The Advisor- You Have a Problem, I Have Ideas: Hiram Jablonski, RNG aka The Advisor

By David G. Pietrantoni

About the Book
After graduating from college, Adam, like all recent graduates, is worried about getting a job. However, when an opportunity seemingly falls into his lap, young Adam discovers the real concern is not what the job is but who you’ll be working for…
Enter Hiram Jablonski, RNG aka The Advisor. Adam’s new boss is a bombastic man whose personality and outlandish ideas seem to take up whatever room he’s in. No matter what the challenge, he is tireless and optimistic! His newest client is running for mayor. Using a variety of out-of-the-box schemes and some unusual ideas, The Advisor along with Adam and the rest of the cooky cast of employees, begin their quest to get their client elected.

About the Author
David G. Pietrantoni is semi-retired and lives in Massachusetts with his wife Adele and their cat, Ziggy. He has a love of reading and a passion for history.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dorrance Publishing Company
• Release date: Jun 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9798889256304

Book preview

Prologue

Adam stood there, taking it all in, surrounded by laughter, smiles, and high fives. Congratulations were being offered from what seemed like anyone and everyone. Amid all the festivities and goodwill going around he had never felt so alive, so happy, so exhilarated all at the same time. As he breathed in all the excitement around him, he couldn’t help but think, I made it! I graduated from college! To confirm it in his own mind, he squeezed the parchment he was holding a little tighter.

As he surveyed the happy chaos around him, his eyes rested on the Baldwin Library building. He looked up to the second floor and focused on the third window on the right. Images began to form in his mind of the long hours sitting at his favorite spot in the library at that window, trying to make sense of everything he was learning. He shook his head slowly from side to side. Man, he thought to himself, how did I ever survive all that studying? He also remembered all the partying and fun he had over the years. An involuntary smile came across his face. Yeah, that helped, he thought. He had survived four years of studying and a little partying and had been rewarded with a degree in marketing with a minor in advertising from the prestigious Loammi College.

Hey, Adam! a voice yelled above the babble. The sound of it broke through Adam’s thoughts; he turned in the direction of the voice and was soon face-to-face with his friend George.

Hey, Georgie! he replied as the two men embraced for a brief moment. Congrats!

You too, George said. Can you believe this? This is so awesome! Look at this place—it’s packed. I haven’t even found my folks yet. Have you seen yours?

Not yet. I have been looking for them since the ceremony ended, but this place is so crowded.

Yeah, tell me about it. It’s insane. Just think, tomorrow at this time, this place will be practically empty, and then the real world starts for us. We are all going to be looking for jobs. I already have two job interviews lined up for next week. How about you—any prospects?

Not yet, Adam replied. He didn’t want to admit to his friend that he hadn’t even sent out a résumé yet.

Yeah, it’s going to be tough, George replied. We are competing against thousands. Did you hear about Paul?

No, what happened? Adam asked.

He got a job with his uncle. You know the one who owns the restaurant.

What is he going to be doing? Adam asked.

I dunno. He might be the head chef. George started to laugh. Can you see him in the kitchen? This is the guy who puts ketchup on his pizza, remember?

How could I forget? That act alone should be a crime against humanity, Adam said. So why did he take the job?

He told me any port in the storm, and it’s family, so he’s not going to get fired. Hey, he got an offer and he took it. It’s money, right? You know, it makes sense. At least he has something.

Yeah, that makes sense. Adam nodded in agreement.

Hey, look man. I see my folks. We’ll touch base later, okay?

You got it. Have fun, Adam said.

You too, George replied and waved to Adam as he headed through the crowd toward his parents.

As Adam turned away, he saw his own parents just as they saw him. Adam’s parents approached him with wide grins and even wider arms. He smelled his mother’s perfume as she gave him a warm embrace.

I was so proud to see you up on the stage getting your degree, Adam’s mother said after the embrace. I took so many pictures. My goodness, I hope one of them comes out good.

I am sure they are all fine, Ma.

I am sure they are, his mother said. Then, she gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. I love you, she whispered to him.

I love you too, Ma, Adam said warmly.

His father gave Adam a firm handshake, and then, gripping both of Adam’s shoulders, he looked right into his son’s eyes. You are the first in our family to graduate from college, he told Adam. I am very proud of you. Adam noticed there were tears in his father’s eyes as he said this.

After his father dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief, Adam noticed the twinkle in his dad’s eyes. I have a surprise for you, Adam, his father said with a wide grin on his face.

Adam raised his eyebrows. A surprise? he asked suspiciously.

I got you an interview! his father exclaimed, his voice rising. He was excited as much as Adam was shocked.

An interview? Adam asked. How? Where? Doing what?

