A Life of Adversary

By Marcel van Heijzen

Don is a young lawyer, who punishes everybody for what they do, and not do, in life.

Being very intelligent, he feels that those that are not intelligent, should expect problems, and he will cause these problems. During this period, Don discovers that his life is all about aggression, and breeding enemies.

At some stage in this life of an adversary, Don meets a female lawyer, who treats him in the way he treats others.

Don learns to compromise in life and see the side of other people. Don gets confronted with his feelings, but in the process, he loses the person who brought him to this level of understanding.

The last phase of the story, Don learns to look after people that rely on him.

The story is about learning the lessons of life that life is teaching us.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marcel van Heijzen
• Release date: Sep 9, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386808107

Book preview

Introduction

In our life in this material world, things happen to us all the time. Some of these things we like, some of these things we do not like. We tend to think that others are better off than we are, but this is not correct; we all get our share of the hassle in our lives, just like we all get our share of what is called good luck. It is the way we deal with the hassle we get, that determines how bad we feel about the way we get treated in this life. We look at others and what we see is that they – In our perception – have more. Often this is not correct; we tend to look at what others have more, we ignore what we have more. We also measure the concept of ‘more’ in material terms. We thereby completely ignore that all the money and assets in the world cannot buy happiness and love. From this set of observations we move to the story of this book:

The objective of this story is to show the various phases that people can go through in their lives. During each of these phases, it will be possible for us to choose a multitude of directions in our life; we call these moments decision points. When we follow the direction shown to us by our consciousness, we feel good; when we follow another direction, we do not feel so good.

Some people have made it an art of pushing back the not so good feeling, which is generated by our consciousness; they pretend that they do not feel bad at all. But when we observe these people in more detail, we can see that these are unhappy people. Usually, these people are very suspicious about what other people can do to them; they do not want to be treated by others like they treat most other people. What is this that I am talking about here? I am referring to the part of ourselves that we call ‘our conscious’. We are talking about what our conscious should tell us, and we also talk about some people, people we class as bad, as having no conscious. All this is the correct language when we are speaking in a normal conversation.

When somebody tells us that we are not our mind, we have a consciousness, and in this consciousness rests who we are, the same people who talk about having yes or no a conscious, tend to say that this is all spiritual nonsense.

Well, I have made it my business to show people that having consciousness is all we have and knowing who we are is the one thing in life that matters! I will be telling you that the objective of our life is to be happy. All the other spiritual teachings that people tell you about will automatically fall in to place when you are constantly happy, seriously happy!

Think about this statement, before you say that this means that you have to become very selfish. Being happy means the very opposite. Being happy is a state of mind. To be happy, properly happy, we need to ensure that all those we care about are also happy. We need to care!

The story starts with a lawyer, Don, who is very intelligent, and Don gets his law degree with distinction. As happens with so many intelligent people, they tend to develop something that I tend to look at as megalomania. They look down on others who are less intelligent, and they think that ordinary people cannot teach them anything.

These people have missed something very important: Intelligence is a gift, which we receive at birth; intelligence is not an achievement. Of course, we can use intelligence to achieve something, but this means that we must use our intelligence responsibly. Another fact that people like this seem to miss is that when we acquire knowledge, we will realise that we know very little; the more we learn, the less we know.

One of my teachers explained to me once that we should regard knowledge as follows, the drawing explains this in graphical detail:

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––––––––

When we start off at university, as far as knowledge is concerned we are a point, and all we know is on the inside of this point, which is very little.

What we do not know is reflected on the outside of the point, which is an infinite amount of knowledge.

However, we can only apprehend what we do not know about all this knowledge on the outside circumference of this point.

We, therefore, do not comprehend how much we do not know, and we consider in our innocence that we know a lot.

Now we start seriously learning.

The knowledge inside the point is increasing, which is reflected by the point becoming a circle.

Again, what we know is in the circle, and what we do not know, is reflected on the outside of the circle, but what we can apprehend we do not know is only the circumference of the circle.

The more we learn, the larger the area inside the circle becomes, but also, the amount that we can see that we do not know is vastly increasing.

What does happen to us at some stage, is that we start realising that all the area outside the circle is what we do not know. Knowing this, we become humble.

People with Megalomania are essentially ignoring the outside of the circle, and therefore they will not anymore increase their knowledge, as they know everything there is to know already; what is in the circle of course. In the business world, this is a known issue, we have people who are progressing initially very well in their career, they show all the signs of becoming a very special person, and suddenly they stop progressing, and usually they also become a hassle in the company. These people cannot be managed anymore, as they know everything better, and they refuse to learn.

In the story, I have attempted to create a person – Don – who constantly feels that he is by far a superior human being. He knows all there is to know, but he does his utmost to avoid confrontation with something he does not know, and he is using his education and intelligence to screw other – less intelligent – people out of their money. He sees this as his right. It is their fault; they should not be so gullible. Hear the way Don is trying to kill the voice of his consciousness by blaming others? However, life never goes as planned and in the case of Don, life has some lessons for him to learn, and these are ... better read the story!

