A Cruel World

By Michael Paterson

What if we could really get to know a group of women, their lives, their secrets, and their innermost selves? Would we be able to see if it's our thoughts, our dreams, or the flaws that define us? And are we really so different from everyone else? Don't we all just want to have a home where we can feel safe, someone that holds us and speaks of love and something that we can be proud of, that sets us all apart?
Meet Sarah, who goes through life spreading happiness with her good cheer and warm-heartedness, who is not afraid to love and love deeply. And Nicola, a strong, self-reliant woman who never lets anyone get too close because people can't hurt you if you don't give them the chance. And beautiful, well dressed, smiling Jane who wants everyone to be happy and who lives what appears to be the perfect life.
And Nicole, laughing, all-seeing Nicole, who wants to protect the ones she loves, but who also wants to keep them away, afraid that she will hurt them if they get too close. Yet another night filled with smiles, small talk, and general happiness, and just a few hours added to the thousands and thousands spent in pretend happiness. Yet another gathering for the express purpose of letting the rich stroke each other's egos and help fill each other's pockets, and me standing there, just another trophy wife, supporting my husband in his efforts to reach ever-higher on the glittering steps of social status and financial gain.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: michael paterson
• Release date: May 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393443469

Michael Paterson

I write from my childhood for the love of adventure. My imagination has never changed writing is part of who I am.

Book preview

A Cruel World

michael paterson

Published by Michael Paterson, 2020.

A Cruel World

michael paterson

Published by Michael Paterson, 2020.

While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

A CRUEL WORLD

First edition. May 1, 2020.

Copyright © 2020 michael paterson.

ISBN: 978-1393443469

Written by michael paterson.

While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

A CRUEL WORLD

First edition. May 1, 2020.

Copyright © 2020 michael paterson.

ISBN: 978-1393443469

Written by michael paterson.

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Also by michael paterson

Bombing Belfast

Nikki's Nightmare, Zombie Invasion

Victim's of The IRA

The Runaway

Beast from the Fog

VIXEN

My Wife the Assassin

Jacks Destiny

Life's Entirety

Happy Ending

Children Unknown

Ben and the Magic Crystal

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Ian the Ice Cream Man

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Coming Out; Every Love Deserves Respect

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Nikki's Nightmare, Zombie Invasion

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Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Also By michael paterson

A Cruel World

Also By michael paterson

Michael Paterson©2020 

A cruel World

The wonderful thing about long lasting friendships is that they often create strange, but very interesting combinations of people. In a small group of friends, who have known each other for years, where the need to hide uncomfortable truths or embarrassing facts should no longer be present, where the need to impress and excel at things should no longer be needed, where genuine friendship should allow everyone to be who they really are, the question still remains, do we ever really reach a point where we feel secure enough to show our true selves to anyone, even our closest friends?

What if we could really get to know a group of women, their lives, their secrets and their innermost selves? Would we be able to see if it's our thoughts, our dreams or our flaws that define us? And are we really so different from everyone else? Don't we all just want to have a home where we can feel safe, someone that holds us and speaks of love and something that we can be proud of, that sets us all apart?

Meet Sarah, who goes through life spreading happiness with her good cheer and warm heartedness, who is not afraid to love and love deeply. And Nicola, a strong, self reliant woman who never lets anyone get too close because people can't hurt you if you don't give them the chance. And beautiful, well dressed, smiling Jane who wants everyone to be happy and who lives what appears to be the perfect life.

And Nicole, laughing, all seeing Nicole, who wants to protect the ones she loves, but who also wants to keep them away, afraid that she will hurt them if they get too close. Yet another night filled with smiles, small talk and general happiness, and just a few hours added to the thousands and thousands spent in pretend happiness. Yet another gathering for the express purpose of letting the rich stroke each other's egos and help fill each other's pockets, and me standing there, just another trophy wife, supporting my husband in his efforts to reach ever higher on the glittering steps of social status and financial gain.

––––––––

Chapter one

Hello Jane how are you!

A female voice woke me from my bitter thoughts and I looked up, smiled and greeted the elderly woman in front of me with a cheerful Hello there before kissing her cheek, taking her hand and asking about her family, the simple act of greeting an acquaintance as if she was one of my closest friends perfected over the long years of service.

You could always count on me to do and say the right things, I had been taught well. In those first few months, where I still clung to the notion that my thoughts and opinions counted, he had taught me well and often. Well enough to know that it was in my best interest to smile, wave, hug and kiss my way through any number of social gatherings and to never let any of the thoughts spinning in my head show on my face.

To be really honest, most of the years had passed by in a gray mist, where I didn't feel or think anything. And perhaps those were the happy years, at least compared to these last few months where a newly awakened need to get away had started to make my life almost as miserable as those first few months of married life.

I stood there sipping a glass of champagne, smiling to everyone that passed me by, the ever increasing need to scream, rage and cry almost overwhelming me. It had been like this since that one Thursday evening with my friends when Sarah had told us that she longed for someone she could love and Nicole had laughed and said be careful what you wish for. Something had just clicked in my mind right then and there, the calm grayness that surrounded me had started to slip away and I became aware of my own thoughts and feelings again. And I started crying myself to sleep every night and woke up screaming every morning. Very silently of course, because I knew the punishment that followed unwanted bursts of emotion.

How I wished I could be free from this miserable life and brave enough to make it happen, I thought as the last tones of the national anthem sent my mind spinning again. The dark thoughts of 'the eternal peace of death' that kept haunting me were quickly swept away. I wanted to live, but a happy life, not this nightmarish existence with days filled with faked happiness and superficial beauty, where my every move was monitored and controlled.

