Memoirs of a Happy Psycho: A Cheat Code on How to be Happy

By Daniel De La Cruz

How many times have you been asked how you were doing, and you responded "better"?

In all honesty you might have been doing a little better than the last time but not much. Then this book is for you. But this book is also for people who are just tired of not living their best lives. People who wish they had someone they can go to that can help direct them on the path to living that best life.

How many people wish they had an older person they can turn to when they feel doubt to ask for advice? Someone who has accumulated years of wisdom to say "You know what I've been there, and this is what these things will lead to. Let me show you how I got past that".

How many people are just in need of some source of guidance? I have felt like this my whole life. I was born blessed with a unique type of mind that as I experience life my mind records everything I learn as from a 3rd person which makes it easy for me to document and learn from things as I go. I've also done my fair share of traveling and in my own search for inner peace have picked the brain of so many people from different walks of life who had so much wisdom to give.

Of all these things I have learned I picked out the most common and universal things that I feel prevent people from living their best lives and wrote this book. So that anyone reading this book can be well on their way to being better at being better. Better at beating anxiety and self-doubt, be more confident in themselves. Even help in building financial stability and find inner peace.

I feel it necessary to let everyone know that I credit all of my success in life- from overcoming chronic crippling anxiety and panic disorder to surviving the prison system for years, to dealing with deaths and raising kids and heartbreak and poverty and severe PTSD and an injury that took away my ability to walk for a while to growing up with an abusive parent and sibling to battling my owner inner demons and having a heart attack at 26- to my faith in God. Not religion. My relationship with God. If you have always felt like God hasn't been there for you, read this book.

If you feel like you never really felt God, read this book.

If you never really thought much about God playing an active role in your life read this book.

If you just need a nudge in the right direction and are lost a little bit or a lot, read this book.

If you just want to be better at being better, read this book!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9781636929378

Book preview

Chapter 1

What’s Your Why?

I used to be an ass, with a capital A. I prided myself in my ability to be the coldest, most calloused person I knew. It was a defense mechanism, but it was also a crippling behavior and thought process. It stopped me from caring about things that if I had let myself care about, I would’ve been a happier person. I would’ve embraced things and people that I’ve dismissed that up till now, I wish I had stood by. I always thought by not caring I wouldn’t be hurt. I would not feel loss because I had nothing to lose in terms of emotions. But that whole time I was plateaued at what I thought was going to be the peak of my happiness, and what I realized was that I was not happy. I was in this weird I’m not miserable, but I wish my life was better stage in my life.

One of the people that I cut off many moons ago, because I never felt like he could serve a productive purpose in my life, had told me something that I never really wrapped my mind around till I decided I was going to change my life. Here are his words. He said, Once my son was born, I figured maybe if I was nicer to the world the world would be nicer to my son. I never understood the gravity of these words until I had my son. Even then, it was just a spark. A spark that initiated and lit the trail that I was to follow to find my happy place. My why was born.

Don’t get me wrong; I always felt motivated even as a child. My motivation was around. But it was never strong enough to make me put actions behind what I wanted, to reach out and grab what I always felt like I was meant to have. That feeling of certainty that you can always accomplish your goals is sometimes your worst enemy. That feeling can stop you from doing great things. You know that feeling that everything is so close that you can taste it? Like you can physically reach out and grab it? A lot of times people are happy knowing that they can do something as opposed to actually doing it. And later in life, when they feel like they can no longer reach out and grab it, they regret never doing so. They are haunted by what-ifs and a bunch of should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, and knowing what I know now I would’ve.

We feel like we can procrastinate because we feel like we can grab success at any time. So here is the wakeup call. You don’t have time. To be honest, you never did. Don’t believe me? Try and take it back. Gather up as much as you can and sell me some. I would love to buy out some time if I could. I’d live forever. Let me tell you what you do have. You have now. That’s it. Once now is gone, it’s gone forever. You will never be able to it back. Your dreams and ideas are only as strong as the effort you put into them. Your actions. You know, even if you did have time, why? Why wait to be the best you? Why wait to fall in love? Why wait to gain financial freedom? Why wait to leave the person who takes advantage of you or who cheats on you? Why wait to be healthier? Why wait to have the body you want? Why wait to be happy?

