Borscht Boiled Babboon

By David J. Wighton

When somebody attacks some of his staff, Resolute orders Winnie to find the perpetrator and bring him to justice. This will require a Cosmos defensive force that involves, among others, a former devil and an angelic weapon who at one point in her life had sworn to have nothing to do with men. How and why she changed her mind will be revealed for those of you who are interested in such things.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David J. Wighton
• Release date: Sep 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215822630

David J. Wighton

David Wighton is a retired educator who enjoys writing youth novels when he's not on a basketball court coaching middle-school girls. The books in his Wilizy series peek at how people lived after the word's governments collapsed in the chaos that followed the catastrophic rise in ocean levels and the disappearance of the world's last deposits of oil. Luckily today, in the 2080s, the citizens of Alberta are safe because their It's Only Fair society uses brain-bands to zap people whenever they break a rule. That way, all children grow up knowing the difference between right and wrong. Unfortunately, they're also taught that women's ankles need to be covered so that men can't see them and turn into perverts. Plus, no-one in Alberta can have babies any more because the government manufactures them in a way that ensures that no child has an unfair advantage over any other child. All of this makes sense to Alberta's dictator, but not to Will and Izzy – two teenagers who are decidedly different from everyone else.Wighton's novels have strong teenage characters driving the plot and facing challenges that, in many respects, are no different from what teenagers face today. His novels are intended to entertain and readers will find adventure, romance, suspense, humour, a strong focus on family, plus a touch of whimsy. Wighton also writes to provoke a little thought about life in today's societies and what the future might bring. Teachers may find the series useful in the classroom and the novels are priced with that intent in mind.

Book preview

Chapter 1

I was told that you were dead.

You were told wrong.

When I heard of the tunnels collapsing, I began to hope again.

Again?

I had been privy to some confidential information. I thought you had escaped from Hell.

I almost did.

Did you stop Operation Scorched Earth?

For now.

They think that the problem is simply old tunnels.

Yes, but I'll have to put a permanent stop to it. Otherwise, they'll suspect me.

You look different, but I recognized your voice. I heard that Heaven had caught you and mushed your brains.

That was to fool the SSS. My face is different enough that their facial recognition software won't catch me.

Why are you still alive?

Somebody intervened.

Who?

A female. I'm not sure how high.

Why?

Pity, perhaps.

Is your father really dead?

Yes.

Did you do it?

Not directly, but I made sure his Flagstaff operation failed.

Good for you.

# # # # # # # #

Are you banished from practices again? Winnie was asking Maddy this question on the first day of April 2021. They were in Winnie's condo.

I am. I officially became bored ten minutes ago.

How long did that take?

I'd been awake for ten minutes.

You're like me.

Hey, I don't insult you!

Feeling feisty, I see.

Feisty is not the right word.

I need a back up for an operation that will be off planet.

I'll go. I'll need to be back by May 1.

No questions?

None. I need to get out of here.

Why the urgency?

I may have made a mistake.

Are you pregnant?

Not that kind of mistake.

# # # # # # # #

How'd you find me? I've been well hidden ever since your dad stuck me in Hell.

Chief was giving me a hand with another operation that I had to do. He was very gabby. He was bragging that he had access to pure water and a cook that made him mortal meals. He shared a thermos of soup with me. It was your borscht.

My food hasn't killed him yet.

Have you been trying?

No reason to. As long as he's alive, I'll remain alive.

And in the meantime, he gabs with you about everything he's heard or seen.

Pillow talk.

...

It keeps me alive, Boris.

Are you always confined within this machine shed?

When I'm working, yes. I have to contribute to Hell. I repair engines and nobody knows that I'm here.

You know about engines?

I was your father's driver. I had to know how to fix his car's engine. Locomotive or automotive, engines are the same. After work, I return to a real house with a real kitchen and a soft bed. My afterlife is tolerable, Boris.

Hardly tolerable. You're in Hell.

Living with your father was the hell, Boris.

# # # # # # # #

Maddy, we're going to Planet Pacifica, which is run by a tyrant named Kolly. We'll be looking for evidence that she's broken Cosmos requirements for how she treats her people. While I'm diving into the planet's government computers, you'll wander around looking for Cosmos crimes that Kolly has committed. If either of us finds anything actionable, I'll give it to Justice and she'll take over the investigation.

How long do you think it will take?

I'm hoping to find something in the first couple of days. Once we have a lead, we can pursue it aggressively.

