Running from the Narcissist

By Margareth Ralph

When not putting, a short checklist before the groom standing at the alter, eg. Asking him to complete the questionaire with question on like: Are you an ax murderer? or Are you a diagnosed Narcissist?  No can do, you can only hope, that you are not making a mistake. Take my life, I lay before you and you can learn from my mistakes. Let me run you through years of my life with the Narcissistic one. Learn to recognize these traits and before your guy or girl has hooked you and you are about to give over all you have achieved into his or her hands, get out, rather than throw away costly years of a life that you can never demand back. Learn how romantic a person the Narcissistic one, wether male or female, can be. Learn how your life can change within weeks with someone that does not have empathy and cannot understand that you can have empathy. When you have read this book and you don't have a niggly feeling in your gut, great and Goodluck I have done my job properly to warn you, how easilly, we can trust others.

Take a short trip through Twenty years with me, experience with me how amazing one feels, when your partner takes over all the things that get the hell out of you. Learn with me the signs of abuse and the fear of standing behind the door and he is breaking into your home. You know when he is in this mode, if he had any sympathy or even caring, he would be back tracking this deed, because after reading this book he will be gone from your heart. Fear with me through being drugged and violated by the man that once left you so in love with him, that one did not care whether the sun shone or not. Wake with me when one's body is frozen from the drugs the partner threw into your food or drink. Run with me to the furthest points, where fear is your life. Break with me when you cannot find a space to run anymore. Listen in the lonely night with me as he cuts the rubber from between the door and one knows, he has got you. Look with me into the mirror after running for Seventeen years and cry with me when the memory of the younger woman or man you were, burns fresh in one's mind and time has passed you by.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Margareth Ralph
• Release date: Aug 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223106913

Book preview

Running From The Narcissist

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MARGARETH RALPH

Copyright © 2012 Margareth Ralph

All rights reserved.

ISBN:

ISBN-13:9798223805687

Contents

1 frozen

2 the narc

3 And the dreams

4 The Empath

5 LUST DEPENDS ON

6 HOW the Narcissists FLIRT

7 still on the run

8 Screwed over by who

9 Needing a companion

10 A MOTORBIKE RIDE

11 A BLIND DATE

12 are most mothers narcissists

13 WE, WOMEN

14 AND YOU LIE

15 AND FINALLY

16 H.

17 What is love

18 Quality time with gran

19 murphy’s law reigns

20 just in case...

21 I'TS BEEN 20 YEARS

Other Books by this Author

I really appreciate you reading my book!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

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Thanks to YouTube and the Narcissistic men and women that crossed my path. It was but a lesson learned on a life path. Lesson taken.

1 frozen

It was some time into the dead of night, when my eyes shot open to the haunting thought of my husband Mark, earlier in the evening, placing the supper tray before me. I don’t have much of an appetite! I tried to say when a whisper poured from my mouth. His face grew pale before he shouted. You will eat every grain of food on that plate! Knowing not to argue, I tried eating the food that tonight tasted even more powdery. Mark had a few weeks ago insisted on cooking as It is a way for me to unwind! He had explained. Now much later, I had passed out within Ten minutes of him taking the empty plate. When in the dead of night, my brain and eyeballs felt totally alert, refreshed from deep sleep but all movement within me, was frozen. Mark I called into the deadly silence of night. Within my innermost being, I knew for sure that he had drugged me and he was not lying in the bed next to me. I knew, that the man that I was so passionately in love with, was now lying in the arms of another woman. While taking stock, I saw as usual my husband had left the bathroom light on, with the door closed. My inner most assured me that I was alone, this time with hands, feet, and body, missing any feeling. It was as if, from inside of me someone, something bigger than one can explain, leaned forward and looked out through my eyes, observing and weighing up, what was going on. Trying hard to move even my head, was impossible. Staring into the far corner of the bathroom doorway, light played from the keyhole, tears welled up within me, but the stranger deep inside spoke, confirming. He left the bathroom light on as always, but only after he had drugged you! Whispering aloud, I explained. All I do is to love him too much!

While staring into the night, remembering to earlier the evening, Mark had cooked supper as he insisted once again. He had explained for the umpteenth evening. I do it for relaxation purposes. Minds got to switch off. Been a hard day at the office! Stress broke through in his actions and that, while stirring the mashed potatoes that I loved so much all my life. Now while explaining, his strong hands whisped wildly at the already creamy potatoes. We had enjoyed supper together, silently as always, because he preferred it that way. The mash had a terrible powdery taste and I tried leaving it in the side of my plate but he shouted at me. I stood cooking my butt off and you are not eating your food! His voice thundered from a metre away. I tried explaining. It tastes funny, like a powdery taste! He again barked loudly into my face. Eat it! And I did. I knew not to argue with him. In silence, I forced the food down. A soapie played out on the television though halfway through, I passed out into the deepest sleep.

In the few months before Mark and I had were married, we had only courted for a short while six months earlier. He was amazing, our romance was something out of this world. He was attentive and picked up on my needs instantly before I could speak them. He took over everything that could cause me to stress. Being relieved by his enthusiasm to take things off my hands while always being helpful, meant I could focus on my job of selling Property. Head over heels in love with my husband, a man twelve years my junior, it felt like my first time in love.

