Luceat Lux Vestra: Let Your Light Shine

By Laura Kane

Have you ever felt darkness in a room full of light? You're not alone! Luceat Lux Vestra, meaning "let your light shine" in Latin, follows author, Laura Kane, through a spiritual, emotional, and physical journey of finding yourself as she teaches you that YOU are whole on your own. Each chapter teaches that YOU are your own soul mate. YOU are courageous and need no one else to make you whole. Journey with Laura through 19 chapters of relationships, some romantic, some family, some animals, some friends. The narrative will teach lessons regarding adversities, such as:

* Addiction

* Mental Health

* Domestic violence

* Cancer

* Disability

* Spirituality

* And much more.

Luceat Lux Vestra will take you on a journey of tears, laughter, chaos, heartbreak, and love. You won't be able to put it down and by the end you'll learn to let your light shine. Each chapter relates back to a song by musician, Andrew McMahon. Andrew was the lead singer for a popular band, Something Corporate then went on to create Jack's Mannequin and now has his own band, Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness. He also has a young adult cancer organization called Dear Jack. A profit from each book sold will go to the Dear Jack Foundation.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: May 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781639854219

Book preview

C

HAPTER

1

Luceat Lux Vestra

I was seven when I first realized that love is fragile. It was a warm, late winter morning, one of those mornings when you can ride your bike without a jacket and breathe in the coming spring air. My parents called me and my brother, Alan, to the living room for a family meeting.

Your mom and I have something to tell you, my dad stated in his soft-spoken voice.

He was always quiet when he got upset, a trait I most certainly acquired from him. I wondered what could be upsetting him. It was far too pretty of a day outside for such a sober tone. We should be at the park right now, not cooped up inside having a family meeting.

My dad’s eyes quickly veered over to my momma, one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She was always glowing with love, listening to our every word, caring so much for our family, taking care that everything was done before we knew it needed to be done. However, at this moment, her look was one I had never seen; today, I refer to her look in this moment as discontent, a word we often use to describe expressions or emotions that make us feel overwhelmed or uncertain, almost like our souls are lost briefly. Yet at the innocent age of seven, the only word I could use to describe my momma’s expression was sad. She was fighting back tears, something I was not aware could be produced by my mother’s eyes.

We love you both very much, and it’s important for you both to know that none of this is your fault, my father continued. But your mother and I are getting divorced.

What does that mean? my sweet brother had asked.

Daddy and I aren’t going to live together anymore. We’ll no longer be married, but we’ll still be your mommy and daddy. You’ll be splitting your time up between the two of us, my momma said, her voice cracking. We’ll be sharing weekends and holidays with you. We’re going to make this transition very easy on you. You both have nothing to worry about. We love you very much.

Once outside, my brother and I exchanged glances and headed for our bikes to play our favorite game, cops and robbers.

My brother took a deep breath before driving away. So Mom and Dad are getting divorced, he stated as a matter of fact.

I guess. What do you think about it? I replied, eager about my brother’s reaction.

Whatever. I don’t really care…two Christmases! he replied as if he was looking to the benefits.

My brother was like that—calm, cool, collected. Even though he was only one year older than me, I looked to him as my hero. I worshipped his every word. If he said it was going to be okay, then I had nothing to worry about.

I paused shortly at the end of our driveway and glanced at our house on Ross Street, in our small town of New Martinsville, West Virginia. It was a brick home, full of love, memories, and safety. It was where I had received my first Hanson album and sung along to N*SYNC. It was home to our pet hamsters, the place where my parents tucked me in every night and helped me get ready for school in the morning as I watched episodes of Arthur on TV while eating Cheerios for breakfast. I couldn’t imagine leaving it. I didn’t want to move, let alone live in two separate homes, but my momma had always said, Any place can be a home. To this day, I hang on to those words like a small child hangs from the monkey bars. I took a deep breath, turned my attention to the road, and took off after Alan pretending to be the police on a mission.