Doing what? Doing what you studied for: advertising, marketing! his father replied excitedly. I found an opportunity that is perfect for you, so I decided to help you. Adam could see his father trying to hold the excitement in, standing there smiling ear to ear.

Ah … okay, Adam replied. Tell me more.

I was talking to a business associate of mine last week, and I was telling him how you would be graduating with a degree in advertising and marketing. My colleague told me he has an acquaintance with a marketing office in town and who is having trouble finding the right person. He suggested I contact his friend and talk to him, which I did. We spoke for hours—I regaled him with your accomplishments, and he is very excited to meet you. He wants to interview you immediately and is willing to hire you on the spot!

Regaled him with my accomplishments? Adam asked skeptically.

Your father is very proud of you, Adam, his mother chimed in.

Thanks, Dad, but, uhh … what exactly did you say? Adam asked cautiously. And this isn’t a real job but only an interview, right?

It is an opportunity, Adam, his father replied. There is no doubt you will get the job. You are going to knock him dead in the interview.

Great, Dad. Adam smiled. If I knock him dead, he won’t be able to hire me.

Be serious, Adam! I went to a lot of trouble to help you. You could show a little gratitude for all my hard work, his father responded firmly with a little bit of hurt in his voice.

I am grateful, Dad, and I really do appreciate it, especially since I haven’t sent out any résumés yet. It is just that I am a little overwhelmed. I know of one guy who already has a job. Most of my friends are just starting to look for employment.

See! his mother stated. Now, listen to your father.

Remember, Adam, his father’s voice grew softer, I think we both realize how difficult it is to get a job right out of college, especially if you don’t have much of a track record. This is a great opportunity, Adam. Seize it. Always strike when the iron is hot, I say.

I will, Adam responded. I will definitely do it—it is just surprising to me that he hasn’t even met me or seen my résumé, yet he wants to interview me. What kind of company did Dad set me up with? To keep peace with Dad, I will go to the interview but if this guy is not legit, I’m leaving, Adam thought. What is the name of his firm, and exactly what kind of marketing does he do?

Wonderful, I knew you would jump at this, and I anticipated you would ask, his father answered as he reached into his shirt pocket and handed Adam a card. Here you go. Call him right away, Adam, his father ordered. He is expecting your call.

Adam examined the card and read out loud, Hiram Jablonski, RNG, aka The Advisor. You have a problem; I have ideas.

Hiram? Adam repeated. Aka The Advisor? Advises what? As Adam kept studying the card, thoughts kept running in his mind. Dad, I love you. I appreciate the help, but this sounds crazy. "Ahh…what is an RNG? I never heard that designation before. I know RN stands for ‘Registered Nurse,’ but what does the G stand for?"

"RNG must stand for some designation specific for agents and advisors. You know, like CPAs for accounting people," his mother added.

Yeah, probably, Adam mused.

You can find that out later, his father said, taking Adam’s arm and beginning to walk toward the parking lot. Right now, your mother and I are going to take you out to dinner—our treat. Just think, Adam, you just graduated from college, and in less than a week, you could be working in your field of study. Yes, sir, his father said with pride in his voice, that is a lot more than most of your fellow graduates will be able to say. Let’s see, I believe I parked the car over to the left side of the parking lot.

Chapter One

The Advisor

As Adam exited his car, he looked across the street to a three-story office building. He checked the directions he had been given. Satisfied they were correct, he then crossed the street and entered the building. The first floor was nondescript with a few chairs and two elevator doors on the right as he entered.

On the wall to the left was a directory of the various tenants in the building and their office numbers. He didn’t have to look far; there it was, The Advisor, in bold black letters, Room 303. Well, he is on the top floor—that is a good sign, Adam mused as he walked over to the elevators and pushed the up button. After he entered the elevator, Adam checked his watch. Five minutes early, just like they tell you in the job hunting books, he thought to himself. As the elevator began to ascend to the third floor, he replayed in the mind his brief but crazy phone conversation he had had with the Advisor mere hours after his graduation. Right after lunch, his father had insisted he call Mr. Jablonski. He tried to argue with his dad, telling him it was the weekend—that this guy wasn’t going to be there late on a Saturday afternoon, but his father insisted, and his dad was right.

Adam began to chuckle as he remembered telling his mother about the brief phone exchange. Ma, you wouldn’t believe it. As soon as I said, ‘Hello, my name is Adam,’ Mr. Jablonski started right in—I never even got a chance to mention my last name. He started talking a mile a minute. It was hard to keep up.

What do you mean that it was hard to keep up? his mother asked. Your father said he was quite professional and enthusiastic.

