From Us For You

By Diane Dresback

Twenty-five women (aged 30 to 80) tell stories of how they endured or navigated a variety of struggles and emerged having grown and transformed. Their desire is to share lessons learned to provide you with inspiration, hope, and encouragement.

Writers describe experiences like altering limiting mindsets to recognize the value of self-care, listening, and manifesting; escaping emotionally or physically abusive environments and emerging stronger; stripping away restrictive expectations of others and creating authentic and passionate lives; and overcoming life-threatening illness through determination and taking charge. Others claim enough and intentionally discover and pursue more fulfilling careers; face harsh labels and inadequate language to become more compassionate; and find unexpected joy in mentoring and uplifting others.

Their stories are important to learn from as they help us be more aware of the complexities of other people. Everybody has a story. Everybody. You will be touched by the resiliency and bravery of these writers as through their words you'll find reasons to uplift your own life.

Net profits from From Us For You book sales will be donated to a designated non-profit organization dedicated to advocating for and assisting women.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mindclover Productions LLC
• Release date: Apr 14, 2020
• ISBN: 9781963762242

Book preview

Dedication

To all the strong, courageous, and resilient women that I have met and have yet to meet—I applaud and honor you.

For our dear friend, Jennifer. Your positive influence on the world will never be forgotten.

Preface by Diane M. Dresback

At different times in their young lives, both my sons received a gift many parents bestow upon their children—an oversized beautifully wrapped present. The entertainment value is high as the child excitedly rips toward the hidden treasure only to realize inside is a second colorfully packaged box…then a smaller one...and then an even tinier something...and so on. As my boys continued on with their quest, wrapping paper piled up around them, their anticipation grew. Upon final arrival at the itty bittiest of boxes, they discovered a small but mighty prize well worth all the effort of the action.

I truly consider From Us For You like a gift that we get to keep unwrapping only in the construct of stories. Storytelling has been around forever and is utilized during all seasons of life being utilized for teaching children about the fresh new world, teenagers trying to impress their peers, or adults reminiscing memories with family and friends. They come in varied fashions, some with humor or remarkably poignant facts. Others evoke tears of joy or sorrow. Certainly, these tales stay vital to our existence.

While putting this project together, each time a new submission came in from one of the 25 writers involved, it was like opening a massive box with an ornate bow on it because I wasn't exactly sure what I'd find inside. Reading further, I found the true gifts from the writers—their reflections and lessons learned from a journey of self-discovery.

The chapters in From Us For You are unique. Every writer shares something only they could. Debilitating or life-threatening illness, dysfunctional relationships, childhood trauma, violence, loss of control, self-doubt, being an outcast, struggles in seeking passion or calling in career and life. An immense physical struggle isn’t always necessary to trigger perspective and discovery. We are emotional beings and sometimes we uncover compelling revelations from seemingly insignificant details from everyday life.

The women engaged when offered the chance to bring a part of themselves solely for the benefit of other people. Their lives have not been perfect; neither has any of ours. Yet they placed one foot in front of the other whether unsure of the eventual destination or believing in their whole being where they would eventually end up. They are changed and stronger humans because of their experiences, and remain hopeful and appreciative of life.

You may encounter visceral responses as you read due to a similar experience that you've gone through or are currently facing. Pay attention to that. These stories are important to learn from. They help make us more aware of the complexities of other people—those seated nearby on an airplane, standing behind us in the grocery store line, sitting in the car next to us in rush hour traffic. Everybody has a story. Everybody.

Our female contributors range in age from their 30s to their 80s living across 8 different states. Many I've known personally for years in varying ways from corporate America, filmmaking, and authoring. A few are new friends made purely because of From Us For You. I even had the pleasure of including a cherished teacher from my high school days who was very influential to me and scores of other students.

My desire was to allow the style of each of these individuals to emerge from their writing. In working with our editor, we allowed personalities to shine through resulting in chapters that are not homogenized. I like the eclectic nature in which our stories are conveyed. Some are accomplished published authors already, yet a lot are not, and it’s the first time they are communicating in this way.

