Spiritual Evolution: How My Crisis of Faith Led Me Back to Christ

By Shayla Porter

In Shayla Porter's time of greatest need . . .
She received a baffling answer to her prayers for guidance . . .
Sending her on an unorthodox journey of spiritual discovery.

 

A lifelong member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and mother to four young children, Shayla prayed to understand Heavenly Father's plan for her. Why had He prompted her to enter a second ill-fated marriage and sent her family into turmoil?

 

As she blamed God for her predicament, the Spirit prompted her to leave her religion and enter the unfamiliar secular world. There, she closely examined her beliefs—from the Church's code of health to God's very existence.

 

Surprisingly, Shayla found freedom, professional success, and happiness in a life she once thought sinful. She knew God intended for her to learn and grow away from the Church and assumed He would eventually prompt her return to His gospel.

 

But that prompting never came.

 

What more did He want Shayla to learn?

 

Determined to find the answer, Shayla left her spiritual desert and sought her bishop's guidance on how to start the repentance process. But when she learned that the requirements could publicly humiliate her, she balked. Shouldn't her repentance be between her and God?

 

Still mired in doubt and cynicism, Shayla struggled to comply until she discovered what had been missing all along—an evolved relationship with Jesus Christ.

 

Told in Spiritual Evolution, Shayla's fascinating transformation through Christ's Atonement will ignite the fire of your faith—because we all need a more intimate relationship with the Savior.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Salty Coast House
• Release date: Apr 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9798218184889

Book preview

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Copyright © 2023 by Shayla Porter

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information or permission, email [e-mail].

This is a work of creative nonfiction. The events herein are portrayed to the best of the author’s memory. While all the stories in this book are true, some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.

Cover design by MiblArt

Ebook design and layout by Sydnee Hyer

Published by SALTY COAST HOUSE

ISBN 979-8-218-18488-9

To my kids

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Contents

Spiritual Crisis

Spiritual Desert

Influences

Repentance

Faith Precedes Understanding

Accountability

Where Is Your Heart?

To the Reader

About the Author

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Spiritual Crisis

When my husband, Luke, decided to leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I hoped it was merely a temporary disruption of his foundational beliefs—the beliefs upon which our marriage was founded.

Then came the ultimatum.

Leave the Church like I have, or I’m filing for divorce.

Oddly, Luke’s ultimatum was somewhat of a relief. Our relationship had grown increasingly dysfunctional over the course of its nine years, and I constantly wondered how our marriage would recover from one falling out to the next. The idea of divorce had been present so regularly that I’d even begun mentally rehearsing the most daunting parts, preparing for if it became inevitable.

However, the moment Luke’s ultimatum turned the thought into a reality, my thought experiments proved foolishly inadequate as preparation. Life as a divorcée, terrifying and uncertain, loomed in my near future.

What I feared most was how the divorce would affect my role as a mother. Luke’s work in stonemasonry allowed me to stay home and tend to my family’s needs. Getting a full-time job would require me to put my two youngest kids in daycare until they started kindergarten.

Working wasn’t new to me. I’d contributed to our finances at times by teaching piano lessons and selling life insurance from home. I also supported Luke’s business by taking lunch or dinner to his jobsites, creating invoices and bids, and helping him crunch numbers for larger, more complex jobs—all with our four kids in tow.

However, shifting enough time and attention away from my children to financially support us with a full-time occupation was never part of the plan. Remaining uncomfortably married was always my preferred option, at least until the kids were grown.

Luke’s ultimatum that I choose between the Church and our marriage eliminated that option. He’d given me other, less significant ultimatums before, but this was different. I couldn’t simply toss my lifelong beliefs overboard; they were the rock upon which we’d built our family. I had a testimony of the gospel even if his had faded.

As I considered what to do, I felt certain the marriage had arrived at a point of no return. Luke wanted me to either divorce him or divorce my beliefs and become a different person. Even if I could change the core of my identity, it would never be enough to turn the marriage around. Our only remaining commonality was our belief in the doctrine of the Church, and now we didn’t even have that.

Our temple marriage was over.

The day Luke and I appeared in court for a judge to review our divorce, I was twenty-six years old, and the world felt too big and too fast paced to survive alone with four small children between the ages of three and eight. And yet, while divorce felt wrong no matter how unhappy we’d become, I felt peace as the judge read through our proposed decree. The Lord reassured me that my kids and I would be okay.

A month after the divorce was final, Luke disappeared, leaving me to support and raise our kids alone. In an attempt to minimize the impact on my kids, my priority became maintaining the same living situation we had when I was married. I would do my best to stay in the same rental house and keep our SUV. I soon learned that it wouldn’t have mattered if I wanted to change our living circumstances or mode of transportation. I had no established credit that would allow me to change anything.

I got a job as an assistant to a financial planner. Reinstating my life-insurance license came with a pay raise, but I still struggled to make ends meet. During that time, our ward members blessed my kids and me with countless anonymous acts of service, such as raking leaves and shoveling snow. One Christmas we received a cash donation and gifts on our porch. The tender mercies came right when we needed them, and I felt humbled that the Lord provided for us through our ward family. This wasn’t the life I’d envisioned when I’d married Luke and become a mother, but I felt certain it was where my kids and I were meant to be.

A year later, I took a position in the health-insurance department of the same company. It paid enough to keep us away from the brink of poverty, reducing the stress and fear of our formerly precarious position.

As expected, being the breadwinner cut into my time as a caregiver. I was grateful that three years earlier, I’d instinctively established strict daily and weekly routines, which now maximized what time I had with my children. Our days ran like clockwork, allowing me to schedule important family rituals, like reading scriptures and praying together at bedtime. We had family night