The Dance of Illusion: A Universal Story of Tragedy, Truth and Triumph

By Evelyn Pretkus

The Dance of Illusion story covers the topics of courage, change and the power of choice in a way that has never been done before. Imagine the possibility we are all impaired at birth with the blessing of forgetfulness to the universal truth that separation is The Dance of Illusion and where there is love, Divine Love, there is no separation. This story calls humanity forward to awaken from an unidentified silent epidemic of an addiction to suffering caused by an underlying, unrecognized belief system rooted in separation. What is required as the entrance ticket to new beginnings in life? It is for the reader to answer an invitation to love, Divine Love that stands the test of time, with a resounding YES. Ultimately, The Dance of Illusion proposes a new way of living in the 21st century and beyond; to learn and live in joy, with suffering a distant memory of the past. This is a story laced empowerment, hope and new beginnings.

This is one woman’s true story about awakening to something more in life and how to navigate through many sunrise and sunsets to find true love, Divine love that is found on a journey within. The basic universal truth offered for consideration throughout the story is that we are human beings having a spiritual experience. What is important along the way is to discover the building blocks of truth both personal and universal to rise out of tragedy to experience triumph. What is triumph you might ask? From the author’s point of view, it is the joy of living in freedom without suffering with great passion while consciously creating life with Divine Love as the foundation of faith upon which we stand.

Every element of the story showcases an innovative, breakthrough process on how to thrive through difficult times of chaos and change, and how to quiet the passions of the mind in ways that are previously unimaginable and unavailable to millions of people today.

The reader is encouraged to ask and seek the answer to a tough question, “How do we create peace in the world when so many millions of us are at war, an invisible war, an attack unrecognized within our own being, perhaps even sleepwalking through life?” The described paradigm creates the set up for denying the time to question the true meaning of life on earth beyond the obvious. In midlife, the author asked herself the question, “Who am I at the core of my being?” The answers sought were beyond the field of right and wrongdoing, beyond make a living and beyond material possessions. While this sounds serious and it is, there are many stories shared that will leave the reader laughing and asking for more. Time may just be the new currency of wealth in the 21st century. It is the author’s perspective; it is what we consciously choose to do with time, that is up for investigation throughout this story.

In midlife, the author found herself in emotional and financial crisis which, unexpectedly led to a spiritual emergency. After experiencing great loss, she found herself experiencing deep depression, anxiety and nagging, never ending suicidal thoughts. Having been raised Catholic, she found herself feeling separate from God, family and everyone she loved. This is a story that has never been told before about suicide from a spiritual perspective. This is a must read for those who suffer from depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies, those who love them and professionals who help them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Evelyn Pretkus Publishing
• Release date: Aug 29, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662912948

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Long, long ago…yesterday, I asked myself the obvious question, How did I get to this crossroad of change in midlife? I didn’t answer this immediately. In fact, the biggest part of my journey was learning to control my often out-of-control mind and emotions, to be silent, to wait patiently, to listen for the gentle inner voice to give me the answers to my questions. It was a time in my life when a tsunami of pain and change was calling me to something more. My resistance to answer the call triggered my body to respond with debilitating episodes of depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies, all various experiences of mental illness. Sadly, and with great happiness, I discovered over time my thoughts and feelings didn’t always give me truth. They were laced with secrets, lies, and bad habits, begging for my attention. I was lost and afraid, feeling separate from everyone and everything I loved.

Looking back, I realized that what kept me stuck was the unknown of what I might discover crossing the Great Divide, that deep, dark, fearful place within me filled with all those secrets, lies, and bad habits. I lived life mostly on the edge, with moments of fleeting glory. Often swinging from one extreme to the other, I longed to find my center, my heart, and a place of balance where I could know peace. Admittedly, I was tired of holding on by my fingernails with no safety net to a life that no longer served me well. I share my story ever so tenderly with you, beyond cultural and religious dogma, with the intention we meet heart to heart, where the wall of separation comes tumbling down.

I was worn out mentally, physically, and emotionally, feeling disconnected from everyone and everything. I remember sitting at my computer, searching for information on what it felt like to experience burnout. Peace often seemed unavailable to me, even though I lived a life that, on the outside, looked normal and often picture perfect. Inside I was crying and suffering in isolation. What I didn’t know then and know now with every ounce of my being is the darkness is not to be feared. It is our greatest teacher and to be honored when we are courageous enough to explore what it has to offer. Never, ever does it work to bury our pain to be dealt with at some obscure time.

Why do I start the story with referencing long, long ago…yesterday? Because I started writing this book seventeen years ago and it seems like just yesterday. The title changed, the contents changed, my belief in myself to finish the task wavered many times, and my truth changed along the way, which initially was unexpected. I began the creative art of writing my life story simply to find out more about me. How could I choose a new path for the second half of my life if I had never taken time to know myself in the first fifty years of life?

