Eat Drink And Be My Best; Forget The Rest

By Theo Annika Knillsson

Years of abuse and neglect have affected my eating and drinking and what was best for me overall. It is hard to eat healthy when there is not enough money to do so. Also, when a victim is an emotional mess, it is hard to eat healthily. In reality, the abuser pretty much dictates what, when, and if you eat at all. Abusers force victims to eat foods that make a victim never want to eat that food again, and some of those foods are healthy foods. There are so many factors in why victims of abuse eat the way they do and why they have eating disorders. Eating healthily is a big deal, especially when a victim becomes malnourished due to abuse. I was anorexic for a few years because of the long-term horrific abuse. At this time I had just had my last child, down to ninety pounds and not able to gain weight no matter what I ate after I got out of the abusive situation. It took years of eating enough healthy food to get my weight back to a normal weight. And then of course, I unintentionally got back into another abusive situation. His control and abuse put me far into debt because I was not going to eat unhealthily and go back to being anorexic ever again. I was forced not to work in this final abusive marriage. I will never get into an abusive marriage again even if I had been lured into abusive marriages in my past by them over and over again. Forced not to work made it so I had to use credit cards in order to eat enough healthy food. At least I was not damaged again by anorexia. No matter how forceful or abusive my husband was then, my kids were not going to go without healthy food even if I was on a tight budget. I would go into debt all over again so they could eat healthy! I keep thinking, I will pay it off and go to work as soon as I am safe enough to get out of this abusive marriage! Finally out of that my last abusive marriage, I am slowly but surely paying off the debt. Yes, with a lot of interest charge, but I am going to be out of debt eventually. I work as much as I can even if I am physically disabled, unlike my last abusive husband; I have to work to eat healthy! I can't worry about the debt or I won't get out! I eat healthy and in time, I will become wealthy enough to be out of debt! Because healthy is wealthy! That is why I wrote this book, to give you the reader, ideas on what and how: to eat, drink, and be the best; forget the rest! I will always be on a tight budget and that is how I will get out of debt. SMART SPENDING HAPPY ENDING!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 21, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644622094

Book preview

Part 1

Be My Best; Forget the Rest!

Be My Best; Forget the Rest!

There are some things I cannot change: the unhealthy foods I have eaten for years, what other people do, my genes, the weather, and past abuses! But I can change by letting go of those horrific things caused by fear or economic status. Fear is my worst enemy! Fear of what others may think because I am poor or not as good-looking. Fear of those people who always have to be right even when they’re wrong. And when they’re wrong, they contradict me to justify them being right. Fear of always being condemned for what I do even if it is right! Fear holds me back from doing a lot of things I want and need to do. I need to get my mind off those who think they can rule and rein over me and others. And though they claim to be so wealthy and wise. we are the reason they thrive. They gain power by using people so they have a lot more money, and they gain by always making sure we are wrong. Let their words be gone, like a tom cat move on!

There needs to be more realistic laws and less judgment on those who uphold the good in the world. Yet because of freedom of choice, others take advantage of the system. Power gives people the right to take away rights from other people even though we all have freedom of choice. Everyone deserves to be treated right! Yet in reality, freedom is taken away from many who are realistically doing what is right, because those who are high and mighty cannot look bad. Those in power and authority or who have guardianship over others have more power than those who are more qualified for those positions. Their sole purpose is to get gain, is that just? To get gain and hurt those whom they are in authority of—that’s wrong! But who really cares? No matter what you and I say to some people, they always have to be justified, especially those in power over who they are in power over to get gain. Supporting their bad actions hurts everyone. And they will make every excuse in the book to look good for all the bad they have done. They have to because they cannot stand to be wrong. Walk away from people who won’t listen to a word you say. Because dealing with those in greed is a waste of our time. Help those who want the help and appreciate good advice! I can only take so many lies! Those in greed and power lie and will not take advice! Especially from someone who is not in greed and power. Why? Because they think they know it all and they have the power to put down any thing we say or do even if it is for the better. That is the way it’s always been in the history of time. Those with anything less than a dime are slime. But oh well, at least I tried to help those in need! And helping them out is really what it’s all about.

