Relationships-Reflection of the Image of God

By Crawford Clark

There are many couples struggling in their relationships with each other. Couples, who are dating and who are married, are settling for less than God's best. There are several reasons why, but perhaps there is a lack of understanding about the dynamics and expectations of their relationships. God lets us know He has a plan for our lives as well as our relationships. That plan for couples is to reflect His Image. In order to be able to look like God, we must be willing to look at what God intended for us and examine how we got into the predicament that many couples find themselves. There is an enemy that constantly tries to keep you thinking that you are okay in your relationship with God and your life mate. Can we honestly say that we are where we need to be in our relationship with God and with each other? In this book, you will find out from Genesis how God created us in His Image and how we are able to live His image every day in our lives. He created us to be a reflection of His image and that image reveals itself in many ways. Every couple can be that reflection, even if you find your relationship or marriage in shambles. This book offers you the answers and the steps to grow as a couple through Christ. As a couple, you can reflect the presence of Jesus and truly inspire others. This can happen, if you allow the word of God and the Holy Spirit to transform your relationship to be a powerful witness for Christ. You can become a Reflection of His Image.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781681972626

Book preview

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Relationships

Reflection of the Image of God

Crawford G. Clark

ISBN 978-1-68197-261-9 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68197-262-6 (Digital)

Copyright © 2017 by Crawford G. Clark

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

296 Chestnut Street

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgement

Relationships and the Changing Culture

A Reflection of His Image

How Did Relationships Get So Messed Up?

Sin Causes Us to Act Out

What Do I Bring to the Relationship?

Emotional Attachment in Relationships

The Misuse of the Anger Emotion

A Look at Sex

What Does Love Have to Do with It?

Forgiveness Is Essential

What’s Up with Submission?

How Are We Changed?

Expect the Unexpected to Happen

Pressure Brings Out What’s Inside

Guarding Your Heart

A Life of Discipleship

Final Thoughts

About the Author

Foreword

Have you ever wondered why there are so many relationships that seem to struggle whether in courtship, pre-marital, or the marriage stage? Individuals who on the outside appear to love and cherish each other one moment can end up hating and fighting one another the next moment. There seems to be a vacillation between the emotions of the couple that resemble the dual personalities of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Why is it that in many relationships the individuals display behaviors that are, for the most part, unhealthy? These unhealthy patterns that are formed make the connection between the couple void of some sense of reality and creates an environment that can be toxic for both individuals. The couple can get stuck in a pattern that doesn't appear to change over time. They believe that they are really having an intimate relationship, but in actuality, is experiencing an illusion of a loving relationship.

Many couples that are actively engaged in an ongoing relationship are unaware that in order for them to survive as a couple and to enjoy each other to the fullest, there must be a paradigm shift in their thinking and understanding of relationships. They must develop a practical understanding of how relationships work as well as a biblical understanding of why relationships exist. This understanding can only come by way of an intimate walk with God and the accepting of God's word as truth in their lives. God has created all of humankind in His image. The imprint of God is on every being who ever existed and is on everyone who exists currently in the world today. However, the fullness of God's image cannot be realized unless there is a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and an understanding of how to implement the principles of relationship found in the pages of scripture. Going to church every week necessarily doesn't provide what is essential for one to exhibit good relationship understanding and skills as well as good emotional health. In fact, many who attend church regularly can exhibit unhealthy ways to connect that are not really biblical. It is essential that one's heart be changed in order to have a desire to implement a different pattern of living in relationship with each other. Are there indicators that one's heart is able to be changed? Are there tangible and observable behaviors that can be demonstrated that show movement in the direction of truly knowing how to connect with a person? The answer to this question is a resounding yes.

It is my intention in the pages of this book to define what it means to be made in the image of God. Understanding God’s intent when He created us will provide for us a backdrop by which to lay out how a reflection of God is to take place. Reflecting the image of God requires connection with God on a level that is supernatural. This level is provided by way of the Holy Spirit who is responsible for teaching us as well as providing the power to live at a level of love with each other that is beyond our ability to do. It is the living at this higher level through God's Spirit that enables us to reflect His image on a consistent basis. This relationship with the Holy Spirit begins when a person acknowledges their sin before a holy God and receives the free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. It is at the point of reconnecting with God through Christ in which they are able to experience abundant living and transformation in their relationships.