They say to become successful you have to follow three simple steps, which I will share with you throughout this book. These three steps will guarantee success. I met a gentleman once who was a self-made millionaire at the age of twenty-two. I was twenty-three or twenty-four at the time and I told him I would love to pick his mind, and he confirmed that we don’t have time. He did tell me to grab something to write with. He told me about this three-step philosophy and volunteered to give me these three steps. I quickly grabbed a scratch piece of paper, and he told me to write down these three steps. But he said before he could tell me these steps, it was very important that I know that these steps will only work if I keep one thing in mind at all times.

This one thing he had me write down first. It was the word focus. You see, focus is necessary in all things. It’s what will keep us from drifting. Drifting is one of the most dangerous things that we as people can do. You have to stay focused. You have to know what you are looking for. You have to know why you are doing it. This is your why. Your effort is fueled by your why.

These three steps can ensure that you can have anything you want. I believe in them, but before all of this you need a good solid why, something to keep you focused and encouraged as you work like you mean it and have ups and downs, because at the end of the day. you know why you are doing what you’re doing, you know why you have to do it, and you know why you will succeed. That is you why. You will know why you matter and why you will succeed.

Consider the common story of the class reject who turned into the success story at the class reunion; this was because of that person’s personal resolve or why that that person became who they became. All self-made success stories have two things in common. First thing is that they knew they could do anything and will end up accomplishing their goals. They believed. They believed in themselves. Second thing is they all have a reason why they had to succeed. When your why is strong enough, it changes I want to to I need to because… Go from I want to to I need to because… and embrace your happiness.

This bring us to our first of the three steps.

Step one is to come up with a goal. Seems easy enough, but truth be told, this is one of the best parts of the journey to happiness. This is when you taste success the most before you actually achieve it. This is when your motivation is peaked. This is when start to realize that your goals and your happiness really are in your hands and you can grab it.

We have all had times in our lives when we have had breakthrough ideas. Epiphanies. We’ve come to realize that we have discovered something awesome. Most of the time when this happens, what we do is, tainted by everyday life and a bunch of other people who don’t have goals and who gave up on happiness, we dismiss these great ideas and possibilities. We convince ourselves of several things. We convince ourselves that if we did start working toward this goal that we wouldn’t ever have the time to achieve said goals, so why waste time? Time that we don’t have to waste.

We convince ourselves that these dreams are out of reach or we convince ourselves that we are happy where we are and that it would be pointless to try. We confuse pseudo-contentment with happiness because the world says true happiness does not exist. That is not so. We have all been happy. If you have been happy, you would not be reading this book. You wouldn’t chase something if you didn’t know what you were missing.

Do not dismiss the notion of happiness. Do not dismiss the notion of any of your goals. You can accomplish anything. When picking this goal out do not sell yourself short. Aim high. We have all read online that the greater risk doesn’t lie in in setting our goals to high and not reaching them. It lies in setting them too low and accomplishing them. It’s okay to set smaller goals and work toward them. Just don’t stop there. You can reach those stars you aim for. All you need is a plan.

Chapter 2

For Every Action There Is a Reaction

You know, my whole life I have always been very good at talking with people, paying attention to things they didn’t mean to say and learning their likes and dislikes. I was able to feed off them and learn exactly how to seduce them with words. My actions later followed when I seemed to be very successful in everything I had dabbled in. I always seemed successful. I seem more successful than I actually was if we are being honest. Of course, I wouldn’t tell people that. I let them see me as larger than life. It worked out for me because the energy they were putting out to the universe was that I was larger than life, and that worked in my advantage.

One day, while sitting in prison, I was having an anxiety attack. It was a level-6 panic attack. I was in a cell with a guy who had already done nine years, and I was fresh in. I was twenty-one years old. I started to write an apology letter to God in my desperation, and lo and behold, I started to feel better; thank the Lord. In my apology letter, I was apologizing for taking advantage of all my blessings. My God gave me a great smile, charisma, influence, so many opportunities, and a way of talking that I have never come across in my life till this day. People used to pay me in jail and in prison to write their significant others for them; my words were so potent.