Not one person on this earth is perfect, though those in greed claim to be! There is no way anyone can always be right! There are a lot of geniuses in the world, yet not even a genius is right every time. No one on this earth is perfect! Yet those who always have to be right fight to the bitter end because they think they are perfect in every way. They just have to be right because they cannot have even one imperfection. Those type of people cannot look bad ever! That is not going to happen in their world. In their world it’s rude if anyone ever claims they did something wrong! They don’t want to dwell on the fact that they did something wrong because they can never be accused of doing anything wrong. That is what makes it so wrong for them to never be punished!

Rude words hurt, yet unless you’re rude to some people, they never get it—never! Yet those who are really rude are rude with the attitude to intentionally make you look like dirt, and they have absolutely nothing to back them up. Everyone believes every word they say! Words, if not to help you or someone else improve, are words of dirt. Yet words of good advice that teach us humility, love, and empathy for others, those words are not rude; they are words of the wise.

If we cannot take advice, especially good advice, without going against everything someone says, seriously, we are the rude ones. If someone gets a little testy with us because we disagree with them over and over again, we are the rude ones, especially if they are trying to do something good. There may be some things they might be better at than you; accept that they can do something good too. Accept the good they want to do for others that maybe you cannot do because others have talents above and beyond yours. Accept that everyone is not going to like you the same way as others do. Know that you alone can’t control how others feel or whom they want to live with. Restricting others from something they really want only makes them want that even more.

Because everyone has freedom, some take that freedom to mean they can do whatever the heck they want! Those in pride and greed will do anything to succeed. These are they who take advantage of others. These are they who get gain from others’ hard work and could care less about others pain! Due to the greedy who get gain from others’ hard work, life is not fair because of those in greed who do not care! Yet if the hardworking poor ask for their rights, no one listens. Greedy people who won’t help the hardworking poor, why? To get gain! They have absolutely no understanding of what it feels like to work hard. The hardworking poor who are not in greed are truly the amazing ones who deserve to succeed. They learn to go without and to appreciate everything they have. They give more to the poor than those in greed. The hardworking poor who give their all should be the ones who are adored. They are the most amazing people in this world even if those in greed treat them cruelly.

Bad things happen to the best people; at any given moment and most of the time, it is because of those in greed unwilling to help those most in need. There is seldom punishment or payment from those in greed who abused and use victims to get gain. I was homeless because of my ex-husband’s abuse and greed! Yet living proof I did not need him to succeed.

Using the System to Get Gain?

A lot of people do! They use the system to get gain. That is why our country or government is in debt! Not because of the hardworking poor, the totally disabled living on less than the cost of living, and those who work even with disabilities! Especially if they are living on less than the cost of living and spending that money very wisely. Everyone needs to work as hard as possible. It is not up to someone else to do what others can do for themselves. Have a heart; do your part! Those who use the system to get gain take essential food from the hardworking poor who deserve to eat enough healthy food in order to work as hard as they do. Those hardworking poor end up disabled and depressed because their essential needs are not met, and why? Because there are way too many in greed to get gain from the hardworking poor!

Please ask for help but only if you really need help! Being in need is very humbling. Yet those in need really want to be independent. Using the system is not an option for anyone. Be honest and know that even if you are not rich, at least you are honest. Others may get away with everything all their life by using the system to get gain. They may never have to pay the government back nor go to jail, yet in the next life they may end up in Epic Fail. Know that at least you worked hard for your money. Know that even if you have been ripped off by employees most of your life, if you had to ask for help, you deserve it! You totally deserve the help! Be honest and true in everything you do, and good will come back to you! It may seem like: poverty, abuse, being used, depression, disabilities, and being cheated on is not what you deserved. Yet you are the strong one because you survived. Others who get away with injuring you are the weak ones if they have to use you to get gain. Get them off your mind; you are much better than their cruel words dragging you down. Unwind! Let their cruelty surround them! But most of all, to yourself be kind. Abusers, cheaters, and users—let their cruelty penetrate only on their mind. No matter how committed you are to them, know that you do not deserve to be treated cruelly ever again. Stand up for you!