Through the pages of this book, you will see the original characteristics that existed in the first couple. Adam and Eve, the father and mother of all humankind, were created in a perfect relationship between them and God as well as each other. Their relationship soon became a destructive relationship when sin entered into it. Sin produced every negative aspect in their lives as well as in our relationships today. All the ramifications of sin would impact every person and would create hostility between them and God and each other. There is a direct link between the sin condition of Adam and Eve and the way that we are today. Their sin condition created the issues that we deal with in our present relationships. We will see the devastating effects that sin had on the emotion of anger, the ability to forgive, the way of handling rejection, the ability to love, the ability to submit, the ability to change, the ability to be under pressure, the ability to handle tribulations in the relationship, the ability to be under control sexually, the ability to be obedient to God, and the ability of putting others before ourselves. We will experience the lives of several people in the Bible as they help us to be able to live practically using biblical principles and giving us a glimpse of their personal walk with God. We will also see some people in the scripture who suffered the consequences of their choices although being confronted by God. Some were just blatantly disobedient to Him. Both perspectives help us and is able to provide a knowledge of how to relate to each other and maximize our potential regarding our ability to reflect God's image in our lives as couples.

Acknowledgement

To my Beverly

You have shown a consistent relationship with Jesus throughout all these years. Your love for Him has been rock solid and it is reflected in your life on a regular basis. Thanks for being an awesome example of loving Jesus to me and the children.

To My Jesus

You have been faithful to me over all these years. This book was a wonderful gift that you gave me while I was recuperating from foot surgery. In obedience to you, I picked up my pen and began to write. Nine days later, a book had been birthed. I now want to share your gift with others. I pray that this gift will be a gift that changes their lives for the better because of you. To you only be the glory.

Chapter 1

Relationships and the Changing Culture

I am a marriage counselor sitting at home on a love seat. I’m not thinking about love. I am thinking about my foot, which hurts because I had foot surgery five days ago. You might be thinking, Who cares? Good question. Regardless, recuperation from a bunionectomy and a hammer toe has gotten me thinking. Twenty years as a counselor, over thirty years as a minister/pastor and a musician, African American called to minister in a white suburban church, African American called to minister in urban Philadelphia churches, a manager of nearly 25 years in the Philadelphia Parks system, son of a pastor, a graduate in agricultural sciences at Penn State University, and a father of a daughter and son with fragile X syndrome has given me a point of view on relationships that could be considered unique even in counseling circles. I’ve lived most of my life in the arena of relationships—an extrovert usually does. But now I’m alone and will be for many weeks as I wait for this foot to heal. So, why not write a book on my favorite subject.

There are over 800 channels that I can watch on my TV. A big box department store has so much stuff in it that it needs tens of thousands of square feet. A grocery store sells soy sauce, spaghetti and meatballs, curry rice and meat and potatoes. A game of simple hide and seek can find people under cars, in alleys, behind bushes and all this within the boundaries of a city block. It is all about choice, isn’t it?

But, wait a minute. Our school curriculums under Common Core are educating students but giving them few choices to personalize any part of their educational path. The trajectory of education toward the real world challenges students toward nothing more than working for someone until they retire, relax and die. Do we have a contradiction in our society?

When it comes to relationships, it appears that culture has had a major impact in how relationships are defined and approached, but indirectly. This way of defining and approaching relationships permeated our minds with subtlety from books written from a specific view point as well as how the material was being presented. Sitting in a classroom for 12 or more years under humanistic philosophical approaches that are the backdrop of most curriculums in school systems across the country provided the way by which many would approach relationships. This system is known as humanism, which is a belief system that places value on the goodness of human beings, emphasizes common human needs, and seek solely rational ways of solving human problems. This is the basis behind how all the courses are taught. How could our relationships not be affected by this thought process. Relationship is then defined through the grid of humanism. Without relationship being defined from God, who created relationships, they are now defined through what is relative to the person.

This is why, in 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States made a ruling that will change the definition of marriage across the entire country. This decision will undoubtedly change the societal and cultural morals. However, it does not change God’s definition of marriage or the relational skills that we can find in the pages of Holy Scripture. Since marriage is relational, the way that children as well as adults think about relationships in light of this decision will have a major impact on society and life.

Not only is marriage being challenged by redefinition, cohabitation among couples has become the norm. So here we are, living in a time when people might have a desire to get married at some point in the future, but before doing so, they choose to cohabit Couples are not willing to get married in a timely fashion. Why do I say this? Since my wife and I have been counseling, we have seen countless clients that cohabit (live together). I do understand that over the past twenty years, this lifestyle has become more and more popular. Almost every couple that we see for premarital counseling, we find that they are in this type of living situation. If the couple are believers, it is necessary at some point to challenge them concerning their living situation because it is about living God’s standards, not ours. God addresses how to live in relationship with each other, and they should be willing to live life His way, especially if they are saying they want to be in God’s will and they want to have a godly home.

Since cohabitation evolves out of humanism, shouldn’t we, as believers in general, be concerned about the best for the other person? Isn’t being honest about what God says concerning the living arrangement of more importance to convey to the couple than our judgment? Isn’t God telling us to speak the truth in love? Speaking the truth in love would apply in this case. Telling a couple that their living situation is not in their best interest, their relationship, or God’s is a loving act. Teaching is also part of the equation. People do things because it is the thing to do, not because it is the loving thing to do. We are told in John 13:34, A new commandment I give you: love one another as I have loved you, so you must love one another. Let’s not forget to add John 13:35: All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.