By the time I got to school Monday morning, I had forgotten the conversation with my parents. However, when my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Levinson, asked, Laura, how was your weekend? I remembered I had news to share.

It was good. My parents are getting divorced, I said with great pride.

I never had news to share with anyone, and Alan had made me see the positive benefits, so it seemed like something to celebrate. It wasn’t until she responded that I realized I was naive in celebrating. As she looked at me with sad eyes, I realized that my brother had been wrong; there was nothing to celebrate at all.

Oh, honey, I’m so sorry, Mrs. Levinson responded.

She never knew this, but those were the words that drowned my soul. Her tone of voice, the look in her eyes, the cold air of her breath…that’s when I lost it. At that moment, at the tender age of seven, I had just lost hope in love, and, more importantly, I had lost a piece of my soul.

The next twenty-two years of my life would be spent looking for love that would last. I spent years looking for partners, places, things, anything that would fill the void of love in my soul. I never wanted to end up like my parents, in a relationship that fell apart, alone. I want to say I admired and loved (and still do!) both my parents so much and aspired to be like them in many ways; they were and still are wonderful parents. I hope to follow in their footsteps one day, just not in their footsteps when it comes to love.

(It’s worth taking a second to note that my parents are happily remarried now to wonderful souls, both of whom I respect and love.)

The book you are holding in your hand is my journal, so to speak, of finding love, not the love of someone else, but the love of myself. So many of us spend our whole lives searching for our soul mate. We search and search for the person that will somehow complete us…our other half. I’m here to tell you there is no other half. There is no one person who completes you. You are whole on your own. Read that again.

You are whole on your own.

I’m paraphrasing and probably slaying Eckhart Tolle (highly recommend reading his book, A New Earth!) when I say this, but as humans, we search and search and search our whole lives for ways to try to fill this void; then one day, we’ll get so tired from searching and we’ll fall over, look at the sky, and realize we had it in us the entire time! You are the void you’ve been searching for. Take a minute, close your eyes, and introduce yourself to your other half, the one who knows you better than anyone else in the world, your soul!

Is there someone out there with whom you want to share your experiences? Sure! Is there someone out there you’d like to walk with through the ups and downs, highs and lows? Absolutely. But is there a soul mate out there for you? Like a love of my life, you complete me soul mate? Well, the simple answer is no. The more complex answer is yes! And you’ve known him or her your whole life. He or she knows you better than anyone. The person I’m talking about is you! You are your own soul mate. As Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, one of my favorite authors, said in one of my favorite podcasts, Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast: A true soul mate is a mirror; a person who shows you everything that’s holding you back. A person who brings you to your own intention so you can change your life.

Do you know who that person is? That’s right, I’ll say it again…you. Let me get a slow clap for that one. You do not need anyone else to complete you. You are already whole. I promise you. You have it within you. It’s time for you to take a look in the mirror and find everything that’s holding you back. Your soul has everything it needs to succeed on its own. I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t have someone by your side to enjoy the ride with you. I’m just saying you’re the driver, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to have someone sitting next to you in the passenger’s seat to feel complete.

Luceat Lux Vestra is a Latin term that translates to Let Your Light Shine. I went to Wheeling Jesuit University, a Jesuit college in Wheeling, West Virginia. Shout-outs to all my Jesuits out there! Unfortunately, Wheeling Jesuit University lost its Jesuit accreditation in recent years; however, the phrase Luceat Lux Vestra has stuck with me through all these years. Going to a Jesuit college opened my eyes to so many new opportunities and ways of living. I try to live my life by Jesuit example and serve others, constantly thinking, "Luceat Lux Vestra" (pronounced: loo-chee-ott-lux-vestra). I try to let my light shine in everything I do. We should all live that way. Letting our light be a beacon of light for others. So let your light shine! Be the light in someone else’s darkness. You never know who around you needs a little light.