Unfinished emotional business attached to my life story needed to be unraveled, examined, detached, forgiven, and healed, despite years of psychological therapy. I needed to intimately get to know my personal family tree of life and look at the wisdom buried deep within the genealogy handed down from my ancestors—my roots. Somewhere, way out beyond the rainbow, beyond the field of right and wrongdoing, I was being called to become the unsung hero of my ordinary life, to rescue the real me.

Each of us has a destiny. Everyone has the choice to follow it.

A part of me feels deeply compassionate, sad, and eternally hopeful in knowing this truth. It’s a well-known fact that we cannot change what we don’t acknowledge. I dedicate my story, The Dance of Illusion, to those who seek their Spiritual destiny, to those who want to answer the call to something more in life and may not know how to find it or where to begin. Every element of the story showcases creative breakthrough approaches on how to survive crises, thrive through difficult times of chaos and change, and quiet the passions of the mind, perhaps in ways unimaginable and unavailable to you today. Or you may simply want to connect to the uncensored, tried-and-true life story of a Spiritual seeker—me—and peek behind the curtain of illusion to clarify, know, and celebrate your own truth.

This is a true story about lemons to lemonade, powerless to powerful and hope for a better life for all in need of the message. I had set forth on a journey within to understand real love, radical love, in a way I had yet to experience. Born and raised a city girl, known among friends as Miss Perfect, ha-ha. Previously, a twenty-plus-years successful vice president of sales in corporate America, and today I refer to myself as a tree hugger. Why might you ask? Because somewhere on the path to new life, a love of nature as a means to heal became known, deeply loved and greatly appreciated. My story is shared because of you, my personal Spiritual journey of seventeen years and the learning gained. My message is simple, if I can do it, you can too. Hope waits for you.

You may also call me crazy, and I take that as a compliment. As I intimately learned on my path, sometimes it takes a little bit of crazy to create the change that is needed in life and sometimes crazier than I care to admit. From where I now stand, I am spiritually connected. If your days are spent doing more than being, if you’re unhappy, confused, or looking for meaning in your life, this book is for you. Begin by trusting that your life is always in Divine order and we have been brought together for a reason.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live your life from a place of not knowing the impossible dream? In other words, imagine living from a place of believing all things are possible with God and anything you dream becomes reality. Insert the word Creator or Love if you prefer. All names of God are welcome here. For the nearly 9.97 million unemployed Americans as of January 2021 and the 792-plus million people globally according to the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation study in 2017 who live with various forms of mental illness, the impossible dream carries a different meaning. For many, our belief system based upon life experiences and genealogy may temporarily stop us on the way to living our best life.

What I know for sure is believing in our dreams and the ability to bring them forward into life, requires a multifaceted layer of courage, BIG faith and a community of support. Many years ago, I may have stood where you stand today, reading these words in contemplation about your life. I felt lost in the aftermath of divorce, deep depression, and unemployment back then—I was a hot mess, and that’s an understatement. Unbeknownst to me, I was experiencing a personal energy crisis; the life force within me was empty. Along with the intensity of my life at the time, the status of my crisis escalated to a Spiritual emergency with lightning speed when strong, overwhelming suicidal thoughts surfaced.

We know what it is to suffer through the dilemmas of an energy crisis as we live in an era of limited and expensive energy. Nearly everyone living on our planet today realizes the impact of our global energy crisis. To survive, it is no surprise that we need to find alternative solutions. At the time of my greatest suffering, I too needed to find alternative ways to heal. According to the Spiritual Science Research Foundation, a nonprofit registered in the U.S., Australia, and Europe, Spiritual research supports that up to 80 percent of our problems have their root causes in the Spiritual dimension. Quickly, it became obvious to me that Spiritual problems need Spiritual solutions. Intuitively, I knew I needed to creatively design my path to health and happiness. While I made that statement, I also had no idea of what it meant or how to make it happen. The road to discovery began with an open heart and a resounding yes to an invitation to love.

Have you ever experienced the feeling of ONENESS? It is a place where no separation exists. Imagine standing hand in hand with an Angel and being shown the illuminating landscape of the desert. Together you take in the ominous, repeating red rock patterns of the nearby mountains against the stark contrast of the trillions of grains of sand below your feet. Your guide tells you in the moment, this is human consciousness and Spirit. You are asked to pick up a grain of sand. Each grain represents an individual, unique and existing separately, yet each making up a whole. In the simplest of terms, it can be described as what I think, say, and do to you, I do to myself because energetically we are ONE. If you knew this to be your truth, that separation is an illusion, would you live each day differently? It took me seventeen years to commit to change and find my answer to the question: unequivocally YES.

