Some People Are Stupid, But Not You! Stories about Humility, Perseverance, and Giving Back

By James Faber

"Some people are stupid, but not you!" is a book with a collection of short stories inspired by the author's own personal experiences and circumstances. The book is structured into 19 chapters/short stories by the author, James A. Faber. According to the author, "everyone has a story to tell and something from which we can all learn." Based on over three decades of service and counting, the author has given some "observations and life lessons." He has shared stories and experiences about growing up in poverty, serving in the Air Force as a Lieutenant Colonel, serving as an advisor to a senior member of President Clinton's Cabinet, Non-profit CEO, Entrepreneur, President of two disability rights groups, and, most significantly, being a husband and father.

• Language: English
• Publisher: James Faber
• Release date: Mar 15, 2022
• ISBN: 9798985878912

Book preview

Introduction

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Whenever you are to do a thing, though it can be never known but to yourself, ask yourself how you would act were all the world looking at you, and act accordingly.

Thomas Jefferson

We all have a story to tell and something each of us can learn from them.  The purpose of this book is to share some observations and life lessons based on over three decades of service and counting.  I share stories and experiences having grown up in poverty, serving in the Air Force as a Lt. Colonel, Non-profit CEO, Entrepreneur, President of two disability rights organizations and most importantly, a husband and father.  In every case I have always tried to put others ahead of myself and have made my share of mistakes along the way.  I did not write this book to boast about my accomplishments or to set the record straight, but rather to share some things I have learned which I hope at least one reader finds useful

The stories in this book are all based on actual events across several different careers and experiences.  The writing of this book has been a work in progress for a few years and I have learned a lot about vulnerability in sharing these stories.  In every case I have tried to present the story as it actually occurred and to share the lesson I learned from it.  This book is my attempt to highlight the important things we all experience and how we can learn from them and share with others.  We are all better together.

We learn and grow as a community, nation, and world when we talk, listen, and agree or disagree in a civil manner all aimed at the Pursuit of a more perfect Union. Each story ends with the relevant lesson learned from my perspective and I hope readers will take away their own lessons from the stories.  In every case I have tried to convey the stories as a way for all of us to listen and learn from each other.  I believe we are all lifelong learners and should try to learn something new every day.  If one reader finds inspiration, motivation, laughter, or insight from one of these stories then for that, I will be eternally grateful!

Enjoy and feel free to send me your feedback.

Jim

www.jimfaber.com

Chapter 1

Growing Up Average

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I was born in Somerville, MA, just outside of Boston, in a low-income neighborhood. As a kid growing up, I did not realize or understand that we were low-income and I was just one of the neighborhood kids. My brother and I would play in the courtyard between the long red brick buildings where all the tenants hung their laundry to dry. I recall running through the hanging laundry and pretending we were flying through some bizarre multi-colored cloud layer.

Albie, I would call to my brother, I am a bird soaring through the clouds.

Yeah, Albie exclaimed, while twirling his arms and running through the rows of laundry, I am an airplane flying through the mountains!

In the background of our flying adventures, there was the ever-present aroma of the hot asphalt, clean laundry, and strange musky smell that emanated from the open apartment windows. The combination of these aromas created a sharp, sweet, and moldy smell that assaulted the senses, but never bothered us since this was the smell of home.

My old neighborhood was not known as being a desirable place to live and even today has a high crime rate, but all I knew growing up was that I wanted to stay out of trouble and eventually leave the neighborhood. Staying out of trouble was harder than one might realize and I often found myself in trouble for one thing or another, or on the fringes of it, since the circle of friends I ran with were always finding ways to get us into trouble or arrested. I was growing up to be a good juvenile delinquent, and it is not that my parents were bad people, or uncaring, but in our situation, parents tend to focus more on finding money to pay the rent than they do on the daily activities of their children. In addition, the divorce rate is high among these types of families and mine was no exception, as my parents divorced when I was about nine years old. This is not a sad story or an excuse; rather, it is a typical American story that repeats itself daily in our country. The difference is what you make of a negative environment.

The culture of poverty has been well documented and studied for a number of years and often people living in poverty tend to have extreme feelings of helplessness, a strong dependency on others in the same circumstance, and a feeling of marginality and powerlessness. I would try to engage in conversations with my parents and hear many of the same refrains as if the tape was stuck on repeat. 

Mom, I would ask, why do we live here in this place if you hate it so much?

Well, she would reply, the system is broken and does not afford many opportunities to people in our situation.

If the system is broken, Mom, I blurted out, then why don’t we try to change it or why can’t we figure out a way to do better under the flawed system?

Jimmy, she replied, you are young and do not understand how hard it is when every time you start to make headway, someone throws out another roadblock.