The next eighteen chapters of this book follow me through seventeen relationships—some friends, some family, some romantic encounters, some strangers, some furry friends, and some in the forms of illness. You’ll experience my happiness, tears, love, heartbreak, and ultimately what I learned from each one of these relationships. You’ll follow my soul’s journey to finding myself or as I like to say, finding my soul mate. More importantly, you’ll discover, love, and appreciate your journey. I’ve already given you the ending of the book without even having to read it!

Emma Watson, Hermione Granger herself, said it best when she declared she was self-partnered. Sure, it’s great to spend time with and experience the world with someone else, but ultimately, you should not need another person to feel whole. You are whole by yourself. I cannot say that enough. I encourage you to keep reading. Each chapter is filled with soul love and pieces of my soul gifted to you.

Sure, you may be thinking, What can a small-town girl from West Virginia teach me about my soul? Well, I challenge you to listen, open your mind, set your vibrations high, get a cup of coffee, and settle in because we’re going on a journey of a lifetime. Literally, you’re about to go through a journey of a lifetime, my lifetime, at least the first thirty years of it. Before we begin, I have to talk about the soul to whom I’m dedicating this book. I’ve dedicated this book to someone, a soul that changed my soul forever and literally saved my life. I’m talking about my oncologist. Yes, I’m a cancer survivor. Cheers to all you cancer warriors out there! I met Dr. Tanya Tekautz six weeks after my twentieth birthday, four days after I found out I had a massive brain tumor, which ultimately turned out to be brain cancer. Don’t worry, you’ll get all the details. I have an entire chapter dedicated to that soul lesson!

Dr. Tekautz was pure light. In my time of darkness, she would shine her light and make the room bright with hope and vibrance. Her energy was radiant. All her patients and staff felt it. She was a pediatric oncologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio. Although her job was not filled with light, she was. Unfortunately, the same monster Dr. Tekautz fought to beat for her patients every day took her life in 2019. When I heard the news that Dr. Tekautz had passed away, my heart and soul ached. I was lost. How could my beacon of light, the light who promised me life again and again, burn out? But I was wrong, she never burned out. Maybe she was not physically here anymore, but a part of her soul would always be here. She would live on forever in my heart and the hearts of all her patients, her staff, and her beautiful family.

So I dedicate this book to the most beautiful soul I know. The soul who taught me the most important lesson in this book: I am worth it. And I know Dr. Tekautz would want you to know that you are worth it too. After my brain surgery, Dr. Tekautz came into the ICU to see me.

She handed me a blanket and pillowcase she had made, and she said, Laura, every patient I have ever had has touched my heart, but there’s something about you that touches it a little deeper.

If she were still here, I would tell her that it was she who touched my heart, not the other way around.

As I write each word of this book, I let her words flow through me. We are coauthors because I would not be on this earth right now were it not for her.

With that being said, let’s dive in! Grab some coffee. It’s my favorite, especially a grande Nitro Cold Brew with sweet cream from Starbucks! There’s nothing better than good coffee! Okay, here we go, let me introduce you to your soul mate.

Wait! One more thing. I’m letting the anticipation build up!

I have dedicated each chapter of this book to a song by my favorite musical artist, Andrew McMahon. Some of you may know him from his band, Something Corporate, or his other band, Jack’s Mannequin, or his most recent project, Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness. Perhaps, you have never heard of him or may know him from his young adult cancer foundation, Dear Jack, which was established to help young adults going through cancer. Andrew McMahon himself was diagnosed with leukemia in his early twenties.

He and his music have touched my soul forever and have seen me through every relationship I’ve ever had from the age of ten. Have I ever met him? No. I met his program director once at the Cleveland Clinic. Does that count? Hopefully, he’ll pick up a copy of this book and give it a read then have an overwhelming urge to meet the girl that paired eighteen of his songs with her relationships. A girl can dream, right? After all, a profit from each copy of Luceat Lux Vestra is going to his Dear Jack foundation! I encourage you to download each chapter’s song, or at least go to YouTube and listen to it to get the full impact of the chapter and its lesson.

Now let the fun begin! We’ll start with the foundation of relationships and lessons on the soul then gradually dig deeper and deeper until you realize