Win People Over: 75 Simple and Powerful Ways to Influence Anyone

By Karen Leong

Why can't they see things from my point of view?

How does he get everyone to follow him?

I'm just too shy to be noticed.

If you've ever had these thoughts or doubted your ability to reach out to others and win them over, this book is for you!

Karen Leong has experienced what it's like to go from wallflower to influencer, and now shares simple but actionable ways to take charge of your reputation, win the respect of others and bring them over to your side.

Written specially for Asian readers, Win People Over is a clear and practical roadmap to a new you. Take action on Karen's encouragement and advice, and watch yourself become more inspiring and better able to connect with colleagues, friends and family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Armour Publishing
• Release date: Dec 14, 2023
• ISBN: 9789814795999

Book preview

Win People Over

Practical, relevant, useful—Karen’s book is packed with ready to use information. This is the book Dale Carnegie would have written today.

Bob Pike

Chairman Emeritus/Founder, The Bob Pike Group

When it comes to understanding what good leadership is about, we struggle to define that people-winning quality we call the ‘X-Factor’. Karen’s simple but powerful guide to developing it takes a deep dive into a subject that all good leaders should read.

For the experienced, it reinforces our intuition about how we worked to win hearts and minds. For the aspiring, it certainly presents great food for thought, and opens our horizons to the potential of becoming effective communicators and exceptional leaders.

Stephen Tjoa

Partner, People Performance and Culture

KPMG Advisory LLP

Win People Over is a powerful book filled with proven secrets of self-transformation. I’m honoured to have known Karen for some time, and can attest to her transformation from an ordinary person into a great leader of influence.

Kurt Wee

President

Association of Small and Medium Enterprises, Singapore

With Win People Over, Karen brings an incredibly refreshing perspective on the power of influence, and how easily it can be done.

Dr Timothy Low

Former CEO, Gleneagles Hospital

I’m highly impressed with Karen’s confidence and skills—but above all, her sincerity and her desire to bring out the best in people, at which she truly excels. Karen has distinguished herself as an achiever amongst achievers in a country renowned for its accomplishments.

This book not only serves as a valuable roadmap for those of us wishing to enhance our leadership skills and influence, but also directs us as managers and leaders as we take the opportunity to develop our colleagues and bring out the best in them. The principle of recognition can never be emphasised enough.

Looking at how highly confident and successful Karen is today, it’s hard to imagine that she was once plagued by uncertainty and insecurity. Her honesty to admit her previous shortcomings is deeply appreciated, and Karen serves as an example to all of us in dealing with our own weaknesses, inexperience and anxieties.

Andre Van Straten

Counsellor (Political)

South African High Commission, Singapore

Karen has wonderfully woven into her book compelling stories that lucidly bring out amazing yet simple ways to positively influence lives. She’s given us an awesome read, with great take-aways that will make a big difference to you and those you encounter.

Great things in life can and do come in simple packages. This book is proof of that!

Robert Chong

HR Professional

Win People Over is jam-packed full of inspiration! It’s a must-read, filled with practical must-do’s and must-knows, for anyone who wants to develop themselves.

Jennifer Hewit

Executive Coach

Win People OverWin People Over

Copyright © Karen Leong 2014

Published by Armour Publishing

Block 1003 Bukit Merah Central #02-07 Singapore 159836

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner.

Printed in Singapore

ISBN 978-981-47-9599-9 (eBook)

ISBN 978-981-4597-32-6 (Paperback)

National Library Board, Singapore Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

Leong, Karen.

Win people over : 75 simple and powerful ways to influence anyone / Karen Leong. – Singapore : Armour Publishing, 2014.

pages cm

ISBN : 978-981-4597-32-6

1. Influence (Psychology) 2. Self-culture. I. Title.

BF774

302.13 -- dc23

OCN 880544446

CONTENTS

Dedication

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

Part One:

The Foundation for Compelling Influence

1 A Fundamental Question: Influence or Manipulation?

2 The Two Pillars of Influence

3 Four Influencing Styles

4 Born to Influence

5 The Two Wives: Who and What

Part Two:

The FREE Ride to Compelling Influence

6 Set Yourself FREE: How Influence Really Works

7 First Impressions—Create a Favourable One Each Time

8 Rapport—Establish Rapport Rapidly

9 Emotional Connection—Deepen the Emotional Bond

10 Exerting Influence—Exert Influence Effectively

Part Three:

Living a Life of Influence

11 The Five C’s of Compelling Influence

12 Cheer

13 Care

14 Confidence

15 Candour

16 Contribution

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

About the Author

To my mother, Liew Wai Leng,

who inspires as effortlessly as she influences.

Thank you for teaching me to follow my heart, always.

And to never, ever give up.

FOREWORD

When I was a teenager, I read books like How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Such topics are always interesting and useful at any stage of one’s career.

Karen’s story is especially inspiring. She started off as a shy and reclusive child but realised those parts of her personality were not doing her any good. So she changed herself to become a person of influence and now shares her experience and expertise with you. This book presents her secrets in a clear and systematic way and readers will certainly benefit from it.

Those who need to deal with people in their profession will find her advice most appropriate and helpful for building confidence and rapport with clients. I would strongly recommend Win People Over to any young career person, as it will stand him or her in good stead for the future.