In our courtship, I did not mind buying Mark clothing, he made me feel so needed, so important and for me, I was dancing among the stars. My childhood life of growing up with a Narcissistic mother, did not matter at all anymore, Mark was there for me now and he idolized every breath, I took. After a busy previous marriage with five children, I needed to feel alive again. Not only was my new husband sexy, but he could cook and run a home, while I, the business woman, was selling houses like hot cakes. Never once before he asked me to marry him, did it occur to me that I had shown him my earnings, one evening. And it was later that same evening, that he had proposed to me. Having pushed that from my mind now, I too blocked the red lights that were flickering in my brain. Assuring myself always. "I'm proud that I achieve in my career and in any case, we are in love and he may as well know what I earn. The honeymoon days were to die for, Mark was more than I could have asked for. He was a lover like none and as any other woman, when the cuddle syndrome takes over and the Serotonin in the brain releases, I could not see through my eyes. This amazing feeling had side effects though, I could not think straight enough to even sell a house, my bank account was fast dropping. Not one moment did I worry, as I knew my young stud, had the health and muscle to find a job and help me earn. Neglecting my job to arrange job interviews for him, was my priority and when we shopped for clothing, I went without, to give him what he was so longingly, staring at. And he stared only at label clothing, shoes, watches and cell phones.

As I draw my eyes from reality, I ask you my Reader to explain what the hell is wrong with us? How do we not work out that the Narcissistic person has things all all worked out for himself or herself. Discovering only months later, that my husband was a Narcissistic person, was for me then, a terrible shock. My life and sales came to a sudden halt. He found a job and the boss I so motherly phoned, to demand how he could fire my amazing husband. He blatently explained. Your husband uses my company car, to entertain his hoochies! And like we women do, I did not believe a word the boss said, and took Honeys part.

After the wedding, day by day into the marriage, the feeling of not being enough, was all I experienced and my confidence sank. Selling houses and businesses needed for me to be confidant but I did not realize that the problem was not with me but with him, the one I loved so passionaltly, the Narcissist. How can the Narcissist turn a problem around in such a manner that it looks like their partner is the wolf in the tale? The Narc is so experienced at his game, that he does not even need to think and plan, though he does this, the whole time. How the hang, does the Narcissist turn every situation onto the partner, I ask you? We allow it, because they break down our image, taking our confidence completely away and daily refreshing their dirty negative, skilled work, to keep us down.

Remembering back to how hard I had worked at trying not to be the one who messes up, because I was determined to make the marriage work. And I tried harder, even keeping quiet, when he was shouting, full force in my face. Insecure, needy and convinced that I was not enough, I groveled at his feet, even trying like the bible says to honor him. The top Sales woman of my job, had crumbled to become a withdrawn, sullen person. My sales had dropped tremendously and soon enough I had financial difficulties. Here, I am betting my bottom dollar on the fact that, you my reader is an Empath, a person that cares for others. And you are so caring, that you put your needs before others, if you are wanting to take care of all around you, a friendly person, a loving person, even a popular person, you are a safe target for the Narcissistic person to latch onto. Why do we under value ourselves and allow the Narcissist, room in our lives. Why do we not have the confidence to believe that we are under valuing ourselves?

One dark night, I was driving after a meeting and in a dark road, who should I see picking up a young hoochie but my very own, my sexy husband. To say the least, I was shattered to say. She was still a kid and when I had saw him, something died in me. That was the end of the sexual attraction, the glue to our whole marriage thing. Oh my, and the marriage had not even had time to settle yet. On doing what any woman would do, I threw him out of my house, label clothes, shoes, watches, new glasses, new teeth, and all. Shocked to the core that I had never in my entire life had to share Miss Cookie and the virile young one, comes along, takes the whole package, gifts, glasses, teeth and all and leaves intact. Hopefully, he was thankful that I included the glasses and teeth for his new start in life. Little did I know what life path of hell was waiting for me.

On discarding the Narcissistic one. Least of all, did I know that Narcissists have low morals, where it comes to sex with no respect for anyone else, where it comes to marital vows.

Let's look at the kinds of Narcissistic persons.

The Communal Narcissistic person. One would be impressed with these Narcissists because their do-good actions overpower much of their Narcissistic traits but beware, they can be sadistic and do the do good acetions only to impress the one they are trying to catch.

The Self-Righteous Narcissist can be very judgmental and mock people, bringing them down in this manner. For example calling them by a sweet or funny name which is actually degrading.

The Covert Narcissist is angry at the world and feels as if the world owes them.

The Grandiose Narcissist has the charm to knock the socks off anyone.

The Neglectful Narcissist sees others as objects and uses them as such.

The Malignant Narcissist has traits of being sadistic, Paranoid and Abusive. They are the most dangerous of the Narcissistic ones and love dishing out Emotional abuse.