Will we be in danger?

Yes. You're my bodyguard. Guinny won't let me go if I don't have one.

That's new. Since when did you need a body guard?

Long story. You'll have to wear a pendant that will protect you from bad magic. I'll be wearing a similar pendant.

That's new too. When did that happen?

Long story, Winnie avoided. Planet Pacifica used to be run by a warlock called Bug Splatter but he's dead now. I'm not expecting to need the pendant but Galahad won't undock my spaceship unless both of us are wearing one.

You have your own heavenly spaceship?

I do. It's called Winnie.1. I'll show you how to drive it. It has super secret speed and weapons. You'll have to know how to take us out of trouble in case I'm incapacitated.

Excitement for me has been limited to almost pitching a perfect game while you've been fighting warlocks.

It does have its moments. Bad moments too. I made a big mistake with Galahad. Did your mistake involve a guy?

Long story, Maddy avoided. I need to stop off in Heaven to pick up some personal weapons. Before that, I should let some people know that I won't be around for at least a week.

I'll see you at the castle then.

# # # # # # # #

I heard that there was a major tunnel collapse between Albuquerque and Tucson. Chief said it was the worst collapse he'd ever seen. Was that you, Boris?

Yuh. I had to stop Operation Scorched Earth.

Your father's masterpiece. It was going to be his legacy operation that would allow him to become Hell's Satan.

I heard him brag about it often enough, so I knew its weakness.

His other weakness was moving weapons from Hell to Earth where they would be deployed. He never was good with moving supplies to battle locations on Earth. How'd you destroy the tunnel? I heard the blockage was five miles long. What did you use?

Earth has stores that sell guns, ammunition, and powerful weapons. I was amazed how easily I was able to buy what I needed. I smuggled three packages of explosives into Hell that can level buildings on Earth. I put one pack at the Albuquerque end of a five-mile stretch and another pack at the Tucson end. I put the third pack in the middle and set it to trigger itself with a simple tripwire. When the PUS train with the weapons exploded, that detonation triggered the other two packs. They think that five miles of tunnel were blocked, but I didn't need to blow the entire stretch. By then, I was back on Earth where I couldn't be incriminated.

And the devils in the car? What about them?

Twelve devils won't be poisoning Earth's water supply. They deserved to die. They didn't suffer.

I was blown up by a rocket. I didn't suffer either.

Back to the Table of Contents

Chapter 2

I had never heard how you died.

I had no reason to tell you. It wouldn't have made any difference.

So, tell me now.

It was near the end of the war with Ukraine and your father was facing a lot of angry oligarchs. I was assigned to him as his driver. In addition to maintaining his armored car, I kept his bed warm at night. That wasn't part of the job description, but it's not like I had a choice.

He rarely left his suite in the Kremlin and so I had little to do. I was warm at night and I ate the same food that he did - half an hour before him. Growing up, I had hated cooking, so I didn't have to worry about that duty. All I had to do was check his food for poison and pretend that I liked having sex with him. I never stayed overnight. After he was done, Secret Service guards escorted me to my dingy one-room flat. Drivers did not make a lot of money. He did offer me money, but I refused. I wasn't going to be his whore, but I didn't tell him that. I think he thought I enjoyed having sex with him because I liked him. Your father didn't like hearing bad news, so nobody told him the truth, including me.

In the morning, I would be escorted to his office suite. If he were scheduled to travel outside of Moscow, I would bring a suitcase with me. We always travelled in a convoy wherever he went anywhere in Moscow, but he often travelled to his country home for the weekends. I didn't realize that his enemies were watching me. My suitcase told them he was traveling out of Moscow that day and I was the only female driver, so they knew what vehicle to aim at. They used an armor-piercing rocket to be sure. I saw it coming and swerved, but all that meant was it came through the passenger's front window. He was sitting in the back seat and he died first.

I remember being in what was called the 'sorting station’, which meant that an angel would make the decision if I went to Hell or to Heaven. The line-up was very long. A big creature with horns approached your father who was in the line in front of me, verified his name, and started to take him out of the line. Your father told the devil that I was with him, so he took both of us to a down escalator. I never made it to the front of the line-up. I had never done anything bad in my life.

Your father ensured that I never had to go into a torture pit, so I guess I owe him for that. Some time later, he came to where I was working and he announced that we were going to Earth. We lived undercover and I had a baby boy that he named Boris. You know the rest.