If anyone puts you down, it is because in reality they know that they are not sound! Hold your ground. If what you are doing is true, do not take their verbal abuse because they are just using you to make themselves look better. Never, ever give up on what you want out of life! Yet always remember those whom you need to be kind to. If you do what others do to you, it will only make you like them—cruel!

Stick up for yourself, and get out if you are being abused, cheated on, or used. Because there is absolutely no excuse for their abuse! Dwell on my abusive past, or get well! In all aspects of my future improve; no matter how many abusive words have been deeply woven in my mind, to myself be kind! To myself be wise and be nice! And realize there will always be those in greed who use or abuse us hardworking people most in need to get gain all the time. Because of those who abuse, use, and cheat on us, it’s hard to know whom to trust. Who knows why they do? Those who are empowered by being untrue! Who cares? That needs to be my attitude. Because those type of people get away with it anyway. The justice system is not always just. No matter how hard we try to be at our best, greedy people are not honest or just. Too many with money and power get away with crime that the poor would never get away with. In the end, I hope justice is served because the hardworking poor are not free from the cruelty the greedy dish out, nor are we free from what we do wrong. Unless and until we make what we have done wrong totally right, there is no freedom for us. Yet those in greed get away with everything. We are damaged and punished for everything, even what we do right, because they have the power to rule and rein over us. But in the end, eventually, if not right away, karma will come back to them! To those who have no regret and think they do not have to face up to their debt or take full punishment, your day will come! To those who have been wronged, if there’s no punishment on earth, even worse on judgment day, those who wronged you will be cursed!

To Get what you have done wrong off your mind, face your wrongdoings; it’s about time! Totally accept that you need to make total amends and take total punishment consistently from now on. Kissing up to them does not mean you have really accepted full punishment or are willing to make full amends. Kissing up is not fessing up! Especially if you continue to cheat while you’re married and are still living with your spouse! If your cheating does not stop, your cheating is to blame for the marriage that went to rot! Or If you are more abusive after cheating, to make the victim feel like it was the victims fault you cheated, That’s totally wrong! I am not the reason they cheated; it was their choice to cheat. And when I cheated, it was totally my bad choice. Forgive and forget all of it! Harder said than done because of triggers and flashbacks; some parts of the abuse may never be forgotten!

Forgiveness is hard when a victim loses everything and has to move again. Forgiveness is hard because we have had to pack up and get out after being abused. Forgiveness is hard when I have had to start all over again with new friends new jobs, and new schools. Forgiveness is hard financially because we left almost everything to get out, including: the washer, the dryer, our beds, the cars paid off and other essential furniture we needed. But we had to get out or we would have continued to be abused, possibly dead by now! My exes did not tell me they were excessively abused because they blocked it out. The ones that did lie about their abuse to make me feel sorry for them, because according to their family members, they brought on the abuse by being excessively disrespectful to their parents. I know because those abusive men were very disrespectful to me our whole marriage.

My kids and I were not treated with respect at all! Those who abused us in every way possible said they did no damage! Even if they were abused, it was nothing compared to how they abused me and my kids. Nothing compared to the sexual abuse I had from six years old and beyond. Nothing compared to the sexual abuse they placed on my kids! Sexual abuse and verbal abuse is the worse because it is internally damaging for the longest time. Bruises heal! Broken bones and harsh verbal abuse does not heal easily. Those extreme abuses are damaging for a lot longer. It is not fair that I went through so many abusive relationships, because I am the one damaged and that is exactly what my abusers wanted. What is worse is my kids being secretly abused behind my back and me not getting them out before they were damaged too. What’s fair and what is not fair could be changed if the justice system would let things be known when a person feels safe to tell. There should be no time limit on abuse being told. The rich somehow get away with justice being served for them no matter how many years later it is. But if you have no money to pay for an expensive lawyer, no one believes you. Even if you told you can’t get back those years, you’ve been damaged. You cannot tell your triggers or flashbacks to just go away. Any given day you will be reminded of your abuse, and then your whole day is shot. It’s more than losing all worldly possessions and starting completely over again. Yes, that is draining and would lower anyone’s self-esteem. But add abuse to that and it is even more damaging.

