Aching Hearts A Story of Love and Loss

By Kabine Conde

In this deeply moving autobiography, Kabine Conde recounts the heart-wrenching story of two young lovers whose love was forbidden by the rigid cultural and religious norms of their respective communities. Robin a devout Christian from Philadelphia and Kabine a free-spirited Muslim from the town of Guinea, met each other by chance. They fell deeply in love and hoped to spend their lives together. But their love was not to be, as the cultural and religious differences between them proved too great an obstacle to overcome. Their families, stepped into tradition and expectations, and could not accept their union, and they were forced to part ways. As Kabine Conde shares their story, readers are taken on a journey of love, loss, and heartbreak. It is a journey of fighting against all the odds and breaking the chains of expectations of a conservative society. But in the face of such immense adversity, their love persists. As they navigate the challenges of their separate lives, they remain bound by their love for one another, and a hope that one day they may be able to be together again. 'Aching Hearts: A Story of Love and Loss' is a deeply emotional and moving memoir that offers a unique insight into the complex intersection of religion, culture, and love. It is a testament to the enduring power of love and a reminder that true love knows no boundaries.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kabine Conde
• Release date: Jul 26, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223332718

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Aching Hearts: A Story of Love and Loss

Kabine Conde

Copyright © 2023

All Rights Reserved

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all those lost souls who found love outside of their religious and cultural backgrounds but couldn’t stay together due to obstacles raised by family members and friends.

Acknowledgment

AS AN IMMIGRANT OF Mandingo men from Guinea, West Africa, I never thought once in my life that I would struggle to choose the love of my life due to religious and cultural differences. I once thought that moving overseas was the best life-changing experience for a kid growing up in Africa, where everything is difficult to come by, such as getting a good education, healthy food, clean water, and jobs to take care of your family.

Once I moved to the United States, I then realized that I was at a place where I could achieve all my dreams, but what I didn’t know was how difficult it would be to find someone with whom I could spend the rest of my life.

After nine years of living the American dream, I was able to find a woman who I thought could be the love of my life. She changed my perspective on life and showed me the true meaning of happiness. However, the person I found was someone who I had religious and cultural differences with. Even when we were ready to ignore them and move past our differences, we had to bow down in front of our families and accept their decision not to let us be together. 

This book tells the story of the struggle I encountered in the process of my decision to marry a Christian American woman, Robin, who is a single mother with a daughter Bee. I had to part ways with her due to concerns brought up by my family and friends, including some of Robin’s family members, and, most importantly, my mistakes.

Robin and Bee, thank you for loving me for who I am as a person without any judgment of my religious and cultural differences. You two are such a major inspiration for me in telling the story of this book. Not only that you both love me for who I am, but you also showed me that nothing else matters in a person’s life without a good personal character, not even your religion or cultural belief.

Robin, you gave me by far the best moments of my life; you always show me that a man can recognize his real potential if he has a woman like you in his life to help him see nothing but the best version of himself. You and your daughter changed my whole perspective of having a family of my own, and all I wanted was for you two to be a part of that family, but sometimes what you want is not what you get in life, and it is not fair that we couldn’t have what we all wanted together.

Bee, thank you for filling my life with your contagious laughter and innocence. I will never forget the love you showered on me and how you accepted me as a father figure in your life.

To my family, thank you for supporting me with everything I do in life. I know that you guys wish nothing but the best for me, and I hope that this book will show all of you that sometimes, we make mistakes in choosing the best for others. I would only hope for my family to open their minds and think from a different perspective for once. I am grateful to my entire family: my mother Makoumba Conde, who sacrificed everything so I and my siblings could have a better life. Thank you to all my siblings who have had a great positive impact on my life: Mamoudou Sow, Karifa, Fatoumata, Mohammad, Mamoudou, Moussa, Aissata, Idrissa, Abdoulaye, and Fode Conde. Thank you to all my aunties and grandparents: Sarangbe Conde, Mawa Conde, M’mah Conde, Gnama Traore, Gnalen Conde, Gnalen Traore, and Bato Conde.

Lastly, I would like to mention my grandfather, Karifa Conde. You are my biggest inspiration and the reason I have turned into a sensible and mature man. May your soul rest in eternal peace.

To all my work colleagues at JPMorgan Chase Tri-party Team: Kenny, Julia, Angel, Brian, and Natosha, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to take on a new role and learning from you all. Joining the team wasn’t just taking on new challenges, but it was an escape plan for me to have a life with Robin and Bee.

