The People-Pleasers Guide to Co-Parenting Well: How to Stop Playing Peacekeeper and Start Parenting Peacefully

By Mikki Gardner

SICK AND TIRED OF BEING THE PEACEKEEPER IN YOUR CO-PARENTING RELATIONSHIP BUT NEVER FEELING ACTUAL PEACE?

The People-Pleasers Guide to Co-Parenting Well reveals how prioritizing peacekeeping may hinder your ability to co-parent successfully. Through a simple framework, you will learn where people pleasing may be holding you back and how to shift into being an intentional, in-control, and purpose-driven parent.

The People-Pleasers Guide to Co-Parenting Well will show you how to:

• Stop being the peacekeeper and start parenting peacefully even when your ex doesn't reciprocate
• Learn to stop living on autopilot and start navigating where YOU want to go
• Stop getting triggered and learn to take 100% "Response-Ability" for your 50% of the situation
• Learn how to have your own back so you can consistently be proud of the co-parent you are being

Let The People-Pleasers Guide to Co-Parenting Well show you how to break free from the harmful habit of pleasing others and start creating your own calm in the chaos today!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mikki Gardner
• Release date: Dec 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9798988761914

Book preview

ADVANCED ACCLAIM FOR

THE PEOPLE-PLEASERS GUIDE TO CO-PARENTING WELL

Mikki is a living example of what healthy co-parenting looks like! Her actionable insights are powerful and empowering. This book is for any woman afraid of co-parenting or already in it looking to thrive. I will absolutely be giving this book to my clients to read immediately!

—Heather Chauvin, author of Dying To Be A Good Mother

Mikki is the best friend, mentor, and guide that every woman needs postdivorce. This book has the power to completely change your experience of co-parenting, while giving you the exact support you need and deserve. Thank you Mikki for putting this powerful work into print!

—Molly Claire, Master Life, business coach, and

best-selling author of The Happy Mom Mindset

Mikki is one of those people who gets it. Her insights are powerful and her unique and empowered approach to co-parenting is a game changer for co-parents. I will absolutely be giving this book to my clients to read immediately!

—Jamie Glowacki, potty training and parenting expert, author, and host of Oh! Crap Parenting podcast

Divorce is only the beginning of co-parenting for the rest of your life. Mikki empowers people-pleasing parents to break out of the trap of toxic communication even in the most difficult co-parent situations. This book will not only help build better parent relationships but also create better adjusted, healthy and happy kids!

—Stacy Francis, CFP®, CDFA®, CES™; Francis Financial, president and CEO; Savvy Ladies, founder

Mikki’s insights are powerful, and her unique and empowered approach is a game-changer for co-parents. She’s one of those people who just gets it. I think her book can help everyone; not just co-parents. I know that I needed to learn how to create my own peace rather than always being the peacekeeper! This book can help you create peace too! I will absolutely be giving this book to my clients to read immediately!

—Lesa A. Koski, attorney-turned-mediator and

certified co-parenting specialist

Not only is Mikki a brilliant coach with powerful insights, but her unique and empowered approach to co-parenting is a game-changer for co-parents. This book is filled with wisdom and practical tips that you can implement immediately. And her loving, yet no nonsense, approach is delightful.

—Aimée Gianni, MS LMFT

A powerful book to help co-parents transform their relationship. This book goes straight to the heart of the problems co-parents experience and gives a clear path to turn them into powerful lessons for change.

—Sarah Armstrong, Global Marketing Operations executive, mom, and author of The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce

Through clear-cut strategies and practical tools, Mikki Gardner offers an actionable roadmap back to peace. With a little help from this book, you can emerge from the chaos stronger than ever before and create a peaceful co-parenting relationship with your spouse or ex. With a heart full of compassion and years of her own experience, Mikki shows the way forward with grace and confidence. Learn the strategies that will help you create better relationships for yourself and your family and let go of feeling overwhelmed.

—Natalie Tysdal, former television anchor-turned-entrepreneur, media professor, podcaster, and mom

Mikki’s book is a fantastic insight into her work, and it shows the love and care that she gives to her clients. With her help, I have learned a lot about myself, my personality, and behavior patterns that I had not realized before. I was able to manage postdivorce struggles but also found out who I really am and how to stay true to myself. I trust her 100 percent for keeping my sanity through tough times long after our one-on-one work. Mikki’s groundedness and common-sense approach are extremely valuable especially in today’s world of overstimulation and short-lived hypes and trends.

—Juliana Mamou, Ph.D.

I am forever grateful for Mikki’s unwavering support, wisdom, and guidance throughout my journey. The transformation I have experienced working with Mikki has been truly a remarkable experience. Her compassionate approach and deep understanding of co-parenting dynamics have transformed the way I think and communicate. She has provided me with invaluable tools and techniques to create a harmonious environment for both myself and my children, to notice and let go of things that I cannot control, establish healthy boundaries, and how to respond to situations rather than react to them . . . Mikki’s dedication to my personal growth and the well-being of my family is something that I will cherish forever.

—Leah, co-parent/client

The People-Pleasers

Guide to

Co-Parenting

Well

How to Stop Playing Peacekeeper

and Start Parenting Peacefully

Mikki Gardner

Copyright © 2023, Mikki Gardner

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means—graphic, electronic, or mechanical (including any information storage retrieval system)—without the express written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations for use in articles and reviews wherein appropriate attribution of the source is made.

Publishing support provided by

Ignite Press

5070 N. Sixth St. #189

Fresno, CA 93710

www.IgnitePress.us

ISBN: 979-8-9887619-0-7

ISBN: 979-8-9887619-1-4 (E-book)

For bulk purchases and for booking, contact:

Mikki Gardner

[e-mail]

www.MikkiGardner.com

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, web addresses or links contained in this book may have been changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The content of this book and all expressed opinions are those of the author and do not reflect the publisher or the publishing team. The author is solely responsible or all content included herein.