Enthusiastic—yeah, Dad got that part right. Professional, I don’t know yet. Ma, he went from zero to sixty in one second. He started with ‘Adam! Where have you been? What took you so long? There is a pile of work that needs to be done. When can you start? How about yesterday? In that case, we owe you money. By the way, have you filled out the tax forms? Is it the W-4, or is it a W-2? Maybe we can just make it a W-3—will that work? On second thought, come in Monday at 9 a.m. We will hire you then. It will save on our having to do any extra paperwork—you know, backdating.’

My goodness, Adam’s mom exclaimed, this man gets right to the point. But it sounds like you have the job. What is the salary, and how are the benefits?

I don’t know, replied Adam. I guess I will find that out Monday at 9 a.m.

His thoughts were interrupted as the elevator reached the third floor. As Adam got out, he looked around, trying to determine which way to go. The office in front of him was 310, and the office to the left of that room was 309. He turned left and was soon in front of Room 303.

He took a deep breath and entered the room. Adam noticed he was in a small waiting room. At the opposite end from where he had come in, there was a door leading to an office that was closed. In the waiting room, there was a couch, some chairs and a lamp were along the right wall. Along the left wall sitting at a desk was a very nice looking young woman with blonde hair staring at him. Not bad looking, Adam thought. This could be a nice situation, after all.

He walked up to the desk and introduced himself. Oh, yeah, the woman replied in a very nasally voice, he has been expecting you. I’m Mr. Jablonski’s secretary, Bertha Thistlewhistle. I will let him know you are here.

Then, getting up from her chair, she shouted at the closed office door, Hey, Mr. Jablonski, he’s here! She added to Adam, I think he heard me. If not, I will yell again.

Thanks, Ms… . ah … Thistlewhistle? Adam asked.

My friends call me Bubbles.

Okay, Adam smiled. Hello, Bubbles.

Bubbles stared hard at Adam and answered in a very stern voice, My friends call me Bubbles, and you’re not my friend.

Oh, sorry, Adam backed up a step. No offense intended.

That’s okay. Bubbles softened. I’m going to be a star. I’m waiting to be discovered.

One can only hope, Adam answered as he backed away to sit on the couch opposite of the desk. What did I get myself into? he thought.

It was at that moment the door opened. Standing in the frame was a rather heavyset man of about average height with black hair and a wide smile.

Adam? the man asked and, not waiting for any answers, strode over to Adam to shake his hand. Welcome to the team, he exclaimed as he shook Adam’s hand vigorously.

Well, I … stammered Adam as he tried to get in a word.

Come in, we have a new client coming in at ten. I see you have already met Ms. Thistlewhistle.

My friends call me Bubbles, the secretary cut in.

Of course, of course, the man who had yet to identify himself waved as he literally pushed Adam into the office.

Mr. Jablonski? Adam asked. I would…

Call me, there was pause, and then he spread his arms out and said firmly in a low voice, the Advisor! What do you think? he asked Adam.

Well, it’s …

Great, I knew you would like it.

Oh, here is another member of the team—Jim. The man the Advisor pointed out was, Adam guessed, probably in his mid-twenties, very well dressed and had a warm smile.

Jim, this is Adam, my new assistant. Adam, meet Jim. He is my all-around fix-it guy. He can handle anything.

Hi, how are you? Adam asked as he held out his hand to the young man, who smiled as he stood to greet Adam.

Jim! he responded, taking Adam’s hand and shaking it almost as vigorously as the Advisor had.

Yeah, Hi Jim—Adam, Adam responded.

Jim! he repeated, smiling.

Adam.

Jim! Jim! he responded back.

Ah, do you always say ‘Jim’? Adam asked.

Jim? Jim replied looking confused.

Adam saw the puzzled look on Jim’s face. Jim? he asked again.

I don’t get it, Adam replied. Why does he always say ‘Jim’? He directed his question to the Advisor.

Well, he is his own man. A man of few words—actually, a man of one word. But don’t worry—after a while, what he says makes perfect sense. Plus, it is clear and simple. You need that in business, clear and simple.

What— Adam started to say.

Good, you two are going to work great together, interjected the Advisor. Now, our new client is coming in soon. Apparently, he wants to be a politician. No problem, he is practically elected. First thing… Ms. Thistlewhistle, he yelled out to the secretary, hold my calls.

My friends call me Bubbles, and I can’t hold calls.

Why not? asked the Advisor.

I don’t know what a call looks like, so how can I hold it? Is it heavy? I don’t like heavy things. It’s not dirty, is it? I am wearing a new outfit.

Hmmm, the Advisor said, good point! I tell you what—when the phone rings, push the hold button.

What will that do? Bubbles asked. How can a button hold the phone?

Pushing the hold button will hold the call, interjected Adam.

How can it hold a call when it cannot hold a phone? Bubbles asked.