The benefits to being on a Spiritual path are many. Learning to trust God and the choices you make are front and center. Other benefits include freedom from suffering; minimal cost with more emphasis on time and effort, clarity of purpose, karma control, good health, anti-aging, prosperity, life-changing Spiritual experiences unique to you, and love beyond what you may know today. At the back of this book, you will find a recommended reading list of my favorite bedside books and resources to provide you hours of learning as well as save you time and money. Last, but not least, there is a Contract of Honor to help you stay the course to live your best life and a glossary of terms should you need a reference of understanding while reading.

While I have much to share with you, I do not profess to have answers for you or for anyone. I simply and humbly share a process of how I reconnected to my true nature, a Divine being having a human experience, amid a tsunami of pain and change. As you read my story, I encourage you always to stay true to yourself with an openness of curiosity. If what you read resonates positively within you, then keep what you agree with and discard the rest. Never, ever, even if an Angel stands before you, hand your power of choice to another.

This book was created as a companion guide, a cheerleader by your side when needed, to open a creative pathway toward a new way of living in the experience of being human. What is presented within the context of the story is not intended nor recommended to replace any medical treatment plans. Seek the advice of medical doctors and therapists before making life-changing decisions that could impact your health and general well-being.

All religions and no religion are welcomed. Religious beliefs or the absence of belief in the Supreme God bear no difference on the principles offered for consideration of how to live a life connected to peace, joy, and limitless love. Whenever the word God is used in this story, you can also supplement the words Love, Higher Power, Source, or Creative Intention. Again, all names of God are welcome. The entrance ticket required is an open heart and a willingness to consciously create your best life. In general, to be on a Spiritual path, or to be Spiritual, has different meanings for many. For me, it is a personal experience of God and can be part of who you are in practicing your religion of choice, or it can be part of someone’s life with no religious affiliation.

Spirituality requires one to go within, to the place of inner stillness, where God speaks to you and me, to listen with conscious awareness to our thoughts, words spoken, body, and emotions. My definition of choice is inner path, inner truth. I turned inward toward understanding and experiencing spirituality because just surviving wasn’t good enough for me anymore. I wanted to thrive, waking up with joy in my heart. I might have felt beaten down by life back then, but my life was not over as I picked up the card of change that could no longer be ignored. On my journey, finding pleasure in ways that were unimaginable and unavailable to me previously paved the pathway for new life, purpose, and freedom from suffering.

The Dance of Illusion is an invitation to say Yes to Love by consciously inviting Spirit into your life and to intimately know you are worthy of your dreams. Never give up the quest for your best life; just keep loving as best as you can every day and encourage others to do the same. My plea is one of empathy for all those who suffer in silence alone. I am committed to be of service, to help you stay on your path should you say Yes to Love, to help you laugh when you are sad, to help you keep the faith when you doubt, and most of all to help you know you are not alone. I am here with you along with a Spiritual team of heavenly help. The bottom-line secret I share with you is how every experience is for our learning to grow in love, with single-minded focus to keep moving forward for the purpose of Spiritual growth, the artful work of the soul.

The endeavor to share my life story of private pain publicly is a means to take responsibility for my choices, to master forgiveness, and to take all of these gifts to even higher levels of conscious loving by sharing with the many rather than the few. It is my way of paying forward the blessings and gifts I was and continue to be given. In joyfully sharing my journey with you, it is my hope your heart will open just a little bit wider, and you will be inspired to reach for your dreams with fearless commitment. It is my prayer; you too will share the story of your life with those you love. This story is about a pathway to empowerment, the will to live without suffering, how I learned to live by my truth, and find true love. Destiny waits.

No doubt about it: I’ve made lots of unhealthy choices that hurt me and others as I was learning to grow in love by conscious choice while challenging my truth. More than anything, I wanted to heal my broken human heart. The good news is that through the habit of honor, I learned to turn my upside-down heart around. Depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies are part of my story and now my past. I stepped out of my comfort zone and didn’t accept the doctors’ diagnoses that my suffering was a lifetime sentence to a prison of pain. On my Spiritual journey, the walls around my heart came tumbling down as I made the choice to seek freedom from suffering with ONE hope as the foundation of faith upon which I stand.

When times are tough in our Western culture, we typically hunker down and stay focused, working harder than ever, which adds up to lots of stress, sometimes illness, and little if no time for play. The Dance of Illusion is about an invitation to say Yes to Love and encouragement for permission to play, especially during times of extraordinary challenge, opportunity, and change. Hopefully, the magic of wonder has already begun to stir within you and together we’ve only just begun to wonder our way to new possibilities.