I took these gifts and used them all for my own personal gain. I used these gifts to women in bed with me. I used these gifts to break the law and get myself out of trouble. I used these great gifts to do bad things. I always felt like I had time to make up for all my wrong doings. I felt like these gifts were for me to gain financial wealth and get what I wanted by any means necessary. In my letter I apologized to God for abusing these gifts and promised that I would no longer use these gifts like this. I promised him that if he got me through all this that I would use my gifts to help people. I’m sure that’s what they were intended for. As soon as I did this I was presented with more gifts. One of them was to recall things I learned in my life so that I can apply them to making my gifts more of gifts for everyone and not just me.

A few years later when I only had 1 year left til I was to get out I met a guy who was a self-made millionaire and tried to hide it in his appearance so that people wouldn’t take advantage of him. In prison they love to exploit people with lots of money on the streets. I became his acquaintance and told him that I would love to pick his mind. I told him that I was very ambitious and just needed a little guidance and he told me that anyone could be rich. He said success in anything can be accomplished in 3 easy steps.

The first step is to come up with a goal. He said to set high. He said the real risk of failing in life does not lay in setting your goal too high and not reaching it but in setting it too low and reaching it and then stopping in your journey of growth. He said to be sure that I remember that focus is what holds all of these steps together. Focus is the glue. He assured me that as soon as I was working on my plan that someone or something would come in and try to deter with hopes of finding a faster way. But nothing is ever really faster because every time you start over you just started over.

The second part to this three-step guide to success, held together by your focus driven by your why, is a plan. It doesn’t have to be anything magical, but it does have to be viable. Let’s not figure if we play the lotto every day with 7.5 tickets at a ratio of—yeah, fuck that. That’s now how life works. While it is true that it is better to work smarter than harder, either way you cannot avoid the work park of that. Come up with a plan. Find something you are already good at and make it yours. My granpappy used to tell me it doesn’t matter what it is that you do; what matters is if you are the best at it. If you want to own a business and the only real thing you are good at is cooking but you work as a car salesman, the right plan will make you achieve your goal as long as you stay focused and your why is strong enough to keep you motivated. They say motivation doesn’t last. This is very true, but neither does bathing nor eating, which is why it’s recommended that you do it regularly. It’s okay to remind yourself of your why. If anything, do it as often as you can. Keep doing. Keep revisiting that feeling you had when you chose your goal.

Back to the car salesmen who wants to no longer have a boss and is only good at cooking. When applying for a loan, the creditors will look at a few things: debt to income ratio as well as how long you’ve been at your current job and also how long you have banked at your current bank. So let’s look at this. If this guy keeps his job for over a year and opens a bank account that he keeps at least ten dollars in so he never shows as being in the red, he will qualify for a small business loan. It will only take that person a year before that person who just started with a goal can qualify. How fast is time flying for you?

Let’s say you’re at home one day and you are watching TV and you see a commercial with one of those luxury cars that have the Christmas bow on it. You look at it and think to yourself, Must be nice. Here’s the thing: it is, and if you really want it, you can get it. All you need is a plan. Save fifty dollars a week for the next holiday season, and with 2,600 dollars and with your taxes put 25 percent down so that you may get the car at affordable car payments or taxes; or sell your car and take what you’ve saved and lease it. Here’s what I’m getting at. If you want something, all you need to do is want it bad it enough that you will do what it takes to get it, and believe in the fact that you can get it regardless of what anyone tells you.

Now this seems like I’m only talking about money, but truth be told, this is very much applicable in your everyday life for everything. If you want to have a good day, come up with a plan and decide on a having a good day and refuse to let life get in your way. Unpleasant things happen, and we have no choice over that. Which is another thing to remember. When bad things happen to you, remember that those bad things happened to you and you did not happen to them. Do not blame yourself. A good friend of mine saw me when I was conflicted and said to take it easy on myself; that’s what God told me to do. It was awesome but makes so much sense. When you are out and about, and life happens, it is imperative that you learn to focus your thoughts.

You see, it is impossible to control how you feel. You can control how you react, but you can’t control how you feel. And that’s okay. Dig this, though. You can control how you think, and if you learn to distract yourself from your sad thoughts, you will be able to fix your mind on things that you do like, which in turn will deter the negativity. Replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts, which leads to you being happier and leading a better happier life.