It just seemed useless to have these conversations since both my parents would always blame some external factor for our situation rather than acknowledging their own bad decisions and how those contributed to the downward spiral. Of course, there is also a systemic component to the issue of poverty which perpetuates itself, but there are also choices and decisions that require hard work and persistence to help reverse the cycle of poverty. The constant belief that we had no say in how things were and the feeling that this is as good as it gets and ever will be was depressing at times. I refused to accept that and committed myself to figuring out how to make things better for myself and maybe those around me as long as they did not try to pull me backwards. This determination was perhaps a blessing I did not fully understand or appreciate in the moment, but it led me to making some very tough and uncomfortable decisions.

There are many adults with a similar story and many more that never overcame their upbringing due to the overwhelming odds against them. Poverty is like a terrible equalizer in what might be an unequal system according to some pundits, but the fact remains it is like an anchor weighing you down. It is very challenging for all persons who come from a low-income background to break the cycle of poverty and all journeys out of low-income are not equal, as some have it much harder than others. Growing up average is how a lot of Americans are raised and it takes a spark, a mentor, hero, internal drive, divine intervention, or some other inspiration to realize that with hard work you can be anything you want to be. The low-income culture is one of mutual dependence and it is hard to break away from it. This is home and as flawed as it may be, these are the people who raised you, love you, and would do most anything for you. The cycle of poverty is like comfort food and when you live there with everyone you have grown up with, it is like a very comfortable blanket on a cold winter’s day when you do not want to get out of bed. Eventually there is a tug, a voice, or inspired intervention that says, You need to get up and brave the cold. Eventually you will be warm again, but for now you need to throw off the comfortable blanket and get on with it.

How hard is that when others you know and love refuse to get out of bed despite your pleas and hopes that we can do better?

I was constantly being told that I would never amount to anything and when I did try to better myself, the adults around me would say, Who do you think you are?  Do you think you are better than us?

The short answer was always, No, I do not think I am any better than anyone else.

I just knew that I did not want the same type of life that was surrounding me, so I always stayed focused on my dreams, as distant as they seemed. I realized at an early age that hard work would be my only salvation and that there would be no free handouts or access to opportunities while trying to break the cycle of poverty and averageness.

There were kids I knew growing up that came from a much better situation and had supportive parents that knew the value of hard work and a good education. I must admit that I was jealous that these kids had access to opportunities that I did not and often times they did not appreciate it. I am not saying that these kids had it easier than I did to be successful. What I am saying is that the opportunities were a bit more accessible for these kids than a poor white trash Irish kid having to create my own opportunities. When I got invited onto the dance floor, I took it very seriously and worked harder than most others since I knew I might not get another chance. I watched in awe as several of my better off friends were presented with these opportunities, only to squander them and fall back on their family support system. These kids could not understand how a kid from the Somerville projects was beating them in peer-to-peer competition when I got the chance to get on the dance floor. They were told their whole lives how extraordinary they were, how successful they would be, and what high expectations their parents had. Something was missing and they could not see what it was.

Growing up average would have served these kids much better. In today’s society, I see it all the time among my peers in the upper middle class stratum. Parents that I know, and others I see in my children’s school district, are constantly telling their children how special and unique they are. These children are growing up thinking that just because they are alive and breathe oxygen they are extraordinary human beings destined for greatness. I am not trying to say that parents should not encourage their children or tell them they are special, but this must be tempered with the hard truth that true greatness and success are the results of hard work.  Often, failure is a large part of success and children today need to understand that sometimes they will fail or fall short, but that is never an excuse to quit. The number of times I failed or had an obstacle placed in my way only emboldened me to find another path to achieve my goals. Many times I had to take detours when certain opportunities did not present themselves, or I failed at something. I always stayed focused, and although some of the paths were the long way around, I eventually got there.  I fear this is missing today among many of the families I interact with and I am noticing arrogance among many young adults who think they are entitled to greatness or a successful career—you are not.

I have decided to label this phenomenon the Reality TV/Social Media Syndrome. I am not much of a TV watcher, other than sporting events, but one show I tend to follow is American Idol and, in particular, the audition shows. I really like watching the auditions and seeing some of the incredible talent that tries out for the show and is rejected. Many of these people are told to continue pursuing their dreams and several have come back for second auditions and have made the show. I like seeing young people trying their best, falling down, and then getting up again and working harder—this is the essence of the American Spirit.  I was always motivated to get back up every time I fell down and work harder to improve and reach my goals.

During auditions, the show features several young people that have somehow grown up thinking they are entitled to greatness or are blinded by their own passion. The show’s producers put some of the less than talented auditions through to the judge round simply to get ratings, but regardless, the complete lack of reality in some of their lives is very worrisome. It is obvious to me that several young people that audition have grown up in a world where everyone in their immediate family told them constantly how great and talented they were. Perhaps the family really believed that their child was the next biggest thing in show business. However, after learning that they were not, they typically fail to