Out of the Mud: My Journey To Healing

By Jahsasamut Apuatu

WE EACH HAVE A STORY IN US.

Out of the Mud is a poignant and deeply moving memoir by Jahsasamut, recounting her harrowing journey from being born to an imprisoned mother, through an abusive foster system, to her ultimate emergence as resilient and tenacious. Out of the Mud is not just a story

• Language: English
• Publisher: Righteous Rage Institute for Healing and Social Justice
• Release date: Nov 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798987972557

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Out of the Mud - My Journey to Healing

Copyright © 2023 by Jahsasamut Apuatu. All rights reserved.

Published by RRI Publishing.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

For more information, please contact:

www.righteousrageinstitute.org/rripublishing

ISBN 979-8-9879725-4-0  (Paperback)

ISBN 979-8-9879725-5-7 (E-book)

Cover artwork by Stephanie Ngan

Typesetting and design by Sar Dugan (www.sardugan.com)

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I dedicate this book to my sons, grandchildren, great grandson and those yet to be born into my tribe. My sons have been my true supporters in making this book possible.

Hasira Ashemu wrote and published his first book, ‘To Heal A People,’ earlier this year and his gift was his encouragement. He walked me through names for the book and provided resources through his publishing company. It was his idea for the name, ‘Out of the Mud.’ Thank you son for paving the way for this book to get published. You have been supportive every step of the way. I love you.

A big thanks to my youngest son, Sheps Heru Khamsahu, whose idea it was for me to write my story. When I got stuck or distracted, he arranged mountain writing retreats where I could get away and focus. He saw value in me writing and completing this book. This book wouldn’t have been written if it were not for you. Thanks Sheps for your ongoing support. I love you.

My deepest gratitude to Lauren R. Watson for giving me two wonderful and dynamic sons. I wish he could see how they are taking life by storm.

I want to give special acknowledgement to all of my grandchildren; Makiya Watson, Zakayla Watson, Jovan Bridges, Aingkhu Ashemu, Maaja Ashemu-Freed, Saari Ashemu and Chayse Daniels. I couldn’t ask for a better clan.

My great-grandson, Kamdyn Watson is celebrating his first birthday this year and this is especially for him. I may not get to see you grow into adulthood but when you get older, you will know me through reading this book. Hopefully, it will encourage you to navigate the rough spots.

A special thanks to Dawnyle Ashemu. I couldn’t ask for a more loving and supportive daughter. She is the epitome of grace and patience. I love you D.

Family means everything especially when embarking on a long and tedious journey. Much love to my nephews, Reece and Effley Brooks, Greg and Nate Myers and to my nieces, Colleen Brooks and Sorletta Shead and my godson, Rafiki (James Jones).

A special thanks to my niece, the first editor of this book, Cheri Liggins. We became a dynamic duo. Her loving supportive role kept me on task.

My deepest gratitude to my beloved sister, Christopher Myers. She has consistently had my back and never missed an opportunity to encourage me. Thanks little sis.

I’d like to extend my sincere gratitude to my bestie, Hassoni Rahman, who has always been supportive. I am so grateful for her love and support. Thanks bestie.

I would not be on this healing path if it were not for my spiritual teachers, Mother Dear and Ra Un Nefer Amen. Mother Dear mentored me in the practice of meditation and supported my early spiritual growth. Ra Un Nefer Amen taught me the divine teachings of our ancient Kemetic ancestors. My life has been enriched tenfold with their teachings and guidance.

I want to thank Renee Ortiz and Kat Turner for believing in my book project and encouraging and assisting me by either helping me with short get-aways and providing on-going encouragement.

Much gratitude to Cassandra Johnson for her on-going encouragement, valuable resources, and ra ra booming me at every turn. I’m so grateful.

Thank you Stephanie Ngan for your patience and talent in creating a beautiful book cover and for all of the other pieces you put together to make this book possible.

Much gratitude and love to Allison Brown for taking my manuscript and looking at it with magical eyes. Abracadabra!!

I am profoundly grateful for my spiritual communities that have kept me centered in a space of healing. Both the Ausar Auset Society International and To Heal a People movement. They have been my anchor and spiritual medicine.

A big thank you to the Denver Ausar Auset Society for their love and support and a special thanks to Shekhem-t Sesesh-t MenRa for her friendship and leadership. She has been my co-pilot in leading this wonderful group.

A special note of gratitude to Kemet Maak Heru who wrote my foreword. He is a dynamic young brother who recommended the book, The Metu Neter, The Great Oracle of Tehuti to our family over 30 years ago. It is more than a book. It was and still is a spiritual treasure and a life study and practice.