A wonderful part of all of this is the opportunity for these women to share and for us to listen. Listening is an incredible gift; one that rewards the givers and the receivers. The reason that all our writers accepted my invitation to participate in this book overwhelmingly was because they wanted their realizations to help others. I applaud their bravery in sharing personal circumstances, and admire each for their courage, yet mostly because of their hearts.

The net profits from book sales will be donated to a non-profit organization that is focused on advocating for the betterment of women, providing for their safety, and helping them find effective solutions to life's challenges.

My intention with this endeavor and the gracious participants who wrote the words, is to bring hope, inspiration, wisdom, and encouragement to everyone to be stronger—to thrive in their own light. If in our words we can prompt a positive step forward for just a single person, we will have fulfilled our purpose.

These writers awarded an absolute gift to me and to all readers. As I send you off into their stories, I'm hoping that within the pages you unwrap these gifts in search of that teeny tiny nugget of truth that YOU are meant to hear today, right at this moment. That YOU are inspired to enable your own healing, growth and transformation to materialize. After all, each chapter was specifically written From Us For You.

Two Lies, One Truth

by

Shari Scott

I have identified two major lies in my life. Both have defined who I am, how I show up or don’t show up in my life and have definitely limited my options. Today I know them to be lies, but for the majority of my life I lived believing they were the absolute truth. Every decision I made was born from these lies, making it impossible to feel anything other than loneliness, shame, disconnection, and paralyzing fear.

I remember the first time I really identified and named lie number one. I was twenty-four years old and had just given birth to my first son. I had been married for almost four years at the time and those years had exhausted me. My husband and I spent every day bringing out the very worst in each other. Our communication was full of rage, venom, violence, and pain. We were ill equipped to be in a relationship together, let alone take on the responsibility of being parents. But here we were and there was no going back. 

I had just spent my full pregnancy listening to all my friends and acquaintances talk about the joys and wonder of motherhood. All were beautiful tales about the outpouring of love they experienced when they first held their newborn baby and the instant connection they felt for this tiny little creature now in their care. It all sounded wonderful, and even in my exhaustion from life and twenty-four hours of active labor, I was excited and hopeful. This was it! This was the moment that would change my life forever. I was a mother.

I remember my palms sweating and feeling an enormous ball of fear in the pit of my stomach as the nurse placed my newborn son on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, looked over his perfect little face, locked my eyes on his, took a deep breath, and felt absolutely nothing. No outpouring of love. No connection. Nothing. At that moment I knew I was broken. There was something really wrong with me. I didn’t feel a thing. How could that be? That’s not possible, right? I mean, everyone I ever talked to about motherhood and all the books I read about it said that I would experience love and connection. So what the hell was wrong with me!? Shit, shit, shit!!! 

Well, I didn’t have time to dwell on it or attempt to figure it out then; there was work to be done, so I just pushed all that I’m broken business to the back of my mind. My shame wouldn’t allow me to admit to anyone that I felt nothing for my baby, so I played the role of a doting, connected mother, deeply in love with her baby and carried on. I watched and listened to the mothers around me, so I knew how to act. But it was definitely an act. 

This birth may have been the first time I really named the lie that I was broken, but it definitely wasn’t the first or last time I felt that way. I experienced it primarily when interacting with other people. There was always a desperation about me. I don’t know if others picked up on that vibe, but I was definitely aware of it and felt very uncomfortable in my own skin all the time. I felt a strong need to fit in. Having zero self-confidence, I was like an amoeba. I could transform into whatever or whoever I needed to be in order to fit in. I had no voice or opinions of my own and just went with the crowd; whatever that crowd was. I never rocked the boat, stood out, or made my presence known unless absolutely necessary. And when it was necessary, I literally thought I was going to die. I felt like a raw nerve exposed to the elements. It was terrifying and awful. I felt it throughout my body. I would visibly shake, my voice would quiver, my face and neck would get hot, and I’d break out in angry red blotches on my neck and chest. It was horrifying. The shame and fear were overwhelming. Sadly, this was not the only lie I believed, and the second lie was just as immobilizing as the first. 

