The Years Fly By....But the Days Last Forever!: A Biblical Guide to Urgent and Intentional Parenting

By Cathy Durrenberg

The Years Fly by But the Days Last Forever! brings insight to parenting through the most influential and important book of all times: the Bible.

Daily assertions and comments are made regarding the state of our children today along with the disarray of the family unit, but hope should not be lost! Difficulties and struggles within the family unit are not recent developmentsits just that now there is a greater number of people and more ways to hear about those problems.

James 4:14 asks, What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Choosing to raise your children in a manner that honors God is your responsibility, but this opportunity is fleeting and vitally important.

The Years Fly by But the Days Last Forever! addresses such areas as:

Discipline Communication Being a role model Entitlement Who we are in Christ

All children are a gift from God. They are innocent, adaptable, and deserve to be taken care of. The world is vying for their attention, but parents must be the ones who direct and guide their steps. Life is full of choices. I hope that reading this will assist you as you raise your children and convince you to the core that this is the most important job you will ever hold!

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490843032

Cathy Durrenberg

Cathy Durrenberg comes from a long line of educators. She has worked as a teacher, an administrator, an adjunct professor, a school aide for multi handicapped students, and, in her most difficult job, a Mom. In 2007, while completing her master’s degree from the Alliance Theological Seminary, Cathy was inspired by God to work with families—primarily with parents. Her mission is to empower and equip them to be the spiritual leaders of their homes. Cathy currently lives in Kettering, Ohio, with her husband, Jon. She has three adult children.

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Copyright © 2014 Cathy Durrenberg.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-4282-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-4303-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014911527

WestBow Press rev. date: 7/11/2014

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

1    In the Beginning

2    Practical Goals of Parenting

3    Who Are You?

4    Parenting Styles

5    Discipline, Discipline, Discipline!

6    Being the Role Model to Your Children

7    Communication Required

8    Spiritual Disciplines and Emerging Faith

9    No Greater Love

10  A Very Brief History of Family Life throughout the Ages

Sources

To my supportive husband, Jon, who is always willing to hear me out. Thank you for putting God first in all things!

To Abby, Liz, and Andy, who are the three greatest blessings two people could ask for!

Preface

I believe there is a new a wave of thinking that is emerging in the church world. The David Platts, Francis Chans, Rob Turners, Chuck Davises, and others like them in the United States are making a strong statement for the church to return to its roots that are founded in the Bible. For too long we have been caught up in the denominational traditions and rituals of the faith, and the Jesus of the Bible has been lost. Many areas of parenting have been turned upside down too, and parents need to return to the Bible for guidance and direction for the future of their children.

I have lived one of those Christian stories that go like this: I grew up in the church, but I never really lived out its teachings in my life. The church I was raised in was pretty typical, with Sunday services, a few Bible studies, youth groups, and a choir. As a kid, I wasn’t excited about going, but I didn’t fight it either. Really, it was no big deal one way or another.

Later, after many years of pursuing bad decisions during college and my early twenties, I married my high school sweetheart, Jon, and we had three beautiful children. We knew that raising our kids in the church was important, but there was still not much substance behind our actions or faith. We attended the church I grew up in, falling back into the same old routine, until …

Ruth Senter was speaking at a women’s conference in Cincinnati, and I was invited to attend. She spoke the truth about needing God in our lives and the importance of raising our children to follow Him. It was as if I was the only one in the room, and God met me there. The Holy Spirit took hold of my heart that weekend, and I have never been the same. What followed was a yearning to know God better and a desire to live more like Jesus.

Well, God immediately put me to work. I was asked to establish and run a preschool at our church, and three months later I found myself on staff, leading the preschool, nursery, and childcare departments. Jon and I both believed that it was important to be home for our kids when they were not yet in school, but our youngest was now in the first grade, and suddenly I found myself working full time. I enjoyed it, but life got extra busy, and Jesus sort of took a back seat for a time. It is remarkable how we can get so involved doing church work that we lose sight of the work of the church, and that is what happened to me.

Thankfully, God has been extremely patient with me over the years. One day I was walking to my car after work, and I very clearly felt God reminding me that He was my priority and that I needed to spend more time with Him. I didn’t feel as though I had strayed that far, but in reality I was manipulating Him in and out of my life in order to maintain a schedule rather than making Him my all in all. God deserves more than to merely fit into a compartment of our lives!

So, how did this whole book idea come to fruition? Well, in 2005, as a newly appointed pastor, I decided to go back to school and get my master’s degree. The Alliance Theological Seminary had a branch campus nearby, and I joined the cohort that met every Thursday for two and a half years. The focus of our degree was Christian ministry with an emphasis in leadership, and God continually placed young parents on my heart. Before the end of year one, I knew I would write my thesis on parents becoming the leaders of their homes.

God pointed me to leadership concepts that were effective in the business world but also valid in the home. Developing respect and productive communication and setting goals were a few of the areas identified as necessary components for companies and parents alike. Slowly the paper took shape, but more noticeably, my heart’s desire to impact families grew and grew.

Throughout those two and a half years, my views on the church as an institution and on the way we led the parents changed greatly as I gained more knowledge of the Bible and basic leadership principles. I believed that the parents needed to be empowered and taught how to be the spiritual leaders in their homes—and that the church should be assisting and supporting this effort, not leading it. In 2006 it was time for me to move on, and I resigned from my pastoral position. Once again, God had a new direction for my life.

I graduated in June 2007 with a master’s degree in Professional Studies, and I am happy to report that my thesis, Training and Equipping the Parents to be the Spiritual Leaders of Their Homes, got an A! The hard work was well worth it, and I am blessed to have had that educational experience. My advisor mentioned a few times that I should write a book on parenting, but it took me seven years to take those comments seriously. For the past six years, I have worked as a paraprofessional with multihandicapped students, and God has said that now is the time.

So here it is. When God tells you to do something, you just do it! I appreciate this quote by Tom Kizziar: Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t matter. It is my prayer that parents everywhere will understand that raising their children is their number one priority. Parents are their children’s primary resource and connection to Jesus Christ, and unless children see Christ living through their parents, kids may miss that connection. It’s hard work every day, but we cannot sit back and let the world determine whom their children will follow. Let’s focus daily on what truly matters!

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden (Matthew 5:14 ESV).

Acknowledgments

Thank you to my dear friends Ruth Sapp and Sue Kelzer for proofing some of my work. Your input was greatly appreciated!

Thanks also to Stephen Julian for your encouragement and wisdom over the years!

1

In the Beginning

The years fly by, but the days last forever! The unknown author of this quote spoke a truth that still resonates with me today. My children have grown, but in the days when they were ages four, three, and one, I was too tired and overwhelmed to truly give those words much thought. I woke up at unthinkable hours, attempted to shop for groceries, provided healthy meals, dealt with spats and squabbles, considered preschool options, gave needed attention to each child, and did countless other things before the dreaded, nightly task of getting ready for bed. Phew! This routine continued for several years, and I selfishly wondered if it would ever end.

Years passed, and the events of the days changed. We experienced our son’s first baseball games in which the kids pitched for the first time. This seemed to be a pivotal year, when little boys often decided either to continue baseball or call it quits. Watching the batters get clunked time and time again was painful. We also attended swim meets—where our daughter was in the third and the seventy-eighth events—and dance recitals that seemed to never end. But now all