Dare to Restore: A Journey Out of Darkness, Guilt, Shame, and Condemnation to The Light, Restoration, Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness

By Robert Adams

A masterful blending of the discipline of psychology, the science of the brain, and the realm of the spiritual as they relate to depression, postconcussion syndrome, PTSD, and many other disorders. Within these pages, the reader will be taken into the world of the fallen and given a glimpse of the pain, heartache, and despair they suffer. Evident will be the shame, condemnation and guilt heaped upon them by those who do not understand the fallen or the restoration. These disciplines are crafted so that fallen and wounded individuals might find a voice as well as a path to wellness and restoration.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662432453

Robert Adams

Colonel Robert Adams, MD, MBA served eighteen years in the Navy (12 as a SEAL) and eighteen years in the Army. He changed services to attend medical school, and applies his analytical skill to look back at the men that shivered and struggled through Hell Week together. He brings decades of insight learned caring for others to an insightful analysis of why the men of his BUD/S class 81 achieved the improbable....

Book preview

cover.jpg

Dare to Restore

A Journey Out of Darkness, Guilt, Shame, and Condemnation to The Light, Restoration, Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness

Robert Adams

Copyright © 2022 Robert Adams

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2022

All scripture quoted in this book comes from the Open Bible Expanded Edition published by Thomas Nelson Publishers, New King James Version, Copyright 1983, Thomas Nelson, Inc.

ISBN 978-1-6624-3244-6 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-3245-3 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Prelude

Chapter 1

Oops

Chapter 2

A Hand Up Or…?

Chapter 3

A Slap Down

Chapter 4

Who's Gonna Love?

Chapter 5

Fragile: Handle with Care

Chapter 6

Caution: Watch How You Touch My Enigma

Chapter 7

Let Me Introduce My Brain

Chapter 8

Why Am I Like This?

Chapter 9

Please, Sir, Fix My Brain

Chapter 10

Scared Stiff

Chapter 11

Out of the Pit

Chapter 12

Ouch, That Hurts!

Chapter 13

Restoration Inc., Beginning Right

Chapter 14

We're Actually Going to Do This

Chapter 15

Just You Try! I Dare You!

Chapter 16

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo

Chapter 17

You're Asking Me to Do What?

Chapter 18

That's a Bit Much, Bud

Chapter 19

Seriously?

Chapter 20

And the Beat Goes On

Appendix

Restoration Resources

References

About the Author

To my Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, the restorers of my mind, body, and spirit;

to my family, friends, and the professionals who have carried my stretcher throughout my continuing restoration;

and to the wounded and fallen who desperately need for their voice to be heard.

My prayer for you is that you find the hope to heal

and the path to abundant joy and peace

as you become the best you ever.

Acknowledgments

I am so thankful to my family for all you have done to make this work a success. To my children, Nick Adams and Robin Booker, I am grateful for all the inspiration you gave me. I am so grateful to my sister, Ann McClannahan and her late husband, Jack. I cannot thank you enough for the encouragement to live and to write this work. You are the best sister a man could have. Thanks to my nephew, Ken Franchini, and my niece, Sharon Rice, for making me stay with the task at hand. I thank you, Chris Hildreth, for suggesting that I write this book. My heartfelt thanks to Doctors Barbara Peavey, Ramona Burroughs, Ben Sperling, receptionist Dee McClary, and all the staff at the Lawlis-Peavey PNP Center who showed me how wounded I was and gave me a path to healing and restoration. I thank my pastor, Mike Parker, for teaching me so much about restoration. To Bruce and Vicky Betrosoff for taking me into their family, calling me brother, saving my life, and pushing me to complete what I started, I say thank you. Norm Wilson, you taught me so much about grace and made me a better person and writer. Thank you, brother. To my friend and golfing partner, Dave Hazen, I say thank you for pushing me when I did not want to be pushed. You not only saved my life; you also reminded me that you needed me to stay here. To Elizabeth Baase, Rob Hatala, Jessie Brooks, Sheri Fincher, and Justine Muller, I say thank you for all the encouraging words and phone calls that kept me on the right path. To Jennifer May, I say a hearty thank you for teaching me to trust again so that this book would be the work of love that it is. I am so thankful to Jordyn Trisket, Phil Drelick, and all the staff at Page Publishing for making this the beautiful work you see.

Lastly, I am so grateful to my heavenly Father, my Savior, Jesus Christ, and my Comforter, the Holy Spirit, for saving me and breaking me. Thank you for the pain that led to healing. I am His workmanship, created in Christ unto good works. You have made me the best me I have ever been. Thank you that I am still being restored. You never gave up on me. To God be the glory. Great things He has done.

Prelude

9-1-1. What is your emergency?