What I do in my books, I deal with the concept of spirituality. In this story, we are dealing with the typical life of a certain type of person, and the way his life develops. I have intended to show my readers that what happens to somebody in life can change this person, the person doing things that we class as not correct does not have to stay like he is, he can, and he will change. What I also have tried to emphasise, is that the things we class as not correct, are not necessarily classed as not correct by others. Above all, it is the intention to show that judging others is the single most incorrect activity we do in this material world.

Judging others goes very far, we can look down on people because they make a noise when they eat, and of course, we can look down on people because they eat silently! Some look down on people who eat with their left hand, we do think that people who are left-handed can never achieve much, we think women are less intelligent than men, and so it goes on.

Life is a very interesting theatre play to watch as a spectator, but it is very difficult not to get pulled in to the play. Once we are playing our role in the theatre of life, we have a serious issue to get out of the play again! Learn to look at life as a theatre play, and please, learn not to judge people. People are just part of the play in the theatre of life, and you were most likely part of the play not too long ago. That was before you decided to become a spectator!

The background to the story, as I mentioned under acknowledgements, is a series of court cases I was involved in, and these likely are still not completed, although I have not heard much over the last two years. Of course, we can treat this situation as something very bad. Why would people do this to us, we did nothing wrong, we just sold a house! What I show in the story is that it is also possible to look at this from the spectator point of view. When people do things to others, they normally feel that it is their right to do this, and the fact that they treat others badly in the process, well, they follow the law, so as it is their right; why should this be considered bad?

We can also turn this around. I treat all that goes on in this case as a joke, so why worry? The real issue in life is that when we treat whatever happens to us as something very bad, we will feel very bad. We get stressed, and we feel that life is treating us very badly. Note that this is all a perception, we do this to ourselves!

In this particular case, all I see at the moment is that I get some mail from a lawyer. I have to reflect on what happened around 20 years ago, and I have to pay the invoice of the lawyer. With a bit of luck, the income from this book pays for the cost of the lawyer, and I got a lot of fun out of reading the concerns people have about an issue that does not exist!

The message is that we should enjoy life as it comes, enjoys every moment we live our life, and forget about getting stressed and worried! It is even possible to feel pity for those that try to nail a woman who lives on her own for something she did not do. These people think, at least that is what this appears to me, that my ex-wife cannot deal with this pressure. And there is me, in the background, laughing about the struggle they all have to get the better of my ex-wife and get a bit of money out of her! I told her that we never give in to bullies!

As you can now observe, it is possible to create from every bad situation a happy situation, or like in this case, make a joke out of a potentially serious situation. The situation is for everybody different of course, we all must deal with the hand we have been dealt with in our life. When you have a bad hand of cards, you can pass, or you can gamble. Always treat life like this. See life as a game, do not take life too seriously, and always enjoy life, as it is meant to be enjoyable, the good moments, but also the challenging moments. From my university studies I know that the feeling of stress never relates to an actual problem, stress relates to the perception we have about what may happen due to the situation we experience.

I know what some of you may feel like when reading this; I am not in your situation, you do not understand what I go through, etc. When I got told that I would not live much longer than six months, I also had to cope, and I did, and I joked about it! Take this as an example and try to do the same. Cope with all the challenges that life presents to you, and when you do not see the fun about the present situation, look ahead. Every challenge in life gets always followed by a good and happy moment; such is life. Remember that being happy is a state of mind; being happy is not a feeling that relates to your present situation. I have met happy people in Sudan who lived in carton boxes. I also have met miserable people who lived in palaces.

Life is all about duality; good and bad follow each other. Another thing that is very important to do is, ensure that you learn from every challenge you experience in life. I have met too many people in my life who complain about what happens to them, but in reality, they could have expected this to happen by the way they treat a particular situation. When we know this, we have learned for the next time. When we deny the learning, it will happen again!

Life is a fantastic experience!

The Initial Life of Don

We first meet with Don when he is a teenager. Don is a good-looking kid with dark hair and a strong but compact body for his age and a good taste for clothing. Don also has a flair about him that makes people instantly like him. For the rest, Don is a normal boy, with a better than normal level of intelligence. Don is normal in most ways, but he is, compared with other boys of his age, a bit short. Not too much, but at 5’ 2’’ just enough to make the nickname ‘Titch’ or ‘Titchy’ stick. Don’s parents consider that calling Don ‘Titchy’ is quite funny, and so do the school friends who gave him this nickname in the first place. Getting this nickname made Don quite angry with the world in general, as the only person in Don’s life who does not particularly like this nickname is Don himself. Of course, it does not work to indicate such a dislike to school friends and parents; it would just get the laughs going. The result of this situation is, however, that it causes Don to be a rather bitter person, intent to show the world that he may be called ‘Titchy’ by some people, but they better be careful with this particular ‘Titchy’, as he will show them what he can do to them!

