East Meets West

By Bea Serious

East Meets West takes a lighthearted approach, immersing readers in the world of Montana ranches, cowboys, and cattle. Narrated by a young woman who originated from New York and possessed no prior understanding of ranch life, this tale offers a fresh and eye-opening experience with each read, exposing readers to uncharted territory.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bea Serious
• Release date: Jul 25, 2023
• ISBN: 9786214798292

Bea Serious

Bea Serious has been a student of the Bible since becoming a Christian in 1969. Christian friends and Bible scholars have been her teachers through the years. She has been in home Bible studies and adult Sunday School classes throughout her Christian walk. These studies have helped her stay focused on Jesus Christ and His plans for her life. Bea Serious grew up in New York and met her husband at a dude ranch near her home. She moved to Montana where she currently resides with her husband on a cattle ranch. They have two grown children and two grandchildren.

Book preview

Part 1: Real Dude Meets

Real Cowboy

SOOOOOO, THIS IS MONTANA?

WHAT’S THAT FOREIGN LANGUAGE I HEAR?

EVE VERSES MORN’

BOY MEETS GIRL (OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY ‘ROUND?) 

SO, YOU’RE NOT AN ORPHAN? 

LET’S EAT!

CUTTIN’ HAIR

ROMANCE AND THE COWBOY

DON’T CALL ME MOM!

THE HIRED MAN (GOD LOVE ‘IM!)

A BRANDING WE WILL GO

THE HEIFERS ARE CAVIN’

COWBOY LOGIC! 

HAVE YA CHECKED THE OIL LATELY?

THAT PRECIOUS GAS! 

WHAT’S THIS WEIRD STUFF CALLED MEAT? 

WHAT’S THAT I SMELL?

LET’S DIET TOGETHER! 

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE OLD ONE? 

DRIVIN’ THE BIG SKY

BUCKLE UP, HONEY! 

THERE’S BEEN A LITTLE ACCIDENT, HUN! 

NOT YOU TOO? 

HUNTIN’ 

I GOTTA GO TO TOWN! 

‘78 & ‘79

COWBUYERS

LET’S FIX IT!

SAVIN’ TIME

COMMUNICATIN’ 

THE CALCULATOR

WRITIN’ THE BOOK 

THE COWPIE PLOPS HERE!

Part 1: Real Dude Meets

Real Cowboy



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SOOOO, THIS IS MONTANA? 

One look from my husband-to-be, at the airport, made me realize everything I had on and everything in my suitcase was suddenly obsolete. What a difference a few- hours on an airplane from the East to the West, can make! 

My imitation beaver jacket, black lace nylons, high heel boots, pillbox hat and elbow gloves were history. 

You’re in goose down, ‘long-handle’ ‘n’ overshoe country now, Hun.



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WHAT’S THAT FOREIGN LANGUAGE

I HEAR? 

So, the capital isn’t Hell-ee-na? But, that other town is Have-ree, Right? 

What are coulee’s, buttes, borrow pits, Hi-Line, OUTHOUSES, Ridges, hougs, pickups, hired men, outfits, purses, sheds, heifers, heiferetts, steers, bulls, yearlings, (Oh, there is no such thing as a cow, silly me!), mares, studs, geldings, and OUTHOUSES (Nobody uses those things anymore, DO THEY?)

What is sourdough, greenhorns (What’s everyone looking at me for?), wrastling, pregnancy testing, the VET, ballin’ gun, vaccine gun, bits, COWPIES (?) roundin’ up, brandin’, cavin’, milk pail, cream separator (You don’t expect me to wash that do you?), butter mold, sour cream, shaps, Rocky Mountain oysters, lamb rubbers, culverts, cake COWPIES (?), possum bellies, breakfast at FIVE! (A.M., YOU MEAN?)



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EVE VERSES MORN’

I’m sorry the wedding’s off. You open Christmas presents on Christmas Eve and I open Christmas presents on Christmas morning. There’s just no way to compromise, there’s just no way to reconcile. The 24th is Christmas Eve; the 25th is Christmas Day. If Santa hasn’t come yet, how can we have any presents?" 



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BOY MEETS GIRL,

OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY ‘ROUND?

MOST ROMANCE NOVELS GO SOMETHING LIKE THIS: POOR GIRL MEETS RICH ORPHAN! HER RELATIVES HAVE ALL JUST DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES, AND SHE NEEDS SOMEONE TO LOVE:

She meets him at a BALL held at his mansion, that she, by chance was invited to. She’s so beautiful with her long, flowing, naturally curly blonde hair; her borrowed, emerald green silk dress is just perfect! 

