Fearless and Free: Living with Peace and Joy Through Stage 4 Cancer

By Beth Orlowsky

The oncology intern looked at me with compassion. "Our scans show the cancer has spread. That means it is metastatic and it's incurable." An ominous foreboding gripped my heart as a wave of nausea took my breath away. A thousand thoughts raced through my head: "If only I had-" But somewhere in the depths of my soul, a voice echoed: "Who says it's incurable? This is not too big for me." On the roller coaster of life, many people will at some point experience a shock that hits them out of nowhere, leaving them scrambling to survive. Fearless and Free describes one woman's transformation from devastating fear to victorious freedom. This memoir compiles two decades of learned strategies for not just surviving but thriving after being shackled with a cancer diagnosis. Joy can be found in any journey, from sickness and loss to a worldwide pandemic. Trials are our greatest source of growth, and we have a God who still delights in doing miracles. Find hope and inspiration in the pages of this book to tackle whatever you are facing with courage.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 18, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098053475

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Fearless and Free

Living with Peace and Joy Through Stage 4 Cancer

Beth Orlowsky

Copyright © 2020 by Beth Orlowsky

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Everyone Believes in Something

Breaking Through

Forever Free

Many thanks to Mari, Mary, Dave and Alex for your valued contributions to this project

Introduction

Slow Learner

I remember falling in love with Jesus while visiting Grandma and Grandpa Brochtrup’s Wisconsin farmhouse that was my mother’s childhood home. My grandma would say bedtime prayers over us girls as we snuggled together in one big bed, trying to stay warm in their unheated attic. The idea of an invisible being who watched over me, delighted in me, and wanted to hear my prayers seemed too good to be true. Something in my four-year-old’s spirit believed he was real, and I was hooked. Once when I was seven, I even had a palpable touch of the Holy Spirit when I spoke aloud the name Jesus over and over. A jolt of energy ran through my body. It so scared me that I didn’t dare try that again for decades. The name of Jesus was sacred. I realized that this name had a supernatural power, which humans could tap into if they would open up their hearts. But at age seven, I was not ready to go there. I was too afraid.

With a start like that, you would think I’d have spent my life serving God or at least trying to discover more about this mysterious power. But alas, my early attempts to share Christ were met with rejection, so I hid my relationship with him. Instead, I became introverted and self-righteous, spending my growing years trying to appear acceptable to my peers, hiding my faith, and trapping myself in a game of comparison and judgment. I was confident in my own mental and physical abilities and only turned to God each night to find comfort from the wounds of the day.

Conforming to the culture of my time and participating in many of the fun things life had to offer (both good and bad), I never doubted God was real, but my Christian walk lacked the power I had experienced as a little girl: the power we read about in the Bible that could feed thousands, heal paralytics, and raise the dead. I believed those events happened back then but didn’t see anything like that happening in my world. My goals were to be a good person, ask forgiveness when needed, and go to heaven when I died. Still, through the ups and downs of life, I clung to my faith and even heard an occasional life-changing directive from God.

God gives all of us believers and unbelievers alike the freedom to live our lives as we please. But in this imperfect world, bad things happen to good people. In 1999, at age thirty-five, I got a firsthand taste of that reality. I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. When life knocks you over with something that’s too big to handle alone, you have to dig deep for help. Some people look within themselves for their personal hidden strength; some seek help from other people: doctors, naturopaths, nutritionists, encouraging friends and, of course, the Internet. Others turn to God.

I tried some aspects of all these supports, but my most surprising help came from God. It turns out God still does miracles today. He has enough grace for everyone. For over twenty years, I’ve been learning to remain fearless and free through the valley of the shadow of death. I guess I’m a slow learner. You too can walk through all your mountains and valleys in total fearlessness and freedom. With God, anything is possible!

Over the years, stage 2 cancer advanced to stage 4 with many highs and lows along the way. This book is a collection of lessons God has shown me. As you read, I hope your spirit will become more confident in whatever you’re going through. The God of this universe wants all his children to live completely free and without fear in every circumstance. No situation comes as a surprise to him. He is not worried, but his plan is to turn your suffering into something good.

Part 1

On Pain and Doubt

1

There’s a Purpose for Your Pain

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17–18)

Everybody has pain. No one walks unscathed through life’s journey. Pain blindsides us and leaves us reeling, gasping to breathe. It destroys what we built and steals what we cherished. We can’t understand why and long to turn back time so we can make a different decision. Pain reminds us time and time again that we are not in control. I wish life didn’t have to hurt so much, but I know that when we’re lost under the rubble of our crumbling world, we have a compassionate God who will show us the way out.

Recently, a friend shared a song about human suffering in our modern world. During the refrain, the voice of Pastor John Piper is superimposed over the music with words that touched my heart. With compassion and emotion, the pastor skillfully paints a picture of God’s heart to redeem the pain that all of us have experienced or inevitably will.

Not only is all your affliction momentary. Not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain from the fallen nature or fallen man; every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that. I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something. It’s not meaningless.

Of course, you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen. When your mom dies; when your kid dies; when you get cancer at forty; when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out; Don’t say, This is meaningless. It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory. Therefore, do not lose heart, but take these truths, and day by day, focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his Word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.

—Though You Slay me by Shane & Shane featuring John Piper

Everyone’s life is a collection of triumphs and tragedies. Every story has value. Hearing the story of someone’s whole life quickly in summary form, the big picture is evident, but the encouraging stages of growth and life lessons are not shared.

In fall 2019, when my health started heading south rapidly, I felt a nudge in my heart: Beth, write a book about all this. Because of that nudge, I’m writing a memoir of my cancer battle while in the trenches of the worst part, knowing with confident faith that I’ll be well again, stronger than ever and very soon.

This is a story of living in victory instead of fear. I hope my words will be encouraging in whatever you are facing. God doesn’t want you to lose another day of freedom by walking in fear.

Prayer

Father God, you are holy, good, and eternal. You are timeless and can see our past, present, and future in one glance. Thank you for caring for us and guiding us through every step of our lives with this timeless perspective. Even when we can’t feel your presence, may we trust you are there and have confidence that there’s a reason for what we go through. Bless the readers of this book, Lord. Meet each person where he or she is. Soften hearts in a way that allows them to feel your presence. Surprise them with a holy encounter that they can’t forget. I pray all these things for your glory! Amen.

2

Everyone Believes in Something

A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.

—C. S. Lewis

Every human being who ever lived has faith in something. Faith is the anchor that keeps a person from getting off course with the winds of life. The Bible says faith is the evidence of things we can’t see. Faith quenches our nagging questions. How did life begin? What’s the point of it? Where am I going when I die? Individuals walk through life and undoubtedly run into obstacles that are hard to understand. They listen to trustworthy opinions, weighing the logic and plausibility, and take into consideration their own experiences. Eventually, they