To my work colleagues at Amazon UPA1: Chanel, Che, Craig, and Rob, thank you for all your support and unbiased advice. I was in a very dark place, and you guys were kind enough to take your time to recognize that with me and brought your support to me, and only Allah knows how much I needed that. Thank you for everything.

Special thank you to Chief Wayne Henderson for finding me the opportunity to attend Valley Forge Military Academy. Also, thank you to all those individuals, such as Mohamed Alateya and his family, for helping me financially to graduate from Valley Forge.

To the staff at Valley Forge military academy: Captain Kevin Bradley, John Dell, Travis Senseny, Captain Todd Davis, and all the teachers, thank you for preparing me for the real world and teaching me the biggest lesson of having a respectable character as it takes you to many places in life. I am grateful to you all for sharing your wisdom with me.

To my coach: Bobby Ali, Coach Thomas, Jim Cook, James Greenslit, Samuel Cole, James Breslin, and Fidelis Omuyeh, thank you for coaching me in the sport that I love so much. All of you have impacted my life on and off the field.

Special thanks to my friends and family who have always been there for me during my tough times: Makoumba Conde, Mamoudou Sow, Karifa Conde, Fatoumata Conde, Mohammed Conde, Sarangbe Conde, Gnama Traore, Gnalen Traore, Faoumata Faro, Mousse Conde, Mamoudou Conde,  Robin, Lois Rhine Heffron, Chelsea Ochman, Mohammed Alateya, Jaylen Jennings, Daymar Rosser, Jim Cook, Kevin Bradley, Glenn Harrell, Chris Cherry, Xavier Moss, and Beauje Matthews. Thank you to all my sisters-in-law: Fatoumata Sow, Aissata Conde, Kani Conde, Sofia, and Fatou Conde.

To all my teammates from Club level, college level, and pickup soccer: thank you for all your support throughout this experience because I couldn’t have gone through it and been able to write this book without you all. A very special thank you to Ike, Akeem, Johnny, LoLo, Yaya, Moussa Sidibe, Abou, Godfred, Bertrand, Mohamed Fofana, Geh, Andrew, Raoul Soura, and Birru Golden.

Thank you to my writing team, that helped me to turn my feelings into words and helped me express myself in a better way. A special thank you to Karen Blake for all your help and encouragement; I couldn’t have achieved this project without you.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgment

About the Author

Preface

Chapter One: When We First Met

Chapter Two: Building A New Life

Chapter Three: Robin – A Nurse and a Single Mother

Chapter Four: Bee – My Spiritual Daughter

Chapter Five: Religious Beliefs and Cultural Differences Kept Us Apart

Chapter Six: Shattered Dreams

Chapter Seven: My Heart Is Stuck on You

Chapter Eight: Letting Go of What Could Have Been

Chapter Nine: Aching Hearts

Chapter Ten: Regrets and Guilt

Chapter Eleven: Decisions

Chapter Twelve: Conditions

Chapter Thirteen: Giving Up

Chapter Fourteen: Back and Forth

Chapter Fifteen: A Final Goodbye

About the Author

MY NAME IS KABINE CONDE and I am a native of Guinea in West Africa. I am a member of one of Africa’s most famous tribes, the Mandingo, a tribe that contributed to the formation of great empires like Ghana, Mali, and Songhai. I am the son of Idrisa and Makoumba Conde. I was born on May 2, 1994, in Man, Ivory Coast, and I knew nothing about my father, as he passed away when I was about seven years old. After my father passed away, my mother had no help to raise me and my siblings, so she moved to her father's house in Guinea, where I went to live with my grandmother Gnama Traore in the Capital, Conakry. Later I moved to a city called Coya outside of the capital of Conakry to live with my Aunt Fatoumata Faro and my cousin Hadja Sire. I moved with them to get treatment for an eye disease I had in my childhood.

However, I became a troubled kid in Coya because my aunt was a single mother, and I didn’t have a male role model to look up to. My grandmother decided to take me to my grandfather's house in KanKan which is located on the eastern side of Guinea.

I spent most of my childhood with my grandfather Karifa Conde and my Aunt Sarangbe Conde, known to me as Tantie Beny.

My grandfather was a well-educated man who worked for Guinea Government. He taught me many life lessons, and I learned how to conduct myself by the rule of the Quran. I got adapted to the Islamic way of living and prayed five times a day, fasted during Ramadan, and didn’t take an interest in having pre-marital sex. My grandfather also taught me how to respect my elders; respect was paramount to him. He also encouraged me and my siblings to get a good education.

As a young boy, I attended a French school and also spoke two native languages, which are Mandingo and Susso.