This book is intended for entertainment purposes only. This book is not to be used as or in place of professional therapeutic, medical, legal, or other advice.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023912415

Cover design by Usman Tariq | 99Designs

Edited by Emma Hatcher | White Arrow Editorial Services

Interior design by Jetlaunch

FIRST EDITION

This book is dedicated to my Leland.

You are my heart, soul, and home.

Being your mom is the greatest honor and privilege of my life.

To all the kiddos who experience divorce,

my prayer is for you to be loved, honored, protected and to have the freedom of knowing that your parents divorce is their story, not yours.

Acknowledgements

This book has been on my heart for a long time, and it is only through the love, support, and the challenges that I have received and experienced that it is here in your hands now.

There is no way to thank each and every human who has been part of this journey. Below are a few thank yous that must be acknowledged.

To my mom and dad, whose unwavering love and support, even when you don’t understand or agree, has been a true blessing. Thank you.

To Jason, who gave me the greatest blessing in my life and without whom I may not have started on this journey and now be doing the work that I now wholeheartedly love.

To Jeff, thank you for our life together and helping me discover who I truly want to be as a woman, mom, and partner.

To my beloved clients, thank you for trusting me with your stories, your hearts, your family’s experience, and your generosity. You give me so much, and it is an absolute honor to walk the journey with you.

To my dear friends (if you are asking, Is she talking about me? . . . yes, I mean you!), who each, in their own way, has impacted me more than she will know—being surrounded by loving, strong, ambitious, humble, fun women keeps me grounded, and I am beyond grateful to you.

To my brilliant therapist, Linda, and the wonderful life coaches (Molly, Aimée, Crystal, Heather, Andrea, Dr. Shefali, Cathy, Brooke and so many others) who have mentored, taught, challenged, and supported me—thank you for being a light in this world to bring me home.

Table of Contents

Letter to My Reader

Introduction

Chapter 1: Setting Your Destination

Chapter 2: Co-Parenting Well—The Three-Step Framework

Chapter 3: Stop Emotional Pole Jumping

Chapter 4: Response-Ability—Your Superpower

Chapter 5: Moving Out of Peacekeeping and Into Creating Peace

Chapter 6: Stop Should-ing All Over Your Co-Parenting Partner

Chapter 7: Let Them Be Wrong About You

Chapter 8: Writing Your Own Permission Slip

Chapter 9: Embracing the Magic in Duality

Conclusion: Becoming You!

Endnotes

Resources

About the Author

Letter to My Reader

Hey friend,

I want you to know first and foremost that I see you and I am deeply sorry for the pain that you have experienced that brings you to this journey of co-parenting. If you are anything like so many of the moms I talk to and how I was, it can feel like:

Co-parenting won’t be better until my ex changes.

I can’t trust anything they say after all the lies and pain that they’ve caused.

Having to do it all on my own feels exhausting, plus flat out terrifying most days.

There’s not enough time or money for me to feel better.

It’s impossible to co-parent when we disagree so much.

I’ve tried everything and nothing changed.

Whatever reasons have been holding you back from changing the dynamic in your co-parenting relationship, I promise you that you are not alone. So many of the moms whom I work with, and certainly including me, have faced many of these same obstacles. The good news is that help has arrived.

This book is for those co-parents who are desperately trying to keep the peace, be a good co-parent, who put everyone else first but feel like they are always in last place.

One thing that I know for sure is that when you are always focused on keeping the peace in the co-parenting (really any) relationship, you are not focused on creating your peace. We will dive into many of the ways that this dynamic shows up, but it often looks like a . . .

Lack of Boundaries

Lack of Response-Ability

Lack of Vision + Values

Lack of Confidence + Motivation

Lack of Communication Strategies + Skills

The simple framework in this book will help you change your co-parenting approach. The path is laid out for you through the stories and examples of a few of my beautiful clients. There are questions and prompts along the way to help you apply the ideas to your own, unique circumstance.

You can make it a choose your own adventure by heading straight to the topics that speak to you, using the chapter titles, or following the path as laid out. Either way, when you make the decision to not just read the words but rather commit to implementing it into your life, you will gain the momentum from taking the small steps that lead to giant leaps toward Co-Parenting Well.

To help you, I have created a workbook filled with ways to get curious, explore deeper, and take action in a positive direction today. You can find out more in the final chapter and resource section along with other tangible go-tos and some of my most favorite resources!

If you need and want support, I want you to know that support is available. When I went through my divorce and started to co-parent, I did it all alone; and I made a TON of avoidable mistakes. Back then, there wasn’t as much valuable help as there is now. It is my mission to be a guide for moms (and some dads), so that they don’t have to do it alone like I did.

If you need a co-parenting mentor and coach to help you address the issues you face, I hope that you will call on me. I offer one-on-one support, group coaching and tons of workshops and virtual events. You can find me at www.MikkiGardner.com.

Now, it’s time to dive in . . .

Let’s explore this whole "Co-Parenting Well" idea together.

Xoxo,

Mikki

Introduction

Imagine a place, where parents would go to gain the experience and all the knowledge they would need to know to handle anything that comes their way. They would each spend time there learning and then when they have their emotional toolkit packed full of all the tools they will need and a complete blueprint for their children + their relationships they would head out smiling back home to be the perfect parent.

Let’s be real—you and I both know that this doesn’t happen . . .

Each one of us, while having the best intentions and often great expectations, gets thrown into