Seasons: A Time to Weep and a Time to Laugh

By Elizabeth Meyerson

This is the true-to-life story of my husband's two children, Michael Scott and Mary Catherine Meyerson Still, who both tragically died at an early age. Michael Scott died from AIDS in 1992, and Mary Catherine died from leukemia in 2007. It is the story of the suffering and survival through both losses and how a marriage can survive such terrible loss even though the couple do not share the same view of religion. Elizabeth is a born-again Christian, and Jerry is an agnostic. Nonetheless, both love each other and respect each other's right to their own beliefs. It is Elizabeth's hope that other parents who have lost children may find comfort from the story of Catherine and Scott and be able to see some good in the most horrible of situations.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 11, 2019
• ISBN: 9781643009346

Book preview

9781643009346_cover.jpg

Seasons

A Time to Weep and a Time to Laugh

Elizabeth Meyerson

ISBN 978-1-64300-932-2 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64300-933-9 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-64300-934-6 (Digital)

Copyright © 2018 Elizabeth Meyerson

All rights reserved

First Edition

Cover illustration by Quinnan Piestrup

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books, Inc.

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

This book is dedicated to Michael Scott Meyerson, Mary Catherine Meyerson, and my husband, Jerry Meyerson.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgement

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Epilogue

In MemoriamMary Catherine Meyerson Still

In Memoriam of Michael Scott Meyerson

About the Author

Acknowledgement

To Joan Lourenco for her long hours of reading and editing this book so that it was decent enough to be published.

To Dwight Henry who helped me track down a contact for People Magazine to get permission to cite the article in this book.

Introduction

I first heard Ecclesiastes 3 as a young child during devotions at school. I loved the words and believe that the message contained within have amazingly described my life over the past three decades. This is my story.

King James Version, Ecclesiastes 3:1–22

A Time for Everything

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

The God-given task

What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man.

I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.

From dust to dust

Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice, even there was wickedness, and in the place of righteousness, even there was wickedness. I said in my heart, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time for every matter and for every work. I said in my heart with regard to the children of man that God is testing them that they may see that they themselves are but beasts. For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity. All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return. Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down into the earth? So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work, for that is his lot. Who can bring him to see what will be after him?

Chapter 1

As I looked outside the window of the plane and watched the snow falling on the Big Apple, I knew this would be our last Christmas in New York. Jerry and I had spent all but about one Christmas here for the past three years. Scott, Jerry’s son, lived here. I loved New York and felt especially close to Jerry when we visited here. However, this time, I felt sad; not because I was leaving a city that I loved visiting, but because of another reason.

New York was a place that I had dreamed of visiting since I was a very small child. My first memory of that dream was seeing the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on television which was held in New York City. Jerry had made it possible for me to visit this exciting city many times. I was sad on this day because I knew the next visit would not be a happy one. You see, Jerry’s son, Scott, was very ill. He had AIDS.

It was 1991, and few of the drugs that are available today were available to treat Scott. Jerry and I; Scott; Catherine, Jerry’s daughter; and Tommy, her then fiancée, had all met in New York City and had Christmas together. It was cold, and the snow was falling; it was always cold in New York at Christmas. In 1991, we were living in Tennessee where I was born. I can only recall having a bit of snowfall one Christmas eve several years ago. Not much snow was to be seen on the ground in a large city, but watching it fall was always beautiful and put me in the Christmas spirit. Today, it made me sad, but it still comforted me in some way. I could not explain the feeling of comfort the snow gave me as I knew we would not be back again in New York. Scott’s prognosis was grave.

During our visits, Scott had always arranged for tickets to plays and dinners at all of the good restaurants that most tourists did not know about. Over the years, we had seen many Broadway and off-Broadway plays. One year, we visited and saw the play Six Degrees of Separation. The play explored the complexities involved with embracing a homosexual lifestyle. Many years later, a movie would be made of that play, and sadly, Scott would never live to see it. Scott took us to another off-Broadway play that featured a Southern family’s comical reaction to the death of a close relative.