After a while, this will be second nature to you. But at first you have to be aware of your mind racing and learn to replace it with thoughts that you choose. To be honest, I first started using this technique in terms of heartbreak. Before I was such a jolly guy, I was always good at playing the jolly-guy role; because of this I was never consoled other than by my Bible, not because people were not willing to console me but because I know that knowledge is power. By letting them be there for me, I would have to share knowledge about myself that with my trust issues I was scared to share, afraid that these thoughts of mine would be used against me or shared with other people. I later learned that it’s nice to have someone there for you. You will grow to appreciate that person in time.

One of the things girls that I’ve dated have always loved about me was the fact that I was an escape from life. I would tell people who were going through hard times that I know, when mourning a loss, for example, that no words or gestures could make it better. But what I did offer was always a distraction. And people would take me up on it, even if it was just briefly. We would have a good time in a much needed point in their lives. After doing this for years and being a silently depressed person all on my own behind closed doors, I sought a distraction. I wish someone could tell when I was sad and offered me a distraction because I was too proud and scared to show my vulnerability.

Doing what I did for years, it didn’t help any at all. I always thought if I let someone be there for me they might think my drama was too much for them. When I released myself of certain thought patterns, I realized a lot more people can relate than you think, and it’s really nice to know you’re not the only one. Because being lonely sucks.

At the end of the day, the fact remains that for every action, there is a reaction, but at the same time for everything not done there will always be something that you will not get out of it. It’s a guaranteed loss. It is imperative that you make a plan. Something you can feel in your hands and revisit at all times. Something to help you stay focused and serve your why.

Another action that spits out an awesome reaction is helping people. When you help people, you now have more positive things to share. It will make you feel better about yourself, and blessings will pour on to you. You reap what you sow. You set an example, and more people will start helping more people. If you are a praise junky, nothing gets you more positive attention than you can handle. You’ll be starting for the wrong reasons, but eventually it will be second nature and just feel good. You will find yourself around more people that help people. You see, by fixing your energy on positivity, you transform into a vessel of positivity. In doing this, the reaction is your energy that gives off positive energy. This is so important because energy attracts like energy.

Something I would like to take a moment to touch on is this. All of these things I’m telling you are things that, while you are engaged in doing, you will not be engaged in pity or melancholy or feeling sorry for yourself. Because your mind is focused and fixed on your happiness. Look at it like being engaged in a book all day long, which distracts you from things that make you sad. I’m not only telling you that you need to learn to distract yourself from negativity. I’m also trying to tell you the best ways I’ve learned to distract myself from things that were affecting my happiness.

Keep in mind this is just a blueprint. Different strokes for different folks. I’m just giving you an example and a goal in which you can figure out on your own for what best distracts you. Whether it’s helping animals or working out, do something that works for you. This is just to explain the concept of how it works. Now do not forget that for every action there is a reaction. So before you start to engage in distraction, just think about what you’re going to do and what will come of it, because for every action there is a reaction, so make sure your actions will lead to your happiness now and later, a residual happiness as opposed to something that might feel good in the moment but will question later.

Chapter 3

There Are Just Some Things You Don’t Need to Know

Curiosity is known for killing the cat. What is not advertised, though, is that whoever it didn’t kill, it made miserable. Curiosity is one of those things that in almost all instances leads to regret. We all know living with regret is just not a good feeling. A lot of times, we regret little things, which is why I’m not going in on how bad regret is. However, regret is a natural enemy of happiness. It’s nasty. It’s toxic and it lasts so long. So long? Yes, so, so, so long.

You know, when I was little one, time I knew my mom got me a good Christmas present. The thing about this is that we didn’t always have good Christmases. In fact, I probably had maybe three as a child. So one year, my brother told me that my mom got me a good a present and we could work something out for him to tell me. Right off the bat, I thought to myself, Nah, player, why would I pay you for something I’m gonna get anyway? Makes no sense. All I have to do, literally, is wait. Hurry up and wait. That’s one of the hardest easiest things a person can do but once mastered will greatly increase your life. The peace of mind being able to wait produces is so awesome that stoners (potheads) pay good money for it.