Already regretting that he had tried to help, Adam responded, Try it.

Bubbles raised her hand, and in a very excited voice, like a student in grade school, she said, Ooh, I know what to do—call on me.

Okay, what is the solution? roared the Advisor.

I will look it up in Mr. Webster’s book. She reached for the dictionary on her desk. As she began to turn pages in the book, she spoke to no one in particular as she asked the question, How come Mr. Webster hasn’t written any other books? Do you think he stopped writing so they can make a movie or something?

A movie? It’s a dictionary! What does it say? asked Adam.

It doesn’t say anything—books don’t talk. Don’t you know that? Bubbles replied wearily.

Sorry, my error, replied Adam, shaking his head. Note to self, Adam thought, this girl is very literal; be careful what you say.

Please read the description, the Advisor said.

Ahem, Bubbles started. "I have to prepare myself. I’m going to be a star. I am waiting to be discovered. Wow, there are a lot of answers. I guess he must have had a hard time figuring out what hold is. Do you want me to read all of them?"

No, just the most relevant, the Advisor answered.

I am not an elephant, Bubbles said indignantly. I have lost weight.

No offense meant, and I have noticed your weight loss—well done, responded the Advisor.

Thank you. Ahem, Bubbles cleared her voice again. Hold: to maintain a grasp on, to contain. There is nothing about pushing a button. See, I told you pushing a button is not going to do anything.

Well done, the Advisor thundered. You have solved another crisis. That is why I hired you. Brilliant! Look how she is able to solve the problem immediately. What a team I have, right, Adam? beamed the Advisor.

Yeah, we are definitely a team. Look, Bertha, when the phone rings, and whoever is on the phone wants to talk to either Mr. Jablonski, Jim, or myself, just tell them we are busy and we will call them back later, okay? an exasperated Adam said.

Okay, that makes sense, as long as I do not have to hold calls.

Well done, Adam! I knew you were the best person for the firm, right, Jim?

Jim! he responded enthusiastically.

Well, since that is resolved, gentlemen, let’s continue.

Jim! Jim replied.

Yeah, Jim, Adam replied quietly.

As I said, our new client is coming in at ten. The Advisor glanced at his watch. Hmm, we don’t have much time. Still, I want to outline our plan of attack.

You make it sound like a war, Adam said.

Politics is war, Adam, the Advisor spoke with a strong, confident voice. That is why I have an outline! The first thing is name recognition. We have to make our client’s name known to everyone. That will entail having slogans—we also need a campaign song. Something short but it must have a tune that will get everyone singing it. So when you hear the song, you automatically think of the candidate. I already have ideas on that. The second item we need is a staff, and I have a tentative list already. The third item is setting up a website that will list the issues, inform people where the events are being held, tell them where to send money for donations, etc. The most important feature will be a Q&A link that will allow voters to ask questions, express concerns, and receive responses directly. That will prove to voters that our client is a people person. Jim, I know you are very familiar with computers, so I want you to set up the website. Remember, the website will be the first impression of our candidate for some voters. So we need to make it stand out. That is why color is very important. We need to choose the correct color. According to some charts on color therapy, red symbolizes energy and blue symbolizes calmness, so we should use … on second thought, use as many colors as possible—that way, no matter what mood people are in, they will be happy.

Ah, Boss? Adam asked. Why not just use a photo of the city as a background? People might get turned off with so many colors.

Good point, Adam! the Advisor roared. Well done. Jim, get a photo of the city. Can you get the web page up and running today?

Jim, he responded nodding affirmatively.

Excellent! Well done, Jim. Last but not least, there are the issues as we see them, including a defining issue.

A defining issue? Adam asked.

Correct, a defining issue is something our candidate will be identified with and is unique to him and not to any of the other candidates. I have already thought of a couple of them that will put our client on top. Does that answer your question? the Advisor asked.

It makes sense to me, Adam said. What is the defining issue we are going to come up with?

Jim? Jim asked.

Good question, you two. I’ll explain the issues in greater detail as soon as the candidate comes in.

Chapter Two

The Adventure Begins

YThe buzzer sounded. Mr. Jablonski? There is a Ben Forrest here. He says he has an appointment to see you. What do you want me to say to him? Bubbles asked.

Send him in! Send him in! shouted the Advisor. Gentlemen, we are about to make history!

Ben! Or should I call you Mr. Mayor? the Advisor asked a thin young man in his mid-twenties as he came into the office. Shaking Ben’s hand vigorously, he continued, Great to meet you, Ben, and thank you for coming.

As the Advisor and Ben started to enter the office, he turned to his secretary and said, Ms. Thistlewhistle, hold all calls.

The Advisor turned and took Ben by the arm, directing him