Looking back, I realized that Scott had faced his impending death with courage and a sense of inevitability. I somehow feel that his taking us to those plays was his attempt to enlighten us to the joys and the sorrows that his lifestyle had engendered. His choice of plays, I believe, was a subtle effort to remind us that he enjoyed his life. Scott had come to New York City to be an actor and enjoyed some modest success. He landed small parts in a soap opera and a movie. However, due to his illness and the competitiveness of the acting profession, he never achieved great success.

Jerry had known of Scott’s illness immediately after the first blood test and Scott’s terrified phone call. His mother found out later. Though Jerry did not approve of Scott’s lifestyle, he loved his son and went to great efforts to research all that he could regarding HIV/AIDS. I found myself involved in doing a lot of research after I married Jerry. I now realized that from this point, my life would change forever in more ways than I ever dreamed.

Before we get to that, let me regress and tell you how I came to this particular place in my life.

In 1986, I had been dating a very good friend who went by the initials JW. It was July, and New York was having a big Fourth of July celebration. I wanted very badly to attend that celebration. JW and his friend Jim had been trying to get reservations in or close to the city for this event. It looked like we had waited too late to make plans for the trip. On one of our weekends, JW and I decided to go to the lake. JW had a home on the lake in Tennessee and had a boat docked there. He shared his home with Jerry, and over the course of the past months of dating JW, he shared with me a lot about Jerry. First and foremost, he said that Jerry was the weirdest person he had ever known. I asked, In what way? He went on to share that Jerry was a runner and ran several miles each day and that he read constantly. I did not find that weird at all as I also walked and enjoyed reading very much. JW was the boating and party type. He liked to go out to nightspots, drink, and dance with friends. We had done a lot of that over the past few months. I had enjoyed myself, but had wished there was a little more substance to JW than what I had experienced so far. I suppose what I am saying is there just was no spark to the relationship. JW had expressed to me many times that he was interested in marriage. Marriage was not on my mind at that time. I had just been in two bad relationships that did not lead to marriage (not that I wanted that from either man), but let’s just say I did not want to go down that road again.

Here we were on a very hot Saturday in Tennessee, headed to the lake to take a boat ride. Upon arriving, JW noted that Jerry’s car was there. Oh damn, he said. I thought he would be off somewhere today.

Well, no harm done, I said. We will just go in, get what we need, and go to the boat.

Of course, I got the impression that JW did not want Jerry to meet me for some reason. I have to admit that I was curious about this weirdo. Anyway, we went inside; and there sat a very nice-looking, intellectual-looking man, wearing glasses and reading a book. JW introduced me to Jerry and told him we were on our way to go out on the boat for the day but needed to pick up some snacks and other things. While JW was getting things together, Jerry and I had a chat. During our chat, somehow, the subject of New York City came up. I was telling Jerry a big Fourth of July celebration was scheduled and that JW and I were trying to get hotels, plane tickets, etc. I told him it appeared we had waited too late to start planning so probably would not be able to make the trip.

Jerry perked up and said, My son lives there and I go there a lot.

I was stunned as it seemed some type of destiny to meet someone with a relative in New York just when I was interested in going. Really, I replied. What does your son do in New York? I asked.

He works as a flight attendant for Continental Airlines but really went there to become an actor, Jerry replied. I was intrigued; acting had been something that I had dreamed of. Growing up in Tennessee under less than optimal family dynamics meant that was never going to be possible for me, but I dreamed of it nonetheless. My son lives in an apartment that overlooks the area where the celebration is taking place, he said.

"So you know about it?’ I asked.

He replied, Yes, but I had not thought of going.

What? You would miss out on something so exciting, I replied.

Well, I go to New York a lot to visit my son, so I just did not think about attending, he said. The wheels in my mind began to turn as did JW’s. With that, JW announced that he had all of the things we needed and ushered me off to the boat.

I must admit that during our boat ride, I did a lot of thinking about Jerry and felt a bit of an attraction to him. I think that JW picked up on that as he began to talk about Jerry, telling me that he had just recently divorced. Jerrys and JW’s divorces were finalized about the same time. He went on to tell me that Jerry was involved with someone, but that there were some issues going on with the new relationship. JW said in his opinion that Jerry should return to his wife as she wanted him back desperately, but Jerry would not consider it. He told me that Jerry had been previously married and was already paying a hefty sum of money to the first wife. JW was also looking at paying alimony to his wife of over twenty years. JW did not want the divorce; his wife did. He said he was happy being married even though he referred to his wife as crazy as hell. He had two grown children, and I suppose had been married for so many years he had just become complacent and did not want change. I got the impression that he did not want to be paying alimony or having to provide her with retirement, as she had never worked outside the home. Once we got into the boat and began to ride, things cooled off, and it turned out to be a nice day.