May your heart find wings with help from the Angels knowing your life story does not define you; destiny waits. Endings, whether experienced as happy or sad, truly can mean new beginnings and a possibility for all. Part of the Spiritual journey is trusting in the mystery of life as we let go and put Spirit in control. We didn’t come here to what I refer to often as the school of Earth just to do the human thing. We came here to remember we are all Divine beings first, in human form, not the other way around. Balance is the key to life mastery. Let the sacred dance of life unfold with lots of laughter, grace and ease, while breaking down the limitations and illusions that hold us back from experiencing our true nature. The good news is we all have the potential to be the hero of our life story. Our heart-brain, which is our Spiritual heart and where our soul talks to us, tells us so. The question then becomes, Will you make the time to listen?

Many Blessings, Evelyn

YES, TO LOVE

I AM a Divine being; eternally free.

My birthright on this earth is bliss and ecstasy.

I AM so much more than my body, my thoughts, my emotions, and my life story.

Daily, I remember the power of Divine Love in all its glory.

I surrender control to step beyond self-created limitations and boundaries.

Where there is Divine love, there is no separation.

Separation is the Dance of Illusion.

Mirror, mirror, tell me please, what is my inner reality?

Silently, I look in your eyes as your soul looks back at me lovingly.

WE ARE ONE connected to infinite abundance, joy, and peace.

Wisdom is in knowing I AM, WE ARE, ONE with All That Is.

Say Yes to Love and with permission to play walk by faith, not by sight, celebrating life.

2009

As I look into your eyes, a beautiful soul smile’s back at me.

Namaste…the Divine in me honors the Divine in you.

To see the face of God in another and in our self is to know ONE love.

2009

Roots are to trees like stories are to lives, filled with wisdom, unity, and truth.

THE DANCE OF ILLUSION

My story begins at home and home is where the heart lives free.

Old soul I AM, ONE with all.

A meeting with the Angel of Choice before birth is completed.

Specific lessons, mission and soul family is chosen.

Sacred contracts are made and agreed upon.

Catholic is the religion of our family and my birthday is on the Feast of Guardian Angels Day.

The main characters of my Self-created drama include a mother, brother, father, and sister.

Grandparents are immigrants.

We are of Croatian and Irish decent; yes, beware!

All is in Divine order. Everything is created from the space of nothing.

At the moment of birth, I AM blessed with forgetfulness; the experience of separation begins.

There is overwhelming feeling of fear as I AM born. Nooooooo!

Love, anger, abuse, fighting, suffering, karma, and memories of reincarnation await me.

What I know to be Divine truth becomes lost early in this classroom called Earth.

Faith, hope, and a strong will carry me beyond what my human mind can fathom.

Friends and family begin the development of the other me; someone based upon their opinions, needs and beliefs.

I am known as the milkman’s daughter or the black sheep of the family.

I do not fit in.

In midlife, a silent, invisible, war is raging inside me.

I can no longer contain it.

A busy life of doing and forgetting, creates the perfect storm to open the door to change.

College degree, marriage, children, friends, homes, vacations, cars, and successful career; happiness eludes me.

Meaningless moments begin to haunt me. I learn to hold on.

My heart, my soul, designs time out as Divine crisis sets in to sit me down in silence.

Unemployment, divorce, addiction, depression, financial destruction, duality in lessons and suicidal thoughts lead me on a journey through The Great Divide.

Where is the golden freedom key to this self-imposed prison where I hide?

Suicide from a spiritual perspective. Separation as an unconscious deep rooted belief system.

Karma and reincarnation come to light.

Seventeen years of a spiritual journey within are vulnerably and tenderly shared.

Humility brings me to my knees, grace brings me to my feet, trauma is healed.

Responsibility for every thought, word and deed is sought and found, an unending process.

Peace within becomes reality. Forgiveness is a gift. Victimhood is released.

Fear behind me. Free to be me. Would I Just Believe?

All is possible with God. Life is eternal. Death as we know it is not real.

Balance is the key.

A life of service becomes my passion born out of my pain, to give back for all the gifts given on my journey home.

This is me.

2020

Chapter One – God’s Perfect Timing

Sincerely and humbly, my faith, my heart, and my truth belong to the Supreme God.

Home is where our story begins, or rather, the memory of home unique to each of us.

When I was studying for my master’s degree in Spiritual psychology at the University of Santa Monica, my class had the pleasure of doing a group meditation. It was designed to take us back to the place of our mothers’ womb before birth. I remember being particularly excited about the opportunity to find some of the missing pieces from my childhood in this meditation. I had very few conscious memories before the age of five.

The meditation began. It was as though I was watching a cartoon. First,