So the deal was, If I tell you what it is, you have to let me play with it whenever I want if I get to it first…

So I said no. As the curiosity came in and played in my mind, I was starting to think maybe I should agree. For no good reason other than knowing what I would find out in a matter of weeks regardless, I agreed. It turned out to be a radio. Here’s the thing: I regret giving him access to my most prized possession. Second, I regret hurting my mom’s feelings. When she found out I knew early, it broke her heart. She was finally able to provide a good Christmas for us for the first time in years, and it was ruined by a conniving older brother who broke her trust and my curiosity.

As a parent, I know now how happy she would’ve been if I had been surprised by my surprise. But I didn’t allow that, and it cost me literally to affect her happiness. This is an innocent regret of mine. Another thing about being too eager to know stuff that isn’t meant for us is that a lot of the stuff we learn isn’t true. Straight like that. A lot of times people do not have accurate information and make shit up. People think we know more than we actually know. Or we put the wrong pieces in the puzzle and make some shit up. Or someone else put the wrong pieces and sold us an altered image.

Do not fall for this. Just hurry up and wait. Everything in the dark will come to the light when it’s supposed to. Trust in God’s plan. Everything will come out. The more you try to control, the more you realize that you are not as in control as you think, and you will never be. And that’s okay. That just means that you are not responsible for everything and you can stop blaming yourself. That’s huge. Listen to what I just said. By curbing your curiosity you will not be directly involved with half as much shit that will affect you, which means you will relieve yourself from any responsibility of these bad things. That means you are not to blame. It is not your fault at all that these things happened to you. If you don’t involve yourself, you do not have to remove yourself from the situation. One of my favorite sayings I made up one day goes like this:

The thing about not dealing with that shit is that then I don’t got to deal with that shit.

Just saying. You do not need to know everything. Better yet, you do not need to know everything.

My son’s mom called me once and told me that she overheard my child talking to her boyfriend’s son and that he told him he wondered what sex felt like. Whoa and WTF! I was angry but immediately I thought to myself he is being exposed to stuff he shouldn’t know about. He’s not going to be curious about stuff he doesn’t know exists. Period. Puerto Ricans have a saying: Ojos que no ven, corazons que no sientes. That translates to what the eyes don’t see, the heart can’t feel. Ignorance really can be bliss. This isn’t for everything because knowledge is power, but I can’t stress enough that there are some things you just don’t need to know.

Chapter 4

Collateral Goodness

All day long, I can’t help but ask myself, But why, though? Sometimes I ask myself this when I hear some bad news or something awful has happened. It’s second nature for some of us to just put our heads down and ask ourselves, But why, though? Other times, it’s me taking a second and asking myself if I would want to engage in something or not. Is this worth my time and energy that I will never get back? But most of the time, my but why, though is followed by laughter. The reason for this is because I choose to find something funny in almost all situations regardless of circumstance. Children are an excellent example of this, by the way. It’s an outlook on life I have come to embrace roughly ten years ago.

I tell you what. I am all the world better for it. This small thing has drastically improved my life. It is something so simple, yet it takes a decent amount of time to get good at to the point it becomes second nature. Finding the humor in things when most people would overemphasize the negative is easier said than done. However, the sooner you come to terms with said events and realize that you cannot go back and fix it, you should stop dwelling. Come up with some resolve and look for the collateral goodness.

One day, when my daughter was a year old, I was woken up abruptly to her giving off a loud scream. My daughter at this point was crying pretty heavy. Right away, I jumped out of bed and ran to her. It must have been around six in the morning on my day off and I had no idea where her mom was off to. I found her stuck behind the Christmas tree, covered in dog shit from head to toe. Easy reaction is Are you kidding me? My day off, and I am woken up early, abruptly, to clean a one-and-a-half-year-old who managed to get behind the couch and cover herself head-to-toe with dog shit.

Here is the thing. If you just take a second to cool down, you realize that this is just a funny story, and it will be a funnier story when she gets older. It also served as the one thing I was able to tell her to keep her away from things she had no business being around. I called the stuff on her caca. After that, every time she would ask for something too spicy for her or medicine or certain candies you just know your kid wouldn’t like, I would say caca, and she would be okay with not getting it. I tell you what; it worked way better than no, or you wouldn’t like this. This very simple change in how I interpreted what was going on not only changed my mood instantly right then and there, it also helped me be kind to a one-year-old who had already learned her lesson about playing with shit.