During this time, I worked for a local bank that was not far from where Jerry worked. He was the plant manager for a large mushroom-producing plant. I think he had been there since around 1983, and as I recall, I invited him to our open house at the bank. He had not attended.

After meeting Jerry at JW’s home, he came into the bank the following Monday morning. He had done his homework. He found out through JW where I worked and had asked about mine and JW’s relationship. It came as a surprise when Jerry showed up at the bank and announced he wanted to open an account. It also came as a surprise when we sat down at my desk to open the account that he congratulated me on my upcoming marriage. I asked him where he got the idea that JW and I were getting married as I was not even engaged to him. He went on to say that JW was quite taken with me and had told Jerry that he planned to marry me. I told him that was a bit of a shock. I had made it clear to him that our relationship was most likely not going to lead to marriage. Over the months, I had seen him several times, but nothing romantic was going on between us. I realized that I would need to reiterate that to JW. I, of course, did not share that thought with Jerry but took a mental note to be sure that JW and I talked about it soon.

I obtained the necessary information to open the account for Jerry and then thanked him for coming in. He said that he had a bit of an ulterior motive in that he really wanted to see me again. He gave me his business card and told me if I ever wanted to talk, to give him a call. I was somewhat perplexed at his intentions as I knew he was involved with someone. I took the card, thanked him, and went on with my day. I realized that now that he had an account with my bank, I would be seeing a lot more of him. I suspected it was his plan when he came into the bank. I filed the card away and gave little thought to anything coming of it.

As time went on, Jerry would come into the bank on several occasions and ask me to lunch. Each time, I would turn him down. The employees who worked with me kept asking me why I did not at least go to lunch with him. I told them I knew he was seeing someone and was not going to get into a relationship of that type. I saw less and less of JW, and eventually, the relationship ended. I dated someone else for a while who worked out of town; it was convenient for me as I was busy with two daughters: Jennifer, fifteen, and Nancy, ten.

I think back to my life at that time and wonder how I got everything done. My days were filled with driving my two daughters to their friends’ homes, picking up friends from their homes for sleepovers, and driving carpools for other activities including school and church.

Jerry continued his pursuit of me, asking about lunch whenever he came into the bank. On one particular day, he came in and asked to talk to me in my office. He asked me why I continued to turn him down for lunch. I told him that I knew he was seeing someone and that I was not interested in getting in the way of another relationship. He said it was not serious.

I asked, If not, why are you living with her? I had since learned from JW that he had moved out and was living in Knoxville with the woman he was seeing.

He said, We are not married.

I replied, Sorry, but it sounds like a committed relationship to me. I got the impression that he thought he could have a relationship with one woman in Knoxville and another one in Loudon. I was not going to be any man’s other woman. He went on to explain that it was just a roommate-type relationship, and I replied, Yeah right!

Over the next few months, I would see him around town and at the bank. We exchanged a lot of family information. He was struggling with trying to take care of his aging mother who was suffering from dementia. She lived in Spartanburg, South Carolina, and it was heartbreaking to hear about her. He finally had to put her in a nursing home, which was not working too well. I listened and offered some advice as I had worked in health care many years before. I told him what nursing home life was like. I told him that she might not ever adjust as some patients did not. He told me that after his father died, she never accepted his death. The nursing home personnel kept telling her over and over that he had died. Each time, she would just go into a terrible depression, and cry and scream, as his death was traumatic to her. She had to relive it over and over as the personnel kept reminding her of the situation. I told him I thought that was a terrible thing to continue to do to his mother. I also told him that very often, patients whose family members could not visit on a regular basis got very little attention. He told me he went every weekend that he could but felt a terrible sense of guilt over this. I could see that he did.

Over the course of our conversations, I realized that Jerry seemed to be going through some type of agony and thought it was due to losing his father and having to take care of his mother. My heart did go out to him. I knew how hard it