The rest of the Narcissistic traits are to be found in all the categories of Narcissistic ones. The main point is that the Narcissistic one only does things for his own gain. Something as simple as courting one, the Narcissist would all the while be doing so with the sexual act as their reward, in the back of his mind.

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In Narcissistic families, one finds one person, that takes the punch and the blame for all. This victim would be in service of the Narcissistic parent. This child that is not given recognition, get the feeling that they are not enough. And this feeling if not addressed and worked on with a Therapist or someone who is aware of the treatment to healing, this Empath when having grown up in the Narcissistic family, will still to him or herself be not enough to please any one. Therapy will help to influence all the victim’s life decisions. So the Narcissistic person running the ones in this family, especially the chosen one, the softie, the one that is taking the punch, the blame, the responsibility for all that happens and does not happen, will grow up feeling that they will never be enough, feeling inferior among other. This feeling will stick for the rest of their lives. These victims when grown, will over extend themselves in every way to save the peace or the relationship. This clipped wing, childhood upbringing, leaves the child feeling humiliated and they take on the role of being a beggar that cannot be choosy and needs to settle for whatever. They for the rest of their lives, will feel inadequate and chances are that they end up being with a Narcissistic person. This, being with the Narcissist relationship victim, will give up on themselves just to keep the relationship going or successful. They will always be under valuating themselves. These people are always Em-paths that think they want or need to save the world. They are so into people pleasing and on this fact the Empath is bait for the Narcissistic ones in the world. The Narc on the other hand just takes all, full stop and the Empath is a giver of emotions and support. With the Narcissist, Empathy in the partner fuels them, while the Empath, the giver of giving chances, feeds them with more goodness. This makes the situation an enabling one. Empaths need to come to a place where they stop enabling the Narcissist. But enabling them could make the relationship last for years. Not a healthy situation to the one giving, giving, giving. Narcissists don't appreciate the person for such enabling but do take advantage of every chance given, taking, taking, taking. Why not be empathic with yourself rather and stop just giving it to one's that don't appreciate it? But when will an Empath ever learn this?

All Narcissists are insecure. They are the takers in a relationship. Don't expect anything from them, they take and don't give. Secure people feel confident in themselves and Narcissists who are insecure in themselves, will project this feeling onto their partner. The Narcissist's defenses protect the Narcissistic person because they probably are wounded persons, actually. This though, does not give them a right to break others down. Narcissists despise themselves in real life. They don't love themselves but are shallow and immature. They don't have empathy and don't understand empathy. They don't tolerate when accused of anything and would slice one up, if one dared point out their faults. They don't think rules apply to them and this in itself, portrays that they are grandiose and love them self.

My husband had left my home and after I had spent days in sweatpants and crying, a lady pulled her car into my driveway, dropped him back home for the reason, she explained. Cos she's had enough of his b.s. Mister was back, he had stayed for a few days with a strange woman and she had now had enough of his lies and drama and brought him home to me. Oh did I mention that the Narcissistic on is a pathological liar. The best. They are highly qualified in this area. My husband had also discussed our marriage with her and she was clever enough to play him psychologically, informing him on finding out that the house was on my name, to go back to me. She played her cards right and got rid of him fast. He, when arriving at her home had lied, giving her the impression that he owned a home, my house. But now he had come back determined to stay, come hell or high water. Luckily for me, I was selling houses and sold my own house without Mr. knowing. Informing him after the sale, that he was to look for lodgings. He disappeared for a while because that is what Narcissistic people do. They cry on someone’s shoulder, stay happily for a while, while getting their plans in order.

Settling into my new apartment was fun for me and I felt safe, until the night I looked out of the window and he was parked opposite the road, while watching my apartment. It was then that the serious stalking from a Narcissist, started. And all I wanted with everything in me, was peace. The nights were long and when I found out someone was on my roof and in the ceiling, I knew I was in trouble. My nights were now fear filled and I could not afford to be asked to move out because of trouble following me, so I kept my secret locked up inside. He was in the roof, he was on the roof, he tried to break open the latches on the outside doors. He also broke in through the security mesh at my balcony. The stress and sleepless nights took their toll on me and I decided to report the goings on to the owner but being careful not mention that it was my ex husband. Again, like so many times before, I earned the reputation of being mad. And off course, I fled. And he broke into the next place and I fled again, this time across the country. He again found me. And we repeated this cycle over and over. The more determined he was in finding me, the more I realized that my life had become a nightmare. My looks, my health were gone. Now, I was a nervous wreck, pale from hiding indoors. Too afraid to involve my family or friends anymore, in any case, by now everybody was tired of hearing the same old story that had been going on for years. The worst was that I wanted to protect my loved ones, I did not want the Narc to do to them what he was doing to me.

When losing the last of my possessions on selling my home while trying to make ends meet, I moved into a Mobile Home Park. Still not having worked out if the Narc was a retard that he could not break in properly, he found me once again. By this time, I was mixing with no one and not allowing any one into my life. The shame of this man that was following me around and scaring the crap out of me, was not something, I could put onto people or involve them with. He was following me when I had left an interview, then going into the same place and reporting that I am a dangerous woman on the run