It also saved me from turning it into a bad morning, which usually leads to a bad day. I chose to be happy. I chose my happiness, and in life you have to do that. Sometimes you may feel like you’re being selfish, but it’s okay to put your happiness first. Especially if you become a beacon of happiness yourself. It is okay if your happiness is your why. I encourage it.

Chapter 5

Being Lonely Sucks but Bad Company Is Worse

When I was forced to move to Arizona against my will, I had no idea what was in store for me. You see, the way my father left me was very abrupt, and this was years later. When I turned sixteen, he set me up to kick me out of his house real smooth like. What he did was tell me that I should get my GED and not my high school diploma. On my sixteenth birthday, I was taken to go get my driver’s license and enroll at the local adult education center to see about me getting my GED. I got my license that week and took my test over the next couple of weeks. I passed, and a few weeks later, it came in the mail. This was when my father kicked me out. He said I was a man because I had my diploma and license so I could figure everything out in regard to lodging because I could not yet sign a contract.

Within a year, I was making really good money. I had had three cars by seventeen and had already moved out and was with my first fiancée. From that point on, I had not slept in a bed by myself till a few months before I went to prison. I forgot what it felt like to be lonely. When I was on the run from the law, my fiancée and I moved to New York with my family while I came up with a plan. This was the first and actually the only time she had been away from her family.

When I sent her back to Arizona to visit, I remember that I could not sleep for the life of me. It was a bad feeling, and lemme tell you, being lonely sucks. However, it’s better to have no company than bad company. And as much as we know this to be true logically, emotionally we yearn for companionship. To the point that we would rather sacrifice our self-peace just to have someone there. Even if that someone hurts us on a regular basis. Even if you know in your heart of hearts that it is impossible to get back what you and that person had. Even if you know you are in a toxic relationship.

Another thing we do when we’re silly is we continue to hurt ourselves by trying to convince ourselves that words can be taken back or forgotten. That simply is not so. Would be nice, but it’s not how it works. Maybe if we were goldfish. Fact of the matter is, some things just can’t be taken back. Words so happen to be one of those things. Let me ask you: when you found out someone betrayed your trust in the worst type of way and that it is over between the two of you, why do you continue to read texts and go back forth with your newly titled ex? What exactly can they say to take the hurt away? Is there anything they can say to take the hurt away? Of course not. Something you see me say a lot in this book is what’s the best possible outcome? and what’s the worst? I live by that.

Let’s say your ex cheated and you are trying to forgive them, so you keep reading all their messages and going back and forth and you hope that they say some magic word to take the pain away, especially because they gave it to you. But it will never happen, because no words can be taken back. Learn to let go. Curiosity doesn’t only kill cats but damages souls and has an effect on how you love, not only how you love others but also how much you love yourself. Truth be told, the best possible case scenario is they might plant a seed of doubt that says maybe they didn’t betray me. Truth is, you know they did. Worst possible scenario: they not only tell you how they betrayed you but why and how they enjoyed it or how you had it coming or try to make you feel like this act of betrayal was in some way your fault. And they start using it to purposely hurt you right then and there because that’s just the type of person they are at that point in their lives. I say that because people change. Either way, was risking that worst possible case scenario worth a shot at that best possible case scenario that really was not that gratifying and will probably hurt you over and over again because of the seed that was planted?

I know a woman who was in such a rush to not be alone that she made a huge mistake. The thing about her mistake, before I get into it, is that what she did was very common and turns out was very basic too. She was dating a guy she had no business dating. As a mother of two kids, it is impossible to be with someone whom you do not feel comfortable with around your children. The guy was so not good for her or her children on a few levels. He tried to convince her daughter that there wasn’t a God. He used to go back and forth with her son, who was seven when they started dating. He used to abuse pills and always threatened to leave being that he was not on the lease to their apartment so he didn’t care about leaving the three of them high and dry. He would never keep a job, and she supported him while he went to school and got his commercial driver’s license for eighteen-wheelers. He became abusive early on in the relationship. They ended up having a baby boy against everyone’s advice. He was gorgeous. After his birth, this girl started to suffer from seizures. She was in and out of the hospital, and this was while supporting all six of them because this guy had a son of his own before they got together. And she had to work until she gave birth because he could not keep a job. After he got his CDL, he grew colder and more abusive and controlling and petty with the kids until finally they broke up again after he got her pregnant again.