What about marriage relationships? Did someone mention relationships, especially marriage? Wow, they can be pretty bad when God’s plan is not being implemented in the marriage and relationship. It is true, and I have learned from experience that we are selfish when we come into the marriage. We want things when we want and the way we want them. It is selfishness that drives us, and it is woven into our being. It is a natural part of us that protects and fights against all that is godly, right, and just to do. I am amazed at how many relationships that I know of, as a child, as well as now, where the couple was saying how much they love God and how they are committed to His word, but their actions reflect something totally different. I didn’t really witness a good model of what marriage is supposed to look like as I was growing up. Let’s be honest. Even our Christian homes that were supposed to be Christian were something other than Christian in many instances.

We could pose a question at this point. What does a Christian marriage and home look like? Can we describe it to someone if asked? Usually when someone describes a Christian home, the answer is associated with strictness. Their answer contains the dos and the don’ts. Isn’t the Christian home supposed to reflect the marriage? The answer to this question will answer the Christian home question. The question really isn’t difficult to answer. Christian marriage is reflecting the image of God. What? Yes, that is what the answer is. So if the home where two Christians are located is not reflecting the image of God, it is not a Christian home. I would dare to say many of us who were in so-called Christian families were in families that possessed some principles of God’s word but totally were not living in a way that was truly committed to God’s word. We were in homes where it was a standard practice to go to church on a weekly basis. The emphasis was really on the church, local body, where we would serve as opposed to living out God’s word through the power of the Spirit. Answer this question. If all these homes were truly Christian, would there not be a greater impact in our families, in our churches, our neighborhoods, and our communities. There lies the problem, but there lies the solution. The problem is with Pseudo-Christian marriage, the solution is with true Christian marriage. The marriage starts with relationships. Dynamics practiced within the relationship will set the tone for the marriage.

Where do we get the proper definition of relationship and the relationship principles that are necessary to implement in our lives? We are able to define relationship through God Himself and how to live in relationship with God and with each other through the person of Jesus. The wonderful thing about God is that He provides us with the power to love and to live in right relationship with Him and each other.

Isn’t it interesting to see how sports teams practice no matter how well each individual player, or see an instrumentalist in an orchestra. The star player on the sports team will practice the hardest, and an instrumentalist must practice regularly in order to present to an audience an impeccable performance. Whether they’re sports, music, teaching, or any other discipline that involves some form of practice or preparation, it is expected that practice be an essential part of what is expected as well as what is needed in order to be good, or even great at their craft. Yet, when it comes to relationships, boys who were around boys in the early years, and girls who were around girls, are expected to know how to have a relationship with each other without learning how first. People just simply expect men and women to know how to have relationship with each other without having been taught the fundamentals. People just simply expect them to be able to do it.

Growing up, I know boys would all play together in the street. Of course, it was the street in front of the house where we lived. Your parents had to be able to see you or at least hear you in the street. As boys, playing with each other did not require a lot of skill. We didn’t even really talk that much to each other either. The focus was on the game at hand. If someone fell during a pickup game, you would just get them up and keep going. If someone cried, you would tell them to be quiet and then would hurry them back into the game. We did not talk about feelings or about how we felt concerning things that would take place between us. We did get mad at each other on occasions and would fight every now and then. But, as boys do, we would get over it quickly. All was forgotten and we would move on. No one asked, what made you do that or why. Did we consider the other’s feelings or attempt to comfort each other when crying? No! Society supported what we did. They even provided for us the reason. Men don’t cry. Girls socialized differently. The girls would play together, but not directly with us. They usually played hopscotch or jump rope on the pavement. They were all talking as they engaged in the activity. It was an amazing dynamic. The girls were all able to talk and play at the same time, without missing a beat. Multitasking started way back then in play for girls. Guys weren’t able to do that. Now I know why, years later of course. The brains of the girls were different than the brains of the boys. There are literally hundreds of receptors in their brains, which enables them to use both sides of their brain at the same time. Boys’ brains, however, are physically different, only using one side of the brain at a time. This was how God designed us. In making this point about the brain, let me ask you this: How is one able to literally become the opposite sex without having the brain that goes with it. With the culture now being so open to the tenacious tentacles of relativism, the table has been set for every type of relationship that permeates the minds of humankind. There is nothing new under the sun, according to King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes. Just read the book of Judges; there we will find this saying: They did what was right in their own eyes. This is relativism that occurred during the time in which Israelites, God’s chosen people, were in a circular cycle of sin that lasted hundreds of years. So, what is a good definition of relativism? It is merely doing what is right for that person. There are no absolutes. Whatever you think is best for yourself is the way you go. This kind of thinking flies directly contrary to the teachings of Jesus. Jesus’s message was a message that one was to be more concerned about the