Don’s parents are well off, Don’s father is a well-liked architect in his profession. He has a good running company that is mainly involved in the office building industry. Don’s mother has herself very well integrated into social life, and this helps Don to get properly integrated into the social scene as well. In the process, Don learns all the skills he needs to get himself well liked, plus that he learns the social skills of the top level middle class, which is essential for his further development in this world.

The parents of Don and Don himself live in the South of England, Surrey. The South of England has some beautiful little villages, and the landscape is stunning. Because of this, the area attracts a lot of ramblers, and this area in the south of England is full of walking trails. As the area has a lot of exceptional views, it is also ideal for those that would like to pump themselves up with more energy. The area contains a lot of ‘places of energy’, as we call them in spiritual terms. It is these places that can be used to obtain more energy, and when one frequents these places regularly, aggressive feelings will disappear, provided that we are consciously aware of this possibility. The awareness is essential to use the possibility of energy places; it is like looking at a beautiful painting, we can see the beauty when we are aware, we only see blotches of paint when we are not aware. Don is not aware of these places, Don has only one concern, how to punish those that have landed him with the nickname ‘Titchy’!

When Don completes his basic A-level education, he has already decided that he will continue to study law, a decision that came with the approval of both of his parents. Unfortunately, his parents did not realise that there was a snake hidden in the decision-making process. For Don, the decision to study law relates largely to the need to get back at those that call him ‘Titch’, rather than that he needs to get a suitable degree that will get Don into the world of well-earning people.

Don has the habit of putting all his efforts into his study; he appears to have little interest in getting himself a female companion, somebody who others in his student years would refer to as a girlfriend. To Don, any relationship would have to get him the respect, which in his view is his entitlement. The first rule in such a relationship must be that the selected partner will not call him by his nickname ‘Titch’. Don has up to now not found a girl who will grant him this respect, although, to be honest to these girls, ‘Titch’, I mean Don, has not tried very hard to make it clear that he does not like his nickname. The lesson here is that when you want others to understand what you want, the first thing to remember is to make sure that those others know what you want! This lesson sounds so simple and logical, but it is so often forgotten.

To Don, every person who comes into his life is a tool to get back at others who are calling him ‘Titchy’. In the initial phases of Don’s life, this requirement was relatively harmless. At some stage, Don got a friend who was involved in a fighting sport, so Don joined up with this friend to master the art of fighting more professionally. To his parents, doing this was good for Don, but here again, the reasoning behind this decision escaped his parents. Don had only one reason, to be able to punish people who called him ‘Titch’! Don, during this relatively short friendship, managed to get proper fighting training, to help him to tell others in a rather rough way that calling him ‘Titchy’ was not at all a good idea. This type of reaction of Don let to those with more length and strength to get the better of Don, which again led to Don training harder to make sure that he would later be the winner in the contest about who would dare to call Don ‘Titchy’.  At home, his parents did not see this way of behaviour as abnormal, boys do fight is it not? A bit of a clash with friends would not be bad, ‘Titchy’ would have to learn to sort himself out in this material world, it would make a proper man out of him!

Due to this type of behaviour, Don became a person who would generally be in for a fight, rather than a compromise. Don’s life as a boy became, therefore, a series of situations that needed him, in his view, to defend himself. Defending in the early years of Don’s life was synonymous with the use of his fists when he was dealing with other boys who felt that calling him ‘Titch’ would be a nice joke. When the boys appeared a bit too much to handle in physical terms, or when the joke came from girls, Don would use his mouth to punish those that tried. During this early life of Don, he directed all his efforts towards punishing those that tried to make him look like a bit of a joke, although a short one!

The real issue is of course that nobody got told that Don did not want to be called ‘Titchy’ or ‘Titch’. The consequence of this was that Don ended up in fights with people who did not know why there was an issue in the first place, while Don could not figure out why they did not like to call him Don. The problem sorted itself out when Don reached the age of 16 years. Don grew a bit more, making Don a much more standard-length sort of guy. By then, the damage to the character of Don had already settled properly, and Don started aiming his thoroughly trained punishment guns at people for totally different reasons.

As people did not know about the history of Don, nobody could even comprehend what the real issue was with Don, and thus nobody could help him, or could even understand Don, and this led to the creation of a person who had a bitterness against the world, without the world being aware of this. Even if the world would be aware of this, the world had no idea why this bitterness existed in the first place.

During his years at university, Don proved to be a very good student, and he learned to mix with people as if he liked these people. However, when we look at the situation properly, Don hated most of the world. It was during the university years of Don that his skill to con people started to develop. Don realised that a lot of people could easily be made to believe a sob story. When making up these stories,