The second lie I told myself is that the world is dangerous. I had spent my whole life trying to protect myself from it. Very unsuccessfully, as it turns out. This belief was a part of me and made up who I was for myself and others in the world. I always told myself and anyone that would listen to me, that I didn’t like people. It was like a mantra I recited, I’m not a people-person. I don’t like people. People annoy me. The truth was I was terrified of people. They scared the shit out of me. I hated talking to people. I felt disconnected and uncomfortable around everyone, including family, partners, and friends. I could not relax or truly enjoy their company because I was too busy trying to protect myself from them. I felt insignificant, inadequate, and broken all the fucking time. It was lonely and painful, and life truly sucked. To ease my suffering, I communicated through sarcasm and jokes and very rarely, if ever, spoke about my thoughts, feelings, or ideas. For all intents and purposes, I did not exist. I had no idea who I was, and neither did anyone else.

This lie, combined with the belief that I was broken, set me up to be mistreated and used by others. I had no power and no voice. You see, as scared as I was of people, I had to be with them. I was desperate to be loved and wanted and would do anything to prove I was worthy of it. Mostly this meant I allowed others to say mean things to me or physically harm me without even attempting to defend myself. I became whoever they wanted me to be. I blamed myself for other people’s anger towards me and was constantly trying to make up for my lack of, whatever that was at the time. This is how I ended up with three failed marriages by the age of forty-three with no hope that anything would ever be different for me.  

At the time of my son’s birth, I did not know why I felt the way I did around people and why I was not able to connect with my son. I believed I came from a loving, religious family and so my reactions or non-reactions to things confused me greatly. His birth set me on a path of discovery. It was the first time I recognized that something was really wrong, and I had to know what it was that made me this way. I did not want my son to suffer because I was broken. So it was shortly after his birth that I left my abusive husband, started therapy, and began to unravel the painful truth. 

In therapy, I began to discover the truth of my life and it was vastly different from what I had been told or had seen in the family pictures my mother was so fond of taking. As it turns out, I was born and raised inside a sex trafficking ring. My parents conditioned me from birth to meet the needs of the pedophiles they put me in contact with. They, and many others, used me from the time I was born until I turned thirteen. I was photographed, filmed, taken to conferences, and made to do things to other kids that should never happen. I did whatever I had to do to survive and carried the shame of all of it deep inside me. All of these experiences I hid deep inside of me.  In fact, I still have large gaps in my memory and have debated whether or not to write about the things I do remember considering so much of it is still unknown. I chose to share my story because I am still alive and have found my way through the pain to the other side. The need to share my story with others and to set them free drives me. I have faced the worst in myself and others and have found my truth, freedom, and peace. I want others to have the same.

This story isn’t about the details of my suffering, although I could share many uncovered stories from the last twenty-five years. Rather, this story is about working through and overcoming insurmountable odds to discover the truth and find love, peace, acceptance, and joy on the other side of trauma, pain, and suffering. I gained insight and empowerment through therapy, books, movies, programs, and education that helped me heal from my experiences, but it wasn’t until I learned to dismantle the beliefs that I had about myself, my parents, and the world that I truly found what I had been missing. I found forgiveness and even understanding. I learned the truth that I am not just a collection of my experiences but a creator of myself and my life. I found this notion very unsettling at first, but I soon realized the power and opportunity in creating who we are from scratch and not allowing our circumstances to define us. I am not a victim or even a survivor. I am a creator.

Since discovering the lies, I no longer live life as a victim of my current circumstances or past experiences. I have been able to create myself as connected, open, vulnerable, and free. I have a deep bond and connection with my oldest son. I have been able to give him all the things that I was denied growing up. Our relationship was far from perfect, especially in those early years of raising him, and I made plenty of mistakes, but I have been able to own them and make it right with him. He is a phenomenal human being, and I could not be prouder of who he is. We have a powerful bond that was forged through the pain of discovering the truth and accepting nothing less for myself or him. Today I have a loving partner, three more amazing kids, own a life coaching business, and have discovered my true purpose and mission in life: to create a non-profit organization that supports those that have been sex trafficked. I live each day creating new possibilities, uncovering more lies, and re-inventing who I am for myself and others. It is an ongoing adventure. I am truly free.

The effects of my trauma and the lies I believed pervaded every fiber of my being and had me surviving life as the ultimate victim.