Every day, millions of distress calls come into 911 centers everywhere. They all have a very striking similarity—someone in trouble needs help. Having completed detailed instruction on the methods and skills needed to render aid, the 911 operator never hesitates in the desire to help the distressed and needy. Action is taken quickly and decisively. At the command of the 911 center, countless numbers of individuals spring into action. The focused goal of these individuals is to provide the best aid possible in order to rescue and restore. Sometimes the rescue proves quick and easy. Sometimes the rescue proves prolonged and difficult. The price to be paid has been determined before the rescue team was formed: do whatever appears necessary to help the needy in their time of distress.

Everyday in the church, thousands of wounded clergy and laypeople call out for help. According to some estimates, sixteen hundred ministers nationally leave the church every month. Four in ten never return. These individuals feel depressed and lonely. They are often abandoned by their former colleagues.

As you can see by the aforementioned, the church is doing considerably worse than its secular counterpart in the delivery of much-needed aid. Why would this ever be the case? After all, the Lord carefully crafted a rescue and restoration plan for the church that should be available to all. He gave very detailed and clear instructions concerning the rendering of aid to fallen warriors. The price to be paid is not a consideration; it has to be done! Just as Jesus laid down His life for us, He expects us to do the same for our brothers.

Additionally, in the mental health world, countless numbers present themselves for treatment. Crying, even screaming for the hope of rescue and restoration, these individuals seek the services of trained professionals who pour their lives into the wounded and suffering. Many of these come to the professional as a referral from the medical field or a church in the community. In a perfect world, these entities would network together for the good of the wounded. Sadly, this concept rarely exists except in the hearts and minds of those whose life's work focuses on the care and healing of the fallen.

The focus of this book will center on fallen church leaders and members. Hopefully, it will be a guidepost for the church to use all the resources available to help in the recovery process. Perhaps it may be a bridge to the mental health world and open the door to a host of additional resources.

Join me as we walk through the lives of the fallen. Let us take a journey into the worlds of healing and restoration. Maybe you will find a place for you to become a force for healing to those who have failed and do not know where to turn. Then again, God forbid, you may be the fallen. Take my hand and let's begin. Who knows? Somebody just might be restored.

Chapter 1

Oops

The chimes of time ring out the news another day is through. Someone slipped and fell. Was that someone you? (Hamblen 1950)

Well, was it? Or was it someone you know? As the words of this old song state, someone somewhere, at the end of the day, did slip and fall.

As we begin our pilgrimage, it will entail the stories of many fallen, wounded individuals. Their stories will unfold throughout the course of our journey. Perhaps you may get a glimpse of yourself or someone else who is in need. Hopefully, that glimpse can create a change and desire in you to do something, anything to aid the fallen. Think about it. You may never be the same after your journey.

Let us begin by looking at the most widely known fall in history, the story of Adam and Eve. If ever anyone had it made, they did. All they had to do in life was to tend the garden and fellowship with God. It doesn't get much better than that! They had free reign to do anything but eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. All those trees to eat of and they could not leave THAT tree alone. The tempter came, and well, you know the rest of the story. They had sinned.

Oh no! You didn't say that!

For those of you who did not hear that, someone bragged that they would not have done that. Really?

Seems that Adam and Eve gave birth to two boys, named Cain and Abel. Cain was a farmer, and Abel became a sheepherder. They both brought a sacrifice to God. Cain brought vegetables. Abel brought an animal. Cain's sacrifice proved to be unacceptable, while Abel's gained favor with God. Cain got angry and killed Abel. Cain had sinned.

What's that? You would not have done that either?

Probably, next to Adam and Eve, the most widely known fall would belong to King David. All he did was to take a walk on his balcony at the same time Bathsheba was taking a bath on her roof. He liked what he saw. Knowing that her husband had gone to war and would not be at home, David sent for Bathsheba, had sex with her, and got her pregnant. Failing to successfully cover it up one way, he had her husband killed. Eventually, they were caught in the affair. They sinned.

I'm sure most won't find yourself in this category either, but it needs to be told, so listen up. Manasseh ruled Israel many years after David. The only problem with him seemed to be that he was an extremely wicked king. He even offered his children to idols. Pretty bad, pretty bad indeed! He really sinned.

In the New Testament, we find the story of Simon Peter, one of Jesus's disciples. Because of his confidence and cockiness, Peter swore he would never deny Jesus. He even declared that he would stay with Jesus until death. As it turned out, Jesus told Peter that he would deny Him, not once, but three times, before the rooster would crow in the morning. Peter did deny Jesus. He sinned.

At this point, we are going to leave our journey into the lives of biblical characters and switch to more modern-day examples. Come with me as we walk through the lives of individuals who serve the church either as ministers or laypeople. Many of these will sound familiar. The events happened to real people. The names have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty.