FOREWARD

In Kemetic Cosmology (ancient Egyptian worldview), Khepera, known as the Scarab Beetle, the Dung Beetle or the Doo-Doo Bug, symbolized the primordial (original) principle of self-creation and self-renewal, thus being associated with the creator as the rising sun at dawn. The Neter (principle) Khepera is being and becoming with endless potential. This is the reason Khepera, the dung beetle, was carefully selected to symbolize the cosmic renewal of light, the rising sun (spirit).

We can all gain from Jahsasamut’s experience as she tells her story of shaking off the mud while rooted and growing in the spirit. In the midst of her challenges and pain, she found powerful beams of light, moments of clarity, and a sense of peace.

Conjunction junction, what’s her function? The reader will see her function as continuous transformation in triumph and love. The words Men Ab (hidden heart/mind) are the ancient Kemetic terms for the divine concept of self-reflection, inner insight or literally calming the heart in order to hear the truth (Maat). You will hear her truth and in that your own truth.

Self creation does not mean creation alone with no influence from others such as extended family, close friends, spouses and interesting people we meet on our journey through life. Sometimes in life we must raise ourselves when the parents we are born to suffer, and are unable to give us the care, love and attention we need. We have no direct control over who we are born to, the circumstances of our conception and birth, or where we are born. Some say that we choose our parents and our life path before we are born. Our only conscious control is in the decisions we make given the situations we find ourselves in at any given time.

Telling her story gives us the golden opportunity to look at ourselves and the lives we have influenced, as well as those who have influenced our lives. As mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters, we all have relationships from the beginning.  At times, some of those relationships seem broken, strained, or in some cases, even destroyed, leaving us feeling empty inside with no direction or recovery from the sense of loss. It is in those very moments that we begin to realize who and what we actually are made of: Love. That’s what we are and that’s what we are made of. Sometimes, that means we have to overcome setbacks and road blocks. Sometimes it means we have to end toxic relationships altogether and practice self-love and self-care.

This book is a divine journey that everyone can directly benefit from. Like rich and fertile mud, this book takes simple elements from the author’s own real-life experiences, and the electrifying experiences of those who shaped her, to form a home for the soul.

This book is about the divine spirit in matter that makes a cosmic temple worthy of highly intelligent students. Coming from humble beginnings, self-creation also means that those who can move through life without complete proper guidance and attention from family, can still manage to raise strong, self-loving and powerful adults. As a revolutionary woman, a revolutionary mother, a revolutionary wife, a revolutionary sister and a revolutionary daughter, the author’s sacrifices and the sacrifices of her family for the benefit of our community will never be forgotten. All power to our people. Thank you for all that you have done.

The author of this book demonstrates a high level of delicate vulnerability with dignity, bravery, and an honesty that is difficult to achieve for most. She offers in depth truth telling which is highly rewarding and cleansing, not only for the author, but also for the reader. Her experience is our experience. Her example is our example. Her transformation and her writing skills are shining examples that we can all use to heal ourselves and To Heal a People. As you read this great work, take the time to review and structure your own story. Your story may save your own life and the lives of many others as this one does.

So, what is mud and what can one get from Out of the Mud? Mud holds the remains of ancestral knowledge, understanding, and wisdom. The lives of our ancestors are the mud that shapes our temples (bodies) and thereby our spiritual realities. Our collective pain and anguish give meaning to our collective joys and triumphs. The Divine Mother Mut, as mud, provides the substance that spirit animates. The author’s very name, Jahsasamut, holds this truth. Mut is the matrix. The Madre. The Madere. The Mother. Love her as she loves you. She supports, even right now, your very existence.

As you experience this book, listen to your higher self and allow your heart to absorb the wisdom between these pages. You can get gratitude, growth and transformation. You can get True Love and Life-Ankh-Aisha, Out of the Mud. You are in for a great experience reading this deep and meaningful work.

Maat Hotep!  May your soul find satisfaction!

Kemet Imhotep Amen Ra

A NOTE TO THE READER

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.

MAYA ANGELOU

I didn’t know I would be writing this book. When my sons were in their early twenties, they started asking me questions about their maternal relatives. When I started sharing bits and pieces with them, my youngest son, Sheps, said, Mom, you need to write that down. Our family needs to know that information.

For the book’s cover I chose the sacred scarab beetle or Kheper rolling its egg filled dung ball across the landscape. When scarabs