Everyone is Covered in Cake

By David Macpherson

A hodgepodge

A miscellany. 

A jumble.

A mishmash.

A patchwork.

More stuff about things.

This book is a collection of pieces I had hanging around the harddrive with no place to go. They are random flash fiction and experimental work. A few of them are series of works that never accumulated enough to make an entire book out of. 

So we have inanimate fables. We have tales of a crazed short order cook. There are Greek Myths retold by a barfly. And a bunch of stories. The stories are mostly short. That seems to be the common thread. Short and odd.

If you don't like one, don't worry. The next one is coming right around the corner.

Enjoy. 

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Macpherson
• Release date: Jan 16, 2024
• ISBN: 9798215007761

Book preview

Introduction

A hodgepodge

A miscellany.

A jumble.

A mishmash.

A patchwork.

More stuff about things.

This book is a collection of pieces I had hanging around the harddrive with no place to go. They are random flash fiction and experimental work. A few of them are series of works that never accumulated enough to make an entire book out of.

So we have inanimate fables. We have tales of a crazed short order cook. There are Greek Myths retold by a barfly. And a bunch of stories. The stories are mostly short. That seems to be the common thread. Short and odd.

If you don’t like one, don’t worry. The next one is coming right around the corner.

Enjoy.

David

Inanimate Fables

The Adventure of the Two Penny Nail

The two penny nail was happy to be living by herself. She had her job volunteering at the shelter jar. She had her friends in the knitting circle. She liked large books that never seemed to end. She was content.

The hammer came knocking at her door. Let me in. It’s been so long.

The two penny nail peered through the peephole. Do I know you?

The hammer was surprised by the question. You know I am a hammer.

Of course I know you are a hammer. But are you a hammer that I have met before? Are we long lost friends?

Not that I am aware of. I can tell you for certain when you let me in. I can have a better look.

The two penny nail laughed. That will not happen. I do not know you.

But you do not need to know the hammer. You just need to know there is a hammer waiting for you. Waiting for the moment.

No, thank you.

The hammer was silent for a bit of time. Wait. You are not letting me in?

No, thank you.

The hammer turned itself in a circle. He finally said, You are aware that I am a hammer. A well put together hammer. I can knock this door down if I take the notion.

The two penny nail considered saying, No, thank you, once more, but thought better of it. She just waited. And waited. After a while she went back to the couch and her book. But she could not concentrate on the story. She was confounded by this moment. Nothing was moving forward. Everything was paused.

The Rock and the Canvas Sack

The rock was waiting for the canvas sack to arrive. Canvas sacks have lovely singing voices, but they rarely show up on time.

When the canvas sack entered, the rock went right into the plan. We have lost a lot of time. We need to get into the Big Old House and steal all the money. I will break open the window.

Let me guess, I will steal the money. The money goes in me. Is that the plan?

The rock was astonished, Why yes, the plan is I break, and you steal. How ever did you know?

Because that is always the plan. You never have a different one.

Do we need innovation? the rock asked. We are successful every time. There is no need to create new ideas. If the old ways work, then they must be done.

So you are saying we are doing the same old plan because of tradition?

The rock did not know what to say, because it was true, this was the tradition. Let us not call it that. Let us say we do these things for the ritual.

The canvas sack was confused. What ritual? Why do we need a ritual for stealing cash?

The rock slammed down on the floor, Why are you being so unreasonable?

Why are you being so dense? the canvas sack asked.

Things got worse.

Soon enough, the neighbors called the police.

The rock was found, unconscious, inside the canvas sack. The canvas sack refused to answer any questions. He was too excited to speak. He was so pleased to be doing something new.

The Salt Shaker and the Great Ocean

A salt shaker in the shape of a seashell went to the great ocean one afternoon. The booming waves made her a little nervous, but she had planned all week to go to the great ocean and she wasn’t going to leave so suddenly.

It forced itself to get close to the water. The water rushed around her and then ran back to the ocean.

A voice said, You are not from here are you?

The salt shaker in the shape of a seashell looked about. Finally saw a piece of green drift glass. No. I am visiting from the city. I wanted to see the water.

What do you think of it? the drift glass asked.

The water is quite lovely. Though there is a lot of it.

The drift glass raised its voice, The water is not lovely. The water is deadly. The water is viscous. Look at me.

I have, and you are so smooth and good looking.

I am smooth because the water took away all my edges. All the things that made people know who I am, the water cut it away. All the parts that stuck out were the parts that made up the true me. The water wanted nothing of that. The water made me smooth and uninteresting.

The salt shaker in the shape of the seashell was excited about this. She wanted all the parts of her to be nothing but a smooth exterior. She didn’t want the sticking out parts. She wanted to be a piece of a driftglass in the shape of nothing much at all.

That sounds terrific. She went into the water and was quickly pulled away by the tide.

The driftglass shouted after her, but that’s all it did. It just shouted. But even that was taken by the waves and made flat.

Those That Think About Prayer and Who Receives It

The kitchen match was young and unused. He had many questions. Luckily, his friend, the Kerosene Can came by. The Kerosene Can was not a relation, but was a close friend of the family and seemed like the friendliest of mentors. The Kerosene Can didn’t think of himself that way, he just thought it was the right thing to do, check in on the Kitchen