He can’t believe she’s so beautiful and so poor and he can’t wait to marry her and give her everything and get her name on the checkbook, so she can remodel the mansion. He wants her to immediately, buy herself a wardrobe fit for a queen and he is having 20 furs delivered by noon (real too!). Diamonds and rubies and her birthstone, sapphires, aren’t good enough for her, but they’ll just have to do! He wouldn’t dream of letting her cook or clean, and if she ever gets sick, she’ll go right to bed and he’ll hire a nurse to take care of her! 

BOY, ISN'T MARRIAGE WONDERFUL? THEY'RE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY AND LIFE IS SOOOO GOOD!

THEN THERE'S ANOTHER STORY : Poor girl meets potentially rich boy. After the first meeting (at the Dude Ranch), he can’t remember her at all. When she gets his attention (at the after-the-Rodeo-Ranch- party at the Dude Ranch) three weeks later, he thinks she’s okay and maybe he could live with her if she never gets her name on the CHECKBOOK! 

SHE'S THNKING: I see why he wears that hat all the time. Oh well, I've got enough hair for both of us.

HE'S THINKING: That long, flowing, straight brown hair ain't practical for life on the Range!

She’s an Easterner and doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but she’s sure she’ll love everything he loves!  

Well, ya better come on out an’ see how things are done before we make any commitments here. If ya think you’d like it, we might discuss hitchin’ up, so long as your name never gets on the CHECKBOOK!

…

Now, ain’t this is a purty sight, you COOKIN' an ‘a CLEANIN' for me and ‘the boys here. A few kinks need to be worked out fer you can be one of us, but maybe in a few years of hard work and plenty of instructions, you’ll be fittin’ in!

Shoppin’ could pose a problem, but as long as I go along an’ set in the outfit and make sure SHE don't buy nothin’ that ain’t practical, I can hang onto what’s MINE an ‘ there won’t be no chance of both of us bein’ POOR! 

Ya feelin’ a little sickly today, Dear? Well, if ya git up an ‘git, COOKIN' 'n' CLEANIN' you’ll feel better in no time.

What-da-ya mean ya like Yogo Sapphires, an’ Black Hills Gold, an' Montana Silver? They just ain’t practical out here on the RANGE! But, those KIDS have posed a problem, she’s been a takin’ ‘um into town without me, an’ YIKES, IS THAT HER NAME ON THE CHECKBOOK?

MARRIED LIFE IS LIKE RIDIN' A GOOD HORSE: AS LONG AS SHE DON'T BUCK TOO MUCH, YOU'RE OKAY!



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SO YOU’RE NOT AN ORPHAN?

SOMEONE SAID: WHAT EVERY BRIDE DOESN’T REALIZE IS THAT AFTER THE WEDDING, THERE’S A MARRIAGE! 

It’s not just the TWO OF US  anymore!

EIGHT! Ten, with Mom and Dad. Is that all?" 

Well, one ain’t married, an ‘two have one, an’ three have four, one has two, an’ that leaves you an’ me! 

We’re living here 200 miles away, so, we won’t be seeing that much of them, Right?

Didn’t I tell ya, I’ve got a better offer! We’re moving’ in NEXT DOOR!

Well, seven miles one way and four the other, how often will we see them?

LET’S get together for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, birthdays, anniversaries, school functions, picnics, April Fool’s Day, an’ let’s talk EVERYDAY on the phone! 

WELLLLLL, OKAY, WHY NOT?



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LET’S EAT

And what was that he said before we were married?

I’ll eat anything! But now I realize what he really meant was, MEAT, POTATOES, AND GRAVY: fluffy rice, tuna noodle and hot-dog casserole, macaroni and cheese, spam burgers and rice curry are out. (Maybe grounds for divorce!). 

"I’ve noticed the barn cats are sure looking fat and sassy these days!

Remember, my dad likes his roast-beef rare! Now me, I like mine well-done. Steak? Medium for me and be sure to flour it before you fry it. Don’t cook anything until ya see us comin’, but we’ll want to eat 20 minutes after we get there. 

"Now, you can see these pots ‘n’ pans are plenty big cause there’s plenty to feed. What-da-ya-mean? Ya never cooked before? How hard can it be? MEAT, POTATOES, AND GRAVY, that’s all we expect. 

"Now, lunch ain’t lunch here, honey. Breakfast is breakfast, lunch is dinner and dinner is lunch unless we’re extra hungry, then dinner is dinner! 

"What’s that cereal box doin’ on