Dr Lee Suan Yew

PREFACE

The three-year-old girl was screaming her head off as her mother carried her into the classroom. The fear on her tear-streaked face was as evident as her twin pigtails. The mother looked equally harrowed —obviously this was her firstborn and she had yet to get battle-hardened.

Life in the classroom ground to a standstill as the teacher and the 20 other nursery kids in the room turned to look. Some kids, possibly affected by her tears, looked like they were ready to howl too. Most simply looked amused. The teacher, by now used to such tantrums from newcomers, seemed unfazed yet sympathetic.

The 3-year-old did not stop crying. She simply stopped crying loudly. Tiny sobs still shook her shoulders at regular intervals. The sobs intensified briefly when she saw her mother leave a few moments later. She finally quieted down but clammed up instead. Nothing the teacher did or said convinced her to open up.

Several more days passed, with more of the same. The little girl remained sullenly withdrawn. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months, but nothing changed. It was soon clear that she had decided to withdraw. Before long, the little girl had become a permanent solitary fixture. In the class she sat alone, cocooned in her own little shell. During lunch break, she ate alone. In the playground, she would sit in one corner, watching the kids run riot with their games, while she stayed busy with her solitary sandcastles.

Time moved on.

Years later, a young woman in a crisp business suit stepped up to a microphone. A 500-strong audience waited to hear her speak. She confidently regaled them with stories, made them laugh with anecdotes, and enlightened them with tips. The hour-long speech covered years of research and realisations. The topic she spoke on was Influence—how to win people over, naturally and effortlessly.

When the talk ended, the audience gave her a standing ovation.

As people started making their way out, one woman pushed her way forward towards her. Karen, I wonder if you remember me? We were in the same class back in primary school. I want to thank you for being an inspiration.

I smiled at my former class monitor—an outgoing girl I had always admired for her effortless confidence. Now, we stood as equals; I felt equally confident.

This is the story of my journey from a shy, voiceless kid to a self-assured woman, who now shares the secrets of influence with thousands of people all over the world. My effective transition was one so powerful that it inspired me to write this book and create training programmes to help others unleash the influencer within.

For those of you who believe that some people are more influential than others, and those who wish they were as (if not more) influential than them, I am confident that this book will be of value to you—it will ignite some realisations that unlock the keys of influence. I trust these realisations will change your life—just as they have changed mine.

INTRODUCTION

WHY ME?

Ihad never imagined I would ever be helping people to become influential. Influence had always been such a daunting word for me. For as long as I can remember I had worn the ‘shy’ label. (That is of course my politically correct word for ‘social misfit’).

Born in a simple, middle class Singaporean family, I was raised by an engineer dad and a secretary mum. My parents showered tremendous love and affection on me, and being the first-born, had huge expectations from me, as all parents do, I guess. However, very early in my life, they discovered that though I was chatty at home, the minute I was out of the house, I would simply clam up. Ever since Primary One, all my report cards had one word in common—‘Quiet’.

That was my label. The quiet kid. The shy kid. The loner.

This label was not fun. It was not fun to be afraid of putting up my hand in class to answer questions, especially when I knew the answer. It was not fun not being invited to my classmates’ parties. It was not fun having to grapple with eating alone in the canteen during recess, watching on the sidelines while the rest played in their cliques. It soon became obvious to me that the kids who spoke up in class not only had the most fulfilling time and did the best in school but also had the most friends and the most fun.

One day, I realised I was fed up with being on my own all the time. I was sick and tired of being the odd one out and knew I wanted to change. I was ready to mingle with the others but I did not know what to do, or how to do it. Even so I was ready to take up the challenge of change. And then, out of the blue, life stepped in and offered me the chance.

The opportunity came when my family moved house at the same time that I started secondary school. Everything was new: my teachers, my fellow students, my school and even the neighbourhood. It was a heaven-sent opportunity to re-invent myself and leave my emotional baggage of primary school behind. In one stroke, life offered me a clean slate. No one in my new life knew I was the shy kid, the outsider. And I was determined it would stay that way.

From the very first day of secondary school, I experimented with hundreds of ways to reinvent myself. Many of my attempts failed. Some backfired on me spectacularly. Others worked, but only for a short while.

It took four interminably long years for me to achieve my first breakthrough. However, when it finally happened, the results were spectacular. Even more fascinating and valuable was my realisation that the bulk of this result was enabled by only 10 per cent of my actions. I also realised that most of these actions were simple—so simple that I do them without much effort and repeatedly, resulting in them becoming habits in no time. And these actions were also visible (that is, noticeable by others). That is why they yielded extraordinarily powerful results.

The realisation that I could achieve pretty much what I wanted through simple, repetitive and visible actions was so powerful that I soon began to carry this mantra into all other areas of my work and life.

Looking through the lens of what influence could mean to an impressionable teenager, I transformed my social capital from being non-existent to being voted the most popular girl in class, and was even chosen as a candidate for the prom queen.

Yes! Me!

Uneven teeth. Hesitant smile. Unbranded, off-the-shelf clothes. Teenage acne. Cheap shoes. The girl who penned in her diary every night her wish that the ugly duckling would be noticed some day. Now that it had happened I could not believe it.

I know what you are thinking—that being selected as a prom queen candidate is not an earth-shattering achievement. Perhaps it is not. But can you imagine what it meant to an impossibly shy girl, who had been struggling with her self-confidence and image for as long as she could remember? For me, it was as momentous as man’s first step on the moon. That blew the cap I had allowed life to place on my confidence and there was