I have thanked God above for all the many things I have been given, even used furniture. To not be homeless and have a place to live after being homeless for about a year because my ex-husband kicked me out and gave $200. The rest of the stuff he gave me was his step moms. I have appreciated all that’s been given. I have worked the best I can at whatever jobs I have been able to get. I have to work even though I am disabled and my muscle-deterioration disease is pulling muscles in all parts of my body out. Yes, I get disability, but it’s just not enough. My son with Asperger’s is going to college, working all he can and getting no support from anyone but me and his sister. He does not want to take out any more loans. That’s why I am working to help him. Even though I have a bachelor’s degree in communications, no one wants to hire me in that field because I was forced not to work by my ex-husband after I graduated from College.

My disabled husband had to have full-coverage Medicaid insurance while I was married to him, yet I paid my deductible and my medical bills. Yet he still punished me with abuse and cheated on me then kicked me out, giving me $200.That was really hard to forgive and forget, because I have been forced to work jobs that have pulled muscles in my neck and the muscles in both my Achilles tendons still hurt from time to time. I tore both of my Achilles tendons at his stepmom’s house he illegally got ownership of. He would not fix the loose carpet on those stairs, and the carpet came out one day, landing both of my feet on the bottom of the stairs. Both Achilles tendons were torn due to the carpet being loose on his stairs. I cannot walk long distances anymore or stand for long periods because of this. Some part of it is my muscle-deterioration disease, but generally, it takes something really horrific to pull these muscles. Even a normal person coming down as hard as I did on those stairs would have torn their Achilles tendons. Abused sexually from six and beyond by an adult neighbor, raped and forced not to tell so I blocked it out. Yet all of it still remains in my long-term memory, never to forget and I have to forgive. Sexually abused by abusers, not realizing until long into the relationships that it was actually abuse because I had blocked out the sexual abuse from age six and beyond for so long. What I remembered of the abuse was that being sexually abused was normal, thinking sexual abuse was normal because I had never really known what normal sex was really supposed to be like.

Not wanting sex ever again, thinking no one would sexually treat me right anyway; I will be picky this time. And as embarrassing as it is, I have to let my last relationship know that sex can’t be rough or abusive at all. I am going to be respected this time! I should not have to have sex before marriage to know if it is going to be rough or not. I have to be the only one who turns him on because I have been cheated on too many times. No matter how good I am to them in bed, their porn or other women are always much better than I am. I do not need porn, and neither should he if he loves me; I am it! I may not have the best-looking body. but who realistically does at our age or any age? If you want a Playboy model, marry a Playboy model. But if you’re not that good-looking yourself, that’s not what you’re going to get anyway. To men who are looking at their Playboy before sex and at other women, if that’s what you want, get someone who wants Playboy too.

I want one man who will accept me and my body totally! He needs to be happy and vice versa. If he wants me, he will accept me for me. Big butts and big boobs—does it really matter if a person is not being his or her best majority of the time? It seems like good men go for the mean mommas. Do they like mean mommas because possibly they like to be bossed around a lot or what? What is it about those of us who are kind, maybe too kind and because of that we are left behind? Look at our accomplishments and the things we have had to endure. Look at our true love and the empathy. Men, give those women who have truly been women of endurance through thick and thin a chance. Appreciate what we do, and we will do a lot more for you. Putting us down and abusing us or our kids makes us only want to reject you even more. Give us the benefit of the doubt, and in return you good men out there will score. I know men have a hard time communicating, but women have a hard time being neglected. As a result, women end up with a lot of eating disorders.