In 2003, my mom moved to the United States because of political instability in my homeland and for the chance of better opportunities. That is what encourages most immigrants to come to the United States.

After a couple of years in the United States, my mom was able to acquire citizenship. She also got the chance to bring me and my three brothers to the States. I immigrated to the United States in April 2010 with my older brothers, Mamoudou Sow and Karifa Conde, and my little brother Mohammad Conde. After moving to the United States, my mom wanted us to continue our education as we were all doing while back in Guinea. In September 2010, my mother registered me in a school called Martin Luther King High School, which was about a 5-mile radius from my house in Germantown. The school management made me repeat two grades because I did not know the English language. Hence, I could not be admitted to the higher grades.

My goal was to get a good education, so I focused on my schoolwork. In addition to concentrating on my schoolwork, I decided to get more involved by joining the athletic program as I did back home, and I signed up for the soccer team since soccer is my favorite sport. Alongside, I actively participated in track and field. It was difficult at first due to my not speaking English, but I quickly found a language that everyone around me understood, and that language was spoken in sports.  I started playing soccer for my school, which is one of the best decisions I could have ever made in my life. After joining the team, I made many friends and quickly got the attention of the track coach of my school and was recognized throughout the whole school for my hard work and dedication.

My positive attitude toward life and making the best of whatever opportunity that came my way helped me prove myself academically, and I ended up excelling in all of my subjects in school. As I bask in my personal and professional accomplishments, I can not forget the challenges and hardships I faced during the initial years of my school life. I can only thank the institutes and the people who helped me achieve the success and happiness that I came to recover in the United States.

I also played for a prestigious travel club, the Junior Lion Star team, one of the big clubs in Eastern Pennsylvania youth soccer. As I started to understand English better, I joined the after-school program called Junior Reserve Officers’ Training Corp (JROTC), where I was awarded the United States Marine Corps Distinguished Athlete Award. I excelled in Athletics and was recognized with numerous tracks and fields for the school year 2012.

I did all of this while maintaining a stellar GPA and honor roll listing, and I completed the  Freedoms Foundation at Valley Forge Spirit of America youth Leadership program. Through the junior ROTC, I continue to provide leadership during maintenance activities conducted in the Freedom Foundation’s Medal of Honor grove- a living memorial to those who have received the military’s highest honor awarded by the United States Congress.

While entering my junior year at Martin Luther King High School, my JROTC instructor, Mr. Chief Wayne Henderson, thought I was an outstanding young man who deserved recognition and moving to a better school. Mr. Henderson did everything he could to get me transferred to a boarding school called Valley Forge military academy in Wayne, Pennsylvania. In 2012, I got accepted at Valley Forge Military Academy, where I did my junior year and senior year of high school. After getting accepted at Valley Forge, I had to go through eight weeks of Plebe System, which consists of physical and mental training.

At Valley Forge, I met people from all around the world. Some of these people are my friends in life, and throughout the Plebe System, nothing else mattered but your personal character and how you conduct yourself around others. Valley Forge was the place where they taught about leadership and character. This has helped me to get far more in life than any other of my experiences, such as religious and cultural teachings. Life was very hard for me in my first year at Valley Forge because I lost my elder sister, with whom I shared a beautiful bond. She used to take care of me during my childhood. My soccer coach, Kevin Bradley, realized that I needed professional help as I had dove into a deep depression. He helped me get counseling on campus.

In 2014, I graduated from Valley Forge Military Academy and attended Roger Williams University, where I earned a BS in International Relations.

Preface

LOVE, IN ALL ITS FORMS, has always been a source of profound inspiration and anguish. It intertwines with our lives, shaping our experiences and influencing the paths we traverse. At times love can be exquisitely euphoric, filling our hearts with joy and binding souls together. Yet, just as passionately, love can inflict wounds that cut deep, leaving us vulnerable and broken.

In this book, we embark on a journey through the realms of heartbreak, love, religious and cultural differences. It is an experience of the complexities that arise when these forces collide, creating a tapestry of emotions and challenges that test the very essence of our being.

Within the pages of this book, we explore the struggles and triumphs that arise when love challenges religious and cultural norms. We examine the power of love to defy prejudice, dismantle barriers, and forge new paths of understanding and acceptance.

Through personal anecdotes, stories, and reflections, we navigate the uncharted terrain of love amidst these differences, offering insights and perspectives that illuminate the human capacity for growth and transformation.

Chapter One: When We First Met

MY STORY DOES NOT BEGIN with my birth or an incident