This is a sad story, but it is very common. Too common, to be honest. It is best to have no company than bad company. I’ve spoken to so many people in my life who feel so lost because they feel lonely. Half of the time, they suffer more because they are single parents and long for companions, and then the other half of the time they think to themselves that if they could only have a child that things would be different. They long for motherhood or fatherhood. Personally, I know how both people feel because I didn’t have my son till I was twenty-six. I always wanted a family. Most people from broken homes always want to create the family they have never had. I’m no exception.

Because of this, people tend to find themselves in a rush. The thing about rushing is that rushing always leads to making mistakes. It’s best to take your time and do things right the first time. The other problem is that in trying to rush you start looking for something that is supposed to come naturally. It’s okay to be proactive and work toward accomplishing your goals, but when it comes to love and finding the right mate, unfortunately the rules are changed. You cannot find this person simply because you are looking. What you can do is embrace it when it happens on its own when it’s supposed to happen.

See, if you look for something hard enough, you will find it whether you find it or not. To better explain this, I’ll tell you like this. Even if you do not find the person that you are looking for, you will convince yourself that the wrong person is the person because you want it that bad. This is a life-changing event that will affect your life as well as that of your children. It will also make it harder for you when you do meet the person who was meant for you. I read an interpreted quote once from a famous philosopher who said something like this. It was the hand of God that created us for one another before the womb. It is the hand of God that will introduce us in life, and it is the hand of God that will reunite us even after death. This might be true. It might not. But I like it. I choose to make this my truth because it makes me happy. I choose to be happy.

When I was growing up, I didn’t really have much family. I didn’t really have lifelong friends because I moved so much. By the time I graduated from middle school, I had been to eight schools. I didn’t really have anyone I’ve known for more than a year. In my mind, I remember telling myself I will one day will meet the person who will be the love of my life. She will be all the friends I never had, all the family that didn’t care and give me all the love I have ever wanted. In return, I will not only be attracted to her because of her looks but I will want her because of how her love makes me feel, I will love her because I appreciate her, and I will be grateful to her because she saved me from being lonely.

I know God is there. God is always there, and He is all we need, but God made us to love and be loved. We love because we were first loved by Him. But we love nonetheless. And a lot of people say that the love of their kids is all they need. You see all these pictures on social media of them and their kids and house; that’s all the love they need, and truth be told, after God, it might be all the love they need, but it’s not the only love they need if they want to truly be happy.

We were born for companionship. We were born to love. If this wasn’t the case, you would’ve never even had your kid in the first place. Let’s be real. You’re reading this book and denying that you agree with me as if someone can see your thoughts right now.

Listen to these words. Do not feel guilty for wanting to be in love and be loved by someone other than your children. They cannot love you all the ways you need to be loved to be happy. And that’s okay. This doesn’t make you a bad person. This makes you the same good person you were before you had your kids. And if you were a dirtbag and dirty before you had your kid, this still makes you a better person than who you were before. In life, people now openly say that they have had drug addictions. People openly say that have contemplated suicide. People also say that have negative or violent thoughts. And with all of this, there is a huge stigma in saying that we need to be loved. To feel loved. That we want to feel loved more than anything. A huge stigma in saying that you would rather feel true love than be rich.

Why? Why is this? Let’s end this now. Love is not something to be ashamed of. Because you have loved the wrong person and they betrayed your trust does not make you a fool or less smart than a person who has been playing heartless for their whole life. This person, I promise you, will one day find love and will completely switch it all around, and the crazy part is, after making you feel like shit for being open about it and aware before them, they will not care in the slightest if you make jokes or give them a taste of their own medicine. They will be so high in love that they will not even be affected by the ridicule. Sad part is that most loves don’t last nowadays. Especially the first loves. The problem with first loves is that a lot of the time, people let that deter them from finding the next love, which might be the right love.

I have been in my share of relationships. I went through a phase where I was dating women left and right. I was not trying to be a womanizer. Not at all. I was more trying to find love just like everyone else. The problem was that I had already come to realize that I wanted to be in love. I had come to the conclusion that every time I found a prospect, I would do all that I could to see how far we could go. I would no longer try to just entertain as many females that I could for fun. When I came to this realization, I was also willing