Peaking At 60: My Times Are In His Hands

By Kerry Foster

The book is about an African American male's journey in life and his awakening of self-discovery at a later age. Peaking at Sixty acknowledges this process of self-discovery as a two-tier reality. Life is chaotic and meaningful. With all life's complexity and conundrum, life deserves to be accompanied and, most of all, celebrated more than criticized or condemned.

This book is a reflection and a confession that asserts, there is no one-size-fits-all path to development in life. Life is. Life always is, until it ain't. We are confronted by life every day. You have to learn to evolve: adapt, adjust, and overcome.

Everyone has a valid story that explains their humanity: pain, struggle, fears, challenges, hopes, dreams, and seemingly contradictions in life.

Life is not fair; yet it is. The book presents a candid childlike--no fear--and introspective look at life that is unique, common, heartfelt, and motivational.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781685173661

Book preview

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Peaking At 60

My Times Are In His Hands

Kerry Foster

ISBN 978-1-68517-365-4 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68517-366-1 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Kerry Foster

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Foreword

Prolegomena

Introduction

My Roots

Childhood

School Days

Overbrook High School: Why Am I Here?

Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri

Which Way is Up?

Back to School

Cheyney State College to Cheyney University

Back to the Ghetto, A Position Emerges

Life: The Twilight Zone, Twenty to Life

Around the World in 1,095 Days

Showtime, Showtime, Showtime, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy? Yes, Comedy

From White to Black Belt and Back, Peaking and Full Circle: Enlightenment, Maturity, Freedom, and 

Simplicity Results in Newness, New Possibilities, New Opportunities, New Perspectives, and New 

Rewards

Postscript

About the Author

This book is dedicated to my mother, Mary Lee Cobb-Foster, the fountain of my life.

You cannot travel within and stand still without.

—James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

Foreword

This book is a journey, my journey, a travel inward as I navigate the amazing and profound ocean of the circumference of life. This is an attempt to take time to analyze and define my life, my perspective, my intention, and my vision to express myself as authentically as I possibly can. I am peaking, evolving, becoming, and in some form or another, even coming full circle with my reality. In this journey, I realize that I only moving toward the center. What I mean by the center is, conscious movement to the idea of meeting up to meet and know the most mysterious person I will ever have the privilege to meet, and have met, myself.

It is June 30, 2020, 6:55 a.m., during my devotional reading of the book of Psalms, and I am reading Psalms 31. I have read this amazing book a dozen times. But this day, I discovered something unreal. I get to verse 15 and read, My times are in thy hand. This is the second part of my book title; talk about divine inspiration. Now I am stoked. Reading the second part of my book title in the Bible gave me an even greater sense that God is on my side, and it is my purpose to do what I am doing—writing this book.

The book's title is Peaking at Sixty: My Times Are in His Hands, and it is about my becoming. To peak, by definition, is to arrive at the highest level or greatest degree; to reach the highest point, behaviorally; to achieve one's full potential; to manifest one's best self. Athletes usually peak about the span between their twenties and thirties, depending upon the rigor and demand of the sport. For instance, some peak in their late teens or early twenties, such as in gymnastics. By the time you are twenty-three, the gymnast body begins to succumb to the physical demands of all that running, stomping, pounding, twisting, stretching, dieting, and stressing from the desire to wanting to be the best. In basketball, the players may start peaking in their late twenties to early thirties. So, the events one chooses to play kind of determines the time when peaking is a reality. But life is not always that linear or predictable. In my case, this is the case. I am now arriving at the peak or height of my life approaching sixty.

From another perspective, to peak also means to look over or at, as if to take a glimpse at something, usually at something of intrigue. This is what I am doing. I am looking at my life at sixty. I am looking over the horizon of my life. I am looking at myself from within and from without, noticing that I am reaching my full potential, experiencing my best self now; and I have to confess, as if I'm speaking from my chest, it feels great! In taking a peek to look forward, I cannot help but to be retrospective and look at my life as a whole—in a yin-yang perspective, where all things are necessary, all characters essential, all events required, and all experiences vital to a proper arrival of the myself in this time of my life.