James became the leader of a very large and successful recovery group associated with his church. At times the attendance would reach upward of five hundred people. That in itself could be viewed as a medium-size church. One night, a very attractive young lady joined the recovery group. James sensed an attraction to her and made every effort to stay away from her. As time marched on, James became exhausted, weary from the demands of the ministry. When he told the senior pastor that he was worn-out, the senior pastor told him that the recovery group needed him and that Christ would give him strength. He finally gave in to the affair. He fell. He had sinned.

Being an elder in his church proved beneficial to Frank and the church. Because Frank was also a therapist, the church let him use an office in which to see clients. Although not associated with the church, Frank's business was an asset to them. Frank was extremely careful to maintain proper boundaries with his clients. That is, until he was tempted to violate one of those boundaries with one of his female clients. This was something he swore to never do. Yet he did. He fell and fell hard. He sinned big-time.

When Alan was named the pastor of one of the biggest churches in his city, he hit the ground running. The church grew rapidly under his watchcare. Then, one day, as Alan was diligently preparing his sermon, a pop-up appeared on his computer. This was not just any pop-up. Apparently, some porn sites had gained entrance into Alan's world. Alan quickly exited out of the site but soon found himself visiting the site more and more often. It appeared that the church computer geek found out about Alan's journey into the forbidden. Alan had fallen. Sinned, if you will.

The musical couple Brad and Julie thrived as they led worship services at their megachurch. Gifted and anointed may be the best way to describe them. Known far and wide for their talents and effectiveness, they had it made, as one might say. That is until it was discovered that Brad had a drug problem. A small amount of marijuana became the source of their downfall. They, too, had sinned. Before you say it, let me go ahead and proclaim, You don't do any of these either.

Perhaps many of you, as well as our friend who cannot keep his mouth shut and who never does anything wrong, will fit into this last category. That would be the ones who take great pride in not having any problems at all. You never sin. You boast of that fact. Not that you would admit it if you did sin. Why is it dangerous to be in this category? Pride does go before a fall, doesn't it?

As we go forward on our journey into the lives of the fallen, please note the phrase They sinned or He or she sinned as it relates to each fall. That has defined itself as the stance and verbiage of many in the religious community of our day. Now that you have a name for the behavior exhibited, how are you going to treat that behavior? I need you to give this point some very serious consideration. Someone sinned. Ask yourself a couple of questions concerning that phrase. Why did they sin? If you answered, Their flesh, you are right, but what about their flesh caused them to sin? Then ask yourself, What can be done to correct the sin? As Paul stated in Romans 7, it is the flesh that sins and not the spirit.

So, all of these have sinned. Let's take a look at the results of those sins. We can start with Adam and Eve. Having disobeyed God's command not to eat of a certain tree, they were forced to leave the comfort and protection of the garden. Never, ever could they return. The worst part may have been that the close intimacy they enjoyed with God appeared broken.

Their son, Cain, did not fare much better. After he killed Abel, he had to bear the punishment of being banished from his homeland. His profession as a farmer was taken from him as well.

King David and Bathsheba lost the son that was born to them after only eight days of living. They suffered constant family problems with some of their children.

Manasseh woke up one day to the realization that he had been taken prisoner by an invading army. This was not the way he had envisioned living out his last days.

Simon Peter, upon realizing that he had indeed denied Jesus, wept bitterly and was overcome with heartache and despair.

And what of our modern-day failures? The discovery of James's affair led the church leaders to fire him. They cleaned out his office for him and instructed him not to return to the church. He walked in shame and disgrace. It is hard for me to wrap my brain around James's dismissal. He led a large recovery group. When he fell, he was denied the very help he had been providing for others.

Frank seemed to share a similar fate. His instructions were to resign from the elder board, to clean out his office, and not to return to the church for a time.

Alan, Brad, and Julie mirrored the aforementioned. Same instructions, almost verbatim.

In Brad's case, one of the deacons on the board commented to this effect: If we let him stay, what will the unsaved in the community say?

Do you see a pattern here? I hope so because this same scene occurs thousands of times every month in our churches all across this land. That is just in our country. Imagine, if you will, how this plays out on the world stage. Consider the following taken from the preface of the Pastor-in-Residence Program general guide:

Thirty four percent of all pastors serve congregations that have fired or forced out a pastor in the past. Churches are often left devastated and divided when a pastor is exited and has no future ministry. Twenty-three percent of all pastors experience a forced exit at some time in their ministry; nearly 4 in 10 never return to vocational service. Pastors, out of service, feel depressed and lonely, often abandoned by their former colleagues; some bear a heavy sense of guilt. Six out of every ten exited pastors say they cannot fully trust church leadership at this point in their lives. The church develops the awful reputation of shooting its wounded.