Worthy of Love: The Narcissism Series, #2

By Debbie Mirza

Healing after narcissistic abuse IS possible and this book shows you how.

 

Debbie Mirza's first book in this series on narcissism, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist explained the traits of a covert narcissist and what they look like in real life. In Worthy of Love, the highly anticipated follow-up book, she focuses on how to recover after you realize you have been with a narcissist. How to heal, how to be free, and how to find peace.

The effects of narcissistic abuse are deep and profound. Narcissistic Abuse affects you mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. Life-force energy diminishes over time. After so much gaslighting, you lose a clear sense of who you are. Self-esteem and self-worth feel nonexistent because of ongoing devaluing and demeaning behavior.

 

Many survivors have health issues, often chronic conditions that affect them for years after the relationship has ended and it is common to have many symptoms of Complex PTSD.

 

These relationships can bring us to depths of despair, wondering if it is even possible to heal.

 

In this book you will learn:

• The three phases of healing after narcissistic abuse
• The author's story of healing after experiencing several narcissists
• Elements needed to heal
• How to trust yourself
• How to have healthy boundaries
• How to safeguard yourself from any future relationships with narcissists and toxic people
• Ways to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself
• Some reasons we end up with narcissists
• How to deal with smear campaigns and flying monkeys
• Signs of Complex PTSD
• Ways to regulate your nervous system after years of trauma
• Simple, yet powerful techniques to heal that you can begin today
• Practices of self-care and self-love
• How to rewrite false messages you received about yourself

And so much more plus space to journal and answer questions that will help give you clarity, after all the confusion.
You will learn information, tools, and practices that will help your body and mind feel more relief, freedom, inner strength, and confidence.

And finally, this book will explain why this important and courageous healing path you are on is your hero's journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Debbie Mirza
• Release date: Jun 4, 2023
• ISBN: 9780998621395

Book preview

Acknowledgements

TO MY MOM. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A FOUNDATION of unconditional love, the greatest gift you could have ever given me. You were an angel on Earth, and I was so lucky to be your daughter. I will forever hold you in my heart, beautiful soul.

To my dad. Thank you for taking care of Mom so well when she was going through dementia, for all those years, up until the very end when we had to say goodbye. You are a special man. I treasure the closeness we have had in recent years. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your generous heart. Your consistent presence in my life is a gift that I will cherish forever.

To my sister, Sonia. You hold a special place in my heart. Your tender heart and wealth of wisdom have been there for me so many times throughout the years, and I am so grateful for you. We have been through so much together and have a bond that only sisters can have. I cherish you beyond words. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being there for me and reminding me who I was during the times I felt so lost and unclear. You were a lifeline for me during my lowest times. Thank you, beautiful Sonia. I love you so much and I feel incredibly blessed to have you as my sister.

To Cassie. Where do I begin… Tears begin falling as I write your name. I love you so incredibly much. To have watched you grow from the first moment you took a breath until now is one of the greatest privileges I have had in this life. You are such a special soul. You light up my world, and anyone else who gets to be around you. You bring color, clarity, and adventure to my life, and I cherish every moment I get to have with you. You are so creative, so wise, so strong. You are your own person and I learn so much from you. Thank you for being in my life. I am so honored and lucky to have you as my daughter. Thank you for who you are. Always know that you are incredibly cherished and worthy of everything your heart desires.

To Curtis. I am so lucky and blessed to have a son like you. You are amazing. I learn so much from you and feel so lucky and blessed to be your mom. Your heart and your mind are so special. Thank you for your kindness, your honesty, and for always being fully yourself. Thank you for your humor. You and Cassie make me laugh like no one else. I love hearing your perspective on things. I love our deep talks and our fun ones. I hope you always know you are perfect just the way you are. May you always have the courage to be fully you. May you always live your life on your terms and love the life you create. I can’t wait to see how you choose to express the brilliance inside you.

To Liz. My heart. My queen. My best friend in the whole wide world. Oh boy. Here come the tears. Liz, you have been my steadfast friend for so many years. I loved you from the moment I met you in seventh grade. In all that time I have never once felt judged by you. I have only and always felt love and complete acceptance. As soon as I hear your voice, I feel like I can exhale. I feel so absolutely safe with you. There is no way I can put into words how much you mean to me. I wish everyone in the world could have a best friend like you. You are love personified. Anyone who gets to be in your presence is incredibly lucky. You light up the world, Liz, and I feel lucky and blessed to have you as my best friend. We have walked each other through so many stages of life, and I have always felt completely free to be myself with you. There is no greater gift anyone could ever give me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you, my friend.

To Sonja. I love you so much! From the moment we met I knew we would be lifelong friends. You are like no one else I know, and you see aspects of me that no one else sees. I will be forever grateful for your presence in my life, and for our friendship. I have so many unique and special memories with you. Sitting in a treehouse overlooking a river in silence and feeling such peace and freedom to just be there in the moment with you. Magical experiences in the Louvre and Saint-Sulpice. Feeling off-the-charts excitement and joy with you walking through the Moroccan store in Ashland. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me and seeing me. I cherish our friendship so much.

To Noura. I adore you. You are such a special spirit and light. You live to the beat of your own drum, and I absolutely love it! I love the ease I feel with you when we talk and spend time together. You are a breath of fresh air and I appreciate you so much! Thank you for being uniquely you. Thank you for always being so honest and having a heart that is so available and tender. You have a strength and steadiness about you that is so comforting. What you bring to this world, Noura, is incredibly special. Thank you for being my friend. You hold a special place in my heart.