# # # # # # #

Maddy, this is Naomi and she used to live on Planet Pacifica along with her son, Kieran. She helped us bring justice to Bug Splatter, the warlock that was in control of the planet. Her testimony that he had killed Naomi's husband in front of her was the evidence that allowed us to execute him.

I fired the weapon that destroyed his ship. That was very satisfying.

Naomi, Maddy and I will be sneaking into Planet Pacifica, but this time we'll be after Kolly. We'll be looking for evidence that she has broken Cosmos laws that all planets must follow.

That shouldn't be hard. She's a dictator. Nobody on the planet wanted her to be running the planet.

Maddy will be disguised as an inhabitant of the planet and she has to know enough about life on Pacifica to pass as a citizen. Could you give her a crash course about daily life on Pacifica?

Kolly was equally as bad as Papa. The whole planet will rejoice if she's executed. I'll talk until she tells me to stop.

Tell her about your personal life too. Her disguise will be based on your appearance. I'll chat with Kyty in the meantime.

# # # # # # #

How did you enter Hell with a mortal body?

I used this.

...

Change back, Boris. I don't want to see you as a devil.

...

Heaven let you keep your devil body inside your human body?

They could have removed it, but then I would have lost all my memories. I didn't want that. I can't access the devil body on Earth, only in Hell. Can you change bodies?

No. I'm locked into a mortal body. It means I'm safe so long as I stay hidden away here.

I came looking for you so that I could take you out of Hell.

That's not possible. I'm OK where I am. You can visit me. That's good enough.

Not for me! Not now that I know that you never would have been sent here if Hell hadn't kidnapped you out of the sorting line.

# # # # # # #

Can I see the body that you're planning to use on Planet Pacifica, Maddy? Naomi asked.

...

You can change bodies that fast?

Yes, once I've locked it into the body's memory. How do I look?

You look exactly like I do.

Good.

Not so good if you run into any of my friends or co-workers. Make it younger. Be a teenager.

...

Better. If anybody notices the similarity, you're a cousin visiting from Cowabunga.

[The word 'Cowabunga' originated in a 1950's TV show named 'Howdy Doody' who was a wooden puppet. Your author remembers watching that show. Yes, I'm really am that old.]

Where's that?

Southern hemisphere.

# # # # # # #

Tell me what you're doing on Earth.

I live in Tucson Arizona and, in a few months, I'll be attending the University of Arizona where I will play basketball like a teammate should play basketball.

What will you study?

Engineering.

Any friends?

One, I think.

You don't know?

She plays basketball as well as baseball and is too busy to have a relationship.

When will you tell her that you have a devil's body inside you?

She already knows.

Boris, what have you done to her?

My new name is Chad.

Chad, what have you done to her?

Nothing. We're only friends.

And yet she knows that you have a devil's body inside you.

She has an angel body inside of her, Mom.

...

You're working for Heaven now?

"No. I'm working for me. Heaven gave me dual bodies with no strings attached. [Unlike Howdy Doody.]

And yet, you have just destroyed a PUS line and killed a dozen devils. How is that not working for Heaven?

My friend-girl lives and studies in Tucson.

Friend-girl?

We don't touch each other, at least we didn't.

Why is Tucson important?

My friend-girl has had bad experiences with Hell. I was forced to be part of that. I don't want Hell to come anywhere near her again.

You're protecting her?

Yes.

Does she know?

No. She would be offended if she knew. She is very ...

She doesn't think it's a man's role to protect her.

Yes.

How will your actions on the PUS line protect her?

There was only the one PUS line into Tucson. Hell has no way now to send devils to Tucson.

And you disguised your intent as part of sabotaging Operation Scorched Earth?

Yes.

Do you think you have a future with this friend-girl?

I'm not sure. Last time we were together, I may have made a mistake.

Is she pregnant?

Not that kind of mistake.

Back to the Table of Contents

Chapter 3

I always like to look over the battleground before landing, Winnie explained why they continued to orbit Pacifica from a distance.

Battleground?

Always assume that a planet that you are about to sneak into for the first time will be a battleground. You want to be a little anxious. I know what we're getting ourselves into, but you don't. Think of this trip as an opportunity to learn on the job.

...

Right now, we're following the line of dawn as it crawls across the face of the planet. You can see the rain clouds dissipating. That line is very straight. That means that their weather is controlled and the rain is turned on in the nights and turned off in the days. Most planets in the Cosmos are weather controlled.

...

"Notice the quality of the air. There are no rain