Let me say at the onset of this book, as I was deeply reflecting about the content of this book and what I was going to say and how I wanted to articulate it, I learned a great deal more about myself and my evolution. A profound part of my life that will be repeatedly mentioned throughout the book is, I was born to a family system that I knew nothing about until I entered the doctoral program (forty-two years old) and was required to do a genogram, where I discovered my family of origin history. Hence, I was born in a family dynamic that I never felt attached to. Thus, I always felt like an adopted child. Ironically, at the age of thirteen, I discovered I was given the last name, Foster, by my stepfather, who my mother married a year after I was born. Yes, I was called a Foster child at times in my youth. I was reminded that my stepfather adopted me from his sister whenever in her company. She was beautifully ignorant concerning what she uttered out her mouth. I know she didn't mean any harm. I would look at her and shake my head and shake it off. But the reality was, her words would ripple within me and cause me to feel like I was not original but second-rate. It would be this feeling or emotion of detachment that would be a rutter in my life. This would also become a part of my inability and struggle to see myself as a viable member, an influencer, and real contributor within the social systems of life; that my belonging had no substance or stick-to-it-ness. I always felt like I was on the perimeter no matter how hard I tried. I always felt like an outsider. Though I could be in the company of many, I always felt alone; therefore I acted as such, mentally living in the shadows of my psyche, but I shine, unknowingly, but wittily.

Prolegomena

I'm going to say some things about some things, and it may even at times sound like I'm a little angry, but this is further from the truth. I love my family, friends, and all those who have been a part of my earthly experience. Life is mysterious, amazingly amazing. To live is to be wowed at times, left in wonder and in awe. This is when life surprises you, acknowledges your presence, and validates you. These are times in life you reflect, acknowledge, and most of all, celebrate these times of spontaneous grandeur. I can recollect many times when this has occurred in my life, and a couple of these times for me were a wow moment. Not to mention, life has its own way of balancing itself where you experience times of disappointment for reasons too innumerable to list.

Introduction

I'm going to begin this book by saying, I was born with only a prayer. I was told by my mother and grandmother that immediately after I was born, my mom and grandmom placed me in the spiritual care of my godmother—Sadie Pearson. My godmother, along with my grandmother, prayed for me and over my life. This is the foundation upon which my life has emerged from the ashes of post traumatic slave syndrome, teenage pregnancy, alcoholism, secrets, religion, frustration, etc. Prayer—something I grew up observing my grandparents do at various times of the day, week, month, and various occasions. Prayer was something I positioned that church people or people of faith who I considered Holy-Rollers do. This is what religious people do—pray.

As a child, I was taught to pray before we ate, before we went to sleep, when we left for a trip, before we opened our Christmas gifts, and in church. At other times, people prayed when confronted by life's events, births, marriage, dedicating children, baptisms, various tragedies, and funerals. It would not be until I am about twenty-five years old that I began to undertake the discipline of prayer and apply it in my life. I would learn that prayer is more than just talking to God, but the means of mysteriously affecting change within you and in your environment. I have come to understand that prayer is a living phenomenon. What is said in the dark comes to the light. Prayer actually builds a trust between what is not seen with what is seen. Prayer, although as children we view things methodically, as an evolving being, we come to learn that our unique experiences give shape to unique experiences or outcomes. Just because my parents presented things like prayer as a strict discipline and unattractive doesn't mean that I had to be a carbon copy. They prayed for me, that I would grow up, mature, and become something that God is pleased with, something that God can use, something other than the secrets in our family that I would subsequently find out. Because of the power of prayer, I have overcome many fatal accidents, situations, and experiences that many have failed to survive; because of the position of prayer in our family legacy, I have accomplished great things as well. My accomplishments are beyond my wildest imagination. Learning to be me was a scary thing to say the least. I was left to myself. I have little to references in terms of being mentored. So, I had little validation. I had little to compare things with. Everything from my perspective was assumed. Therefore, being me was awkward. I always felt clumsy and out of place. And at odd times, this has caused trouble. My lack of understanding, in other words, caused confusion, when I was only trying to be authentic. I am a Sagittarius man, and it gets real. What we think is authenticity becomes the means of creating havoc. Our intentions get misconstrued, and we're considered too insensitive. When our hearts are bigger than the bogeyman. We conclude, the world of people is not as authentic as we see it or are experiencing it.