Most women are expected to do way too much; they shouldn’t have to do any more than a man is willing to do! If you men do not believe that, take their place for a week or two when you have time off. Women would be glad to take your place. Even married women have a hard time even if they don’t work. Women are generally the more patient parent, and that is because that is just the way women are made. Most women who bear their children have a close connection with those children because they had them inside their womb for up to nine months. Mothers generally have better intuition for their children’s essential needs because they protected them for the nine months they were in their womb. It’s a bond a father will never have no matter what. So men need to respect and love those children. A father needs to also respect the mother who had those children. When a child is disrespected or abused by anyone, of course, a good mother will protect her child. When a mother is disrespected or abused, of course, a child will do everything to protect his or her mom. Children who have been abused end up with eating disorders; depending on how they were abused, some end up with severe eating disorders. I have not been able to eat certain foods with certain textures since my sexual abuse at six years old, even if those foods are very healthy.

Dads work hard, and some are the best fathers ever, never abusive consistently nor excessively or occasionally abusive. Though they may be stressed and short-tempered from time to time, if they are not abusive, they will not yell at their kids to control them in any way! Yelling is abuse unless it is to protect their kids from harm. Be kind; if you are verbally, physically, and sexually abusive, do not expect your kids to mind! Imagine how stressful it is to be a single mom with little to no child support and little to no help raising the kids. And to top that off, the single mom has to work. Could you do that? Only if you were a single father would you realize the realistic time-consuming stress of a single parent.

It is worth being a single parent if your kids were or are abused in a marriage, but it is not a bit easy. If there would have not been excessive continual abuse in the home, there would not be the excess of single moms or, in some cases, single dads. The abuse needs to stop! If you have to get out, get out! We can only take so much, and then we’re dead, or if you wait too long to get out, there are years of damage. That takes years of healing. It is not easy, yet it would be easier if abusers, whether they are women or men, would just stop abusing. If the only way to stop the abuse is to get out, then get out. It is not easy financially, but it is a lot better on you and the kids to get out. No one deserves to be abused in any way, shape. or form. The sooner you get out, the sooner you will heal internally and externally. If you do not believe me, see how things go when the abuser’s gone compared to when he or she is around. It takes years to correct the trauma! You’re not a drama queen for getting away from abuse; you’re a trauma queen who deserves to be treated much better. Leave or you will have a major mental disorder, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), because of the excessive abuse. You do not have to put up with the yelling or the fits an abusive man causes. If it’s consistent, he is an abuser; get out! This goes for any type of relationship that is abusive, neglectful, and controlling. An abuser is most likely to be; a stepmom, a stepdad, a spouse, friends, family, landlords, roomates or coworkers. Get out! Stay far away!

Forgive what deserves to be forgiven. Abuse does not or abuse continues to happen. Yet you can say in your mind that you personally forgive that person, just not directly to the abuser. Forgiveness comes with a price, and abusers need to pay the price by fully making amends to their victims; otherwise, they will continue to abuse. Abusers have a set mind; that is why it is totally clear they will abuse over and over again. Abusers make an excuse every time they abuse when in reality, it is not the victims fault. Forgive and forget—not yet! Not until a victim is good and ready. And even then, if a victim forgives, is the abuse just going to happen all over again? That is a question victims have to weigh out in their mind. Because abuse of any kind will always put an abuser further ahead and a victim further behind!

There is absolutely no excuse for any kind of abuse! Forgive them in your mind, but only when you’re ready. Abuse only makes your life more of a mess and an abuser’s more of a success. Get out! Accept that you deserve better than that, and don’t worry about forgiving yet! Forgive what deserves to be forgiven, and forget the rest! Don’t call them to say you forgive them if they will only make excuses for their abuse! Nothing justifies abuse! For abuse there is absolutely no excuse!