say What You Need to Say

The Takeaway

Acknowledgements

Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.

Author Unknown

Introduction

I would like to tell you that I am some sort of expert in the field of remaining calm no matter what catastrophe arises or chaos ensues. I’d like to tell you that I always maintain a Zen-like blissful state and therefore, am the best-equipped person to guide you gently from anxiety to tranquility and from misery to joy. I’d like to tell you all of that, but none of it is true.

At any given moment, my inner voice is likely screaming, The world has gone to hell in a hand basket and we’re all gonna die!

So altruistic an act as writing this book may appear to be, I did not set out to do it because you needed it. I set out to do it because I did.

The truth is I am a master worrier, a guru, if you will, of contemplating the worst possible case scenario, of anxiety-riddled insomnia, and of stressing out over things as benign as staircases without railings and as horrific as genocide in any part of the world. I am an equal opportunity worrier.

In an effort to calm the hell down, I’ve gone to workshops and listened to audio programs, attended seminars, webinars, read books, and anything else I thought might help alleviate my stress and make me a happier person.

I’ve worked with shamans and psychics, priests, rabbis, born again-ers, new agers, an acupuncturist, a nutritionist, and a partridge in a pear tree. And here’s what I can tell you – some things work and some don’t.

It would be great if all of us could take time off, travel the world, decompress, visit an ashram, and find inner peace. However, most of us have things called responsibilities, both financial and personal.

So what are we to do to achieve a new and improved life?

What is our path toward relieving stress and being happier?

And can it truly reside somewhere between the full-time job, the laundry, the grocery shopping, and all of the other necessary things we must do to keep our daily lives functioning?

The short answer is yes.

However, if you are looking for a certified life coach or lifelong tea-drinking yoga enthusiast to urge you gently on your way in a mellifluous, if not slightly inauthentic and condescending tone, I am not your gal.

I am, however, a woman who, out of necessity, embarked on a journey toward a calmer and happier life with my common sense and sarcasm intact.

I knew things had to change for me when the most relaxation I’d had in recent years was while having an MRI of my head. I kid you not. I can’t remember the last time someone put a pillow under my legs and asked me if I was comfortable. God bless that technician. It was a few blissful minutes where I was forced to do nothing. And the incessant noise of the machine, while bothersome to most, was a welcome relief to me, because it drowned out the relentless chatter in my head. Yes, were it not for the fact that we were ruling out a brain tumor as the possible cause of my debilitating migraines, I would have considered the whole experience a spa day. By the way, no brain tumor, so yay me.

Off I went, on my merry way, to find answers to this stress thing before it did me in for good.

What I found was not what I expected. I discovered that there were more layers to stress, worry, fear, and anxiety than I had imagined, and that it wasn’t as simple as lighting a scented candle and watching my cares vanish. Damn. I was so hoping it would be as simple as lighting a scented candle and watching my cares vanish.

And this whole being happy thing also carried with it layers upon layers that I did not anticipate.

As with whatever ails us, we can treat the symptoms or we can treat the cause. Both will offer relief. But without truly addressing the underlying reasons for our stuff, relief is temporary at best, and our lives remain pretty much the same.

For me, the same was not an option anymore. And let’s face it; if you’re reading this, you want something different, too – a better quality of life, at the very least.

The experiences, opinions, beliefs, and advice contained in this book are purely my own. It is my hope that it will help you in some way, give you new food for thought, and maybe even entertain you a little in the process.

Our time here is precious and I believe we owe it to ourselves to do what we must in order to be happy and filled-full. I think that not only do our own lives benefit from that, but those of our families, communities, and the world at large benefit from it, too.

So here’s what I’ve figured out…

You are always one decision away from a totally different life.

Mark Batterson

Willingness

I once visited a church, where a phenomenally charismatic spiritual leader asked his congregation, Wilt thou be healed?

I thought that was an odd question.

The congregation responded emphatically, Yes!

Then he asked, When?

And they responded even more emphatically, Now!

He repeated this same set of questions several times in rapid succession.

Wilt thou be healed?

Yes!

When?

Now!

I pondered why he was asking this, and why he was asking it so many times repeatedly.

You go to someone because you’re not feeling well and you want to feel better. Maybe it’s a mere mortal medical doctor or maybe it’s God.

You are asking to be healed. You’ve gotten yourself up, and dressed, and to the doctor, or to the church, or wherever, and you’re saying, Please heal me.

Then, your fervent pleading is met with the question: "Will you be healed?"

Why ask that question when you obviously want to be healed? Didn’t you go there? Didn’t you ask to be?

But the question isn’t if you asked to be or even if you want to be. The real question is are you willing to be.

Willingness is at the heart of everything we say we want in our lives. Let me repeat that sentence just in case your eyes glazed over.

Willingness is at the heart of everything we say we want in our lives.

There are plenty of things we want. We’ve got lists, in fact. But wanting and willingness are two entirely different animals, because wanting does not require taking action and definitely doesn’t involve sacrifice, but willingness, on the other hand, does.

Even if willingness didn’t require sacrificing anything else, it requires that we relinquish our story. And we are chock full of stories.

I’d love to go bowling with you, but my sciatica is acting up.

Oh, you poor thing! I feel just awful for you. Is there anything I can do to help?

Well, first of all, if your sciatica wasn’t acting up, you might actually have to own up to the fact that you hate bowling. Then, there’s all that sympathy you get. Plus, maybe your kind friend will lug the three cases of bottled water that are on sale this week at the grocery store for you. Gosh, this sciatica thing has really turned into a blessing in disguise, hasn’t it?!!

This is not an exaggeration of how most of us operate on a daily basis. We tell stories about everything. But the biggest story we tell ourselves and the world around us over and over again, throughout the course of our lives, is the story of why we can’t have or do or be what we truly want. It is the saddest story of all. And if we really want to be happy, this is the story that we must be willing to relinquish.

So take a moment, if you will, and answer the following questions:

What is my story about how life works?

What is my story about how love works?

What is my story about how money works?

What is my story about how careers work?

What is my story about how family works?

What is my story about how relationships work?

What is my story about how God, or religion, or the Universe works?

What is my story about how forgiveness works?

What we believe or tell ourselves about each of these things shows up as the portrait of our lives.

What we think and believe determines what we say, and what we say determines what we do, and all three, what we think, say, and do, add up to what our lives look like.

So the long and short of it is that if we want different lives, we have to begin by telling ourselves and everybody else something different.

That brings me to the other part of what lies at the heart of everything we say we want, which is letting go.

Our happiness, joy, peace, contentment, and fulfillment are not made manifest by anything that we acquire or obtain. They are dependent upon what we are willing to let go of in order to have those things.

So let’s take a moment now and ask ourselves, honestly…

Am I willing to let go of what is familiar?

Am I willing to let go of my past?

Am I willing to let go of