As an evolving spiritual human being, I have taken in the words, sayings, instruction, ideology, theology, philosophy of others and have made them my own. I have taken them, played with them, challenged them, molded, framed, experienced them, and expressed them as Kerry. My family never saw me coming. Even as I am writing this manuscript, I am my own surprise. I have applied my learning to my life in my unique way, which is initially unvalidated until others benefit, then the Sagittarius is celebrated.

Somebody prayed for me. I in turn prayed for all my family—present and future. I am hopeful and delighted to see that prayer works, and God is real, not boring, stiff, or aloof. I hope you enjoy this brief journey, even as I am discovering uncharted waters of my reality. I pray you peak and come full circle within and without.

1

My Roots

Heads-up. Childhood challenges, ages one to seven. I was raised by the motto, Children are meant to be seen and not to be heard. I wish, I wish, I wish, the secret desire of my heart. Guess what I learned? Dreams do sometimes come true. To tell you the truth, in my case, dreams always come true. I had to decide if I wanted them to.

My four earliest childhood memories are unfortunately relatively all negative ones, since all human experiences evolve from a discriminative perspective. However, the last two would have more of a positive effect on me. The first memory was at a Get-Set. The millennials are probably saying, Get-Set, what is Get-Set? The postmodern term for Get-Set now is pre-K. I was at school and playing on one of those old steel wagons; it was red with the wood trim around it. I was standing up in the wagon, and one of the children in attendance began to pull the wagon by the handle. When, all of a sudden, the wagon jerked, and there I went. This was my first experience with physics and the law of gravity—what goes up, must come down. In one moment, my head went up, and my feet went over my head. There I was crashing to the floor headfirst. Well, at the moment of impact, I saw the light, heard the sound of my head cracking the floor, and I did what any child my age would do. I grabbed the back of my head, started running in place like I was riding a bike, and started screaming and hollering like it was Armageddon. You know what followed, a big, fat knot. My mind goes black after that. I probably suffered from a slight concussion.

The second experience was domestic. I was upset with my grandmother for saying, You are like your father. Every time I would hear those words, they were in a negative context. In the sixties and earlier, they had an old saying: your father ain't no good, and you ain't going to be no good; or like father, like son. Talk about positive reinforcement. All shucks, women from the South didn't sugarcoat or water down what they said or meant. You knew where they stood on the issues. As a child, you didn't understand why they were the way they were. But after about thirty-five years, I would find out, and guess what? It was a big ole juicy secret. My grandmother was from down south, Florence, South Carolina, off a slave plantation. She grew up under sharecroppers. Sharecroppers were freed slaves who were allowed to rent the fields they use to work during slavery.

Today what they call positive reinforcement is doo-doo. You have people who talk nicely in your face but badly about you behind your back. They used to call these kinds of people backstabbers. There was even a song by The O'Jays called Back Stabbers. The hook in the lyrics are, They smilin' in your face / All the time, they want to take your place / The back stabbers (back stabbers)… Today, with institutional racism, this pattern of falsehood and deceit is still practiced, teachers not telling the truth about children, labeling them with severe learning challenges; and the converse is also true, teachers exaggerating points of weaknesses to be more than what it is, thereby labeling children falsely. Adults and children had barriers growing up. Children were meant to be seen and not meant to be heard. Of course, there are obvious flaws with this sentiment. Children need to have boundaries. But children should be taught to express themselves as well. They need to be taught to express, handle, and manage their emotions in a proper manner. But that was a generation unconsciously still stung by the poison effects of slavery. They were doing the best they could with what resources they had.

The third experience, which was the most painful and had the greatest positive impact upon me. The lesson I would learn here would follow me the rest of my life, shape my professional identity, and ultimately be the greatest influence in my life. I used to