I felt a chill run down my spine and recognizing the feeling of being watched I turned my head slightly to the left, smiled an even wider smile and waved lovingly to my husband, probably fooling everyone at the party, except for him, hopefully adding some positive numbers to the negative ones that almost falling on the way in had most certainly given me in this night's behavior ledger.

I wasn't punished very often these days and I was carefully hoping that his need to go see to his own pleasures, thankfully not so often in my bed nowadays would make him deliver the needed hard words and accompanying fists quickly.

He tilted his head and lifted an eyebrow indicating he wanted me to come to him. I put my glass away and walked over, always the dutiful wife. I kissed his cheek and purred out a darling that could be overheard by everyone who stood close by. Perhaps there was a chance for me to get back on his good side before the night was over. Jane, he said I'd like for you to meet Councillor Hutchinson.

Good evening Councillor, I said and turned to the stocky, red-faced man standing a few steps away it's a pleasure to meet you! I could feel his eyes trailing across my body and the way my tight dress followed my curves. His face grew just a few shades redder and the speed of his breathing increased. A discreet sign from my husband made me aware that this had been his intention and as I slid closer to the Councillor I wondered what this particular person had or could do that my husband needed. I wrapped my arm around the Councillor's, laughed at the small jokes he was telling me and forced myself not to shudder as his eyes ran admiringly across my cleavage. I hoped I wouldn't have to go too far in my admiration for him, there's nothing that can make you feel quite like a cheap whore as being... a cheap whore.

I didn't wake up screaming the next morning but just opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling, my whole being filled with a sense of purpose. I had to do something about my life otherwise I'd be stuck doing the same things over and over again for the rest of my life, pleasing and pleasuring my husband and everyone he threw my way until I couldn't take it anymore. But how do you break free when you don't have any money, when you're almost always under surveillance and when you can't trust anyone, except perhaps your three closest friends, the only real ones you have, who will no longer be your friends after your husband has destroyed them as he has promised he can and will do?

I carefully eased myself out of bed, trying not to upset the ribs on my right side that hurt from that single strong blow to them the night before. Still, I was glad that he had only hit me once, you had to appreciate the little things in life. I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water sooth my body, trying to relax the muscles that were somehow always tense, perhaps waiting for the next degrading task or painful experience. I couldn't really remember what my body had felt like when I was younger, when I ran carelessly across the fields by my mother's house in the summers or when I danced the night away as I grew slightly older.

Thinking back only caused me pain, but I let myself walk down memory lane, seeing myself as a girl, then a teenager and then slightly older, on the verge of womanhood. I remembered the way my family had always laughed, hugged and kissed each other, the way my mother and father showed their love for each other every single day and the way I just couldn't wait to find that special love for myself. Naïve, starry-eyed, poor eighteen year old fool that I was.

I had been an easy target for the good looking, rich guy of our town. The way he had always been such a gentleman, the gifts he brought me and the way he said he only had eyes for me had made me fall madly in love with him. When he asked me to marry him I had jumped at the chance, even though my mother had cautioned me to wait a little while longer, to get to know him a little bit better.

I was the envy of everyone as I walked down the aisle and became Mrs. Paterson, the lovely new bride in one of the wealthiest families in the area. I couldn't have been happier and as I waved to my parents after the luxurious wedding party I did it with high hopes and the biggest smile I had ever worn. The honeymoon changed my feelings quite abruptly as I was taught lesson after lesson about myself and the man I had married.

I hid myself away from the thoughts of the warm days and nights on that miserable tropical island. I could feel the need to vomit rising, as it always did when my thoughts circled too close to those first three weeks of our marriage, and the following week that I spent in a luxurious room at the hospital after having 'fallen down the stairs'. The private hospital where no questions were asked, no reports were written and where the staff members who looked at me with pity in their eyes, soon found themselves without a job. Such were the ways of the very rich.

Some part of me was grateful for the way that my father-in-law stepped in and told his son to 'not leave visible marks in the future' with the added 'she's no good to us without her looks' comment. But the way he said it, standing in my room at the hospital, not caring if I heard him made me realize that he had known about the rough and violent nature of his son. It also made me realize that I could never expect any help from that side of the family, because in their eyes I was just another bought item, something my husband could use as he pleased, just as long as he did it discreetly and kept the family name clean from scandal.

I don't think that my mother and father believed in the falling down the stairs story, but they were never allowed to speak to me alone and after I got out of the hospital I only managed to call them once before they crashed their car into a tree on their way to work. I didn't want to think about that day either, because I worried that my quick phone call the day before the crash was what caused their deaths, and those thoughts led to sure madness.

I stepped out of the shower, dried myself off and looked at my reflection in the mirror. God, how I hated the perfect shape of my face, my dark red lips, my large, blue eyes and my softly curling blonde hair. I hated my high breasts, thin waist and slightly wider hips. I hated the way my body seemed to call out for attention and admiration. I hated everything that had made the golden boy of the Paterson family take notice of me. With a shake of my head I cursed both at the foolish, romantic girl I had been thirteen years ago and at the bitter, angry woman I had now become.

I walked out into my bedroom, got dressed and started my daily schedule, following the strict instructions I had been given as closely as I could, my only goal in life to live through another day without giving the family any room for annoyance, sadly aware that words would always be used to hurt me but hoping that the