To Linda. You are such a gift and a treasure. I would not have been able to run the support group without you. Thank you for being a steadfast support and friend to me. Your wisdom and protective nature are invaluable and mean so much. I am so grateful for your friendship, chuckie, and for introducing me to the term chuckie. Someday we will meet in person, and I can’t wait! Thank you for being you. You are so special. The world is lucky to have you, and I am too.

To my cousins from South Africa. You are like brothers and sisters to me. You have been a consistent presence in my life of love and kindness, and I cherish and value each one of you, and every moment I get to spend with you. Thank you for your humor, your music, your genuineness, and all the memories we have shared. I love you all so very much.

To the members of my support group. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives. Thank you for your courage to be vulnerable, and your profound strength to survive what you have. You are so brave, and I am honored to be a part of your important healing journey.

To Kelly Madrone. Thank you so much for the wonderful work you do. I always learn so much from your notes and edits. You are a pleasure to work with, and I am so grateful for you! You are an editor extraordinaire!

To Michelle Morgan. Thank you for proofreading this manuscript! You are always a joy to work with. I love your colorful and helpful notes. They make me smile and educate me at the same time. So grateful for you.

To Chris Mole. I am so glad we met in Ashland! Just before the doors closed! You are multitalented and I am so grateful for you! You are such a pleasure to work with. Your gentle energy and creative insights helped bring ease, flow, and joy to this process. Thank you so much for all you did!

Foreword

BY Bree Bonchay, LCSW

FOR MANY NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SURVIVORS, the end of an abusive relationship does not mean that there is also an immediate end to the emotional and psychological pain caused by these damaging relationships. The effects of narcissistic abuse can have a lasting impact and wreak havoc on a survivor’s mental and physical health if left unmanaged.

The reality is many survivors will go on to experience symptoms of a trauma disorder or meet the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V) criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder in the aftermath of an abusive relationship, requiring professional treatment and intervention. Exposure to chronic psychological and/or physical abuse often makes the abuse survivor begin to doubt their judgment and ability to take care of themselves. Abuse can warp their self-image, even making them believe they deserved the abuse or that they are the abuser. Sadly, survivors often feel paralyzed and helpless to take the necessary steps to relieve their suffering and seek professional help.

This is why it’s appalling that there is not more concern and resources for survivors, and it’s equally appalling that there is not more preventative education about the individuals who perpetrate this abuse and have some of the most dangerous disorders in the DSM-V, such as psychopathy, antisocial personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder.

I have been a psychotherapist for over 20 years, but it was not until 2014 that the overwhelming need for public education and survivor resources came to my attention, and I began sharing my insights about the impact of these dangerous disorders in interpersonal relationships. In response to the lack of public awareness about this form of abuse, in 2016, I created World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day, which is recognized every first of June. Then in 2017, I launched the first global summit on the topic with the dual mission of providing much-needed public education and healing resources for recovery to survivors around the globe.

Since I began my work in this new genre of psychology, I have been fortunate to get the opportunity to meet and interview many experts on the topic. One of them was Debbie Mirza.

I quickly learned that Debbie has the lovely ability to be able to convey her knowledge with the warmth of a trusted friend and with the hard-earned wisdom of someone who bears the scars of the trials only a survivor of narcissistic abuse can fully understand. And, most particularly, in her book, Worthy of Love, she offers you the hope and assurance that understands that although recovery is not going to be easy, you don’t have to navigate this uncharted territory alone. You get to join Debbie as she guides you along the path she has forged, always knowing that she believes you are worthy of love and capable of overcoming the trauma of narcissistic abuse, even if you aren’t able to believe it right now.

— BREE BONCHAY, LCSW Founder of the World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day Summits, and Author of I Am Free: Healing Stories about Surviving Relationships with Narcissists and Sociopaths

Introduction

IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO HEAL AFTER THESE RELATIONSHIPS? one woman in our support group asked. This is a real and understandable question for someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse.

This type of emotional and psychological abuse affects so many areas of a survivor’s life. Your very life-force energy diminishes over time. After so much gaslighting, you lose a clear sense of who you are. Your self-esteem and self-worth can feel nonexistent because of ongoing devaluing and demeaning behavior.

Your physical body is affected as well. Many survivors have health issues, often chronic conditions that affect how they are able to live and function in the world.

It is common to have symptoms of Complex PTSD, such as reliving traumatic experiences through flashbacks, feeling like you live in a continual state of high alert, being jumpy and sensitive to stimuli, having difficulty sleeping, feeling toxic guilt and shame, experiencing a lack of emotional regulation, and feeling like you are permanently damaged or worthless.

Cognitive dissonance wreaks havoc on your mind and body as you try to make sense of what you have been through and get clear on the truth about the person you love and thought loved you.

Many find themselves becoming more reclusive after these relationships, feeling a new distrust of others and the world around them.

This type of abuse can take you to depths of despair that make you wonder if you will ever be able to recover.

I have personally been to those depths in my own life. I have experienced everything I mentioned above and more, as I am sure many of you have. I know this pain and confusion well.

Over the past several years, since I first learned about covert narcissism and began to unravel what I had been through, I have done a lot of healing work on myself, and I am here to tell you there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and healing is possible.

In my book, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist, I included a chapter on healing. I have learned so much more about the